ok i count days to amnesty org visit. 

ok now studyibgn towork time sinnce i couldnt studygood.

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ok trying to resume my brains stauts to happy stgatus. but not possible.

 

ok. 

i think i dont know what to do this night. i decided i wake up early and finish myr emaining wokr very early.  but else i feel i dont know what to do now. i wish i liked watching tv. or had friends to chatter now. 

i postponed mt study continueation until my happiness state resumes.

 

i think my stalker were that 5 years stalker were listening my communications and using names from that either. e.g. i think used security names guy from that i think(since in home we sometimes also talked work topics from some work life like people) . cause stalk happent from other flat. and i think my stalker were a psycho. i think also hacked my internet cause also used a name from a page i visited in internet:S this were very creepy to have a psycho stalker. i still creep out. stalked me for 5 years and also slandered me as a prostitude. whislt i blog about this i again creeped out. cause stalk/ slander is not any easy stuff.

but i dont know how stalker knew guys i dated names also dffrnt to that. used guys i dated names in stalk slande rincidnts also.

would create names to me with prostitude role the stalker. i understood this after 1.5 years stalk. turned out serdar is not a stalker, that the psycho creates serdar name to me and slanders me as a prostitude with serdar name:SSSSSSSS this were all very crfeepy to figure out i am slandered were very creepy:SSSSSSSSSS

 i remembered moving to other city. then some months later figuriung out stalker doing slandering me as a prostitude:SSS this period were all very hard to me. 

i remember everyday scaring of when passing in front of that cafe. but road passes from there. so i would run when passing from there. 

ok quite harsh years had been due to having a very psycho stalker. i am still severely creeped out scared from the stalker. i wish to go to amnesty org asap to report stalk/slander incidents. i dont know if stalker still stalks me i really dont know. 

i am still creeped out severely.

and having a slander in internet from a hater blog reader in internet made me remembering this slander feeling of that creeping out when being slandered feeling:S this is very creeping out thing to confront slander. 

so today felt mostly with trauma feelings. of creeping out of trauma of scare of being slandered feeling. 

the feeling of trauma doesnt pass today. 

for seeing i were slandered last day i again remembered how being slandered feels. and today felt with trauma feeling mostly. cause being slandered is a very unnice feeling. 

 

and this time i saw i had haters in internet. then haters disliked my blog and wanted to create slander. 

 

anyway. 

i reremembered 5 years of being stalked slandered feeling and fflet that trauma feeling of it agaqin very severely today.

i dont know when if i could feel ok out of trauma today.  

i wish to go to amnesty org asap to also report that 5 years of stalk slandered situation. 

and also this new hatred thing i saw that i were tried to be crafted slander to from my blog with a covert fqaqscist trying to slander way :S i would also report this to amnesty org. :S

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 i feel so trauma today actually i been feeling in trauma till last day. 

its so unfair to have my life's best years to be gone with trauma feeling. but thats not important. whats more important is reporting to amnesty org.

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today i remembered how it felt to be stalked slandered again and relived the trauma feeling of slandered. this is so unnice feeling to be slandered. 

i would report to amnesty org. yuppp.

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todays feeling is trauma feeling. after reading newsletter.

and also whenever i b;log abiout those 5 years stalked slandered incidents, i relive the trauma of that trauma feeling of it.  so i relived through that trauma feeling today. 

i dont know if i coudl resume my usual happy brain status. 

what i only want is to go to amnesty org. and report. 

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i remember having heart arhtyma in when shouting psycho stalker stop stalking me. it happent twice in that year. of my heart beating so fast. 

then today when blogging about these i relived that trauma feeling also. and also seeing a slander in internet since hated my blog visibly. 

i wish to go to amnesty org asap to try my reporting chances.

i relived through the trauma feeling today.

my all life goals are always centered on this topic. like creating project to create money to be able to hire detectives to check stalk slandering incidents. but last 2 days i coudlnt study since i felt trauma so bad. last day i felt both happy since i now could go to amnesty org. since i have at least one case's evidence. but other than, then i drinnk some whisky cried with happiness for since i have now at least one separate case's evidence in my emao;box (Which is unrelated to 5 years stalked slandered case). separate topics. seems as i managed to create haters in internet and slander happent through haters and they tried to slander me using my blog with changing sentences meaning and trying todo covertly slander taking sentence from blog and trying to create a covert slander to me changing sentence's meaning:SSSS  i would also report that. 

 

so i lived through trauma feeling last 2 days alot. 

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ok so no mood in studying maths whilst that. i should wake up early cause also impacted my worklife this trauma thing today and would wakeup early to compensate it ok. cause i am right now also not in mood of studying. 

all i want is to go to amnesty org to report.  for instance this very covert slandering fascist covert slandering effort i observed that happent last day. like happens in oligarchies to journalists. no difference. i were tried to be covertly slandered. so i felt severe trauma feeling last day and today. all i want is going to amnesty org to report this slander and also the 5 years of stalk/slander case which is separate unrelated case to that. ok.

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trying to take my brain to off trauma mode. i dont know how. 

i think i would only feel ok when i could go to amnesty and report these all.

 

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ok narratives to get out of trauma feeling. its not easy to confront slander ever:S and i would definitely sue report to amnesty org. 

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ok lets rest than and wake up early. 

 

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ok woke up and feeling better now. after 2 days of trauma feeling.

and i would report all these slandering efforts to amnesty surely. i always wanted to report that 5 years of stalk/slandering. now i would go. since an unrelated slandering effort happent from haters i mnged to create in internt. that which i have evidence of in  my email box. so i would go and try my chance to report. 

i confronted a very covert slandering effort using means of  some power in second one. i would report all these and i would also sue. just to revert back the slanders. not for any monetary stuff or else like sues. just for reverting slanders. 

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ok now also my head started sutyding. last day i wernt capable much to study due to trauma feeling starting from sunday. 

ok lets study now. since my head is working now. i couldnt study after somehow due to trauma feeling yesterday. 

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lets study now. 

kitchen is also filled with unwashed dishes since i couldnt do any thing including starting from sunday. on monday i could stiudy on some hours  to work but somehours couldnt any study.

but that i would handledishes on noon i think. 

nhandling unfinished code on today. 

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ok i am awaiting days to init to amnesty org place reporting chances. yepp. counting days to.   

 

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and now lets take a coffee take some air in balcony to wake up and then  code the unfinished code.  

i think my studying capability is back. i would be able to study to measure theory maybe this night. ok. 

ok today a slander incident might had happent. that one word i heard alot in stalk slander incidents might be told in home's vicinity. 

 

this stalk happens for 5 years.

ok. counting days to amnesty org.

soon guh would find chances to report the stalk slander she confronted for 5 years.

its very exciting to me.

cause my human rights were severely violated for 5 years.

and this new slandering  try in internet from haters is the other case i would report thats unrelated but i would also report that. that has evidence. in my emailbox. ok counting days to amnesty visit.

thats the cases exactly reported to amnesty has happent to me for 5 years. i mean that following slandering dereputating try case exactly that people you see on its pages that confronted such stuff exactly similar happent to me for 5 years.  even if i am not a journalist nor did nothing important any in my life. so that kind of slandering stalking also happens when you arent journalist i understand as. and i know amnesty org like places are places to report these.

so i would report to amnesty if i could find chance soon.

yeppp. 

soon guh would start to smile in her life. since this were a dope level human rights abuse she confronted. i confronted nothing differnt than what happent to those journalists in amnesty page and it happent to me for 5 years.  and i had no knowledge what to do when my human rights is violated with stalk slandering. now i know i should go to amnesty org when my human rights gets violated. i wish i knew this knowledge. 

but my family thought i am ptsd and i am not stalked first. then when they understood i am stalked, they said dont care the stalker. anyway.

i understood know now that its whats needed in this cases is to go to amnesty org to report.

 

whats happent to people you see in that organization page no different happent to me and happent for 5 years. (of those listings of slandering trying to derepute things in that listing) i were slandered as a prostitude. i would tell all those stalk slandering incidents to amnesty org if i could find chance to report. 

so i now know i should go to amnesty org. but during 3 years of agoraphobia i ddnt know how to protect my rights against stalk/slandering. 

now i know. that when that thing of those listing in amnesty org page happens to a person, should go to amnesty org. yepp. 

 

 

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and also this time i have also anew case that this time i have also evidence of. an unrelated case to be reported that is. the thing i mentioned on sunday it is.  that also would be reported. cause thats very covert way and very fascist way of slandering a person(that newsletter i read).  it happent from internet haters whom reads my blog and hates me and created slander to my blog. anyway. thagt would be also reported. 

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i am so happy that amnesty org exists:)

i wish i could find reporting chances to there. 

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its really so happy that very very very very independent ngos in world exists.

its very happy that amnesty org exists and i would try my reporting these chances to there.

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