yepp :)

we had guests :) (cousins and relatives ) so couldnt studied now studying time.
some funny fact:
last week on thursday night when i were in bus to ankara, i watched some movies and i watched conjuring. while watching it ddnt looked a lot scary since i watched it long before in cinemas when it first came out. i usually dnt watch horror movies cause i really scare afterwards. its something i prohibit to myself. that watching horror movies cause i were such scared person from horror movies all my life. i  mean when we were small kids, we had gatherings where we stayed like together as 10 or such cousins all and bigger kids watched horror movies and we also watched beside them(exorcism topics etc or vampires) so then during my childhood i were scared of horror movie topics:) when i were 13 or 14 i just couldnt go to the upper floor of our house alone  in night time me myself remembering horror movies i watched:DDD. i left over getting scared long before. till i watched conjuring 2days ago:D this night i asked mama dad's help to go to second floor at night first for 2 times:DDDDDDDD then i get over it luckily. i mean right now i went to upstairs myself. but i see that forbidding watching horror movies to myself still should stay. i shouldnt relax no horror movies rules. otherwise i just cant live in multistaired homes. mama and dad might go to holiday to sivas and i might have to stay alone so for being able to go upstairs myself at nights, never ever should watch a horror movie again:) as told, i usually forbid myself alreadily for years:) ok happy that i could go to upstairs myuself and got over that scared state after i watched The Conjuring movie. it feels its not that scary while watching it the second time, but aferwards it made me scare remembering screenshots of movie and going upstairs means opening lights while and i just scared like my childhood. then got over as told:D being atheist doesnt always mean you reject such meanings i mean i find its possible but prefer to stay on atheist side. but when i watch a horror movie, i scare like all nonatheist people that scare from such topics of exorcism or alike topics. i dont have stigmas to any such topics. i mean i am kind of post modernist in that sense. i dont insist our logic systems/rationale covers all explanations like romantic positivists tried to do so. i mean, i never reject that what religions say tell about could be untrue. i justsay it could be true but i prefer to be atheist but that does not make me super positivist person who just doesnt scare from horror movies. some people are like that, they dont believe that souls exist and they are super levels of positivist. i am in the middle. i say both sides could be true and so i being both atheist also scare from horror movies when they touch such topics alike. cause why not. i mean its impossible to say something is true unless confidence interval is not large enough. i mean, ok i believe in science, but science never fully could run away from limitations of our own brains. so i find it unreasonable to try to define things in pseudoscience ways but also never say that what religions tell is untrue, they could be true, i just prefer to first look to what science tells. cause its the most unbiased description of things. but religions topics, i do find them that, not saying that they are like that, but they are opt to biases of periods they are defined in, i mean, i do find science the most unbiased definition of reality so thats why i am atheist. but i never say what religions says is untrue. they could be. i just need to have an unbiased reality description system, to me thats science. must there exist biases in science also(ok i turned to yoda sentence generator in this sentence:DDDDDDDDD as i get older, i become a yoda sentence generator:DDDDDD), but its the most unbiased one in my eyes.
in conjuring i this time watched with other eyes, seeing how religions define its reality and what kind of mechanisms it puts to people stay in such realit definition. i dont say such reality definition is wrong, but as told, i


my Sevil cousin is an English teacher, since i like sociology alot, i shared podcasts/articles i liked to her and we shared movies we like to each.

ok i opent this: (since i sometimes speak like Yoda:D for instance: "must there exist biases in science also" :DDDDDD)
https://www.yodaspeak.co.uk/index.php

then looked to eye brows of Yoda asking why he has homo erectus and homo heidelbergensis alike eye brows? and skull's height looks like also an amplified shape of heidelbergensis's upper elevated part. but skull ends with a very short chin line.  ok as visible restarted reading anthropology. and lets see if i could learn more about that. but the most thing i liked is confronting ethnography/cultural anthropology topics in scoiology podcasts:) i wish i could speak like that podcast attendees:) they talk amazing things with an amazing vocabulary. i wish i set up in some time in future? wishfully.  I wish i could talk like that podcast attendees so much:) but hopeful to do so after i reinit my social science readings listenings. I hate my talks of how i describe topics. wishfully i could think in more complex ways in social sciences area in some future with nicer vocabulary also. i were once amazed by readings i did in some topic i forgot, one religions based perspective and one atheist perspective. and both were very beautiful in sense religions side used conceptual tools of positivist side and it were so fun to readthat both sides discussed some topic in using other side';s usual conceptual tools. i wish i could talk like that. and analyze things in such more complex ways in some time in future. i wish i had stored that article's place. cause i were mesmerized and so happy that two sides reversed their rhetoric in analyzing some topic. and it were so fun to read. when i talk about religions topic, i talk like a primary school ages or as if i am 13 or 14 or even primary school level(my vocabulary is like that:S), i wish i talk in more complex ways in future and with nicer linneaus alike classifications of epistemology/concepts in that areas (hmm were meaning analogies to linneaus. i mean there exists classifications to epistemology in area i reference and i made analogy to linneaus' one since i also read anthropology and we know guhu the neanderthalis(ok neanderthals must be much more intellgnt than me:P hey linneaus refernce is to actually anthropology, referencing homo neanderthalis to me myself guhu:P :) i dnt say anything bad to religions:P as said, i newly discovered religious texts that are like from philosophy books and i liked it. though i never would be any religious, but i liked that usage of philosophy in a religious text alot:)  in a non philosophy of religious kind of topic.  If i read that article in my youth time that time i only read philosophy books (and being in to atheist ones usually) i might turned out Christian:) cause i like philosophy. the areas i like the most in social sciences are philosophy, and much more than that, i like sociology and also anthropology.  ) meant only analogy of learning taxonomy in social sciences so she meant she has nicer vocabulary and nicer speak-ability. so religions and consciousness and all, i see people use have a taxonomy for topics in that area and i just want to learn that nonlinneaus classifications/taxonomy for concepts there, i just tried to say, i want to learn the taxonomy/classification there:) cause i adored both a religious side's article and both atheists' article and they had switched their rhetoric. i cant talk like neither of them yet. so i meant i want to speak like them. learn more of that areas. I liked that religious' side's article alot:) i wish i could talk like them:) it were not a philosophy of religion. but were a topic about consciousness or alike i dont exactly remember. but the religious' side article were written as if it were written by philosophers. while studying philosophers, i usually confronted atheist ones, but the philosophy filled sentences religious people used (the religion were Christianity)  i really liked alot:) it were like philosophy texts i like to read alot and were written by religious side. ok i would never be a religious person but i also adored their writings:) cause some period of my life, i got alot interested to philosophy but its only 101 level. i loved to read only books of philosophy those years. i only went to philosophy section. so i really like reading philosophy and i never had a chance to read any religious side's articles before, and i definitely think even if i would never be any religious any time, i adored their writings like i like atheist philosophers' articles:) and it were i newly remember some topic about Aristotales' impact to religion. hmm. and i adored their texts like i adore atheist philosophers texts. the logic they use i adored. i wish i could think complex like that some day. i would still be atheist. i just meant the level of complexity of such analysis, both done in atheists and deists and religious sides, i want to gain such complex analysis level like they have ). I just need to read lots of lots of things to get to such state. but i am not a beginner either, i started reading sociology long before but i left in the middle. My one dream is to write blogs about social science area and hafve discussions with people with such nicer speak-ability/knowledge.  and maybe even giving podcasts:P like podcasts that amaze me when i listen, the ones about social sciences, either its sociology or anthropology or philosophy. so in Berlin while i wiould have 300 or 400 friends, some of them would be from social sciences areas and i wish i could talk in more complex ways to them or attend their conversations.cause the topics i like the most are such topics. if i enhance my vocabulary, maybe i write books in future with using machine learning in social science area for under sociology topic. for instance, one woman academician used connectivist neural networks to define the dynamics of multi agent society(its about some specific dimension of social mechanisms) and so, this area is slightly new (using machine learning in sociology research. not very new, but slightly new). ok i might not do it also. I just want to create podcasts like people do in social sciences are, my main dream is to be able to attend conversations of social science area attendees and enter very nice conversations or even discussions and also maybe creating podcasts also. e.g. with people whom does such podcasts. one day, maybe.if i read more and more? I see it as possible:) this one of dreams of mine:) being able to talk like social science academicians giving podcasts about topics they worked some time on. i want to speak like them:P cause their talks mesmerizes me. i like social sciences and podcasts social scientists create alot.

I have a stack of dreams,  deeoest level is bioinformatic projects and supercomputers to try to make people eternal beings (teleoemeres topics and gene editing via noninvasive ways)   via super computers with super detailed simulations to be able to edit genes. the super computer development part i wish to work with my ali named bro who proved p=np and gave me hope on such dream of such super-simulations that makes us chance to do molecular level engineering in long future, this is my lowest layer dream in stack, that depends on fetching on one layer before that dream, which is my game, which passes in 2100s and which is a webgl game:) that i would work very hard today and next week. then i have unlike these vertical layers, have dreams that are vertical and these are one i like the most is enhancing my knowledge in epistemology in social sciences area (so that i could also talk podcasts (that mesmerizes me) about sociology and anthropology and philosophy areas( if ever i could enhance in them)), one other vertical layer is CAAS :) (classical art as service :) to learn more painting and more sculpturing so i do such hobby project in weekends.  among these dreams stacks, the dream i want the most are social sciences knowledge enhancement area (my dream i like the most, i want to create such podcasts like i love to listen in philosophy/anthropology and sociology areas. of course i wouldnt be expert like academicians. but i want t have 100x more knowledge than my current state at least:) my dream is knowing that much that i would also give podcasts that i like to listen in those areas i listed:) ) then the other dream i want most is being eternal:D my ali bro said its impossible (he is the super intelligent person, not me:P so he might be quite right:) )but me being an optimist always, i do believe it might be possible. maybe my brother changed his mind on that? but that time we talked this talk, he said he would be willing to work on bioinformatics sector in future with me (i also dont know if he changed his mind or not in that:P wishfully, when i constructed capital from games, my bro wants to work with me by then and hasnt changed his mind to work in bioinformatics together:) to try to make people eternal:) why do we ever die:) (i dnt believe heaven exists:P i want and all to stay forever if they wish so. if i had chance:) i would live at least 1000 years:) would try to create such chance for all. as always said it would be a free service and the economy would be managed from other innovations but this if ever we succeed to do, being eternal would be free to all:) since i am an atheist i dont believe in things like duality of soul and ourselves. i only believe death takes us when we die. and our life times are devised by evolution. i wanna go against evolution and try to be eternal beings:) that would be full anthropocene way:) that would be winning over nature fully :P  but it would include no risks and it would be done on not new borsn:S like Cripsr kids? nooo! it would be done tested via super-simulations and i would experiment on my self or adult people who are interested to. but the experiments would be virtual on simulated virtual humans not real humans. it would be experimented on super computers not real humans actually.  we would simulate human body not lesser complex than its real version and experiment our experiments there. we would have super-simulations on our super-computers. if i could in future study with my bro who is kinda math genius. and build games before to be able to do that. cause i dont any understand why people take death as natural. ok its natural but if i had any power, i would fight against death in this high tech area. cause dying is not any good thing. i dont want to and make it free service to all who are interested to live at least 1000 years or more:) why do we accept this limitations of this carbon based form we have and why dont we reprogram it continously, like evolution of computer languages, we have super computers inside that helix structures the code that manages the creation of enzyms. why dont we focus on reprogramming it or to try to make it lvie forever with observing all possible simulation states in virtual humans. of course current chips  tech dont enable it. i am talking of future's super computers. current ones arent enable to do such high complex things. maybe quantum computers might be able to do it but trying to learn how to code them yb that area enthuisiasts would take a lot time and but i do would try to do it in math powered new ways as people start exponential computing power coutnerside via quantum computing. i want to create super computers with my math genius ali bro. if he ever wants to decides to byt eh time i have capital to that via games. maybe i9 would figure out its impossible to create such sper computers. but its my main life goal:P to become eternal:) (cause i am an atheist:P and i love life:) and i dont belive that hell or heaven like places exists.  i would try to. but i might see its infeasible to create such super computers on the way to it. we would see in time. i definmitely believe i might not but my brother might create ways to enable new versions of super computers that could work like quantum computers. chips that are working on different algebra. to enable exponential computation capabilities. and me computer engineer grad would devise the languages to it and we would run simulations on it in exponential way. using numbers magic:) maybe number theory magics:) ok but none of these ideas root from me, it roots from my talks with my bro who said to me that we dont need quantum computers to do have exponential computing capability set. if i could build games and win capital, then if my brother wants to work with me for such goals, than we would together build such super computers. cause i dont want to wait the quantum technology to get developed more to start fighting against death. i want alternative tech to that. hmmm so would use yacc to our new super computers to device c like languages:P like Microsoft created F# for quantum side:) we would analyze F# of course if we could come to such level:) i liked F#:)  ok none of this idea belongs to me actually, cause its my bro who said you dont need quantum computers to have exponential computing power. i mean the idea stack/projects i dream of, i built that myself but on roots from bro's innovation. if he never said such sentence to me, i would have no any dream of building super computers. so i would never talk as if this is my project, cause i created project goals myself but the root innovation belongs to bro. and its unsure if my bro would like to work with me in the time i create a big capital from games to be able to start working with bro to build super computers/chipsets that says bye bye to Moore's law:PPPP (of course i adore current computers that are built. they made innovations 1000000x faster maybe.). yeah i know i set very big goals. i dont ever wanna die and want to live forever cause i love life so much and such service, it would be free, it would be made free to all. it would be a basic right to live forever in future:) and wanna create such future:) or work to create at least a path's little bit part to such future:)  so i should work very hard:) and learn as much as i can from computer engineering side since wanna devise super computers for simulations. opengl area also has lots of things to learn from. building a super computer, i liked the fact that i both studied deep learning and bayesian ways and also games and also normal programming. but lots of more things to learn. building super computers is my main goal to have a chance to live forever:P (and make it free to all) 

)  )  my goal is this in dreams stack. whern i get very old, i want to talk like if i know a world of topics:)  I like talking too much:P and i want to talk with a lot knowledge. hmm I paused reading a while some years:P i would resume and 1 year later i would want to have 10x more knowledge in social sciences area:) and every year add more:)

ok today exciting game coding time:)



ok starting day with bohemian like you:) (its energetizing way to start the day with rock or metal :)) ok lets listen metal music today all :) since i resume coding after studyign some parts:) being a coder is sometimes fun:) when you have a week to code a game's some important with lots of metal/rock music. (metal music gives energy to code at times:)) have huge kloc of scala side reti creator code to code:) my game is called reti. you know qt creator (i like qt :)) my world creator is named reti creator due to my likes to qt (kudos to that platform:))
ok i studied some part i postponed alot yesterday :)


yepp some Kepler time:) since i decided to model easily with Kepler's law the earth's velocity.

hmm and also need a quaternions library to scala code side. some java lib i found nice:)
need to review advanced usage of quaternions some time but later on, right now just for rotations without locks:) and lesser complexity in rotation calculations:)

trying to remember what i learnt of world's orbit and start coding today:) so that my atmosphere gets ready and heightmap renderer things. ok lets also take out notes of light scattering notes and revise them again little bit:) and also lets take notes some other domain sometime everyday.  ok yepp :) starting coding and ending holiday:) lets have demos as early as soon. then need to learn about blender thigny. then would code my fortnite like gamey:) dotn know if it would be popular but would pray so:D

its so fun to code part of 3d things in scala side:) i dont like language of opengl so much:P  i mean the syntax of it. it looks like very near to assembly code:DDDDDDDD
though as told need to find matrice/quaternion libraries to scala side. i already found.


i wonder the intuition of Mr. Kepler in defining the area equality :)   werent he boggged down with inconsistencies due to moon's impact? its an awesome/amazing finding:) (and also taking sun to center)

ok would i revise the orbital equatioins? no not right now since i want to use Kepler;s model initially. to model earth's rotation. if the game has demo in cloud platforms, i would move to studying such things more. but first having an initial version of game first of all is the initial goal in this very fun game coding time :) back to work :) ok what kind of class interface structure should i use to interchange models easily for orbit model ? of course "guice" named dependency injection system :) may i use scala play in that sense? ok i first start without Lagrangian models and with a veyr basic model just depending core Kepler's equations :) as said, in future, when the initial demo is ready, i would restudy revise Lagrangian models, but initially adding a basic rotation model using Kepler's orbit equastions. then when my demo Eearth v0.1 is ready, i can move to more detailed models of earth's orbit to game. for that would utilize guice in these classes i write. there are other dependency injection models but i like this guice one. i would create scala play application yepp :)  I like erlang and akka alot. and would try to utilize reactivce streaming manifesto's implementation in stream processing part later on. I like akka too much as i always say :)


ok i were very ill today morning then fixed later on. trhen had things to do in city. then returned home and studied some things:)  I have to resolve some part of somethings:P since i usually dont note well my algorithms:P ok that part is easier. then moving to continueing coding. maybe i really work till morning today. i were very ill this mornign with lots ache.

had some mini fight with mama :P. then it resolved.


currently so happy since i figure out my mama/dad also wants me to build the game :) and in my peaceful home, everythign is so perfect to build a game right now:) she thinks its better i code game instead of finding freelance jobs in these holiday like months till september:) i do think so also :) its perfect holiday time to build a game:) never had this much free time in my life for a very long while:)
ok would after i conclude its correct, write a mediumpost about my silly way of kepler based orbiting method:P ok it would be as told non high fidelity version. but i need something to make it work:) to run away from solving dif equations i chosen this way, cause i dont like to code a solution that i hadnt derived myself. i dont like not understanding any thing i see for many last years:) if i gonna code something i want to understand it fully. So understanding detailed ways of to solve dif equations and after being able to solve 2 body orbit problem me myself, then i mkight employ that model. but not gonna use those ways while i myself dont cant derive those equations myself. so that higher fidelity version is a future goal. current goal is to make it work in a demo version:) i think these projects would finally make me learn aboiut maths more:P would learn about dif. equations due to this project's this task:)

lets solve this sun hours map thing's design decisions and then move to coding.

ok i changed the design of sun light hours, i dont need that, i would in orbit, for every selected degrees of separation for latitude, for every longitude, would check if its in sun light or not via sun's vector to earth and the normal passing outside of that specific selected point of lat long (selected for skydome creation sampling). if angle is 90 degrees, its on the corner of sun's projection of its light upon earth, i mean, i am not calculating the day hours, but switching to following methodology:

the planet orbits the orbit per 1 hour. and rotates around itself also for that hour. then, yeah thats like that, its executed per hour basis, but the theta increase per one hour is calculated as i told in a non hgih fidelity way. due to reasons in above paragraph. its calculated in a riemann sums way, that which theta would orbit have at which hour so orbit iteration goes hour by hour and its theta is calculated via riemann approximation of that integral which holds a dif equation inside that i have no capabiliuty to solve right now/. so it iterates in ~ 1 hour sampled points (to some precision level). but that theta increase's and their corresponding r distances are calculated for per one quadrant only since thats symmetric. but the orbit iteration per sun's position for sampled lat/long points would be per full orbit. since eart6h has tilt. if it had no tilt, we could had used symmetry again there. but not possible. so thats the main met6hod for sampliung lat long points with some degree of separation and orbiting the orbit things.so simulation progresses per 1 hours for skydome's wise.

moon? currently have seen no orbit model for moon yet. would add whenever i find. so the game initially would lack moon due to that due to time i could find moon's orbit models:D or some db related to that.

guhu back in simulation and modeling type of tasks:)
  
ok final paper task, then moving to coding again:)
 ok i were lost in reading internet. but today's tasks are finalized. ok last 2 days were gone since i had ache/were ill. but today afternoon i got better. so tomorrow since i have sleep now, would work on coding and some myth busters time now :) tomorrow waking at 8:30am and starting working at 9:30am :) to code the scala side code some modelliung and simulation :)  thewn after it is accomplished, i move to revising light equations. since i lost one page there. then there comes the time to add a dted reader to add heightmaps to sky dome/lightmap generator. to handle shadows/light refraction nice. then there comes the world's skydome generator thing:) but lots of things to do also, like clouds over Everest? how to handle that. it would be again some pregenerated thing maybe. why not. in vicinity of that mountain, i see real rendered clouds but in far i see the skydome texture. and in mid vicinity, hmm some other solution should be thought for that. ok really getting to my paged lod based renderer design decisions in this poitn. so first should prepare the skydomes. with texture tiles. and lightmaps. then comes this design decisions? no i do think i should think these type of things from start so that i do design sky more correctly. mid lod level of mountains. hmm how to do live lod there. yeppp. would figure out some way. some continous revertexing via geometry shaders? yeah. if bandwith isnt problem we could stream higher level dteds to graphic card and handle geometry shader do the lod switchs refactoring of polygonization without virtual sensible reconfigurations. (pf course there would be still hardly configured lod swithces so that the very far would be still not fully sent to graphic card) but that much thing is necessary or not i dont know and also dont know whether other tyype of solutions should i employ or not. all thing to be built upon when times come:) but of coursde should think of these from start so that i do dfesign sky dome solutions in nicer ways.



ok today continueing coding in the way i like:) since i have too much free time to this gamey :Pok i actually dont have that much free time:) wish to have a demo as soon as possible:)

ok this day looks alot fun:) since i finalized some part's algorithms on paper, now would code some code:) and then move to sky lightening equations and skydome tiles creations. then the sky db. i dont know which db tech i would store sky db in. there should be a fast in memory layer. or some db's mem layer i should code in golang or scala.  since it should stream the tiles of such prepared structures to users.  maybe the users would download some db beforehand so that they start the game with some sky but their world gets loaded awhile inside the game.  hmmm so for heightmaps, dteds, that as i told, needs some maybe geometry shading so polygon count isnt that much, i wonder the bandwidth and speed of vertices transfer rate to graphic cards since i would have both cpu controlled lod mechanism and also want to utilize some dynamic triangulization via geometry shaders. so that some degree of far away is rendered via lod of geometry shaders so that rasterization renders paints lesser triangles. but it would be experimented. maybe i would just remove it and use the cpu managed lod mechanisms. would its ways be handled via such ways. i would request pcs opengl versions with geometry shaders enabled. or might easily be able to use a non geometry shader based way. would experiment all on the development.

hmm for monetization of game, as told, the cities would be safe to play without confronting hazardous materials. but when people like to move away from cities, they need some suits and they would need to buy that suits from our game, so that would be the monetization way initially. hmm i have another cofounder that is artist. but i am the main contributer right now. but in initiation of this gqame, has contributed to my mood with giving positive energy. i truely dont like actually being cofounders with people alot. since it means taking responsibility of othe rpeople and people also tkaing my responsibility same way. but promises are most important. so i continue being cofounders since we talked like that. i actually in effort wise being the main copntributer either. but she gave me lots of positive mood on phone when times were hard in my life. so so things go on as told, she is also cofounder. cause words are words. not getting step back. even if i would have wanted to be a single cofounder. but this started like this. so would go like this. hmm maybe since i be themain shareholder in this game thing. i dont know. She is an art genius the cofounder cousin is. I wish so bad she gets applying attending art things in her career. hmm. I just ddnt approved her some ideas. so makes me want to be the main shareholder of this game built, as i also am the main contributer in effort wise to it.She is the genius one, i am not. She is an art genius i think like that and but reason i would want her as cofounder is, because she helped me in my hardest time. i were stalked outside in a cafe (i have got a psycho stalker named Boris). and we talked a hour and i suggested we init a game together. so in that hard time she helped me wit6h being the person on other side of phione, so she is my cofounder for sure. butI dont quite align with some her ideas (of course genius people would have differnt ideas also), so that makes me want to be the main shareholder. so that I couldhave higher capability to have decision power. or might just leave the game if decisions i dont like are given. in harderst time of my life, this game idea were born from me while i talk with cousin. and i said lets build a game together. so never giving up being cofounder to her even if official game dev starts now. i mean that gave me very high emotional support in that very hard time, something hold on to, since i gave up blockchain design changes since the new revolutionary design looked so hard to secure and i were so overwhelmed with the life's struggles. (that i have got a Boris named psycho stalker whom stalks me every cafe i go). that day in hardest time of my life, where i felt so helpless and have nothing good in life that gives me hope, my life were bounded to home since i got a psycho stalker outside, and i were under trauma of it, and she were the only voice in the other end of phone, so her help to me, her emotional support to me means a lot, the initiation fo a game project gave me energy, somew thing to hold on, that time.So she is definitely my cofounder:) even if usually i dont like having cofounders in projects. this time i would like to have. and also i also like being cofounder to ali bro. one dream of future since i like to build super computers with bro in long future. it would be a privilege to be able to work with him also. i mean i dont know if he would ever accept. it would be a honor so to me to work with him if he accepts. since is 100x genius than me.  and is a role model to me all my life since he is my family/my brother. but i never listened everyone in life. so while i adore character of my brother, i were a different personality. in our family, i were the crazy one:P some families have some normal people and some littlew bit more crazy people that are more rebellous, i were the latter one:Pactually i think since i had no goals in life awhile for many years(neither material goals nor any other, i just flowed in life doing engineering with none personal goals/aims for many years, i mean people have some goals, like collecting money, creating a family etc, i had none of them. had collected none wealth nor did created any family or any creation other than mundane coding tasks. i just did nothing other than having a daily job so that i am not hungry(i did software engineering but just only for that. i mean people try to make their life conditions better, like moving to better houses with creating better income, or collecting what they take to secure their future, i did none of them. i just go worked to be non hungry, spent them all., and did nothing else. neither were interested to setup a family either. i just flowed in life as its given. i just did some coding as a programmer. etc. i sometimes tried to do things by following some career options then i felt its meaningless and broke it all. whatever i had, i broke it finding it meaningless. these years, my such attitude haes been fixed, i now find meaning in everything., before i lacked goals. now i have. so my brain develops slower than other people? my prefrontal cortex get to this havign goals state only after 30ies. before 30ies i had none gaols in life. noiw i dont break things like my wealth   and i am like other people who gives meaning to things like setting up some level of wealth. i mean like having goals. so i figure out my prefrontal cortext get developed to normal development state only after 30ies. i am not like before where that slightly nihilist state anymore. i just didnt cared wealth or career. i just ddnt had any goals. i just ddnt collect anything while i had quite nice salaries. i just flowed through life but never managed my own life. so i figure out it were since my prefrontal cortext developed slower than other people? its my theory on that. i think its like that. that my prefrontyal cortext developed slowqer than other people since till 30ies i had no goals in life. but now i am like all other people in terms of having goals state and not any slightly nihilist any more. but now, i changed after 30ies, now i have goals and that matter to me alot. like creating bioinformatics startups in long future   to try to beat death to have endless lives. ). to create income. and nothing else. anyway ), maybe either i have small prefrontal cortex or i were so intellgint that makes me like that(no no no it were the small prefrontal cortext most possibly. i really think i had my prefrontal cortext develop very slowly than other people:P that i had no goals etc. ) .

 (most possibly my prefrontal cortext developed slower than other people and it got to a normal developed version in after 30ies:P thats my theory why i were slight nihilisht before my 30ies:)) after 30ies i started studying alot:) till last 2 years. in last 2 years i stopped studying too much:P but trying to resume it :) i have the most free time to build a project ever in my life now:)  and would utilize it and build a game like fortnite or even better :P and have that capability to do so also:) so not wasting this free time ever:) cause its a nicematch of capability and time ever in my life :) the project i chose to do aligns with my capability(seems as) and i have huge free time:) nice match :) to build another tanks or fortnite like gamey:) or such alike. but webgl version this time:) its the best time of my life:) i have huge free time to develop my project. i love having free time to develop projects:) it felt like this also while doing causalera while in iskenderun home for a month (other months in causalera trial i were in istanbul home).  it feels like the best time of my life again. when i try to build a startup, it feels as the best time of my life everytime :) (to create a project that  makes me feel so enthusiastic about it)  but not interest to alot hussle of startups later phases either:P like management of a startup or alike. i just would create/make it popular and sell it or just be a board member but not in any ceo role or other role alike since they are very super hard roles:S it must be alot stressing/hard to be in management roles:S  I just want to sell my shares then move to next building product thing. which is working with my ali bro to try to build super computers(in that startup trial, he would be the main shareholder. i would be at most at 10% or 20% but the original ideas he create and revenue from them would be 100% to him. so i only take part from what i create/build. i mean if he creates ideas that changes tech revolutionary ways, its revenue would be fully him and i take no percentage from that. i take only percentage from parts i have put effort/contribution. i will take percentage aligned with my contribution and value of my contribution.. but his innovations belong to him fully definitely. (to me, such measures need to be added to business with bro cause he disrupts ways thigns are done. i have no plans to take part from his such innovations for sure. i just would get percentages aligned with my contributions. i mean its necessary cause he could build such innovations like p=np so that he should be sure for such type of innovations, i am not targeting to take any share of revenue from. i just want to be an enabler to creation of tech and also establish my dream projects like tryiong to build super computers and also create capital beside and try to createbioinformatics projects to make we all eternal in future i dont know if its possible but this is my main goal in these. for usual type of innovations that we would build together i would get share. but for unusual disruptions he himself creates, i would take no shares as that would be unfair to do so. cause i cant myself prove p=np type of things, maybe in future i also learn math to that level so we create such innovations together. but wouldnt take share from his unusual innovations that i have none contributions to. would take only share from parts we build together, from usual type of innovations side. from unusual disruptions that he creates himiself, it all belongs to him. and future investor firms we work together in their contract terms of course.  )  these happens if bro in future accepts to build such company and if i have 100 million capital by that time or i would even try such company building with bro if i hgave 1 million of capital by that time if game succeeds to create capital. ). want to create 100 million or 50 million capital to my future project with my ali bro. this is my capital goal i set to this game projects. setting up at least 100 million thingy. or 10 million. who knows what would be achieved. maybe it would be just 1 million. or just 1000 dollars:D  or maybe just 0 :D time would show. my goal is 100 millions. of course its unsure if i could reach such goal:)

so that i could init next project with hell enough wealth to do so. the other startup might have a 2 years or alike development period where we do research with ali bro. maybe 3 years. then at that time i plan to build facilities to build our products(like computer chips or architectures be built on other facilities) then move on to bioinformatics side to dvelop super simulations as i told. this is my plans/time schedule for further years.

and my advise to all people who says you cant do it, never listen such people for real:) dont listen discouraging people ever when you set up goals :) i do follow such attitude always:) 



yepp this feels as best time ever of my life:))))))))))) to try to develop a startup again that i am quite enthusiastic about :)

ok music selection for today? :D ok i usually switch to coding musics from you tube when i code these days.

ok i loved playing halflife instead of studyiung to exams in high school's last year:P  while coding a webgl game, listyening half life 2- violation theme right now:)  i liked half life too much:) its fun to do build things i like alot :D


to init coding. oh need to install numpy like things and play around my orbit model and check if its correct. or might utilize scala for that. lets get in to work!

ok would make initial version of game in 3 weeks online:) from today moving to hard working mode:) ok its exciting. i would walk out of this room very iunfrequently next 3 weeks:) first game coding iteration started:) first version's coding started....

mama wernt to lots of hobby courses. from painting ceramics to some ribbon knitting that creates nice pillows. the last one she went were about creating clothes. and she were creating a shirt (wears one she created) and i got a promise from her that she would also teach me how to sew clothes when if i have partial time to learn such hobby after game succeeds. i liked to create clothes to my barbie dolls or in all my free times i drew clothes when i were a kid. maybe i got influenced from cousin who also draws clothes since we grew up together. (cofounder of game project). so one future target hobby selected as creating dresses to myself after learning sewing from mama. she learnt it from her latest hobby course. i like alot pillows she created:) and the table mats with knitting ribbons around on edges.  I just envied mama alot when she is playing with sewing machine:D i took on pieces of clothes and wanted to get lost trying to make clothes/dresses universe for a while for a partial time:) (maybe for a week) but that postponed to when after game is online and i have capital from it. i touched the clothes and just wanted tyo get lost in creating dresses universe for a while (like i did created to my barbies but without sewing:) ) but postponed to a time that 1 week creating dresses fun hobby to a time later on. its my first ever hobby in life, the creating of dresses:) so touching the clothes the dresses are made of, i just wanted to get lost in such universe of learning how to sew dresses for a while. but of course postponed. to a time when after game is successful.  at least a month later that hobby trial for a week is postponed. exploring sewing hobby and time travel to my own childhood where i did crafted dresses to barbies it would be:D a week length hobby time it would be. or might do along weeks.  with giving 1 hour a day. but definitely afrter game succeeds. (of course i dont look like barbies:D it might be misunderstood as if i meant such thing:D i wish i did looked liked :D but the fun is in creating cloth styles part:D )


ok i started playing with numpy but never used it since currently python's math module is enough. though my method is wrong currently :P would try to fix. i know i created anon accurate method to iterate theta as i told before. but need to be working in some level of accuracy at least and initial trial of written code returned absurd results:D ok. would try to fix and find the problem. might be taking riemann sums with a non accurate way or some constant in this model is wrongly taken. would find out. finally hands in code.

aha found my error. i used G with meters while i took semi major axis in kms. yepp. switching to km3 in G constant.

ok i created  avery non accurate way to iterate theta in the ellipse of orbit to capture points per each hour. i mean it wouldnt be 1 hour to some level of accuracy level. riemann sums i applied but i might be quite wrong doing in that. seems to me it should work to some accuracy degree. but i might be wrong. 


ok it worked:D yeyyyy :DDDD it returned a value like 2pi when i iterated it 365 days:DDDDDDD my nonaccurate method works  nonaccurately as i wanted yeyyy:) happy:) (if i wanted more accurate way, i would have to study dif equations topics in detailed form. its a postponed act to some other time:) now want to dance with happiness:) since i ddnt spent much time to coding to code to iterate theta per 1 hour:D yayyyy orbit spanner is ready:D now the sun's light's fall degree to lat longs per sampled would be calculated:) )

the method is as:

import math

mass_of_sun_of_earth = 1.989 * math.pow(10,30) #kgs
eccentricity_of_earth =  0.0167 #its orbit's eccentricity
semi_major_axis_len_of_earth =  149.60  * math.pow(10, 6) #kms


class OrbitHelper:
    G =  6.67384 * math.pow(10, -20)

    #mass units are in kg, distance in km, time in seconds...
    def __init__(self, mass_of_sun, eccentricity, semi_major_axis_len):
        self.mass_of_sun =  mass_of_sun
        self.eccentricity = eccentricity 
        self.semi_major_axis_len = semi_major_axis_len
        self.L = self.semi_major_axis_len * (1.0 - math.pow( self.eccentricity, 2))
        self.K = OrbitHelper.G * mass_of_sun
        self.H =  math.sqrt(self.L * self.K)
        self.A =  semi_major_axis_len
        self.B = self.L / (math.sqrt(1.0-self.eccentricity))
        self.C = self.eccentricity * self.A
        self.R_for_0_theta = self.A - self.C



       
    def calc_R_of_theta(self, theta):
        return self.L * (1.0+self.eccentricity*math.cos(theta))

    def non_accurately_move_theta_for_n_seconds(self, theta, R, n):

        for i in range(0, n):
            theta += (self.H / math.pow(R,2) )
            R = self.calc_R_of_theta(theta)

        return theta

   

o = OrbitHelper(mass_of_sun_of_earth, eccentricity_of_earth, semi_major_axis_len_of_earth )

o.non_accurately_move_theta_for_n_seconds(0, o.R_for_0_theta, 10)





if you want to orbit the earth for 365 days, just call:

o.non_accurately_move_theta_for_n_seconds(0, o.R_for_0_theta,24*3600*365)


:D it works:D hell yeah:D nice coding init to project:) the planned method of non accurate way worked:D yayyy :D

if we want more accuracy, we could change the rieman sum interval from 1 seconds to maybe 0.0001 seconds like thign. but i dont need more accuracy in this initial version of game demo. and i wont orbit 1 hour in like this way in second version, i would use dif equations that time instead of riemann sums ways.  but initial demo would be just orbited per each hour like this.


lets celebrate this confirmation of my method with a coffee:D then continue coding the other parts. the next parts might be in scala code. this python module would be modified to create the 1 hour poitns list. and might be called from scala code as shell command or else way. or might store to some db and scala code might read from there. i dont want to remember the number format that accepts infinite precision in scala. i only know p-ython numbers are like that alreadily, you have no limits of precision in python to numbers. but in scala, i dont remember if it existed. it existed in some other language also but dont remember whether its scala or not. i am lazy. would calculate such super precision things in currently python. not wanting to find libraries in scala for that. its some future task. or maybe i recheck whether that lucky number format were in scala? i dont remember. woul;d check. doing laziness to carry code to scala:DDD anyway.  shell commands also work:D or i would either setup shared memory to run python command :D unless its big data item right now. or might if scala also has such number with unlimited precision support.


ok i were lazy since it were midnight last night. ok now would transfer to scala and find out library with numbers supporting unlimited precision like python number format. yayyy:) 


so today's tasks, learning earth's tilted pole vector's plane equation at perihelion. cause for sky domes generation (with various cloud styles later on, first would color sky) i would sample lat/longtitudes sampled with some degrees separation. i think it would be at most 1 hour separation not to unnecessarily down sample with respect to 1 hour time separated modelled sun position/zenith? but even sun would be undersampled with 1 hour separation, i do think we could sample lat/long much more since even if sun is downsampled, the heightmaps is different arodun the world that changes reflection/refraction/scattering all. so even if at first sight, it looks meaningless to go over the sampling rate of sun's separation to this simulation, i do think i would still go in finer detail in lat/long separation in rendering sun's impact in heightmaps.if world were all single height, it would be unnecessary to sample in higher frequency than 1 hour separation. but since it differs, than we should sample more in lat/long sampling's separation distance.

hmmm may i find the non accurate plane euqation of earth's equatorial plane via, taking the date time where night hour is equal to day hour every where. and iterating back in time to the point of recorded perihelion date time. yeah. either way i could find the tilt's orientation at perihelion. i use perihelion as my reference point in everything. could had used the equinox like time date also like that, but as in above code, R when theta is 0 is perihelion which is semi major axis point. i want to use that as reference.

i am so happy i now have even unaccurate way of moving earth by seconds in orbit :) it is the core of  the sun's planetary system's model in this game's this part. then i need to also find positions of other planets in date time (like its perihelion is here at this date time, and their eccentricity's and semi major axises) so that i  have all other planets also existing. as told, in this game, people would be able to travel along planets:) from alien bases. there would be cities and also alien bases. people would fight to take over alien bases. cause those places let to travel to other planets. and also would try to add other suns and their planets from astronomy dbs with very very very very non accurate fashion cause, hmm, i dont think i could find much info on that.
the time is 2100s. the world has been attacked by aliens. but hazardous weapons were applied which made going outside to cities a nonsafe act since hmm you need to wear special suits to leave safe cities. there would be many cities which people could travel to/from with future transportation utilities. and laws only exists inside cities. but its weakened cause a very big war has happent. the peace is handled by common defense system units of world that turned functioning. but its nt built for such purpose, so the city life is kind of in also kind of chaos due to war.  there is inconsistency in this scenario of game. i should change it. because if there is defense system active, it would had protected alien bases so humans cant reach out them.  yeah. quite incorrect scenario:D. hmm the system no more sees such bases as threat. but is a product for humans to trade? or explore? so humans in outside cities fight to get responsibility of such bases and explore the tech there. ? still not ok. ok, maybe aliens hacked the defense systems of world and make them blind to aliens bases awhile in war? so humans have discovered that deficit? and no one tells it? of course some one would tell it and it would be known by defense system. still scenario is illogical:D ok might need to change scenarios alot along the way. but first lets create the game's infrastructure of rendering/streamed things(not like new tech of streaming:D guhu creating an older tech game:D but there is still little bit time to this type of games i create since not all people have such high internet connection yet), mine is lightweight webgl game with trying to be advanced graphics so none related to new streaming tech. ok sky would be streamed. and but its usual old way of lod's or else optimizations my game would have. but it has still time. while people also made games rendered in cloud. i want 1 year of popularity and to win some bucks of millions awhile from in game shopping like buying suits or other interesting things like space crafts. i once watched some parts ofan anime named samurai jack, in there cities were really really very creative.  i want to create such impact. i mean even if my game is kinda older tech, want to make it addictive with my cities design. want to have it popular for a year. a webgl game. a separate universe that people like to spend time in to play game. my game also would have streamed parts. but not as way its done like videos? do they render in cloud and render in real time like video to users? i get that its done like that? its a nice idea by the way. its like making a new subscription model so that people dont buy expensive graphic cards but hire in time. yepp very nice idea. my way wouldbnt be any like that. i would create old style game but kind of trying to be very light weight with targeting webgl solution of browsers.  i dont have to adopt to new tech:P for a little while more at least:D


ok i have a thing for Jason Bourne movies:) i like that movie series so much:)  since in the one last movie there were computer engineers doing very exciting tasks at security centers. I like also Bond movies. but like Jason Bourne more:P but ones with Matt Damon. not the new Bourne that much:D Bourne movies are for Matt Damon:D we ddnt liked the change of actor. (ok i like alot spy movies:) spies seems to have very exciting and also hard lifes:) (ok i would had never been any spy since i am not intellgnt and i am against destructing people. and i am against guns. i only like guns in only computer games)  ok when would new Bond movie would be created? I like spy movies alot:) ok but i only like guns in just movies:) or games.  but that software engineers doing coding things at security centers for security, their tasks looked super cool and made me like Bourne series alot:) my friends also like that movie alot:D not only me:D  aha i were once unformally invited to work at some institution but its places like when you enter ocne you cant leave, so i thought i like startups more so i rejected:) such occupations are like, when you enter once, you cant ever leave. so i rejected. cause i like startup building more:) or other type of tasks. but doesnt change the fact that such type of working in security like occupations are very cool :) they must have confused me as intellgnt for offering such position (which i heard has 10k salaries as i heard:D) i am not intellgnt enough for such posiutions either:D they have confused me as intellignt while i am not.  but i jut cant stop telling i were once offered such security place's (institution's) role for software engineering:) unofficially. (i wont name which institution its:)) i rejected as i dont want such life where i cant later change my occupation ever :DDDD. and by the way i think i wouldnt be able to get the job if it were formally told since they would figured out at soime step i am not that much intellgnt to work in security algorithms or such topics.  and also even without that, such occupation is not for me,  i mean an occupation type i cant ever change all my life? i like to have multiple occupations and so single occupation isnt ok to me. i would die of boredom if i do work only in ssh like topics or oinly machine learning. i learn a tech and get bored of it iteratively:D.  my first task is games. next i would mvoe to super computers topic than bioinformatics.  ok i am not intellgnt, but i get bored of topics like intellgnt people do. i wouldnt want a life just on machine learning or just on games or else. i share such trait alike with intellgnt people that i get bored of a topic fastly and move to learning other tech after i spend some time in some tech are. i am not intellgnt also. i just only share that trait of getting bored of an area fastly.  ok telling, the institution wre NSA:) the guy were working there and unformally asked whether iu would want to work there? my family said definitely accept saying they have 10k like salaries there:D but as told, i am definitly not any intellgnt enough to work there first, secondly i am not built to have siongle occupation all my life:) but it were very cool occupation to work for i think, but i rejected due to that reasons,. of course it would be super cool to work in such institution working for security topics. but as told, i am not built to work in single occupation. i like to have multiple occupations in my life(as i defined in my agenda of career options) and i am not any intellgnt to work in such place also :) the guy confused me as intelligent:D i consistently rejected that i am intellgnt trying to fix that misbelief:) but after later watching Jason Bourne movie, didnt i regret not accepting later on:D? (sicne such jobs looked super cool as i watched that movie:)) ok but i do think startup trials is better to me:) since i would die of boredom if i do study some area all my life:S i am not built for such roles and i am not also intellgnt enough to work in such positions like security topics. ) i am not a intellgnt startup builder either:) i am definitly not intellgnt in both areas, security and startup building part.



my game's agenda, trying to be a movie like experience with very nice graphics with very nice art content inside. and tech would be an earlier way of games. (its not utilizing streaming tech thats talked alot these days). its webgl powered instead. of course streaming might be able to render my game also. but my game is like a migration tech in between full streamed at cloud and full desktop version. some parts of game are streamed like sky, i mean i get weiught from cpu/gpu and try to take load from computation with streaming preready rendered content whenever possible. but not as with fully rendering full scene like the streaming tech. its that parts of my game are planned to be like that, but still cpu and gpu of personal computers would have load. its not a zero load thing unlike the new games. so its a migration tech in between so it has not so much life time. the tech type i code. i know that. as said, i target this project and target income from this project for a year. to collect some capital as i mentioned. maybe 100 millions is a hard to reach goal since i am utilizing earlier way of tech. but still its possible if i have very nice art content. so everything could happen. i could win nothing or 1000 dollars or a million or a 100 million. i have none idea on that right now. if it spreads fastly(exponentially) among 100 million people who purchase at least 2 dollars like things it could create 100 million for real.  i dont know what would happen:) time would show:)





ok i wrongly remembered there is no unlimited precision (upper than double) number in python:D ok maybe int were like that in python and i remembered it wrong? i dont know why i remembered such topic. there must be nicer relaxation to precisions in python that i remember something like that, but upon reviewing precision info in python, there is no such special number format? other than double or int wise long.


yayyy :) -> this amazing share:) https://nssdc.gsfc.nasa.gov/planetary/planetfact.html

I could articulate the Kepler model via these parameters :)  but need also their those eclipses orientation against each other? i have no idea where that i can find?
yeyyy having a gonna to be articulated kepler model for 81 years (since game would pass in 2100s) but it wont again show real 2100s since my theta iteration is not accurate and also, normally its not a 2 body problem but n body proiblem this orbits topic, so orbits change in years, the world's eclipse changes shape according to even moon's impact. So it would be kind of a possible configuratiopn. but when i have time in future, i would try to simulate the n body problem for real. but currently having much lower fidelity than real life of course. in future it might change since due to nice "guice" library:)


 ok we dont need to turn these thingies to come to 81 years later.  it would be like, each planet has its own days count, since 81 years in earth years, the earth years would be calculated in remaning seconds base for other planets and they would be just orbited that much seconds. so after 81 years, we would assume earth has same place (of course due to impacts of n body it wont be in real but we dont have n body yet in model) and others would be just orbited n seconds along with their this much seconds,  taken mod by their year's seconds val, so that we dont need to ever orbit these things for 81 years to capture their such position:D why did i talked such thing:S must i be sleepless(aha i again talked little bit like Yoda:D). i slept awhile. i couldnt sleep well last night. started studying now.

ok while awake during morning i watched movies partially, i tried to studyt but couldnt. i lacked sleep and i just wanted to rest little bit. now back on continueing coding. lets add the sky's coloring this day. the ray marching things. lets study till mornign this day. yepp lets accomplish a bigger step this day and get faster.


wov: this great news, for study of AI and ethics -> http://www.ox.ac.uk/news/2019-06-19-university-announces-unprecedented-investment-humanities  (i love listening the podcasts from humanities department at times (listen and you would also adore) when listening such podcasts, makes me want to learn little bit about those areas but of course would not any be such knowledgeable. but i postponed during inside procrastination activities of game dev:P  ok i think these are these podcasts are like of type most valuable gems ever seen. if you people listen, you would definitely confirm my idea. ) 




ok i did laziness today i think i needed a day off or alike? i dont know. starting studying now :D i watched movies. it were like i needed a day off:P ok back in coding. i need some slight concentration music. i listened too many times of my  play list/my genres. every genre i listen i over listened truely:) need to discover some new music genre that i never listened. or might just listen wqhite noise like wind noise for concentration. i really should stop listening my genres for a little while cause i really kind of listened too much same genres:S i over listened. ok then for a while would listen wind sounds while studying? but i over listened them too. ok i cant even listne to wind sounds for concentration:S  ok, i dont know what to listen as concentration music right now for real:) :SSS  ok lets open concentration programs that play  such music. i once had such app. ok, lets reinstall. cause i really overlistened all genres i like to listen and need to give a pause for a day or two and would continue overlistening genres i love to listen. i love listening music so much.aha! techno i hadnt listened for a long while. ok. then techno time while coding:D


ok Stadia is the biggest disruption i heard a while. its like a new form of playstore.  (but its kindof funny i am developing old game tech beside i know. but as told my timeline for that startup is 1 year. i target 100 million dollars:P (i set goal too high. :D ok but goal is that:D).)

I always wondered ways to carry standard user directly to cloud(and me myself hadnt been able to find thinking cloud monetization models sometime) and its the very first thing i saw for that. i mean its like cloud service direct to users (instead of technology firms) a direct connection of cloud - user. its a really very nice idea and new form of playstore visibly.  ok people tried to connect people to clouds with virtual pc services. that didnt worked. but this is a really going to work scenaraio. and when real users are the end point it would enourmously scale, like play store. a very ingenous idea, congrats to people whom thought that:)


repeated paragraph:D
ok while Stadia disrupts game service models,   I create an non adopting game model:DDDDD  cause i plan deadline for my product to be only 1 year. i dont like long time projects that much:D want to creater 100 million in a year. i know it depends on chance alot:D

 
ok but i like NVidia also alot:) i wish Nvidia continues creating very amazing tech that fuels both people's imagination(which is the iniital dependency of technology development) via such advances to shaders. i wish Nvidia doesnt die. i heard it creates other tech areas so for sure it wont die. I like Nvidia like I also like Google. Google is one of my fav companies. I like alot Google's services alot as i many times restate:) i would try to exemplify their free services model in some bioinfomratics services if could create such available foundation.

NVidia is the company that created the concept of usage of shaders in science tasks for faster scientific computation. and I like Nvidia company alot:)( my likes started with their amazing GPU GEMs books 10 years ago:) )


Sicne google disrupts my project and makes it old tech, i dont dislike google. I really like Google alot. since due to its services and research outputs.  


but as told, i still find little bit time to my genre of older tech of game services that depend on client's cpu/gpu mostly. Ok game companies like EA and Blizzard i also like too much. and they could easily switch to Google streaming as i get. but my game isnt like that. my game were exactly also targeting lightweight settings so Google's Stadia's tech disrupts my webgl based slightly cpu-gpu dependent games'  browser based games concept. ok of course video playing also uses cpu and gpu if wanted (media codecs) but i were targeting webgl games concept which is not common. but htey are building streamed ghames which would work in any browser. so my game's tech is totally disrupted.(but like in my case, i have no problems with better tech disrupting my tech. i mean, disruption is ok:) ) and i still have time for my planned disrupted way of games since internet is not fast enough for streaming everywhere:P. i might really create 100 million before internet gets fast enough that streaming becomes the defacto standard.
ok i am not a game company and not any professional like them:) i am just a garage/indie game company:) and my product wouldnt be that much professional like theirs of course. but try to build best from my room /my pc:D

I do find disruption in favor of more advanced tech not any bad thing. disruptions are good, they iterate tech. they are steps to more advanced tech in a non stopping accelerated/path. so i dont get offended when my tech gets disrupted. cause its better for society/for nicer digital services to society.


I am talking of my tech as if it exist:S i should talk like that after game is ready:) not shouldnt talk about a non ready product but over self confidence creates such talks:P that i foresee no risk of being undeveloped to my game. (if i dont get ill etc.)

ok i actually meant my garage/indie game is a drop in ocean digital economy. i mean yeah.  i mean i ddnt want to talk sentences like "my game bla bla my tech" due to that actually.  cause i am not a game studio or i mean i am not super experts of this area. I just have over self confidence since i can learn do anything i want in some time i want and select proejcts i like to do, but that wont make me an expert who has much importance in game industry cause in the end, i only target 100 milliuon as highmost bar to my game to reach. i mean its a drop in digital economy. so thats why i dd nt liked talking with sentences of "my gaming tech..." while i am not super expert of this area. since i am a garage company and i havent developed massive scales games before. but i am super confident also to reach some success level in that. but still, those dont make me any expert in game sector of course. my games woulnt be professional like professional game studios creates for sure. but its a one shot to create 100 million dollars to be able to move to next project of super computing building trials.


ok i do think Libra is also such very nice thing to society:) i do think its also a very nice disruption. I do also like Facebook company alot since as they alike Google create nice digital services to society. and i really liked that blockchain gets supported by big tech. Decentralization now really get to some other level.  and its really nice to have bankign services from our clients.


ok people would hate me since i like big tech:D but these are my ideas. if anyone creates better digital services to society, they should. i mean, but awhile i mean i do think i have no problem with big tech companies since they are disruptors. (and i talk like this while my own tech is disrupted.) (disruption is never a bad thing to me. )




(ok i am not literate on these topics enough but these are my ideas while my own planned future product was disrupted in my head as i heard stadia 2 months ago as the first second i read the Stadia's news article. and i dont find disruption a bad thing. tech needs to iterate. why do we say tech should stagnate? and i dont believe there exists negative networking effect in tech. I wish Foucault existed now and proved/analyzed it btu there is no such time period to prove that enough but my feeling on that its like that.  big tech actually makes it easier to create innovative tech/creates a bigger digital economy and nicer digital services to society. these are my ideas on this topic.  and there is no other sane evolution way of tech i think. could tech developed in  the other way around in different growth structures? I dont see any alternative way? tech's development dynmanics, i wish Focualt existed and showed this is the only way the tech would have developed if we had n many repetitions of digital era. and it happens repeated in other countries and it becomes a power of countries either.  I might be wrong, but to me, if we repeated n many times last 20 years, similarly big tech companies would form. this dynamics of interactions of digital economy, i wish i could model but i feel as i created a simulation to it and repeated in n many times, there would always exist big tech maybe in differnt names. and i dont get why there is a such attitude to such part of digital culture?  as told i am illiterate on this topic, but this is my ideas on this topic while i see such attitudes i mentioned against big tech. (e.g. Google, Facebook, Amazon  )  its just technology entered a faster iteration area to me. and people liked slower tech iterations? I never find disruption a bad thing even if my planned project is disrupted:) reasons i dream of disrupting death topic (since i have such silly bioinformatics projects goals:) ) is enabled by this fast iterations of tech:) i could now dream such dreams since tech has entered a fast iteration period and i dont any dislike disruptions:) we should even disrupt biological death:D (i silly might nt be able to do that but i wish it happens in some time in long future maybe not in my life time) (of course i would try to do create such project it as said i have super confidence in every topic i select:P or alot optimism maybe like drteaming of erasing death from culture so everyone could live to forever. i wish that happens some time even if not in my life time maybe:) ) if tech stagnated or hadnt iterated this fast,, we wont be able to dream big dreams. dont try to stagnate tech's iteration speed people please:)  I wish people also consult Foucault like people or sociologists to model iteration of tech to see that big tech isnot actually a bad thing and disruptions are not any time bad.  i am ok to disrtuption even if it would disrupt my tech as happens :D since disruption is never a bad thing to me in my perspective. otherwise i wouldnt be able to dream of constructing bioinformatics projects in future, if cloud technologies hadnt came this point or if infomration technogloies and its products hadnt came this point. )


ok so i wish its understood i have no problems to Google since it disrupts my older tech:) its better to have new tech:)whomever does the newest tech, should do create/execute it:) disruption is always a good thing:)

I see people have kind of angst against big tech recent days i see in internet (e.g. against Google and Fb for being the major incumbants of ad industry). i wanted to say in above paragraphs that i like big tech and its disruptions alot:) I meant even if big tech disrupted my tech since i am kinda older tech, i would say its ok(as happens in my game topic, my game is old tech as i try to write it, but definitly disruption is always ok). cause disruption is always a good thing. and i think as a software engineer, company i like the most in world has been alot Google for last 5 years to me. due to their contribution/digital services.and i saw their act against Huawei is also critized but i also find them legit to do such act:).  I recently saw some angst against big tech firms. and wanted to say, hmm, i really like big tech firms and their contribution/digital services to society in lots of dimensions. I have none bad mood to Huawei i worked there it were nice place to work honestyly were a really nice work atmosphere. but i do think these topics are about democracy and also a company's personal decision to make deciison on the ownership of an operating system. since i liek nonauthoritian democratic managements and since i dont like usage of capitalism to only to reach authoritian state, i do quite understand this ban to that brand and agree in such decision while its critized in tht article that made me write this paragraph. Its about democracy and rejection to authoritian management of people without giving rights to talk as i read from news about that eastern place in earth, its about free speech, democracy, Gay people's rights(trying to heal them as if they hold a disease:S its the most sick idea i ever heard:S) , authoritian usage of ai to try to control people(which i read in an article and its like dystopian use cases of ai:S citizens having points? I definitely am quite against such usage of ai:S its like a control freak way to try to manage society:S having points as a citizen to me loses some part of soul:S i upon reading this quite get the point what rights means. ), so it is not just about a Brand or else. so we agree in to that ban of Google for limiting its OS (we android users quite understand then :))   As i get older, what enlightenment really means :) before i were apolitic (hadf no interest to politics topics), but after reading about politics about that Eastern country, from those news, from things i read, and from all i turned apolitic. and i see that liberty/free speech/rights matter alot :)  (before hadnt thought nor read about these type of politics topics ever, were a 100% apolitic person that hadnt read political things ever before) but at my older age, i understand true meaning of enlightenment(werent reading about such topics before), how much it matters to all people.Free speech matters alot. Liberty matters alot. Rights matter alot:). so we android users get the rationale in that ban (i get that its not against that brand but against nondemocracy?) and agree in to the ban:). since we like to have Free speech in world and Gay rights and Liberty in every topic. My life turns me from apolitic to politic as i get older seeing how much improtant Liberty is. Having train doors not opening to you since you have low citizen points? its like all citizens have a dad or mom and they decide what his children can/cant and have a crude power upon:S its so against liberty/free will/a system that delineates a very good citizen's behaviors and controls with ai and tries to punish with limiting transportation rights which should be a basic right:SSS its so against me. being a slight rebel person, this thing reading in news really disturbed me :SSSS its so disturbing:SSSS i think people there could normalize it being used to it, but from outside, it looks so freaky dystopian situation:S its just so out of rights/liberty:SSS it disturbed me alot:S since i had dad and moms who gave alot liberty to us/freewill also. when i see parents whom dont give freewill to their kids, i feel disgust to them and the same feeling i felt when reading that news of closing train doors to people with low points:SSSS  i felt the same feeling when i see control freak parents who give no free will to their kids, that really everytime creates disgust feelign to me(that method of raising people without free will, so that people turn out people who arent any rebel), i felt the same disgust to this situation of closing train doors:S it thinking disturbs my brain:S that people have good citizen points:SSSSSS its just so disturbing:SSSS i mean basic rights like transportation being limited by such system, it is super disturbing:SSSS now i have to walk to home since i have low citizen poitns kind of situations happens? i cant imagine how awful it would have felt:S the closing train doors:SSSSS its insane:SSSS  its definitely a dystopian version of ai usage:SSSSSSSS thats not a future we want:SSSSSSSSok since i have a slightly rebel soul, somepeopel deciding my limits to be able to use transportation or not feels quite alot disturbing:SSSS do these people whom design that lack any conscience? since i have a slightly rebel soul, it feels so much (undefinable with words) disturbing/disgusting usage of ai:SSSSSSSSS oh i am a good citizen, i should do my homeworks, i should do this and that what is expected:S oh this looks like quite dystopia:SSSSSSSSSS we definitely dont want such future:SSSSSSSSS super disturbing:SSSSSSSSSSSSS one reason i am atheist is religion also does this to people(limits people's free will and tyr to turn them to hive beings) . and see that this Eastern country who are atheists also does this. so its not any related to religions. I like religions' other aspects thats the only point i dislike from religions is that by the way(erasing of people's free will). but the thing is, this is pure ai dystopia, the thing i read, the people having citizen points:SSSSSSSSSSsuch situation to me erases meqaning of dignity:S i always ddnt quite liked schools/grade systems etc. and in that country, to me, in my perspective, with such system they created a life long school system with citizen points:SSSSSSSSS its pure dystopia:SSSSSSSSSS never being able to leave school :SSSSSSSSits pure dystopia:SSSSSSSSSS me being a person who hasnt been liking school/grade systems alot, this grade system to citizenship, i cant define how much it disturbed my brain:SSSSSSSS luckily i dont live there:S life long being inside a school being student:SSSSSSSS living life like a school student:SSSSSSSSSSSS never being able to finish or run away from school:SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS super dystopian:SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS we people definitely dont want such future where we cant run away or leave school:SSSSSSSSSSSSSS nightmare:SSSSSSSSSSSS its like nightmares i had that university calls me saying i had one wrongly assessed course and i need to come back and restudy:SSSSSSSSSS i really had some such nightmares:SSSSS and this citizenship points thing really looked like such nightmare like dystopia:SSSSSSSSSSSwe definitely dont any want such future:SSSSSSSSSSS where being student never ends:SSSSSSSS always trying to take good grades? this time to have basic transportation rights? :SSSSSSSSSSSS nightmare:SSSSSSSSSSI am super lucky that i dont live there:SSSSSSSSSSSSbut even thinking of it really disturbs me alot:SSSSSSSSSSS  i just infer people who live there are used to that since they always lived in such situation? but to me, its not any acceptable:SSSSSSSSSSS gosh:SSSSSSSS usage of ai for such purpose:SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS its super disturbing:SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS we definitly dont want any such future where that culture dominates world:S so definitely agreeing to the ban of OS updates:P i am partisanly beside some ban first ever in my life:) my first partisanly agreeing on some ban topic:) (normally i would say, its not my interest, its theirs decision, i respect a company's decision for usage of its personal property. but this time, i agree also partisanly to such decision)
so to citizen points -> my reaction of :SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS  would never end:SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

okj i wish i were more literate in social sciences and would talk about this topic in lesser emotional but more knowledgeable way with taking references from a more systemmatic view. maybe in future if i could invest time to reading/listening instead of trying to build a st5artup i might talk with more knowledge but my position on free will never change i just mean i wish i could talk about how this disturbed me in more literate way not just with creating such analogies but more literate way. ok i felt again shamed of lack of vocabulary and more complex analogies in my writing or lack of usage of references to other similar concepts or lack of metaphor usage etc. but wishfully i talk in lesser illiterate way in future, specifically fr such topics like this which i am quite emotional about. cause we really dont want to live in such future of such mindset of such culture:S wishing that culture doesnt dominate world in future so bad:S cause this culture i see in that news article, it is like a nightmare to me since i am a slightly rebel person.


--------
coming back to disruption topic: my idea in that: since i believe tech should evolve as fast as it could: 


ok whom he/she disrupts has the right to disrupt if its better tech. thats my viewpoint on these points. disruption of older tech to better version is always something good. (in my own perspective its like that...)if ad industry hasnt been good in disrupting like Google/Fb, its theirs problem not big techs. my view on disruption topics is like this:P its not specific to companies either. i mean whom he/she disrupts, has the right to disrupt if its better tech. (my perspective is like this).


so when i told dont try to stagnate tech, i mean i said that seeing angst against Google in internet. i just saw angst against big tech firms in internet and saw they want to break them. i said those people with angst seem like wanting to stagnate tech.  since they disrupted ad industry, people show angst against them. i definitelyt hink disruptions is always good. whomever could disrupt any area could disrupt if they make it better tech. we dont have to have a slow technological innovation speed since only because people have angst against disruptions. thats what i wanted to say:) people tend to idealize stagnation in tech for not to disrupt other areas, i meant disruptions are always good. cause it creates new areas newer ways. if technological evolution speed came to a level that disturbs people, i do think i do place myself in side of high speed tech evolution since its much better for society and i dont think its never a zero sum thing. Whatever being disrupted creates much more value added services to the economy. so i do find disruption always a good thing. thats my perspective. and not hiding i am quite fan of Google's services/contributions to society for a long while:D from map reduce to all these services. I infer i wont work in google cause i am old and i seemyself not aligned with their research projects  and visible i like to create my tasks myself, but doesnt change that i am and have been long time fan of Google as a software engineer and the atmosphere they created in world with their amazing services. I truely feel like that. and i saw angst against Google in internet last day. and i wanted to talk my ideas that disruptions are good things upon only due to that. similarly i also like Facebook:)  but I cant lie i am more fan to Google:P but Facebook is also a place that made working as a software engineer so cool and created a very nice work environment (that you can switch between projects) for software engineers and also their contributions to society as very high quality digital services. so I like both Google and Fb. (but cant lie the company i like the most in world is Google.) It aligns with milelnials and they changed these companies changed company cultures to very good cultures. so i like alot these also company cultures changers/disruptors.  I am just fan of the research outputs of these companies and culture they created (that we millenials like alot) and also very high quality digital services to society. (Not that i would work in there (as told i like to create my own tasks instead of working in a company  and as i am old, i have limited time to build my goals of maybe possible future bioinformatics company, i have no time to work in a company my current view is this to my life's current phase, since i am old, if i have goals, need to build those goals if i want to create bioinformatics company in future, i have limited time left. so no time is left to work in workplaces. but if i were young, I woudnt think a second to work in a company like Google, cause as told its the company i like the most in world for many years. i like alot the products they create(starting from awesome android) and also the culture they create ) but as a millenial i wanted to state my view on this topic since i saw angst against these companies. i truely think they align more iwth millenial mindsets/cultures and broke that sexist mindsets/all weird stuff of company cultures and created awesome workplaces and created very high digital services to society. so i adore these big tech companies and the culture they created., i wanted to state we millenials like these companies which created professional places to work. I just wrote those above paragraphs seeing angst againts big tech. and wanted to state what we really think of them and also think that they are the ones that serve to democracy/non elitism/flat structures/all good millenial culture we like:P the culture type we like to see in world:) the culture of such companies rsonates with we millenials:) they created much more nice atmospheres to work or else. and created nice services to society as digital services. so we millenials like those companies:) since they create good values to cultures.whenever i see a critism to a company i like,i write such paragraphs:) last day i saw something against google and wanted to share what we millenials think of big tech:) its my personal idea but i truely told what we think of these companies(e.g for Google and Fb). for the good atmosphere in terms of work culture or else, we are grateful that for the big good changes they created in everythign including culture. I just wanted to say, even if we dont work there, we are grateful for how they transformed world, the big tech firms:) (specifically Google and Fb :D we like how they change culture to non sexist/non hierarchical culture and a culture we millenials like alot :) )

i am old to work in Google:P i know there is not any age discrimination there(and i think its the very best workplace ever in earth) just i meant i have no such energy to work in its energetic projects (and might not pass its exams, i hadnt attended exams to cause i am scared of exams and as said i am old, i just dont have that energy to work in other people's companies) cause i dont have the energy to work on other people tasks but i have limited time to my own goals yeppp. but doesnt change that i am fan of such companies:)

(in this older age of mine, i want to work on my goals in my companies, not other companies tasks :P :) )


ok maybe i should never talk topics like this. i should stop talking whenever i see a critism against a company i like alot:) (Google has been the company i like the most for last 5 years i think so when i saw such critism to its OS decisoin, i wanted to restate its a company we millenials like a lot for the way they reshape culture in every area they work in to better culture :).


ok after a big rest time at home, going lost in coding time yeppp as said my concentration music is techno this time:) (I am sorry Bach but i am even sick of listening Bach:D  ( over listening some music genres and making pauses awhile

 some body take away this procrastination from my brain:S ok stopping it right now:S

i found that app of concentration music:) yeppp

ok lets write here what to do maybe it helps procrastination state:


code that imodel.scala (under orbit_model)

find sheet of light equations and move to ray marching :SSSS STOP PROCRASTINATING:SSSSSSSSSSS  (whats wrong with me:SSSSSSSSS i should code a lot code today:S stopping procrastinating right now at this second:S)


(and for health/diert: ok since i dont like doing sports outside, use stairs to do sports during day)

ok lets write the code in whatever form possible to get back in to coding mood:S ok. yeppp. lets stop perfectionism. i am in a different form of procrastination mood. but stopping it at this moment:S how i passed last day doing nothing:S today lets code ray marching. ok. lets stop procrastinating thign for a long while. i would hate myself if i dont code this game's basics in 1 week:S


i found dbs before which shown the atmosphere's densities of aerosols/molecules along the layers with their range. wish had noted it in also my notes and not in this blog since i deleted the previous blogs. since scattering (Mie and Rayleigh) all depends on knowing atmosphere's mixture along different height layers.

yeppp found it in here:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1fFjQU6_TBK6itw9mESI_BlzeeBqAr5NvcdCk68784ko/edit?usp=sharing


i already hate myself right now for doing procrastinating last day:P stopping this procrastinating thing:SSSSSSSS its so shitty that i did nothing last day:SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS I truely finally ended this procrastination thing:S gosh where were my brain? i were going to code a game? why did i did noithing last day:SSSSSSSS and the day before also:SSSSSSSSs where were my mind:SSSSSSSSS so happy the procrastinating mood ended!

i see when procrastination happens it happens and when it ends it ends. do we have control over the time we want to be lazy? sometimes yes, sometimes not visibly. now i am hardworking again but were lazy in recent weeks:S sometimes we need such rests visibly? yes i think so. at times. yepp.  happy that i am super hardworking again:) i feel like as if were in coma in last week since i studied little to game:SSSSSSS how could i pause something thats super important to me:SSSSSSSSS so sometimes procrastination is just needing to rest? quite possible.back to hard working state:) what happent to me that i became a lazy person long while? maybe last 2 years life were so hard? possible. cause i were after my 30ies were a hardworking person at hobby project times. not were lazy like this. i studied till 3am at some days for just hobby projects. so this laziness is just for last 2 years. maybe it were because life were overwhelming to me. now back to hardworking state again:)  now procrastinating act seems as a coma like state:P
end of coma :P its like i used 0.1 part of my concentration in last 2 years in every task i worked to. since i were in trauma due to those things i told that i dont even have any idea why such things happen to me:S (the stalk of a Boris named psycho person:S a Serdar named psycho's stalk:S ) i were 0.1 guher last 2 years due to trauma of that :) back to 1x guhu version :) truely got over trauma:) and with this nrest time as i infer i needed to get back to hardworking guhu state:P

so last year when a psycho named Boris stalks me (that i have none idea why stalks),  didnt i regretted i accepted NSA job in 4 years ago:P if i were working NSA, whomever Boris is, he wouldnt be able to stalk me :D that powerful woman who work in such roles in that Jason Bourne movie:) no psycho could stalk them:S  where were my mind in rejecting working at NSA:D anyway, gone is gone. but if i were at this mind state and if i before saw that powerful woman roles at Jason Bourne, i would definitely accept applying to NSA:D i think the most powerful woman role model is that womans at NSA i saw :P they looked so super cool womans.  i had  a chance to work at NSA or init application to it and silly/stupid i rejected :S anyway. gone is gone:S but doesnt change that woman roles in that movie are super cool role models to  me:P If i were a woman like that, psychos whom try to stalk would me would be not able to stalk me by my own workplace :) I definitely regretted rejecting working at NSA this years after getting stalked by a psycho named Boris and a psycho named Serdar.  ok but gone is gone. but as told, i still think i am not any intellgnt to work there. but i definitely even if i am not enough intellgnt, i wish i had accept6ed that 4 years ago. so that i had no trauma of stalk since my own workplace would protect me someway when i reported:) but gone is gone:S anyway. I wish i watched Jason Bourne long before and saw that powerful woman role models long before:S so that i would had accepted workign in such software engineering tasks in security side so that i have also protection of workplace i work in:) why the heck i hadnt watched Jason Bourne series before:S cause that woman working in security tasks wer ethe most cool woman i ever seen in earth. the confidence in their walk/in their stares to everyone else:S how could i had rejected such job offer:S anyway gone is gone:P but if i watched that movie long before, i would definitely had accepted that job offer:S (but it would be kind of meaningless in the sense, that i defntly not am intellgnt enough to work there:S the guy who tried to give job to me continously told i am a genius, and knowing i am not, i continuisly rejected i am any genius nor intellgnt.  but if i watched Jason Bourne movie series before, I would have 100% accepted since that role models looked super cool (that woman with 10000 level of coolness in their stare/that much confidence:S super cool woman role models) that woman whom worked in security of world. and the confidence in their eyes. ok even if i would have impostor syndrome, i would suyrely accepted that job offer if i had before watched Jason Bourne:DDDDDDDD but gone is gone:D to me working in security of world, looks much more cooler than building a startup:P  i would surely accepted if i watched Jason Bourne before:D (yeah talking abotu a thing 4 years ago:D that i lost such chance:S) ok not building startup to look cool:DDD(as seen i build it since i dont find my self suitable to work in other people's tasks since i get bored of tasks easily), but would if i had watched jason bourne before, would defntly accepted that offer since that womans that super powerful woman looks super cool:D (i wouldnt get bored of world's security tasks:D would had patience to that:P where were my mind in rejecting:SSSSSSSSSS anyway. gone is gone:SSSSSSSS) )

ok my life's last 3 years passed in trauma since a Boris named psycho stalked me. with shouting me ork curses and a stalk like that i mentioned. but i am over trauma. and during trauma i were 0.1 guhu in concentration wise. now back to fast learner and hardworking guhu version again:) (how fun it would had been if i had worked in NSA and NSA dealt with Boris when he tries to stalk a lone woman like that:D how fun it would had been if i worked in NSA and NSA replied to these psychos whom shouted me ork:P or curses since they thought i am a weak woman thewy could stalk like that. (since i never replied:S i looked a weak target  to stalk like that. but they could had donie noithing else than following and cursing/ork shouting. i mean they must had seen i am not any weak person or a lone woman they could stalk. they saw they cant make fall with such stalk to a lone woman. but i cant lie, i thought my life and wished i ddnt rejected working at NSA and that when these psychos saw me as a weak lone woman that they could shout ork or curses and stalk like that, they would had get a nice reply:P for trying to stalk a lone woman like that for 3 years.  i defntly regret not accepting working there. since seeing very powerful woman working in such places in movies. if i had watched Jason Bourne movies, long before, i woudl surely had accepted:) to have chance to work in security of world:) (meaning having chance to work in NSA:) achance i lost due to stupidity:)))

hmmm may i reapply to such chance if it could reexist? :))))))) the company that guy works people told you could apply to us for short time jobs (hmm may i init recommunication there and recommunicate that NSA guy and ask for a job this time me myself:) hmmm but i dont think i would have any chance since i rejected last time:D i mean it would have been quite fun to catch the Boris named stalker:) it would be very fun to catch the people (that i dont even know whom they are) last 3 years:) it would be super fun:D (talking about name list who continously stalked me and traumatized me with curses stalk whenever i went to outside so that last year i never went outside of my home), that i dont have any info about whom they are)i dont think i would have chance since i am visibly a not intellgnt person. last time the guy offered such NSA position must have mislabelled me as intellgnt. but from my blogs, it must be visible i am not intellgnt:) but i cant believe how could i rejected such chance to work in world security:) where were my mind:S it were a hell regretted wrong decision i did in my life:) I could had been like that woman in Bourne series who have a 1000x self confidence stares since their work is like that, they work to protect world, so that even is in stares:) maybe i reinit communication:) why not? but i dont think i have any chance left. its not 4 years. actually near 3 years its been. but i wish i never rejected that super cool job of working in NSA:) holy shit! where were my mind in rejecting such job:SSSSSSSSSSSS ok life is full of regrets:) ok but still i would ask (not talking directly to NSA guy but to a his friend) a part time job:) maybe i retalk with NSA guy also:) where were my mind when i rejected that job:S i definitely lacked any brain volume to have rejected such career of protecting world. ok its exciting:) i would reinit talk to those people for a part time job :)  (normal software engineering job. )ok why not because:) maybe i have a tiny chance to apply to working at NSA (The thing i rejected since i had no brain those times:D) btu i dont think i have any chance left. they must see that i am not intllgnt enough to work at NSA:P but would reinit such chance:) the chance i lost due to stupidity:SSSSSSSSSSS i definitely had no brain those times for rejecting such career:SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

this Boris named psycho even stalks me in iskenderun. how fun it would be if i had worked in NSA and NSA replied to this Boris named psycho when he stalked me:DDDDDDDD


stalk still continues:S but i dont care. but really its really fun to day dream on having accepted that job offer of that NSA guys for applying to NSA and having being worked in NSA, how fun it would be that these stalker psychos will be confronting NSA when they try to stalk me:DDDDDDDD. where were my mind in rejecting NSA job offer :SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS i must be the dumbest person in earth to reject:SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS it wernt official but the guy just mentioned and i rejected since such career i never thought of.


i still dont go outside the house but i confronted stalk even around thsi house. but this is my place i feel safe here. but how i wished i worked in NSA :) so that these psychos whom try to stalk thinking a woman is lone unprotected a weak target to stalk? how i wish i worked in NSA for real:) where were my mind in rejecting NSA job offer 3 years ago:SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS i wish i had still chance to apply to that unofficial talk.

I would for sure try to reconnect that NSA guy. and  try to figure out if i have a chance for long before rejected job offer. cause how i wish i could learnthese psycho people whom stalk me and sue them to police. i am not a detective so its impossible to do that now since i dont have any capability to know whom stalk me (i just heard names in stalk incidents but have no idea whom they are). but if i worked in NSA no one could stalked me since i would know whom are stalking since yeah. would be kind of privileged life that is not possible to stalk. if i knew some psychos gonna stalk me in my life, i would definitely just even only because of that accept that job offer to work there so that these psychos whom target lone woman to stalk would confront NSA power when they try to stalk a woman whom they thought/still think as a weak target to stalk. yeah. how i wished i were working in NSA now. how i wish i hadnt rejected that unofficial job offer. i have no problems in working there life long (since i heard in such jobs you cant change job after that) if i am going to help catching of psycho/bad people, i am in. i wish i hadnt rejected that job offer so bad:S maybe i have still chance to apply to that long before rejected job offer? so that psychos whom stalk me that i dont even know whom they are confront a nice justice (that i learn whom they are and sue them to police)?  would force my chance to reconnect with that NSA guy for possible job application to NSA. cause i saw that bad people really exist whom target lone woman to stalk and never endingly stalk:S (a boris named psycho:S ) and enter her to trauma woitj thjat never ending stalk outide with constant following/gaslighting/impersonation/curses/stalk/more curses/ork shoutings so that woman enters trauma and scares to go outside for a year. i want to be in business of catching bad people:P. i wish i still have even if tiny little bit chance of applying to NSA. i would try my chance. on monday. would reconnect/network to the NSA guy. to see if i have such chances or not. yeah. tomorrow would be my reconnectintg/renetworking chance effort day:) lets wish doors arent closed. then if i could ever enter NSA, i just wanna catch first of these psychos these bad people who try to stalk me(that names i heard that i dont even know surnames of:S i just go get stalked when i get outside or they sometimes come to home's surroundings. for 3 years.) . I wanna catch bad peopel who try toi stalk lone weak looking woman. starting with these psychos whom stalk me. ok waiting hours so that tomorrow mornign comes. maybe psychos whom stalk me arnt that much importnt in such workplaces. its ok. i wanna catch bad people. yeah. but if possible also wanna catch and sue to police the psychos whom stalk me (of boris name/ tomris name) & the psycho guy who shouted guho in outside:S i am stalked by psychos for 3 years. i wish ic ould learntheir identities and sue to police. i wish doors arent closed. i wish i could reconnect/renetwork with NSA guy and i wish he still thinks i am genius and reoffers a job in NSA. so that in further time of my life, i catch bad people with software engineering.ok i would also code game. but i want justice also. i want to learn identities of these psychos whom stalk me like this way for 3 years. and traumatizing me like that. i want justice. lets wish doors are not closed.





hey i dnt know if related but i saw i might have a friend whom used gem word, hello friend:) hey hi:)


ok i know you have a weirdo friend whom writes weird stuff like above paragraph. my head is confused:) ok ok i shouldnt bog down you friends with my problems (that are also unrelated to me either:)) but its super cool to be friend to you hey friend if it wernt coincidence:D all best wishes:)


hey friend as i told before, i have got psycho stalkers that i dont even know whom they are:S do you have any suggestion to how i deal with that. there are two options. either i as mama tolds that i dont care and continue following my dreams. but i also still fight with that situation and kind of want justice. but thinking, if i build a startup, i can hire body guards. so asking to get in to NSA just because i am stalked by people i dont know also seems not an ok way to deal with such situation. since i leave dreams just for to get away from stalk. cause i never dreamt of applyting to such places even if its super cool as i saw from Jsion Bourne movies (that woman in those movies, arent htye super cool?)  so after thinkign little more, i say, guhu fight more to this situation, dont leavce your dream of building startups instead and hrie body guards to fight with stalk of a Boris named pscyho. dont leave your startup building dream just as a desire of justice request.  so i stay strong, and dont just because i am stalked and impersonated and stalked in an extreme degree, i jsut dont leave dream of building startup. ok working in NSA like place must be super super super cool. but my dream were building a startup. i should follow mama's advice in not carign and not stressing. and shouldnt search if a door is closed that i rejected 3 years ago thinking i want a different career. so ok i think that door might be alreadily closed, but i shouldnt appl;y to cause my dream were building startups. i shouldnt change my dreams only ebcause i am stalked by a psycho named Boris in an extreme way. ok resilience. i shoul.dnt be this weak. resilience. continueing game coding. not applying to NSA (ok i dont lie, even if its super cool to work there, reason i thought of applyign there is because i confronted injustice and wanted to fight for justice e.g. wanted to catch the stalkers, but my all long dream were building a startup. ok even if woman i saw in movies of Json Bourne are super cool and super role models to me:) (sicne they even stare with very very high confidence to around, that confidence type i never seen before, which made me i want to look around like that.) but just thinking my dream were startup. ok so stopping the path of checking whether NSA door is fully closed to me. since my dream career even ifworking in NSA looks super cool, my dream career is to code game, then super computers than bioinformatics trials. ok, so, just resilience, this word i should repeat under stress. yeppp. resilience. this word i should hold on to. yeppp.




and friend who took gem word from my blog, hello :)) hi:) (ok friend its super cool to talk to you in this paragraph, hey cheers :) all best wishes to you and yours family :) hello :)) ok i really have an entrepreneur friend:)) (hello, best wishes to you and yours family:))





ok in below paragraph is an unrelated topic:
ok we woman like to see strong woman in movies alot:D
ok my fav strong lad is:
ok myfav lady character in movies has been turned to woman in Json Bourne movies, specifically that super confident woman. i want to watch that movies to be like that:) to stare like that outside:P since it looked super cool to look around like that but i dont think i could ever look such confident. but wish i looked around with this confidence:D ok any woman watching last 2016 Json Bourne movie, wouldnt all you liked Heather's super ultra confident stares around:D ok maybe reason i wanted to init a most possibly closed doors' job application due to Heather's role in that movie:D since it looked super cool to work in such role:D i want to look/talk like her:D (even if i am ugly.. i mean i woudlnt look betfl as her. but want to look/talk confident as her:)) ok half of my soul wants to search whether that door is closed and catch this Boris named psycho stalker and that names i heard in stalk/following incidents (e.g Sedat) but half of my soul says dont leave your dream of building startups cause you might create bioinformatics startups in the end to goals you would regret for not working for like using nanotech to try todo moleculer engineering to try to reach eternal life. yeah.



ok i still cant believe i really might have friend  ( that entrepreneur person:) ) hello :) you took my gem word so you are really a friend:) hey hi:) all best wishes:) ok this is really weird  :) hello all best wishes:) hi:)  ok please dont use sarcasm to other people pleaseeee:P this silly guhu's wish from friend:)  ok?:) (ok seems as while i am not genius, i have genius friends:) but please dont use btiter reference to other people:P pleaseee:))  (ok i still dont know if it were a coincidence or intentional reference?:) and i dont know if its done by you either. so its not sure whether you did that reference for sure:) but if its you, hello:) all best wishes to you and yours family :))  (ok if you are really friend to me:) i cant believe this is true:) its super cool:) ) (i dont know if you are:) maybe it were just coincidence:) and truely coincidences really happen in my life:)  so might be just coincidence and actually you arent any talking to me with such refernce? i dont know truely. but if you are really friend and talkign, hello :) all best wishes to you and your family :) )

ok you saw i said gems to humanities podcasts:D. i liked listening them(i like a alot). these days i try to build a game startup but procrastinated alot this days. but would stop procrastinating. its super cool to talk to you (if you are really taking reference and talking with that:)) hi friend:) all best wishes to you and your nice family:) hello:) cheers:) all the best:)

hey friend i really ddnt wanted to reflect my life\s unrelated weird problems to you:) hey i am really stalked by psycho people:S just 1 week ago, when i were in city, 2 guys said "Boris get  over." then the other guy "***** is mine!". so really a Boris named psycho stalks. and a mafia looking like an oguz named psycho also stalks. I dont even know whom thse people are. they stalk me every city i go and they look like mafia alike or some people whom visibly target me since i looked like lone weak woman whom they could stalk? last day they disturbed around my house. i day dreamed of long time ago accepting NSA unofficial offer than last day:D since how funny it would be if worked in NSA and NSA replies to these psycho people:D but most possibly i lost my that chance 3 years ago wheni rejected since i thought i want other career. ok sorry entrepreneur friend for reflecting my unrelated life problems to you:P your friend is visibly stalked by mafia but she has no idea either why:SSSSSSSSSSS anyway. i figure out resilience ways. e.g. when an incident like last night happens, that the stalker (a guy wandered around our family house and he said oguz name, which is a name i confinosly heard in this outside stalk incidents of ork/curse shoutings and mulktiple cities stalk) i would open party music and not care. ok i daydreamed of having accepted NSA unofficial job offer 3.5 years ago from that NSA guy last day since if i worked in NSA, how funny it would be when if NSA replied to that people:) the problem with fighgint with these peopel is i dont even know whom they are and i am nto any detectivce, i have no capability to find out. but ok resilience is the word i hold on to:) and hey entrepreneur friend, sorry for reflecting my unrelated life problems to you:) your guher friend has very weird life problems as you see:D not all your friends have nrmal lives:P this guher is stalked by people whom she has no idea are. but resilience is the word i hold on to. hey entrepreneur friend i dont know if you are really friend but you had taken gem word. hey its super cool to talk to you if you are really talking to me via that:D wov i have a billionare entrepreneur friend:D ok all best wishes to you and your nice family:)



coming back to my unrelated life topics:
ok my life's agenda, fight with myself for not looking for applyging chances to NSA with trying to reconnect with NSA guy (cause it would be really funny if i worked in NSA and NSA replied to Boris when this Boris named psycho wants to stalk me or to Oguz named psycho whom makes me stalked again in around house. thes epeople stalk me like if they have GPS. i remmeber once going to cafe in outside. they look like mafia. this stalk of these people started 3 years ago while i were working to create startup and persists for 3 years. since i am not any detective, i dont know whom they are. but half of my soul fights with my other half of my soul to reconnect with NSA guy and check if NSA job chance is still open or not. cause it woulde be really funny/fun if i worked in NSA and NSA replied to these psycho people:DDDDDDDDD )  but my dreams wer eother career like building startup. so my word is resilience. next time that Boris named psycho tries to stalk me like that, i would just remember word resilince, if tries to stalk around my house, i would listen party musics. i would create an algo of various methods to deal with psychyo Boris's stalk. yepp. resilience is the word i hold on to:) since i dont want to try to change my career dream of building startups (ok and i also think that NSA job offer isnt any open since it were told 3.5 years ago, but might be still open? but i wont apply to it since because i am stalked by a Boris/oguz named psychos. yepp. i wiould be more resilient/strong. yeppp.  ok working in NSA as a woman with trying to catch bad people must be super ultra cool career:) (it would be like Heather in that movie? :D) but my dream is to create startup:) so not changing dream and trying to create ways to deal with psycho Boris'/oguz stalk. resilience is my word i would strongly bound to in dealing.  ok but i would forever regret not accepting:) cause it must be super cool to catch bad people in working place like NSA:) super ultra cool career path:) i wish i had accepted that time:S must i yhad lacked brain to reject that time:SSSSSSSSSSSS since i think it must be super cool to work in NSA to catch bad people:)))))))))))))))  ok wondering little bit whether a Russian person confuses me as an NSA person and stalks me like that? do Russian people stalk NSA people? do this stalk happent due to that? i dont think so. but i am not working any in NSA but it would have been very honoring to do work in to catch bad people with working there :) and it wernt an offical job offer either. An NSA guy just meant such thing and i hadn accepted since i had other career plans.  i dont think i am stalked by a Russian person and mafia for 3 years is any related to that. it must be i looked weak person from outside a possible target they decided to stalk. but i cant lie, i day dreamt of being working in NSA and NSA replying to that psychos whom stalk me:P but i lost workign there chance long before an dit wernt maybe happening cause i am not intellgnt enough to work there. i mean they would understand i am not intellengt enough and i wouldnt get the jobi n the end:P  But if its possible to both create startups and both work in such places that catches bad people, i am still in to apply for such chance ifever exists:)  i just cant leave startup dream:) if we could had both work in NSA and both create startups, i would be alot interested to work in there, if thats also possible:) since working in NSA is the super ultra cool career i ever seen:) as i saw from Bourne movies:) being Heathers whom catch bad people:) but as told, i cant  leave startup dream:)(even if its not a big startup dream since i am nt genius to create very big startups) but as told, if both is possible(if one can both work in NSA and both be a founder), i would be very interested to work in. but i dont think such chance is still left? since i think they must think i am not intellgnt enough:) i do feel at such chances happen and gone. and i feel as its gone? but it must be super cool to work as Heathers whom catch bad people:) I would always regret so bad for lacking brain to having not accepted that time 3.6 years ago having a chance to work in NSA :). but i guess even that nwo since it were an unofficial talk/offer, i guess when it comes to proffessional offer phase, i would miss having that chance to get such career since i am not super intellgnt as people who work in NSA.  but as said, i am always interested to work there to catch bad people:) if ever such chance exists:) ok i would ever leave startup path to work in NSA to catch bad people if ever such chance were granted again:) i would code my startup but if ever have a chance to work in NSA to catch bad people, i am definitely in:) would definitly be super interested to:) (but i think i am still not any intellgnt to work there bvy the way:P no its not impostor syndrome:))  and if ever we could have both startup(mine would be a little one since i am nt super intllgnt) and both work in NSA it would have been great:) but still i dont think i am any intellgnt to work in NSA :) but ifever have such chance to dowork so in future, i would be honored to work in:) (though i dont still any think i have any super intllgnce level to work there:)) it weere just an unofficial job offerlike talk 3.5 or 4 years ago. but as told, i am now super interested to such super cool career:) for to catch bad people:)  (i saw there exists really psycho bad people from my life:S i have got psycho stalkers named Boris/Sedat/Oguz/Mert for 3 years. i dont know whom they are they sjust stalk me outside everytime i go outside and if were working in NSA it would have been super fun since NSA would have dealt with those people who target a weak looking lone woman thinking she is an easy person to stalk:) i cant lie i day dreamt of working in NSA and hading accepted offer 3.5 years ago last day:) cause it would be super cool to be a woman who works in NSA :) i visibly lacked any brain to hadnt accepted by that time:) i wish i have second chance in future? i think i might lost my chance but wishfing a second chance happens in future so bad:) cause catching bad peopel looks like a super career:) if i build startup i still would want to work in NSA to catch bad people:) (since i saw how bad its to confront bad people's stalk:S i dont even know whom they are but they stalk me like that for 3 years i infer because i look weak from outside, and since when i get stalked outside since i dont reply, so they think i am a weak woman they can stalk(buit of course they cant do anything other than stalk/following but thats a lot disturbing act:S). so i really know how its important to fight to bad people :) even if i build any startup, i really would  alot want to work in NSA:) if ever i have any chance to work in :))) would be always interested towork in to catch bad people:))
















------ coming to interesting life topics like gem word coincidence after i said gpu gems:)


(ok i really have an interesting life:D and hmm i have a billionare friend even in this life:D really interesting life:D all best wishes to friend and his family :) hi:) cheers :) all best wishes:) and happy monday :) (maybe it is just coincidence and you arent friend and its just coincidence. ok in that case sorryf or misunderstanding:) but if itsnt coincidence, happy mondays to friend:) and all best wishes to him&his life&family :) all the best:) cheers & all best wishes :)))))))))))))))



------- coming to startup agenda:

i would work hard today to game yeppp :)

ok lets wash my hair/get a bold coffee and start work yeppp.


----- looking confident agenda:)
watch that movie again to look to Heather role to try to look cool as her:)  she is our hero as being the most cool woman character we ever seen in movies:) soemthings we should learn from her stares/talk/attitudes :) If only that movie still existed in Netflix:S i just could now watch trailers of it. but even if i am not such self confidence, would watch to try to learn to look as like that:) would find that movie from another streaming service and rewatch:) (the only 4 movies exist in Netflix now, but before all 5 movies existed) (maybe its only in our region like that.)


----dealing with stalkers when they stalk agenda:

when if they come beside my home to stalk open party musics in headphone and never care any instant nor stress. this buildings/ this site, all my dads built:P this is my place;)  and dad is here and i toild them about stalk, they first ddnt believed. then they told they would give necessary response to stalkers when if they try to disturb with coming beside home. last night it happent but i ddnt told to dad, i just blogged here. but i am not any stressing   since they steal my work focus with that. i am taking my headphones and openign party music and not caring stalk:)  but i told the name lsit to mama and daddy that i hear in stalk incidents, so their ears are alert to stalk also, nice. mom and dad's protection exists also:) ok i will party in my inner universe with headphones on when psychos try to stalk, i mean i wont any care noir stress to:Dand daddy said he would give necessary response to stalkers when if they try to come beside our house to stalk. yepp. nice.  )



some very happy news:) my previous startup idea (causalera) might get funding if liked:)))))))))))))) yayyyy. (ok so it would be end of game project and restart of causalera:)) (then i am reiniting causalera and creating business plan and executive summary yepppppppppp :) ) (its so happy :)) (maybe i get funded :) yayyyyyyyyyyy:)) ok i would write business plan both for game and both for previous startup causalera and both for reti game and send them both:) ( A Japanese investor is interested in my causalera profile and wants to see my  business plan:) yayyyy:) its super happy news:)))))))))) I am super excited and happy right now:) lets create 2 business plans, both for game Reti and both for causalera :) yeppp:) its a super happy moment of my life :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

ok i think i would first send the game's business plan and send it and the other day i would finish the causalera's plan and send it.

yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy:) its a very important time in life:) i could really init a company very recently if my business plan gets liked :))))))))))

yeppp:)))))))))))))


ok definitely would send game project first cause this:D
https://www.gamesindustry.biz/articles/2019-01-16-fortnite-tops-2018-superdata-chart-with-usd2-4b-digital-revenue
(Fortnite section:) )   (ok so 100 mllion seems possible to achieve:P) siunce game would be on webgl  and but it would be desktop initially but of course phone versions would be coded also. ok trying to be next Fortnite:P but in a non desktop app but in desktop browser.  there would be matches inside the game. in every country's related timezone's noon hour. that people could win game money inside.  and two matches first at 12:30 am and other in 6:00 to 7:00... ok cpp version comes later. first webgl version with js and scala and more. but no client other than webgl. but cpp coded phone version comes later. if funding happens and i could construct a team. and would be versions for to integrate with VR/glass techs. and since its real world, that game is played in, could create augmented experiences for to collect game money from phone clients and assignments like, a team playing all of them in web one in real life trying to do handle some assignment like finding a hidden item but also being getting impacted by the real match so has directions from team.if glasses become common outside, it would be nice but it might risk player? since gets concentrated in game, no then its not a nice idea:S (people focusing in game and not checking where they walk etc kind of risks:S) ok so there would no augmented reality since it scared me that users outside might lose their focus and its a risky thing. no outside tasks then. just maybe with phone. but not glasses. ok anyway lets not think of that parts yet. lets work on business plan. ok really after seeing these numbers 100 million seems really reachable goal. then supercomputers + bioinformatics projects in future then. if could create first startup first.


ok 10 minutes ago in my linkedin feed i read an article about porno kind of games in linkedin right now:P (since i read topics about games:)(not that because i read porno topics:)) it were a about a revcolutionary game founder )  ok i dont any like porno topic and games topic in my game. dont want any sex content in my game. am i too old fashioned to think like that:)yepp of course respecting people who like such games and specifically that nice founder who created such proiduct.  but my game is kind of one that you could play even in workplace's noon time  so not letting skins/avatars be any changaeble.  but taking some things from that article, adding gay couple and les couples as characters looked a very nice idea :) why not:)  LGBT people's rights are stolen sometimes by hell stupid people. so lets add a couple mode to game and have all gender couples:) why not:)

and i saw fortnite has a strip mode a weird mode while reading wiki about it. noo my game woudlnt have such things ever:DDD  i dont want any sex related content in my game. its a game thats not holding any such dimension ever:) this old fashioned would let no sex content or such related content in this game she builds:P. but i respect of course games who have such content for sure. but this game is old fashioned in that topic againt sex topic/content. if i could had coded(if its alreadly not coded), i would just code tanks like game:) (i had did such simulation before , it were a thing where tanks existed:) if tanks games hasnt existed, would create a tanks game:)  instead of something where avatars exist so that i have to think of these topics also so that i make avatars be limited that people cant add things to avatars but there would be all genders avatars alreadily for sure:) . hmm in this topic, i been shown second life and told some aspects of it, i defntly think this game i code doesnt hold such dimension so avatars arent set by players but defined by game it self. i know its shitty to restrict such freedom of not being able to edit avatars, but as said, reason is i want this game to be even playable in noon time of workplaces so no sex content or such things. ok but that linkedin article of revolutionary game which holds sex, i defntly respect. just but my
game is kinda old fashioned in that.  )


unrelated to that game article i seen;  i do think supporting LGBT rights shouldnt be just about sharing colors? why dont tv commercials exists with gay people? ok for that, for really supporting, my game would have gay couples:) there would be a couple mode:) to enter game. there is hypocrisy in that i think in commercials sector in tv.cause i never seen a tv commercial with gay people.luckily sexism to woman in tv commercials is gone(i saw it happent in our tvs and liked it alot:)). (that woman do cleansing tasks before always? now i never see such commercial ever:)) but had never seen any tv commercial which hosts gay people. world has a hypocrisy in that for real.




ok our skins(clothings) and avatars wouldnt be defined by gamers:P(ok i know its stupid to have such act but i wanted it to be like that) but it would be a limited set. and special hazardous environment suits would be sold in some subcription model. and having more dexterity/power /exoskeleton like things would have differnt prices. (i really have an aim of 100 million dollars:P i dont understand why everyvbody else dont build also massive online games like me. that area seems nto so populated . which makes me think i can win really such capital from there for real. )
 


ok i previously sent lots of cold mail about causalera to investors. have that emails still yet. so would also send the gamey to them.














-------------a specific topic:) (unrelated to above topics :)) to some hidden person:

 ok you meant if i want kids i should have now since having kids time ends sometime. yepp true:) but i dont have any person who is interested to me thts single:) ok i am single btu i dnt have any person who is any interested to me:) how could i be present for someone while there is no there is noone for me outside thats single? You decided to be a dating counselor to me:P ok you are right but i have noone interested to me thats single:) everyone outside(at my ages) is either gay or married or engaged or have gf already:) (seems as i am doomed to be alone since everyone is taken:P you doing dating counseling to guhu:P ok this is silly:P



never expected such interesting life from my life before :D )






------

ok maybe it wernt about having chances to have kids biological age and were about dating? in that, there is no one interested to me who is single:)   how could one date with non single? its forbidden 100% to do that dating with nonsingle people in this small universe of guhu :P

--------------








---- ok i got lost in translation of that i saw. dont know whom is from either.  couldnt deciphered what it means.   maybe its not any about dating topic either. cause i told that topic in beside some othjer topic before maybe its about the other topic? ok i got lost in translating:) ok why i correlated with dating because that things i wanted from person i like before? ok thats why i correlated with dating topic:P maybe its not about datiung? :P ok i have no idea what that were saying to me? maybe it wernt any message to me. yeppp.  yes. most possibly? ok this topic quite is confusing:) i have no idea whats going on:P but if its to me, hey i prohibit myself to date with nonsingle:P  ok maybe that thing wernt any about dating topics? yeppp.





----

ok this is quite confusing topic to me. first i saw i hadnt believed its real(since i am not cool and also the status thing of reltnship tht defintly prohibits). this topic quite confuses my mind. seeing ths additional post confused my mind more. ok. i try to behave as such topic dsnt exist since you arnt single and i dnt wnt to break up any relationshp ever:S evn i am atheist, relationships is very importnt and yepp i dnt wnt to break any rltnshp of any couple and i dnt hve any such courage to do so:P since i dnt wnt to be the bad prsn who breaks a rltnship. i dnt any have any such courage to do such thing:P i could have courage to lots of things(in building software things) but thts something i dnt have any courage to(breaking up someone's relationship). so if it really exists and people arnt fooling me on a non existing topic, we met in internet on a unlucky time then?:) cause you are already involved to promises to someone other. yeppp.  if such thing exists (tyhaty people hadnt fooled me about such existence), then this is my idea, tht its quite unlucky time for us since you arnt any single and already have promises to others:)
 ok maybe just people fooled me on this and you dont exist. but if you exist, then we met little bit late:D you are already married to someone else:P and i dnt wnt to break up relationships (dont wnt to be the bad person whom comes breaks someone's relationship. this coward hoibbit guhu has no such courage to break someone else's relationships. and beside, your other is much more btfl than me, i dont get your point in showing attntion to me and confusing my mind with that:P ddnt we met little bit late in life?(meaning in internet posts, we never met f2f ever)  you are already married to soemone else:) could you try also fixng your marriage instead of showing a attntion to weirdo guhu:P must ok i admit i would be also intrsted to you snce you are you tht is quite interstng to me, but dsnt mean this is any let by norms/ and is nt ok cause we met a little bit late in life:)  you are already married:D this is kind of funny for us to find us in such weird situation in internet like this:P. please try to fix your marriage thingy:P instead of looking outside to weirdo people like guhu:P  i dnt any wnt to be any bad persm who breaks up any relationshp ever:P mybe you dnt exist. and i been fooled with such posts. ok i dnt really know whats going on:P ok i cnt lie idea of somne like u frst stlen my mind:P but thinking of it, i dnt hve coruage to break a reltnship either. i jst latr on tried to perceive whts goin on and awhle i cnt lie i liked ur prtctn act/word alot:) but whn if that last nghts post wre a rmndr to init smething, i jst thnkgn i dnt have courage to be a bad person tht breakes yours rltnshp wth ur sgnfcnt other. if that post wrnt any related to that and unrelated to me, sorry for misunderstndng. i have no courage in such things like cmng stealng smene else's guy:P i dnt like any brekng any reltnshps ever. ok i cnt lie its impssble to be nt affctd by ur attntn:P snce you are you:) someone very intrstng.  bt its a topic i dnt belng. its not mystory. u already blgn to anthr reltnshp:)  and i hve no right to break smene's rltnship mybe its jst one of their though times. ok maybe it wernt any related to me and people all the way tried to fool me as if you look to me, thts another possblty that you actlly dnt look:D  if you look,  in the end, even if its quite exctng the idea of hvng a rltnship with u, i dnt init it snce you already blng to another relatnshp:P ok i get its exctng tht affctn things  and but i thnk i hve no right to entr ur life wth breakng ur rltnshp cause mst pssbly u are jst in a though period wth ur sgnfcnt other. and truely i dnt have crge to break a reltnship ever. i dnt hve such crge to have a role tht is brkng a rltnship. (even it feels nice to me that the idea of smthng between us and u prtctng me:) but thnkng throghly i dnt have courage ever to break relatnships. i shld fnd smene else who is single tht prtcts me:P(tht i dnt break any relationships:P)) (but thnk you for u being beside in internt in about sme topics :) i wld never frgt tht :) thank you:))  (ok maybe you dnt any look to me and i misunderstood:P i have no idea whts going on in ours commnctn:) anyway, if you look to me, i wish you understnd my wnt to be not brkng any rltnshps and i thank you:) i wld nevr frgt you prtctng me tht i saw in intrnt:) )

(ok i am dfntly unlucky in rltnships:D its smene prfct comes but actlly isnt single:P ok the desire to get prtcted by some person (i think evolution has put sometyhing in ours brains to like prtctn topic:P ) and him being some one suepr intrstng and spr cool. i cant lie its a charming idea to look back to you when if you look to me:D or to get in affection to you also:P but i shldnt since you already blng someone else:P its not my story, i am an outsider to this story, you blgn to smeone other:) thank you:) ok i shld fstly find someone else to look to you for not to get in affctn to you:) cause i cnt lie i have tendency to do bhve like that:P(tht when you look to me, i also shw attntion and have tndncy to get in affctn:P) but its not my story you blng to anthr stry, you blgn to smne other:) so to deal with this very confusing situationto me, i would try to fdind someone else fastly so that we nvr strt cause you already blng to smneelse and so itsnt my story. i shld find smne who is single. to deal with this situation whcuih confuses my mind, i should fastly find someone other:P  ok i know i would regret this act so bad:S since he is just super cool, intends to protects me from everything and has power to do so but he is not single. i would only date him if he is single:) though that means trying to break his relationship which is a really bad act cause he has kids that needs them to be together:S ok this is really very confusing situation. i do feel its a very bad thing to try to break existing relationship of aperson that has kids cause kids needs parents to be together. so i should walk on. even if i want to reply to this thingy post i seen:P  cause kids needs to have parents/family together:)  even if i wld wnt  to init a rltnshp with him(which would mean he shld turn single) its not fair to ask sch thing since he has kids and kids needs both of their parents to be present in their life in thjeir small ages, and dnt wnt to init smthng whih wld means breakng of a rltnshp.   so i shld walk on since heis nt single, and wnting him to turn single wouldnt be fair since he has small kids and if his wife loves him and it wld be unfaiir to her also. even if i like him and wnted to init a reltnshp with him, i shld wlk on, cause in this life sttn it looks unfair to ask him to get single. so this has been a lot confusing situation to me seeing its possiobly really real.  there is still posblty tht i been confused by others and no such thing exists. i mean maybe he dsnt ever shw attntn to me and i msndrstood.  i dnt knw fully whts going on. ok to him: this really confused me as you see:P these are reasons i dnt hve crge to init smthng with you cause you have promises to others alreadly. it would be unfair to ask to break a family:S whtvr exctmnt a rltnshp topic is, its nt worth breaking a family. so this is why we shld nt talk:P even if i wld regret so bad. since you are super cool:) but such exctmnt of gettng in to affctn etc isnt worth breaking a family:)  i wish you understand my reason. tht i dnt reply even if i wnt to:) we shldnt talk wth refrnces and this shld end. cause whtvr exctmnt it is to try to do get in affctn, its not worth breakng a cute family of mny years:) i wish you undrstnd me:) and thank you:) for trying to prtct me (even in indirect ways) when i needed some words/support. thank you:)  ) 

(ok maybe it wernt from you(the thign i thought from you tht made me think you look to me/show attntn:)) but from secret groups like illmnti? who knows whats hppng:) i really have none idea:) i really dnt know whts happening:) i try to decipher whts going on:))




ok yepp i think maybe you wrnt the prsn whom does that symbol yepp? hey were it illmnti? (ok illmnti confusing me as over 160? :)(i m dfntly mst pssbly not any spr intllgnt:P)


(hey if it wernt you,  i thought as if you were as visibly:) hey:) were it you that made that symbology?(refernce) or other people?  i really have no idea whts going on:)  i dnt know whom is doing those symbols:)




( ok so if its illmnti, i am cnfsd as a person over 160? since i read they wtch people over such range? or they watch everyone?  hey to restate  if i been cnfsd as over 160, i am really not any super intellgnt :) )


( wov. this is like novels:P ok my life is quite interesting for real:) i watch my life as if its a novel these days:) an interesting life it is:))



-----------------------------
ok lets stop thinking confusing relationship/dating topics:P and focus on game thingy:P and its business plan yeppp:)

ok in business plan i am in line of tag line sentence. (at init i am need to find a good tagline) 
on tagline want to utilize something from  Baudrillard's analysis(even if i never had a chance to read that book)  since this game that also holds partial simulation.  games are simulacrum like Baudrillard's says.? ok maybe i should leave tagline finding to the end, since its one of the hardest part of this business plan writing task.  (ok i dont know what Baudrillard says but i like Capitalism. so restating i have no idea on Baudrillard's ideas on that topic:)  i want to read this said to be post modernist book. i see this suspicion to reality is definitely a postmodernist look:P (positivism vs post modernism) (ok if i have free time want to readt Kant and Wittgenstein beside Baudrillard.  i would buy this book after business plan as a gift to myself and would read it when i try to procrastinate:) i usually do nothing in procrastinationt iems but going to update that and restart reading things. ) topics selection: linguistics side little bit in Wittgenstein(since want to learn about it, some un learnt area i wonder topics of) and simulation analysis from Baudrillard (since i am building simulation games and in futuree i want to build super simulations of our biology to do nanotechnology experiments on super simulations not real biological units but just super simulations(to try to do not mutations but compl;ete reprogramming of our dna's parts related to aging/cancer so we without getting cancer take our lives much longer. i know its an infeasible goal but why not. i mean even if it turns out infeasible to do so, i would try out. but all successively depends on a plan of constructing a game proejct first)  if everything goes in plan and i win 100 million from game...)



------somethign about mafia psychos stalk:SSSSSSSS

as i tell these people impersonate people with foreign names but they talk them in our local language:S this people whom stalk me: another incident:
ok as i told before the psychos whom stalk me used some word that i dont know meaning of. they use "kav" word i heard in many stalk incidents.  then 4 minutes ago a guy walked in streets saying "with dara! kav av". translation, "some big knife type, kav is prey". i ddnt tell to mama and dad but i think i would find a big baseball bat since mom and dad dont lock the house when they are at. if i lived here, i would lock all times. so better i get some big stick or maybe i just go get gun trainings? i am really stalked by a mafia which fixated stalking me. ok. this is the weirdest startup building period. a psycho mafia stalks me. some names i heard are boris/ege/sedat in stalk incidents. then the stalk persists for 3 years and since they could do nothing else then cursing me, and since i am a powerful person they visibly got kind of angry for not being able to reach their goals whatever it is, since i stand still and never reply nor care when they try to stalk/curse me, then visibly this creates such siutuation that they this time want to kill me? or alike i dont know. this psycho people targeted me visibly for taking me as a weak lone woman whom they can stalk, but whatever stalk they do, it doesnt work ((they shouted ork/curses very bad sentences every time i go outside, thats the only thing they could do) now a psycho in street shouted like that "with dara! kav is av" i dont know what kav means either. but dealing with such maniac people's stalk for 3 years but so happy that they never could ever even talk to me ever, they just shouted curses and stalked continously (i get its were for breaking my psychology to reach some goals?)  then i never replied nor looked even, then as told, these people even stalk me in iskenderun. a guy in outside shouted "with dara! kav is prey". ok i would buy some baseball bat. but if i told mama and daddy that sentence, i dont know if i should tell. yes i should tell. (i am scared they wont believe me). hmm but should tell. whether they believe or not. cause it also threatens them:S this psycho people. ok. hmm. lets buy some defence utinsils like baseball bat. yepp. daddy might have a gun in house or not dont know. daddy knows how to use guns since he were hunter to birds before. ok, would tell them.  Ok i have got a stalker mafia ? that whyen i ddnt ever replied to their stalk, now they want to threaten with killing me? ok i am not any scared, but lets tell daddy and mommy and police also again. i once went to police, police asked evidence of stalk. i dont have cause wheneever these people stalk, i dont even look nor care nor reply, i just calmly leave the place or just dont go out ever in ankara life. ok yepp.  i dont know why a boris named psycho stalks me. and what the heck kav means? anyway. lets execute the defence algorithm i stated. if i wernt in to games, i would code a security system if i had very much time and how fun it would be to have boston robots protecting me:) and some home security system i code:) but no time nor capital for that i have:P ok lets execute the basic security algo. tell mom daddy that threatening sentence first. yepp. anyway, also continue coding game. If i get invested i would go abroad so that would be also a nice securitya lgo to protect self. ok. lets write business plan.ok i am a startup founder with a really weird life. ok lets write this business plan asap. to get ticket to abroad. i dont any kwno as many times i restated i have psycho stalkers stalking me. i dont any know. but this is the latest incidents. i do think it might be just a psychho stalker case, whom is also mafia. i mean it looks as a mafia person most possibly is psycho and stalking me. or a mafia stalks me since they think i am an alone unprotected woman? i dont know what the heck. but i write every incident for last 3 years. this stalk happens like this in multi cities for 3 years. the guy also shouted "obey!" ok. i am stalked bya  bunch of maniacs whom shouted "obey". ok. no mafia psychos could mess with me. lets exemplify heather from movie and also i would buy a baseball bat for defence mechanism if ever these psychos decides to invade our house. yepp. ok my life is definitely more exciting this year. i dont know why i dont scare. i feel secure here i dont know why. but still lets buy a baseball bat still. and try to learn some martial arts later on. i dont think i would be ever able to learn since my body intellgnce is very low visibly. only sports i can do is skating based ones.I know its irrational to feel secure in such life situation? but i somehow feel secure and ddnt took the threatening real. i dnt know why. but i would still take on my headphones right now and open party music and continue the business plan thingy.but still again lets buy a baseball bat and tell mama and daddy since daddy might have a gun he uses for hunting in thius house. so ifever these psychos tries to invade our house to kill? me? then daddy could reply since he were a bird hunter before. not so good one.(he did such hobby in sivas home in hunting seasons for some type of birds' hunting season)  he left that hobby.  so lets tell them. the threatening so if ever threatening is real, daddy replies if ever they intend to invade our home. yeah lets entitle this blog with "how my life turned to a zombie movie like state after a psycho mafia started to stalk me"?(a boris named psycho started to stalk and his helpers visibly also stalk?)  ok i really were in trauma when i wernt living here. i dont know why, i feel safe here. but in other city, when i ddnt lived with mom and dad, i were in trauma. but here the place i grow up here, feels safe, cause its home (that i grew up). and lets buy a baseball bat, and lets make daddy prepare his hunting gun, cause in case this psycvho mafia decides to invade our house(for to execute such life threat to me), daddy would reply appropriately.  in zombie movies, people feel safee in some places, this is like that, in this place, i feel irrational levels of safe:) since this is my place:) this is where i grow up:)  i am so happy i am over trauma. i feel safe here. even if i still scare to go to city center. (our house isnt in city center) (in city center, the boris named psycho stalked me again. saying some guy in sopem cafe shoutedly said "boris get over" then a guy replied "**** is mine". so this psycho is fixated making me his ? ok its great daddy had some time  bird hunting hobby:) in case if these psycho people decides to execute their threatenings:)  daddy would reply appropriately:)


ok one woman hysterically shouted in either beside home or near? she shouted "hande" thats one of the names from stalk incidents. woman shouted once hysterically as if in a neurotic episode. then shouted once with shouting "hande". ok i report everything happens. its frome ither little bit far away. or from next home? i dont think its next home? i ddnt get where it came? We have Arabish neighbour in next home. i dont think that hysteric shouting came from next home. ok i am reporting everything happening in real time :). some woman shouted in hysterical neurotic episeode with lots of hatred twice and in second shouting she shouted "hande".

that day in city center the boris named psycho said such sentence of "hole is mine". he says hole to me:SSS a psycho mafia tries to stalk me like this. then in ankara, once i entered a shopping center a tall woman shouted "kav! obey!" then i never replied:S said what the heck kav means. then 5 minutes ago someone shouted "hole is kav". so i infer my theory is really real. that a  mafia has targeted me to stalk (thinking i am a weak alone unprotected woman thats amenable to stalk since is always alone. yeah i am always alone and i look inconfident when i go outside. ) then tyhe psycho boris tries to make me member of mafia? with making me stalked like this? i still dont know what kav means but seems as an unnice thing since these psycho people use. they try to label me with some words and try to make me mafia member:S and stalk intensively like this for 3 years. it all started while i were trying to write business plan in galata in lavazza cafe. i went outside, some one shouted "ork! (with lots of hatred voice) thats hande". then i been thousands times shouted ork and curses outside and i report everything here as happens this stalk. so you people also know how mafia stalks lone woman they target to make mafia member? but they couldnt of course. i just never talk nor reply nor ever look when these incidents happen. i infer they continue it since i wan over their ego, a woman they couldnt make mentally ill or fall down with such stalk(to make me kav whatever it means? ), it hurted their ego, so they never endlessly continue this. ok i have no idea why a boris named psycho applies this. what the heck kav means? i infer it doesnt mean something nice?a mafia tries to make me a woman they sell since i also heard sell names? ok why this happens to me? have they any idea that i am an engineer? ok this is really like novels? a chapter that a psycho mafia decides to stalk a lone always lone woman? since i look weak? i infer its happening like this. but i dont get why it never ends? i infer its something ego thing? that since i never reply nor look to them, they just these psycho people not being able to turn a lone woman to their mafia member with such stalk i tell about, its like they even tried to make me mentally ill, since whatever they do doesnt work, it hurts their ego and they try to continue forever that? that this shouting ork thing curses thing and labeling me as "kav" that i have no idea what the heck it means?

ok some woman hysterically shouted "hande" 10 minutes ago. is that the woman whom hires this mafia to stalk me. i cant stop thinking our family has enemies whom hires mafia to stalk me. cause i am an engineer, not any person thats any interested to be sold nor get:SSSSSSSS it looks like our family has enemies. and the hysterically shouting woman might be the enemy behind this:S ok this is really like a novel. i am tyring to understand why i were shouted ork outside, and it turns out a mafia is doing this. and maybe mafia is hired by one of our neighbours:S i dont know. this is so insane. the incidents i confront and report. but i tell whatever happens as happens.
 ok when i tell these, mama said, they must be doing this since thinking you are a weak woman. she said you look so weak so inconfident and even dumb from outside. so she said me they might be trying to make you mentally ill and or utilize you for bad purposes thinking you are a weak dumb woman. but they couldnt. and i think it hurted ego?  so they continue this ork shoutings and tyring to indignify acts and even life threatening acts? ok my daddy has had a bird hunting hobby in bird hunt seasons in sivas. if ever these psycho pe4ople try to invade our house, daddy would response nicely.

i dont any understand why i find myself inside a zombie movie like this:S

so this experience, notes of being targeted by mafia to be turned to mafia? (analogies to zombie movies is quite right:D): what is my experience.
hmm they call you some labels and try to label you like that in their outside stalk so that its like, calling you like that to make you like that. there is a very high continous cursing/hatred shgoutings like, e.g. i dont know what kav means but visibly they try to make me a kav? e.g. they do tthis like that, when you go to a shopping   center, a woman follows and shouts with hatred "Kav! obey to us!". so they for woman they target to try to turn to mafia, their head hunting method (like head hunter businesses in normal business life), stalks the woman they want to turn to mafia every where she goes and tries to call her with label they want to assign to her. this is notes from a woman whom is targeted by mafia like that stalk. i dont any know why this happens to me:S it executes like this for 3 years after i started to build startup. but when i told this to mama (she was my therapist in phone when i get stalked, i tell her all things happens) she says, you look stupid and weak woman and a lone woman, so they think they could reach goals on you. but they could never reach. and their stalk never ends. and last time, as told, this night 1.5 hour ago, some guy shouted "with dara! kav is prey". so they kill woman whom dont reply to them? ok this is so insane, being an engineer and being stalked by mafia like this:S i just cant stop thinking we have family enemies whom hires this people to do these acts:S  ihad no idea i were stalked by mafia last 2 years. for first 2 years of stalk,. it were just, some people are shouting me ork and curses and some sentences. then 1 yuear ago, some woman shouted in subway, "guher! sell!"  then i ddnt reply nor looked. then in cafes one guy shouted "obey!" so in third year, i understood i am stalked by mafia and stalk continuyes like this. first 2 years, i thought i just only have a psycho stalker whom gets pleasure from me being called ork/curse. then third year, i get that these people might be mafia for real. and stalk persists like this. since i am not detective, i have no power to learn whom they are. as said when they stalk, i dont reply nor talk nor look i just stay calm and walk in cool way. normally i am inconfident walking outside (sicne i had social phobia little bit)   then but when i get stalked, i walk like i am king of world with my nose high, i mean i try to show them i dont care nor their stalk disturbs. but acvtually i were in trauma and but i feel safe here. i get over trauma. this is my city. this is my place. and mommy and daddy is beside. and these maniacs again see they cant disturb/stalk an engineer woman again. its so fun to win over this. that even mafia cant mess with guhu. in this 3 years of stalk i confronted, that might turned me mentally ill, i am sane :) and they could never touch me, all these psychos could have done is just like that: following/shouting sentences/shouting curse/ork word. and saying label i dont know meaning of. but they couldnt ever touch me nor do anything other than such word shoutings or following me in everywhere i go (its like they have gps. i once went to a far shopping center thats 1 hour away city, 1 hour later a woman come in phone saying boris name with some sentence. so they stalk me like as if they have GPS) ok this is an engineer woman's fight with mafia that tries to stalk her only ebcause she has no husband nor any boyfriend and is usually alone in life (cause i just like to be introvert sometimes) btu they see  they cant mess with me. even if i dont walk or stare like heather, i fight with bad people as powerful as heather yeah:) they cant mess with me. and they get so mad for that since i get from their sentences, cause last stalk setnecen were a life threatening sentence. but i am strong and they cant mess me. so this is how mafia stalks lone woman who has noone in life which seems as an easy target to mafia visibly. but since they cant reach their goals, it makes them mad and stalk me in every way possible. yeah. i also hold strength like heather. and yeah this is my report of these incidents for 3 years. they call you with labels you dont understand. and their head hunting strategy is like that visibly. but since their head hunting doesnt work, they get mad:) and stalk me even in iskenderun:D and they would get mad more:) cause they cant mess with an engineer woman :) (and who is also gonna build startups:) so they gonna get more mad and more maniac :D) (its so fun to be an actually very powerful woman, that even (most possibly hired by a jealous family enemy) mafia can not mess:D its so fun to be a very powerful woman:)  its so fun to show these psycho people that they cant actually mess with me:D they seen my middle finger with my acts this headhunters for mafia. visibly they target completely lone woman that are introvers/have no husband/bf/who are alonhe/who look inconfident.  but they see they cant mess with guhu the engineer :) ) (its so fun to show that they cant mess with me:) ) (i dont even  scare from threatening of my life:) i would just get a baseball bat for that:) and daddy is a previous had hobby of bird hunting and has a nice gun. so :) yeah. they cant mess with engineer guhu :)) (if there is a zombie movie, guhu will also could handle that.:) i am stronger than life nor movies nor else:) no psycho mafia could mess with me:) ) (they hysterically shout when they see their efforts return to zero :D ) (a woman shouted hysterically outside as if in neurotic crisis episode:D yeah nice to show them they cant actually mess with me:) )

a woman shouted "cem is syl. (Two names i heard in stalk inciedents). kav eke" so this woman is from this psycho mafia stalkers whom use kav word. she shouted 3 minutes ago.   these people impersonate people. cause htye taken some foreign name from my blog and called that name but with talking in our language to him. so they really impersonate people with even impersonating people with using their name.  so dealing with complete freaks/psychos's stalk. but as told, they cant mess with engineer guhu. and i get that this makes them mad. since a woman hysterically shouted as if in anger crisis outside shouting neuratically "hande" name. this name is one other name i constantly heard in stalk incidents. they are getting mad since they cant make me mentally ill or reach their head hunting goals. yeah. its nice to show mafia that they cant mess with guhu the engineer :)  them not being able to reach their goals, a woman hysterically shouted outside. i am a person even mafia cant mess or make mentally ill with such stalk :) ok i am quite proud of myself:))))))))))))))))))  for being such a powerful strong engineer that even mafia cant mess:D guhu the engineer, whom even mafia cant mess and so that mafia shouts hysterically outside:D  ok even mafia cant mess with me:D this might be my startup's tagline:D though anyway would take a tagline from Jean Baudrillerd:D or some other philosopher's faculty:)  these mafia like people always shout with hatred to their head hunting targets as i observe from such act done to me. it starts with ork. other curses then.. but since their head hunting dont work with me:D(i never even for once replied to their such stalk) they got mad and they shouted like they are in neurosis crisis last night outside. as told, i got that these people calls hande  and a woman outside shouted going so mad as if a patient in neurotic episode and with the most hatred voice i heard in life shouted hande. she shouted like in comedy movies where someone hates so much and shouts his/her name. i first thought hande is a separate person (hande name i heard in stalk incidents last year) i heard there is a hande named person. then i got that they might be calling me hande in another stalk incident. so this woman mad of not being able to make me "hande" whatever role it is? she shouted with madness with full anger shouting hande. yeah i am dealing stalk of such freaks/maniacs:S it looks like a mafia stalk. it looks like, these mafia like people hunt down completely lone woman who has noone. i when i dont live with mom and daddy i am such p[erson, last years i were introvert little bit so i had none neither bf/neither any husband nor friends tht are close. then as told, i am little bit social phobia, so i sometimes walk/look a degree of more inconfident in outside, so i ifner thats why i am targeted, the inconfidence in my outlook/walk, the fact of being a lone woman. but whatever they did to make mentally ill or to make a "hande"? or else? they couldnt. and this makes them really mad as i see. and that part were funny. these psychos coming beside my home to continue doing freak acts mafia stalk acts is actually kind of even if freaky, i hearing that neurosis ill like madness shouting of that psycho lady outside, i just found it funny. i definitelky felt its ncie that these people see boldly they cant mess with guhu the engineer.  i remember hande name even 3 years ago. i were wrigin a business plan to causalera startup, i were in galata lavazza cafe. some woman in outside shouted with alot hatred with shouting ork! then said thats hande. thats the first time i heard hande name and i thought it as a separate woman. in that year, i heard many times of ork and hande names aha i forgot that. then in ankara last year, in stalkj incidents, in one incident i understood they try to label me as hande. this mafia visibly works like this. they behave like this to their targets which they try to do head huinting to. they shout with anger to break the target's psychology. lots of ork/curse shoutings. with alot anger in their voice.  rightt now in outside  visibly someone from them shouted "kav" word. what the heck "kav" means? their algorithm in head hunting is like war mvoies you see: from whats applied to me in outside stalk incidents i tell: they shout hole like curses. they shout ork like curses. but they dont shout these in normal voice. its a anger filled voice. i once in spider man movie seen that its a way such anger filled tryign to scare voice is a way to break psychologioes of people. that methoid mafia applies to people they try to do head hunting to. and i understand they try to do head hunting to lonely looking/weak looking woman that looks as if they have noone. i being little bit social phobia and mom saying i look so inconfident in outside even when i walk outside, i get why i am selected as target. and from the stalk incidents other things i observed:there is constant stalk happening. everywhere you go they stalk. and i observe they give you names and thats why i hadnt understood what these psycho people are trying to say nor whether they are mafia when they do this stalk procdure to me with shouting ork then saying something with hande name. i thought hande is a separate person. in one incident half year ago, i understood they call hande to me:S another name they might be saying is "tugra"./ or its really a se4parate person. in one stalk incident they again applied this shouting with hatred loud voice such ork like word with saying also tugra. once i went to park in ankara to walk (there are nice parks in ankara), a woman and a guy were walkign and woman shouting "tugra sleep!" then i said whom the fuck is tugra. i just continued doing my sport and ddnt cared. but as said, in recent  tugra incident, they shouted tugra asi if saying to me. so really tugra might not be a separate person but one of the names they try to label me:SSSSS (i know this is a freaky situation to be targeted by such maniacs:S but i am over trauma of it:) even if psyho shouted kav outside, i dont feel any stress i am over trauma of this stalk i confront). so this mafia people's head hunting method to woman they target is like this: they shout some words like ork or else with a very elevated angry voice. then they give labels to them. then constantly stalk in outside like this. but i dont understand why this mafia whom targets me thinking i am a possible target? (since i look weak?) for 3 years? they must had understood i am not weak nor that they cant reach their targets. i mean i dont get the stupidity of this mafia which stalks meS: cause its visible i am not any weak person that they could do head hunting to. and they could never ever touched me ever and just only they do is like, following everywhere you go and doing this ork shouting, this curse thing and elevated angry voice shouting. and a kav word shouting with again a very elevated angry voice. i dont know what the fuck kav means either:S but these are this mafia's head hunting methods as i observe. and another method, hmm, they come and sit beside your desk in cafes (To another desk) saying "obey!". this is one thing they also do. and the role they want to assign to you, they do gaslighting/assigning it  that they shout you such label outside. i infer thats another psychological breaking method? to do head hunting these are things i observe mafia does:S as in my unlucky incident of being targeted to such stalk. of course i never replied nor even looked nor talked nor they coule ever touched me. (i ifner i got targeted because i am social phobia little bit that i walk too inconfident outside and i have noone i am always alone and have no bf nor husband either ) but as told they could never reached their goals. but they are still doing this trying to break psychology of target to me still. either because i broke their ego. since they couldnt head hunt me while i been seen as an easy target. or because some psycho people hires these people to do this acts to me. i mean there is no other explanation to me for why i confront this stupid bullshit acts for 3 years. i mean anyone with any little intellgnce level would understand their head hunting doestnt work against me. (maybe it works in other targets they target?) or some people hire these people to do these acts against me. so this is my report on the stalk i confront. so social phobia people are targeted by mafia as i get? the ones who are lone/who has noone? people who look very inconfident outside and who looks as if they have noone(even relatives think i am stupid due to my inconfidence looks, i been confronted words like "guher has won this award? " or "guher has won engineering dept? " i mean i really look inconfident that even people confuse me as stupid that much inconfident body languafge looks i have(i wish i fixed it to some level. but would watch Heather to learn her body languafe since she looked super confident:) i want to look super confident like her:))). but they should had understood whatever psychology breaking things they apply, it doesnt work to me.  but either these people are hired by our family's enemies, or i broke their egos with not being an easy target that none of their psychology breaking methods worked, this still continues. but so lucky i am over trauma of it. but last night i heard also one life threatening sentence. but i ddnt scared of it. either i got insensitive to trauma due to constanly being stalked by such psycho people. or its because this place is home and healed trauma. i think latter one happent. i feel safe here. cause this place is my home. the place i grew up. and my mom and daddy are beside me also:) i fee4l like the king now:) i mean i feel powerful like kings:) i am over trauma. while it felt so scary outside here, here in home i feel like i am king and feel as no a bunch of maniac mafia stalkers could mess with guhu the engineer. yepp i am really over trauma:) home heals me:) healed me:) my broken psychology:) now i see those psychos loser acts as loser acts but not as acts that make me scare. just a bunch of psycho mafia tries to mess with me. before i felt like i am inside an alfred hitckok movie. now i feel like a bunch of loser mafia psychos are trying to mess with guhu the engineer(with shouting her such sentences) and i dont neither stress nor care. i am over trauma. and now sometimes i find theiur loser acts funny. like a woman shouting like having neurosis crisis outside last night. then shouting in same tone shouting hande name. ok that were really funny. (cause i am over trauma).mad psycho woman got in to neurosis crisis since none of their psycho acts works against guhu the engineer :) ok this is now, before i felt inside an alfred hitckok movie, now i feel like a bunch of loser psycho mafia is trying to disturb an engineer who laughes to their loser acts. i am over trauma of it and actually laugh to their psychology breaking trials with elevated voice anger filled ork or alike thing shoutings or trying to head hunt methods. ok criminal people's usually iq is low. but thesde people really look like super low iqqued for not seeing their mafia head hunting methods doesnt work to an engineer. i mean they lack rationality. either they have rationality and do this since someone pays them to do this acts. (maybe a family enemy?) or they are very stupid criminals and dont get that their psychology breaking acts dont work to an engineer and that they cant mess with me.  my dad went outside since he woke up andsmokes cigarette. maybe he is also trying to get whom is outside in street that talked loudly:) nice:) i am so happy i have a dad :)and also, this home healed me:) i am really over trauma:)

ok i cant deny i day dreamt having accepted NSA job offer 3.5 years ago so that these psycho people would be dealing with them when they tagfme as a weak/lone woman to stalk:) but i am dealing fine now also either even myself:P  as told, last night a woman hysterically shouted with anger and then hgysterically shouted "hande" name. its as i got a name this mafia tries to assign. they do psychology break tactics to woman they target with such anger shoutings. this time it were funny alot:D i feel like even if i dont walk like confident like Heather since i were social phobia (i am little bit more excited than other people usually. ) but i am confident like her and strong as her (yeah she is my role model (since she is a super cool movie character:))and this incident made me stronger and i might even got over social phobia i think. i had some degree of social phobia before.cause as told, i have more brain hormones than other people as once went to psycholog, the psycholog labeled me as very intellgnt and said i just have more brain hormones than other people. i wish this incidents worked as to make me win over social phobia and create a profound self confidence.(ok my role model is Heather in that movie in that, since she is super cool). for all 3 years trauma, for all this 3 years of mafia trying to take me as a weak target and doing trying to do head hunting and doing psychology breaking tactics against, i laughed last day:D when a woman shouted like she is in neurosis episode (she screamed with anger) then she screamed with anger "hande" name. now here at home i feel healed and i feel like king. even if one guy in streets shouted "with dara(its a very big knife that butchers use to cut meat). kav is our prey". i didnt even for a milisecond scared. i dont scare now. for 3 years i felt like i am in an alfred hitckok movie. now i dont scare of this loser mafia whom tries to target an engineer woman. if they have dara's to make target lone looking weak looking woman, i have my intellgnce against and non breakable psychology against them and also my daddy whom has a gun in house (who were a grouse hunter as a hobby years before in grouse hunting season).  now i dont even for a miliseocond scare when this loser mafia tries to do psychology break tactics to a woman they target. in my report here, i reported which tactics they apply to do target lone looking weak looking woman.  they just dont get i am not weak. 3 years they shout me ork or hole curse with elevated voice of anger and do that tactics i report to break the psychology of the target woman they stalk/target, but none works. i infer that breaks their ego. ok for the first time i laughed to this situation seeing how loser they are. before i never felt they are losers. i before felt as if i am a target inside an alfred hitckok movie. this time, here i get over trauma and my assesment of situation has been a stronger one non traumatic one. now its not any an alfred hitckok movie anymore. now i feel strong not as like an alftred hitkok movie victim thats targeted. (i am over trauma) and they are now in my eyes (before they were psychos from alfred hitckok movies) a bunch of loser mafia psychos whom cant mess with me with their such loser psychology break tactics that tactics to try to break the psychology of woman they target. now its not any more an alfred hitckok movie. now they are not powrful psychos whom resemble alfred hitckok psytchos. now they are a bunch of loser psycho mafia whom tries to target me that can not mess with me with tehiur head hunting way of psychology breaking tactics they apply to woman they target as i observe as being applied to me for 3 years but it never works out whatever they do. i am over trauma for real for confronting psychology break tactics of psycho people. they never been able to reach their goals and i see it makes them mad. as i saw a woman shouted with a huge anger like in a neurosis episode and with same anger screamed "hande" name with like a war scream with huge hatred. before i would had scared thinking alfred hitckok movie psychos tries to target a lone looking weak looking woman, now i laughed to the loser psycho woman. (as told, these people uses hande name i thought she is a separate person from them. in one incident i get that they try to label me as "hande". as told these people do have a various spectrum of psychology breaking tactics to the target woman they select to try to break psychology of. all centered with shouting with anger to the woman in street and stalking. but none works to an engineer woman. alfred hitckok movie is over. i dont any feel like a target inside an alfred hitckok movie. i am over trauma. and lauygh to these psychology breaking tactics of this loser psycho people against an engineer woman. ) (ok adding to my talent set in life: having power to deal with psycho mafia whom tries to target me thinking i am a weak lone woman they can target) (they got mad since they cant reach their goals and shout like if they are in neurosis episode (they get mad of anger and shout with anger as i observed last night.)) nice. so nice. its nice to show to mafia that they cant break psychology of woman that they target. for the first time i smilde/laughed  at home in my room  when i confront their psychologyu break tactics(a woman shouted like that). i laughed to those psycho losers acts for the first time and it looks now a buncvh of loser psychos to me not alfred hitckok psychos. i dont feel any inside trauma or being inside an alfred hitckok universse/movie.  i infer these people's main tactic is shouting with anger elevated anger voice with ork or other things to woman they target. they shout things like "fukara" (meaning very poor) (i guess since i dont like to invest in my clothes ? or its just another tactic, "ork" (the main thing i been shouted), sometimes "hole" like curse, adn they do this shouting things with hatred/elevated hatred/anger voice. i now get that as i remember from spider man mvie, its a psychology break tactic, trying to make the target feel weak. i were asking why some p[eopl;e shout me ork with very angry voice 3 years ago. i understood its a psychology break tactic. and they get mad for since they cant reach their goals. a person a woman really shouted lioke in anger crisis last night outside also saying hande word. or were it from our neighbours? (i dont think so) (our neighbouors are arabic people. could they be arabic people whom tries to do such acts due to identity politics or jealousy?  i dont think its neighbours since they look very nice people. must have shouting came from street. its not from neighbours). okwhatever they do, whatever they try to do, they cant reach their goals. and its nice:)  for all these 3 years of trauma creating acts i see observe applied to me, i said i wanted justice right? hearing a woman (i understand is a person from them since shouted hande word) shouting madly like in neurosis crisis felt like they are getting mad because whatever psychology break tactics they apply, it doesnt work. these people coming with loser acts and reaching nothing and shouting like in neurosis due to that, that felt like justice, they get so angry that they shout with mad like anger (like in neurosis crisis). Yeah i wanted justice right? Making them mad of anger, definitely felt like justice. making them shout with anger since whatever shit they do, their psychology break tactics dont any work. and they get mad to it. and that felt like justice to me last day. that making them see whatever shit psycohologuy breaking tactics they apply against me, it just doesnt work. and that felt like justice to me. for the first time i confront their psychology break tactics, fior the first time i laughed to this loser acts. or when the guy shouted "with dara! kav is our prey" outside, i laughed to their loser act again. these losers trying to do target an engineer woman. so whatever they try to do dont work:)  (i guess i were targeted cause i look like alone/with noone and i look so inconfident (cause as told i have some degree of social phobia, but i might be over it)). so if ever the psycho whom threatens to butcher me with dara (i know from stalk incidents they say kav to me, i dont know what kav means, i infer its the role they want to assign me if they could had broken my psychology in their headhunting and tyring to make me "kav" effort (for whatever kav means. i have no fucking idea what "kav" means) ) tries to invade our house with dara, as told, daddy would response nicely. daddy were as a hobby in grouse season were a  grouse hunter.  so its really like a zombie moive. but i see i can survice in zombie movie and it while it were before a horror mvie, its like a comedy movie atmost a comedy zombie movie to me now. since i am over trauma of it. as told, in one stalk incident, a woman again "shouted with very high elevated angry voice saying kav! and shouted "obey!" so in that incident i innfer they tell a kav label. and i infer this mafia head hunters try to head hunt with like that. they shout label they want to assign to after some phase of stalk with shouting ork/hole words. they applyt his psychology break tactics in some methodology. they first shout with very elevated anger voice "ork/hole". then when none of their efforts work to make the target's psychology break, they this time shout with a label they try to assign to. they changed strategy with calling labels and also ork/hole. but as told, none of their tactics/strategies work against an engineer woman. and seeing them shout like mad in anger like in neurosis (since they cant reach their sick goals with their sick psychology break effort)  it felt like justice. it fels like now a comedy movie to me tyhat they do like losers follow me and try to do psychology break tactics to me. it feels like, now its not a zombie movie but a comedy zombie movie where the zombies turn ill with anger due to hunger they feel to weak looking woman that they apply their stalk/targeting to. but they shout with anger since they cant reach their goals. its happy to show them whatever shit psychology break tactic they apply to me, its so feels justice to make them see it doesnt work. before it feels like i am in a zombie movie, now it feels like a comedy zombie movie where a bunch of psycho mafia tries to target a weak looking woman. i said i wanted justice. i now i feel like i found justice. the feeling of showing them whatever shit they do doesnt work feels like justice:)    like that movie, if you are strong enough in front of injustice, you find justice in some time. now before it looked zombie movie, it looks like a comedy zombie movie where psychos force their voice like neurosis shouting. they invest alot effort to break my psychology and justice part is, seeing all their effort goes to waste:) and seeing this makes them mad part is justice. cause the woman whom shouted outside last night were really angry:D that made felt like finding a kind of justice. I mean, they must invest some money to come here to stalk and all it goes to waste, all 3 years following stalking a woman for visibly bad purposes goes to waste, and this part feels like justice:) that whatever shit psychology break tactic they apply, making see them it doesnt work against guhu (let me call some bulletproof person:) of strength:)) and making them understand that feels like kind of justice:D  i mean if some psychopaths have an agenda of breaking down guhu for to reach bad purposes (like making her mafia member?) showing them they CAN NOT feels so good:) i got stalked as if they have GPS. so they really invested tonnes of effort to guhu stalking operation for to reach some goals visibly, but making them see that they can not feels lots of justice and feels very good:D i made them they can not reach any goal against an engineer woman:) last time i went to city center in a cafe a guy loudly talked "Boris get over" the guy whom him called Boris said "hole is mine". so this psycho is fixated in making me a hole or something? i show to this psycho he can not reach such goal and it feels so justice. cause this psycho stalks me like this for 3 years and showing him he can not, feels some feeling undefineable:) it feels so good and it feels as justice. to show this psycho mafia people that they can not mess with an engineer woman. feels amazing:) they truely invest lots of effort to this stalk thing:D and all goes to waste:D and that part feels alot justice:D that making them see that their effort goes to waste (the effort of trying to break psychology of with that tactic of shouting very angry voice ork or hole like things:D ) its like, 3 years ago, i went to outside to kadikoy for either some paper task or alike, i rested in a cafe to drink cafe and 10 minutes later, 2 guys sat and talked Boris name. then also they called Serra name (not my cousin, not any related, this Serra name is common here so not any realted to cousin). i newly understood, Serra is one of the names they try to call me. like Hande. they stalk like this. they stalk like if they have GPS. e.g. once i went to a shopping center very far away place, 1 hour later a woman with phone passed through one shop i and mom shopped saying Boris names and some sentences. so they really stalk like if they have GPS. but all that effort, all this goes to waste, and making these psychos see that feels quite justice:)   making see them that i am a strong woman they can not mess with feels like justice. whatever they did to break my p[sychogloy, i am bullet proof, i am super strong. and whatever shit psychology break tactic they apply against, it just simply doesnt work. and this feels quite alot like justice:) some times showing bad people they can not break down people for to reach bad goals is also justice. sometimes staying strong and never breaking down and showing they can not break down is also justice. now i dont feel like lack of justice. now i feel like i found justice. sometimes justice is us,we. when we confront injustice like a mafia trying to break our psychology/stalk like that (since they thought we are easy targets sincve either we look weak (e.g. due to social phobia/inconfident) or since we look alone) and but at times during such period, it feels complete injustice, i just asked justice all during that time frame which i get shouted ork or hole with such psychology break tactics of angry elevated voice and all the stalk of stalking me everytime i go outside some place like shopping or else. i always asked justice. noiw i feel i am justice. these psycho shits see they can not mess with an engineer woman. and see that whatever shit psychology break effort they apply, just that it doesnt work, just letting them see that feels quite like justice:) no more searchign for justice:) sometimes just staying strong/not collapsing/staying strong against bad people is also justice:) i search justice no more:) cause i am justice:) i show this bvuncvh of psycho mafia that they can not mess with a single woman with their psychology break tactics. and make them see all their efforts goes to waste:D and it feels like justice:) yeah. guhu against mafia. guhu shows justice to mafia with showing they cant break down a strong woman with trying to break down her psychology with such angry voice shouting tactics etc. it feels awesome to make them see they can not break down me. like in that cyber punk movie, like woman whom fights with all evil says i am justice, i felt similar like. sometimes makign mafia seeing they cant reach their goals is also justice:D so this mafia saw they can not do this to engineer woman as they target to stalk with such acts of psychology breaking tactics with an intense degree of such stalk in cafes/in outside, they see they can not reach their goals. maybe they break psychology of other woman?:SSSSSS. but it doesnt work to me. and making them see that feels justice. making them see that we woman arent weak nor they could break lone looking weak looking woman with such elevated voice shoutings of ork/hole and constant stalk outside like that.  i feel like i found justice. i am justice:) i show them they can not break me down for to reach their evil goals. while they apply psychology break tactics to a lone weak looking woman, i make them see it doenst work that their plans doesnt work.  (that i saw they apply a mafia head hunting process to lone looking weak looking woman as i observe that is applied against me. with such elevated voice of shoutings to make target feel so vulnerale/lost to break down their psychology. they have algorithms i get as, some methods like shouting with very hatred filled/angry voice in outside to the target they select as target. they do shout "fukara/ork/hole " things. with very elevated voice with stalking the woman in outside and shouting this.   but all that doesnt worked out. they switched to other tactics as shouting a label "kav" that i have no fucking idea what it means. but i made them see also that tactic doesnt also work. so i feel like i am justice. i show these losers they can not mess with an engineer woman for to reach evil goals. yeppp. whomnever tihs posycho mafia Boris is, sees hecant win his goal of making guhu a hole. he definitely sees he can not reach his sick goals:) and it feels like justice:)  i feel so happy on this topic. for making psycho mafia people that they cant not turn a weak looking lone looking engineer woman to hole they wabnt to utilize as a hole as i infer?. i am justice. they see they can not reach their goals with after all invested stalkj effort of 3 years and it never worked, whatever shit pshchology breakign tactic applied, it never works so this feels like justice, making them see that they can not:D all their effort gone to waste:D and that feels like justice:) being bulletproof/very powerful against bad people whom visibly has very bad goals, it feels like justice. whatever shit tactic of psychology break tactic they apply against me, it just simply doesnt work:D and bveing bullet proof being strong against bad people feels like justice:) seeing these people go mad with anger and coming beside our houise's streets and shouting like if is in a neurosis episode (anger crisis) seeing that is like justice. seeing them shouting like hungry zombies whom casnt reach their goals is like justice. making them mad of anger is justice:D specifically the moment oif seegin that person who shouts as if in neuroisis crisis due to anger in outside feels quite justice. the zombie is so angry since can not reach goals. so shouts like in neurosis episode:D it definitely felt like justice. seeing that helpnessness of mafia for not being able to reach their goals:D making them see that they can not reach their goals feels a lot justice:D that they shout as if in neuroris episode due to anger against me:D it definitely feels justice:DDDDDD seeibng that one stalker psycho shouting like as if in neurosis episode of anger, that moment i said to myself i found justice. making them see they cant reach their goals is justice i thought. i am justice i thought. with making them see they cant reach any of their goals after 3 years of stalk, as their all effort goes to waste, they shout like in neurosis episode with mad of anger:D and seeing that feels quite justice:D i nolonger search justice. i found it. seeing that their hopeless state of seeing they cant reach their goals and shouting like in neurosis episode (as mad of anger since they see they cant reasch their goals) that moment were super justice moment. seeing them shouting hopelessly with anger/mad of anger since they spent 3 years to stalk me, but none of it works:D their 3 years of stalk hadnt worked out. and they also realize that and get mad of anger and shout like if they are in neurosis episode.  since i saw that, since i made them see they can not reach their goals,  it feels quite justice:D they hopelessly shout like zombies since they cant reach goal after 3 years of stalking me. so i get their goal is to make me a hole? i show them they can not. and it makes them crazy and they shout like angry zombies in a hopeless state of lacking brain and trying to make an engineer woman a hole:D and stalkign ehr 3 years for such goal and since they never could ever reach, they are mad, they are angry of mad, they are so hopless of anger, shouting with like neurosis episode:D and it feels so happy/justice to make them realize that. that they cant reach their goals. in this stalk i never even for once looked to them nor talked nor replied to. and it must be making them super angry. and now i am over trauma of this process i confronted of beuing shouted many times of ork/hole during this following/stalk, now since4 i am over trauma, it feels like a zombie comedy movie to me now. its not any more an alfred hitckok movie or horrorful zombie movie. its a comedy movie now. :) )



yayyy writing business plan :) of reti game:) its first paragraph goes as: i would fix it its newly written:)

Problem Summary

In desktop games arena, people have the perception that high performance games needs to be installed to personal pcs so the gamer has no mobilization for gaming environment. While streaming technologies are on the rise of adoption that would enable users their games of choice to play from their browsers, for massive multiplayer games, their solution design does not fully support integration with game servers. In the rise of free to play massive multiplayer games, we would like to create a full web gl solution that is neither full streaming nor static as a installation requiring desktop game.

As the users are moving to subscription based models in tech, the streaming technologies would be the new Netflix in gaming. But the streaming technologies are very early and their minimum network requirements are not equally cheap in the entire globe with respect to buying power and also, to restate they don’t currently fully support massive multiplayer online games.

While streaming technologies carry full graphics processing to cloud, there is also other tech sets that specifically create immersed AR/VR environments tend to carry their own processing power at client/device level instead of cloud services. Having processing power at client level instead of at cloud level provides faster interaction in immersed environments. We are expecting to see their fusion also, that VR/AR toolsets utilizing both client level and server level rendering be executed. But we are sure that streaming tech is not the ultimate tech to solve all rendering requirements of gaming tech.

In our first full webgl game, we would like to provide a very high quality & high performant massive multiplayer game thats available to/playable in both desktop browsers and VR/AR devices clients.

my previous causalera startup's definition were :) :

Causalera (abondoned project:P)
Intelligent Recommendation and Personalization Services provider for SMBs, online education firms, news firms, online retailers with A/B testing on online and offline streams

In the spectrum of personalization and recommendation services, causalera would like to provide excellence with easy to use portable modules in platform provider services for SMBs (e.g. Magento, Shopify) . Secondly, mobile apps/games developers would be provided advanced personalization&specific data mining services with easy to integrate APIs. In addition to those usual use case of recommendation services for news sites/e-commerce firms, online education services are in our radar to build new innovative ways in to provide a benchmark of automated recommendation services. ASR and conversational UI for content or case based recommendations are not only targetted for mobile/tablet/desktop platforms but also for KIOSKs and any device with Wi-fi availability.
Endpoint APIs provide streams of top n product/article/topic recommendations based on collabrative filtering / neighbouring algorithms with Matrix Factorization / SVD / unsupervised autoencoders based (neural network) indexings. The rich algorithm stack also includes merged content and collobrative filtering. For click-through-rate data mining purposes, latest factorization methods are employed for click log data analysis. For case based recommendation services, chatbots are employed in exploring the knowledge base of user's requirements. The product is providing collobrative/content filtering based on user's implicit/explicit ratings/comments/shared pictures/contextual data.
The system supports tracking trends in items, user's behavioral biases and time based biases for implicit/explicit ratings in subset of provided algorithms with built-in modules. The built user profile is not only used for top-n listing services but also for providing personalized in-site search experience with attaining to new & standard IR methodologies.



yayyy i am a good founder right? since i couldnt founded mostly answer is no:P  due to problems i couldnt init causalera(since i ddnt liked coding data server product alot actually, but liked learning about machine learning awhile while trying to build it and also liked learning about golang )  and i were also not quite excited about my product either.(i said i am not a person to build a data center solution to myself in the end, since it ddnt excited me alot, just klocs of just code, nope i said. wernt excited to my proiduct alot. and but learnt that i were just only excited in causalera to building a startup, not to creating a product i like. it were just an excitement to build my own company. so i learnt that its impossible to build a product that i am not quite alot enthusiastic about. cause motivation to buildng ends in some time in that case. i mean maybe this is possible but if the building time ddnt took lots of time and so i mean with little motivation, the product needs to be not so complex. carryign motivation through out building a startup, thats the main thign of it if its a saas services startup as i see.  then i tried blockchain and designed a big change to blockchain but couldnt be sure of security of that(it made a new mechanism of distributed signature checking so that transactions get instantly verified instead of being have to be added to blocks in 10 minutes, but the possibilities of design change's security vulnerabilities made me perplexed. blockchain is secure but i did a design change to its main security layer which i couldnt be sure if is enough secure. (had created a new signature verification way that salts things :) and works to change the number theoric wise equations parameters to be unpredictable in a distributed fashion, so a signature is verified by n many distributed wallets but none would know whose signature is verified. all by number theory wise methods as actual methods:) just changing signature in ways the signature verifier parties wont have any idea whose signature they are verifying:)))))))) i now remembered it and liked it again:)  but i were lost in possible hack vulnerabilities(snce everyone recommends "do not write your own rsa algorityhm:D and it were a distributed rsa algo:D that hides even public key so noone knows whose signatures is verified when:D but the thing is that suggestion is so real that whilst designign it to make it secure, it felt so stressing since that suggestion is really real, i mean its very risky to write your own rsa algorithm:) i modified the original one to hide public key and private key and still mkaking signature checking valid, but couldnt be sure if its secure still (due to suggestion) and also had problems that were still need to be solved in making public key not knowable. but i wish i hadnt lost my notes. , but may i return to this project again once a while, sincer the idea is really nice:) i might have grsa:D (guhu's rsa:DDDDD or guhrsa:D :P ok i listened advice of dont write your own rsa so bad :P its not possible to not listen since world is full of hackers which scared me:) (since changing rsa is really risky thing, i heard thgat everyone who changed rsa got hacked) (everyone says dont ever change how rsa works or never write your own security algorithms they told, so i hadnt had courage to continue, but would someitme work on it to continue and really create distributed rsa:) so that blockchain doesnt need to wait 10 minutes to verify transactions.  transactions get verified instantly from all lgihtweight wallets of users and blockchain becomes the db component. but haivng a transaction be surely added to blockchain db isnot possible, we would need some mechanisms to handle that i infer, maybe with a new coin type that also haves modified blockchain i dont know its alot complex solution to me, that parts need to be designed yet. but maybe adding to blockchain and recheckiong transactinoi validitiy in 10 minutes is also a good thing. since whilst transactions might be instantly verified it would be like a backend process that cancels the operation of contracts after 10 minutes. but the instant verification would enable a faster transaction verification whcih would make users more happy?   but the main risk that made me pause the project is the saying of people that never ever modify RSA :D i modified the algo of it in my design:D then i scared and left project due to that. since scared that my modified RSA might got hacked even if i design it to be secure but i am not any security expert, its the first time i learnt RSA and studied number theory first ever in that time of project, not any security expert i am, so risk that modified RSA gets hacked really scared the hell out of me. main stress in that project wree that, it were due to i modified RSA:DDDDDDDD it were my ali brothers idea to have a system where users have no idea what thing they are working on right now. but bro just only said that. i told i have a blockchain project, we talked outside walking brainstorming. then i told him how blockchain project works since i had another modification idea on to protcol of it. a different distributed processing way. than that idea triggered brothers new idea. i mean actually initially i inited an idea. and told how blockchain works to bro and we talked on my idea alot. then he modifed my distibuted securyt part to his way of letting no one know what they are processding way. ssince he had no time to blockchain project that time. he gave the agenda of possible change of havbing a blockchain that works like that(he had no time to study blockchain). but i studied and learnt how blockchain works in detail and created the idea of modified RSA where its handled in a distributed fashion. so the core idea belongs to bro(that it should be a system where noone knows whats its processing). but the fine detailed idea belongs to mine of creating a distributed RSA from that. but i feel like again bro said the core idea so i feel like even distributed RSA is mine, the agenda for such security system were told by bro. i mean i had differnt way of statistically managing security in a different way.  then bro said i think best would be to do have system where noone kwnos which block or unit they are mining or else. then i had to study all things to apply such security perspective to transactions to make them distributed and that noone ever knows which transaction they are mining. ok so i shouldnt talk as if its my idea right? :P but bro just said the core agenda.  i think i shouldnt say its mine idea:P (ok thinking bro modified my idea to that, its also my idea maybe:) i were trying to control the distribution of blocks with some poisson process so that not every block is accepted. so everyone has different blocks so that size of blockchain gets limityed. i were working on such modification. from distribution of blocks part, bro told its better noone knows what he she is processing. in my rsa modification way, i think the main perspective is that(that noone knows what is he/she verifying in transaction verification part), so i infer i still cant any say its my idea:P ok so it rooted from bro's idea:) so i cant talk as if its my idea that distributed rsa thingy:P since it roots from bro's idea:P ok i have sister/brother jealousy? :D why do i wanted to bad to own the idea:D i must have kind jealous of even if little bit to my ali bro? possible:) but its little not so much:D  but since i wanted to own the idea here as i observe, i see i am kinda little bit jealous to my bro:D (the sister/brothers' jealousy in familieis:D) )  since the core agenda of such design constraint of a security system belongs to bro(as said in prev sentences). anyway. so i figure out bro and i become nice co-founders but as told i were working in worklife that time and also, i had very traumatizing life problems (a psycho mafia stalks me:S i also told to ali bro(cofoudner). i once got a job offer from Canary islands for scala coding role. i were going to go to run away from stalk of psychopaths whom targeted me since i look like an easy target since i am always alone and look kind of stupid/weak from outside. but bro said what the heck?, Canary islands is a place where they do illegal operations he said dont go ever(he told the funny sentence, if a psycho mafia stalks you here, he told Canary islands is the center of mafia, never go there to run away from mafia he said:D ) , so i stopped that job process listening bro's advise. seems to me bro hadnt took me serious alot when i told these, he thought i were trying to seek attention(i think he hadnt beleived that i am really stalked by mafia). ok i did lots of attention seeking acts in university times, so when i were really stalked by psychopaths i had problems in making them believe i am not trying to seek attention but there is actually a problem that a psycho mafia really stalks me:D there is a funny zombie movie where a zombie acoplypse starts and some residents are blind to it. it were lkie that, i tried to provew them zombies stalk me (zombies is analogy to mafia:D they tried to bite me to turn me to mafia also as i get as i analyze the sentences used in stalk incidents) and they just took it as if i am again doing an attention seeking act:D (cause i really did attention seeking acts in university times) anyway. so this story is rteally like a that zombie comedy movie:D  and i still have none idea why i got stalked by zombies:S. i still dont know why. when i told mama in phones (since she lives in another city that times) she seemed always half believing and but always saaid you look so weak from outside. they must thinked you are a weak dumb woman she said so they stalk you due to that she said she told me never stress nor care nor ever reply. in all 3 years with such stalk,  they couldnt reach any goal and just did that stalking like as if they have GPS this boris named psycho stalker and his friedns. so onlky disturbing is following/stalking, nothing else, but its very disturbign for real:S it made me entered trauma since doing that acts they also shout ork/hole with elevated angry voices:S  and they changed tactic to shouting also a kav word i dont know what the heck it means:S and they shouted "obey!" so in last year of stalk, they shouted "obey to us!" like words. so i infer they are a mafia. i never replied nor even looked to nor ever replied even for a milisecond.  i dont know what kind of psycho people they are to do such acts against me. as told, while i felt inside a zombie movie that time and i even didnt go outside last year scaring and just only staying at home, now since i am over trauma, it feels like a comedy zombie movie to me.  i had no idea that its a mafia like people set for first 2 years, i thought i just have psycho stalker whom shouts me ork or such words. then last year i get that these people must be mafia due to the words they use. since they started shouting things like "guher sell!"  and also "guher obey to us!" and they stalked me every where i go when i go outside.  i never replied nor talked. i infer this happent to me since i look a lone unprotected woman. who has noone. no bf nor husband nor that a big friendset (cause i were kind of interested to building things last years and studying at home ) anyway i am over trauma and it feels funny now since because after 3 years of such following, they could never reached any goal:) so that part feels funny:D and it feels like now a zombie comedy movie :)   i dont get why this psychos think an engineer woman would be interested to selling:SSSSSSSSS i mean it feels like i have enemies and they hire these psychos to stalk me like that. but so happy to show them they cant mess with me and its funny after their such 3 years of stalk, its so funny that they couldnt reach any of their goals :D so its a comedy genre of zombie movies:D  i wish so bad i accepted NSA guy's unofficial job offer 3.6 years ago, so that this mafia Boris whomevber is, whenever decided to stalk me outside like this way, would confront NSA :D how nice it would have been:P (it would have been a case of you tried to mess a very wrong person situation:) ok i still think i would never really have any chance to get job there and cause the guy unofficially said such thing and if i been assessed it would be seen i am not intllgnnt to work there:) i mean in the end, i woudlnt be able to get job even if i had accepted:) (since i am not any super intellgnt to work there, that guy compltly wrongly assesed me as a genius person:S  ) )



 i just couldnt continue due to that, but maybe i reinit and this time i would continue but this time again i have to restudy the RSA algo since i forgot hwo it is and my number theory study set i need to restudy but it would be nice to revise.  )  the signature is modified ina  way and its verified with also modified parameters:) that were the thing. yeah now i said why i left the proiject:D but i were burnt out of thinking possbile hack scnearios that could happen(since rsa were changed and every one says dont ever change rsa or you might get hacked due to risks you hadnt thought)  and tryign to secure system against them. so in that,. it were like,  signature verification time, noone knows whose signature it is verified:) so that transactions get verified by a distributed system that doesnt know whose signatyure its verifying:) nice idea right? :) but i were burnt out since i were also workign in worklife awhile this and as said a psycho mafia stalks me:S so i had no energy to continue the project and said lets build the game instead. but actually this blockchain project is also good, might return implementing it. but game first. or may i apply to funding for both and see whichever gets funded yepp. ) so i said lets build game since i am not a security expert and couldnt make sure if its fully possible to do a blockchain like secure product with changing blockchain's working mechanims) so in that trial being non security expert made me leave the second startup trial. my third startup trial is games as i tell about:). this time wishfully i build a company:)
)  

i tried to touch the necessity of both server/client procesisng power model. that e.g. client's processors also execute nns or other things/analysis on raw input data before sending to cloud. but thinkign streaming computing can also handle that? not in near future for ar/vr uitinsils. unless their wifi is strong enough. ok my predicrtion of subscription based services, i do find use case of processor in client still viable since lte do lte provide very high network transfer rates ? not yet right? so i do think moving all processing power of gpus/necessary cpu cycles to cloud isnt the ultimate solution in today's tech field in gaming /ar/vr area.  ok if network speeds enable much more transfer rates, streamed ar might be possible that also could interact user under 50ms. so to predict future in terms of whether all procesisng pwoer would move to cloud or not in this domain is unpredictable right now. seems as it depends to lte network's transfer capability limits. it directly depends on that. but thinking of data's volume and rate, i do think clients having cpu/gpu is also good since lte might not provide such transfer rate in near future.i analyzed fortnite's gameplay streams and found its graphics are epic. similarly Anthem i actually liked the shaders in Anthem alot. physical based rendering looks awesome in Anthem. and cartoon like shaders in Fortnite is great. i target a more Fortnite like multiplayer game. but trying to cut down the load on gpu and cpu on vertex count and leaving to cpu/gpu lesser effort.physically realistic rendering has such little bit impact. and makign the world paged lod wise loaded i would force efficient usage of cpu/gpu. in that simulacrum things would paged lodd wise loaded and destroyed also. but there should be no sluggishness in that. it should be extremely efficient. and an already complex scnee, i would try to make it lesser complex via calculating scene's light before hand in differnt cpu/gpu cycles. and would possibly create some batch produced light maps sky domes or animations instead rendering fluid dynamics:P so it would be battle of efficiently usage of gpu cpu cycles:)

ok problem summeary has been very long in reti startup's bus. plan and vr/ar webvr integration is some other phase of product not initial phase's target. (initial phase's target is desktop games)
ok also language usage is so bad:S lets first fix problem summary's language usage:S

one nice thing, my room in upstairs is too hot in afternoons. so i switched to living room and there is also air conditioner here but not even needing yet.

and the study desk is so big here not like my small study desk in my room. i think if i studied more in upstairs, i would get ill due to hot air. mom said study in living room why are you creaitng pain to yourself she said:D i were tyring to not impact their life with having my study room upstairs. but yepp now its better:)

ok my newer problem description in executive summary :) (i know my vocabulary is not great:P yet anyway this looks fine (i know vocabulary isnt great) i would go over it once more to fix sentences/grammar more...)

Problem Summary

In desktop games area, users had for long time lacked mobility of their gaming environment since the games should be installed either to personal computers or consoles. Happily, recently, barriers to mobility of gaming environments seems to be taken over via the newly hyped streaming technologies of cloud solutions and in that, they would change the way games are played with enabling users to play games of choice from any client(tv/phone/pc/tablet). While this shift of rendering power from clients to server (cloud) happens, in tandem to that, the majority of AR/VR/immersed reality technologies which are also very popular and expected to follow economies of scale patterns, are deploying processing/rendering on client side (device side). In this duality, we would like to create a massive multi player online game which solves the mobility problem with being ran on mobile web browsers and AR/VR devices.

As the subscription based models starts to become mainstream, the streaming technologies would be the new Netflix in gaming. This would make the reader of this document query for why this massive online player game is not built for streaming technology but for browsers. While streaming technologies solves the mobility problem, they are a very new technology that does not initially provide integration solutions to massive online game’s requirements. They need to integrate with game servers of different games with different implementation details of their own specific logic. There is right now no standard on standards on massive multiplayer game’s design patterns but we expect in future, such open design solutions and libraries to be available for integration of cloud and game servers. This is not only the query that made us create our solution proposal utilizing mobility with browsers. Another issue is that, the minimum network requirements of streaming technologies righ now are not equally cheap nor available in globe. We think digital dividends should be more available to globe including gaming services area so that we wish to utilize a non streaming way. Another thing that we like to do is, making our game with the very physically realistic rendering shading methods to be available on both browsers and AR/VR technologies to capture domain of WebVR which we predict to be internet of future as AR/VR toolsets scale.

ok i dont know if ar tools have processing power at client or not. should investigate that to say that sentence. ok lets check.

ok also aws hsa a multiplayer platform, which might enable easy integration to google's stadia for multiplayer massive online games. but i meant that, usually people built their game logics inside their own game servers ? Hey  wondering Fortnite runs on where?(is it custom data servers or AWS or Google or Microsoft or Oracle or IBM?)  i have no idea. ok so i should also fix that line stating massive online games share no common architecture/standards. maybe implementation might be like that, but there might be standard design from AWS.. i readf that asserment of incompatibility to current massive games froma page and i thought i could use that to verify the usage of web browser, but remembering Sumerian of AWS than i thought its not a completely correct statement cause hadnt any read about AWS's massive online game part's architect6ure yet, maybe it has easy integration patterns to Google's Stadia? (or Microsoft's new streaming platform) .
need to check sumerian awhile writing this business plan.
for cloud side, i want to utilize GCP. I also like AWS but for my hobby project trials i always used GCP and  wnt to have this game in GCP. I have had no chance to try Azure, but it also looks to host ncie big data processing platforms alike all 3(i think both GCP/AWS/Azure are great, sionce i know already AWS(from worklife), i now want to learn more about GCP. and i wonder specifically big query service alot.  ). IBM looked quite differnt and might serve differnt paradigms even(curious to learn more about), hadnt had a nice trhoughout visit of IBM's cloud services yet. Oracle, i had no chance to check yet.







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ok its cute to see some thing in some place nowcant lie:D but i am not any beautiful for real:) hey genius friend, are you silly to do this while i am not betfl:)  you must be blind :) if you think i am genius and that if it takes your attention to me, i am nt genius:P and what kind of courage/craziness it is to do share that while you arnt single:P  you seem to have lots of courage:D( liked your courage alot:)) mybe everything ended wth your sgnfcnt one that you behve like this to me? ok this totally confuses my mind. hey i am nt btfl as ur signfcnt one:D whts hppngn i dnt get:P. you gt intrst to nerd people:) or is it bcse my sad story of being stlkd my mafia ? ok but i m truely nt any btfl as ur sgnfcnt other:) you are mch mre bttr/btfl then me i am an unbtfl hobbit :P  i dnt any get how you do these acts:D ok i liked ur courage:) your courage is at crzy level and i dfntly liked:P this makes me defntly changed my mind on breaking rules i set to my self and i decided to be present:) cause mybe jst evrythng alrdy ended with ur sgnfcnt other?ok if you need me i wld be prsent :) but only if you be single:)

if you change my mind and stop its also ok:) jsut let it be known i be present(exist) :) and you cn chnge ur mind everytime of course:D (ok i also break the rules i set to myself:)  i also be courageous then:)  ) (but for us to exist you need to be single:P) (but i am nt any btfl as ur sgnfcnt other:) i am not worth leavng her:P but, yeah since you bhvd like this :) i also break prohibitions i set to myself in tht and say that i am present:) but you can change your mind anytime and leave this of course:) (i would get it cause i m relly nt btfl:P) (so let it be known my hand exists if you need my hand:) ) (but you cn also change your decision and leave anytime you like)
 (so i wld wait you to be single for us to exist:) but if you change your mind anytime its also dfntly ok (i mean if you stop wntng us to exist anytime,its also ok. You dnt hve to feel rspnsble to ours ths hdden commcntn since i said i wld wait you:) you cld chnge your mind anytime of course :) (i would get tht since i m nt cool:P) )



 so this is manifestation to you that i am present:) i am present and wld wait you to be single for us to exist:) (but as told you could chnge ur mind anytime:))



---- (ok maybe you dnt do these acts for me but i misunderstand you? thts also possible? i have no idea whats going on:) but i shared my words in case you like me:) )


--- sometime i would understand if you like me or not really :) ok lets it be like this: i would wait you and if you be single then we could exist if u want:) and but you can change your mind anytime if you decide to dislike me. just i be present if only you like to be present(exist):) (would wait you to be single:P i would wait you :) and of course its ok if you stop being interested to me:) )
---maybe you never liked me and i misunderstood some share :) anyway it would be visible in time to me whats going on:)

--- ok maybe you could send me some flowers:P but my address is unknown right:) hmm but if i write here everyone sees:D(dont want other people to see my adress so i wnt share publicly:P)  but asking for real flowers seems unfair when you arent single:P  ok i would wait for you to be single first for asking for real flowers if you like me:) and i dont know if you like me or not:) i get that it would be visible in time:) i also have projects to build awhile in this empty time in iskenderun home. ok so let it be known i am present if you ask me to exist in your universe? i have no idea if that were to me:)  or if it were just written in friendly tone? but seeing flowers second time, made me think maybe you really like me:) (cause i said i would want flowers:P ) or maybe you are joking/fooling :P? i dpont know whats goingon:) ok i wont be in social media for a while, but as told, i would wait for you to be single:) of course you could start disliking me anytime:) since we ddnt started:) i still dont get how i took your attntion:) i am not any btfl tht is any cool as you:P(your significant other is much more betfl than me:))  but i liked our communication and i liked your acts:) so i would wait you to be single:) but as said, you could start dislikng me anytime since we ddnt started:) (dont ever know if you like me or not:P) (so you shouldnt think i dont exist anymore if you wnt me to exist:P i exist from now on but in waiting state to you to be single for us to exist:P but if you stop liking me its also ok since we ddnt started any serious rltnshp yet:P (its also ok if you dislike me in a relationship and leave since this happens in life i mean its how relationships are) so please feel free to do apply any choice and dpont feel responsiblty to me since we hadnt started any reltnshp:P





 (that cute puppies fb posts were it really from you? or people impersonating you did that acts? i really dont know:P  i were in love to someone else that time:P(that i forgot cmpltly) ) (hey it were so cute act i would say (if it were from you :)) )  (if we start to exist in future, lets adopt such puppy (arent pugs really so cute:) ) ? (i still cant believe you try to win my heart:) since you are 1000x cooler than me:) ) (i dnt deserve you but also would be alot happy if we exist:) (when you are a single) and we could adopt a pug if we exist in future?(if only you like puppies/pugs? if you dnt like pets thn wnt askng for sch thng :))   i would wait you :) )   ( and its of course ok if you dnt decide tht we(a rltnship between us) exist, i mean its ok if you dislike me anytime...)





 (ps: or maybe you never liked me and that posts were from people impersonating you. i dont know whats going on:))  (i understand in time as i infer what is going on :) as told,  i would wait you :)(since i liked alot the idea of that that we(a rltnship) exist:)) but of course you could stop liking me anytime and u cld decide tht we(our reltnship) wont exist.  i dnt know whts going on :)) (i would wait for you to be single for us to exist :) ) (of course you could decide any decision on that if you stop liking me)












now coming to worklife topic. there were no worklife today:D my mom had guests so i helped her. then left aunts to their home and swam little bit there maybe half hour but waves were very high so i left(i actually ddnt wnted to go there and work at home instad but daddy were  busy so i left them to their home and said why dont i take my swim suit and swim there while having gone there)  . then came to home. and did sports since i observed i had developed fat. (ok iskenderun meals impact:S so i added some silly type of sports of walking up stairs in home since there is a lot and it takes lots of calories fastly. walking just burns calories in a slower way and my sports bike is in istanbul home)











---- ok its now study time and lets complete the business plan then continue coding game thing









ok today i worked on business plan little bit and searching investing platforms a little bit for seed funding phase:) i listened only one podcast yet but it were a podcast were helpful and funny in the sense i today asked co-founder request to a person i applied as remote jobs :D but i get wernt interested to gaming sector. (i wanted to start business fast:D like the podcast i listened had such part in that in raising money part) ok but hgadnt said no yet:) but i would want the startup  not in that CEO's residency place if replies.
ok i defntly followed a similar approach (of course i have no such expertise like the podcast talker just only in one this specific case of raising money to startup) in podcast i listened today in raising money. raising as much as i can approach. but i see that best is SAFE type of funding.




i liked alot wefunder and ifundwoman and previously also liked seedinvest platform's interfaces.


ok i think i would get SAFE type of funding for 20K like thign so that i buy a higher pc(since coding a game, need to install blender and have it run fastly) and arrange further costs.  i wish Y combinator applications arent late. they give 150K in SAFE type of funding:D (its great init for a startup:D) but it starts in september but i need to start early. i think then 20k  thingy with SAFE type of funding i would try. or maybe crowdfunding devices.




ok so moving to living room really increased my performance:)  ok then too much hot air makes me lazier than my usual self:) this living room is always in nice temperatures. 


since i were scared the hell since my right arm's under part got felt weird (that thing happens when you get infection) but only my right arm. not the left arm. since i have a fibro adenom in my right breast, i get in to psychology of whether something is wrong or not. but now my arm's under part feels better. it scared the hell out of me this day.  ok its just a fibro adenom, but it breaks my psychology. i heard that there is a very nice breast cancer hospital in Japan that has very nice interior design that doesnt look like a place where they mess with tumors. i think when i succeed to win capital/projects, my thing would be going to a hospital which doesnt look like a place where they mess with tumors:P  just it scares me too much:) even if its not benign:) my right breast has felt something is happening like last day. and scared the hell out of me. but i also scare alot from hospitals "oncology" departments:S or the word named "biopsy" :S (Since had once done to this fibro adenom and they said come every 6 months i never went ever again:P since it scares me alot:S ) so my plan to deal with that is, establishing somethings in life like building a startup then finding that specific Breast cancer hospital in Japan and freezing or making this 2cm benign tumor out of my body fully.  and i truely want no mammographies:S or people should make me anesthesize before me going in to such treatments cause even mammography scares the hell out of me.  or even simple sound based checking device now also scares me(what were its name? and last time they detected fibro adenom with it, and it hurts alot, since they do apply pressure to visualize and fibro adenoms hurt under pressure alot:S and i dont like such tests any where they say you have cancer or not:S). since i never checked later on this 2 cm tumor thingy. ok its not cancer. its just fibro adenom. but still scares alot. ok so life goals, build startup asap and create capital as fast as possible then find that hospital in Japan and freeze this benign thingy there. i want to go to a hospital where nothing of cancer is related to:S here hospitals are also very nice. but i dont want to see "oncology" label:S it scares me:S (ok i know i am a coward). everytime my adenoids under my arms get sensitive get feels like diffrnt, i feel kind of scared and specifically in this specific day when only right arm's adenoid felt like weird.

ok me not going to hospital for check resembles Steve Jobs way:P but mine isnot malign. (and i also dont any resemble Steve Jobs in intelligence wise in startups/companies side) but i dont go to hospital just because i scare. i set up before such plan to visit the hospital after i established even if little some things in life. 

ok then goals: build startup asap. and then but while building it, specifically these days while  my right arm unders adenoids feels alot weird, having good sleep matters. i read that for cancer thingies, taking enough D vitamin and good sleep matters.

ok i wish i live long enough to be able to create bioinformatics companies to handle illnesses wiser with nano technology toolsets in future. and also to try to have at least 4x more lifetimes:P we dont want mammographies in future or scary illnesses like cancer either:Sthe current version of health tech devices are so scary:SSSS and their treatment methods are also:SSSS ok i would definitey wanting so bad to create super simulatioins of human body iun future so we reprogram body/dna/rna itself to do all stuff and maybe noninvasive ways. things that could sense cancer cells and kill them e.g. so that xrays devices are a thing of past:SSS(they are also very scary things:S) i wish i would learn moleculer engineering in future and build super computers and do all these things so that cancer would be a thing of past and devices we deal with it wont be this much scary:S (i dont know how people dont scare the hell out under x ray devices:SSSSSS what if there is a software error in them? :SSSSSS i would go have panic attack under such device:SSSS so to go under them i also need to be anesthesized if i am an unlucky human and need them some time:S wishfully that never happens:S ok the tech devices in medicine area is so scary now:S  i wish nano technology happens in sometime in future in that area, and also moleculer engineering also. if i live long enough, would try to establish such goals since i myself dont like being a biological being that obeys nature laws like bodies that are prone to develop cancer. i wish i were born in an era where we have much more higher tech level in medicine area:S in where illnesses are not any prioblem any more and everything is cured with nanotech/moleculer engineering. i try to build such project in very final project i try to build (that bioinformatics project i dream of, the super computers based human body simulations and related nanotech /moleculer engineering accrding to such simulations....) cause being biological is unfair:S if i had a chance i would get born 100 or 400 years later and would live in such future.  but would try to make that happen since this biopsy operation i had 3.5 years ago made me wanted to build such projects in very long future. i always wanted to build startups, but i want to eradicate things like biopsy or other things i mentioned. the level of tech we have now in medicine area i believe would progress alot in future and current versions of medical devices are super scary:SSSSS the way they work is super scary:S take instance mammography thing:S i would want anesthsy befopre ever having it. and the result is also scary:S i mean in the end of it, they say you have cancer or not:S thats also a very existential problem. the capability set level of tech in medicine area in our current level in Anthropocene is not ok:S  why dont we have rooms we enter that doenst sends rays which might mutate even our healthy dna :S and just get some things to our blood that cures us or some material than gets in to our body from our pores in our skin that intelligently treats us whatever problem it is. e.g. personalized dna checker nano tech that travels our every cell to noninvasively check if that dna is broken or not. and try to break necessarily enough with repariign things and also killing cells that are redundant like tumor and fixing some part of tumor cells?  i would wanted such rooms which we enter which also have nicve inner atmosphere that heals whatever wrong in our bnodies in such nano level/dna level... that a super computer handles that data. why not this happens: some non invasive thing selects/delinates cells which are problematic with some sign then later anbother thing that we take in our blood to our body goes and fixes the problem that is located via the room's visualization tools that could capture that sign? but not like invasive methods that also might broke healthy cells (like our current tech capabiluty in that). and also have much higher sight power than current medicine techsets. why this feels doable to me ? i do find it doable? why not?  and we could also things which reprogrammes dna with that as next step, so we become immortal beings? why not? that also feels doable to me? all depends on capability level in moleculer engineering/nanotechnology and also capability level in super computers. i do find such projects doable/feasible. why not? i dont get why its nto possible if people would say its impossble?   for super computers part, i depend on my ali bro's algorthms, foir necessary integration of various areas of knowledge part(e.g. learning about moleculer engineering/nanotech and integrating various areas) i depend on myself and others(siunce i can learn topics i wonder alot about to some degree that i wish would make me able to integrate diffrnt areas together to do solve problems), if we could be cofounders in future with ali brother?. ) topics i wonder, in nano meters level, in less than nano meters level, in DNA level, could such lesser than nano level device, could it somehow communicate with an outer system just to reflect its some finding? and it gets erased in 1 minute or maybe and is not any invasive.  a new puzzle to be tried to be solved. genetics engineering. after all this games hussle and  super computer building trials. i wish to see medicine area to work in nano tech level. noit with their current scary devices like mammographies or xray devices:SSSS so would work on that in future if things happen nicely tht i be succesful, and if i am lucky also. so agenda in bioinformatics projects starts with cancer cure trials in such methods and upon building that capability set, then moving to reprogramming dna part capability level to also rechange broken cancer cells to original forms and furtherly for being immortal. so we people need to store our dna/rna even from now to future's such devices i think. so that we continuesly get back to this age:) ok  dont know if this is feasible or not. but as told have such future goals cause i dont anylike haivng bornt in this era where such tech not exists yet.  )


so dealing with this benign thingy that always scare me is: just freezing it with nitrogen based things in such hospital. but if they would make me have mammography, i would have definitely anesthesy cause i just am a coward against such things:S i have phobia against such things:S  so lets build things fast and even more faster. but with enough sleep also. cause sleep means i thiunk its very iomportant like getting cancer or not. i mean it doesnt worth to sleep less to build a business cause sleep is correlated with your immunity system's strength and so, i wont take lesser time from sleep. i already have at least 12 hours study time available to me since i dont work in worklife now. and i thing its enough. i can also havee 15 hours study time. i just dont need to be awake after 24:00 or 01am.


ok moving to living room changed alot. i finally got in to building the startup mood. studying in a small room when air is also hot were defintlky a blocker to me. or maybe its because air were so hot there.



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ok as told, for the flowers:) as told,  if that were to me, i would wait :)
(ok i truely dont know if you like me or not:) maybe i misunderstood you and you dont any like me. i dont kjnow whats going on:P) (ok hmm i would not exist for a while in social media and as told, if you like me, i would wait you to be single. i dnt any deserve you fr real. ok i know i would do rhinoplasty to tlook better. but i am a silly hobbit i dnt know why you look to me if you look to me:P your significnt other is 1000x more btfl than me:P from the first time you interacted me in that indirect way (still i dont know if its really you:)) i said what? how could this very cool guy looks to me i said :) i dnt still know:) but i liked you and your acts so i would wait you:) and would in time would understand if you like me or not as i see:) still have no idea whether that fb posts were from you or not:) its truely unclear whether you like me or not:) maybe you ddnt ever liked me ever and that posts were from stranger / unrelated people. i really dnt know whts happening:) ) (but took some post as asking whether i exist or not:) then i said i want to exist:) from now on last day:) ) (though maybe you never asked me such thing:) maybe it were any unrelated to such meaning as i understood?  :) )  (mayeb you are just a friedn:) but why does a friedn shares flowers wehen i said i wanbted flowers from person i like:) ) (i still cant believe someone as cool likes you likes me? i still reallyt cnt believe:) cause you are 1000x more cooler than me:P ok as told, i like you and would wait you :) ) (but also of course you could stop liking me anytime.) (i dont any know if you like me or not:) )


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lots of thanks for the flowers paintings thingy❤ and the pugs thingy before which is alot cute❤
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(but as told, i am not any btfl person either:P ) but i liked it if it were to me:) so i would wait :) and of course maybe they wernt to me. i have time to wait :) i would build startup and have lots of things to do awhile while waiting to him get single if that flowers were  to me for such meaning. and maybe it wernt to me. ok i would wait:) since i liked the idea that starting a thing /rltnshp. but would wait him to be single. but of course he could change his mind to not wanting such thing state anytime. or maybe he were not ever interested to me ever:D i jst cnt beleive he is any intrsted to me while i am not btfl:P (i dnt feel btfl with this my crrnt nose) it still feels unblvble and that some people fooled me/impersonated him as if its him? dnt know whats going on. so i would wait:)(since i liked the idea of we dating(if he evcer becomes single and is intrsted to dtng wth me stll)  (and awhile build my startup in this 2 months time) and  yepp as told, i wuold wait him but he could of course stop liking me if he loses his interest awhile anytime (i dont even know if he is any or has been any interested to dating with me either:)) (i liked the idea of dating with him:) so i would wait:) but of course this is not a pressure to him i mean he could stop liking me anytime if he feels like tht) (ok i dont any know if he likes me either. this is so confusing to get. either he likes me or people impersonated him. i dnt know whts going on.) (and while i care someone to this level, i run away from social media places he couild show me whether he likes me or not:) so i dont specifically exist in tht social media now:)  cause its a confusing topic. maybe he never liked me and people impersonated him. so i dnt wnt to learn whthr he likes me or not from social media:) but from other things i could learn. hmm in future if he becomes single and since  i would have a startup by that time, we could communicate and if he is intersted by that time also, we could date than by that time ? i figured out such way to deal with this situation where i dont know whether if he likes me or nto and that he is not any single:P so i figured out such way:) in futre, when i have a startup, if he likes me, we could network and date also if he still likes me by that future time? (we wouldnt network ever if he doesnt likes me:P) as told awhile, while building my goals,  i would look to noone else:P(i would wait him) and i have alot duties to do also awhile like building my startup and so in future, if he becomes single and is still interested, i would be very happy to date him:) but if he is not interswted to dating but just being friends, its also ok&cool:) so my algo is as: i wait him (meaning i dont look to anyone else awhile) and awhile i also have lots of things to do, i am very busy also now, and in future (e.g. 3 months later?, if he decides to be single and still likes me, then we could date?  ) (maybe if he never liked me and i just get fooled by impersonators of him. i dont know whats going on. of course i would like to date him (he is 10000000x more cool than me:) )  (but i also dont any know if he really gt interested to me ever or if just were impersonated by people) (is it ok if i dont be in social media awhile (that where flower pictures exist?) cause i dont like to learn if someone i like likes me or not via that way:) i love social media but not for tinder purposes when if i like someone, ii dnt like learnign whthr he likes me or not from there:P so is this way ok? :) that i be busy in building my startup in this 2 months. and later, if he decides to be single and still likes me, then i would be super happy to date him:) since i like him :) is this ok? this way ok? that i be busy in building my startup for next 2 months? and if he later than that decides to become single, than we for real network and talk and date? (if he is interested by that time).  is it ok? (ok i loved that flowers thing alot:) its super cute. but forgive my this behavior, but in these topics, if i like someone alot, i dnt like learning whtr he likes me or not from such ways. i would liked the way like, that we networked in future? that we f2f meetup in a conference or such place?  or other communication way i would liked is messaghing:) i have whatsapp:) i mean i am always open to messaging also:) e.g. in whatsapp? but as he would think its not approprite to do message if he is not single. so i infer my way is nice way?:) that i be busy in building start in 2months and not be in social media and if he becomes single, and if he likes me we meetup in a conference somehow sometime?:) if he likes me he could arrange some thing some coincidence that we confront in a conference? :) and  i believe i would have abusiness by that time already:) i am really confident in this game thing:)(i would work very hard cause i have such future goals i told in very above prgrph about bioinformatics) i mean so in that by that time, if he is single  and by that time if still likes me, i would be super happy to talk to him or date him also (since he is far much better than me :) 100000000x cooler than me:) i would be super happy to date:)) is this algo ok for us? that i in awhile dont exist in where i saw flwr :) (since i dnt like cmmnctng like that for dateing purpose:P when specifaclly when if i like someone alot:)  i just like direct communication ways whn i like smbdy alot, not indirect ones. i like whatsapp or f2f talk. so if he likes me when if he decide to become single, than we could talk f2f and via whatsapp? :) )  (ok maybe he never liked me and jst people impersonated him) (i have no idea whats going on:)) (i would wait him in this period and if he decides to be single and still likes me, he could arrnge a coincidence of we meeting up in a conference or such event? or such thing or  he could talk me from whatsapp also. hey would like to ask whether if this algo is ok or not:)?  (of course along this time if he decides tht he dsnt like me, its also ok. i mean i wsh i have no such pressure like tht) yepp i wish, if he likes me, i wish he also likes my algo? :) i just couldnt find another way? cause its not ok to talk in whatsapp if he likes me but if he is not single. so is this way ok? that, if he likes me, we dnt talk but i wait him while i build my own startup/company. and by the time in future, maybe 2 or 3 mnths later or (anytime earlier than that tht he decides to be single so tht we cld start talking? we cnt start talking if he become single,  is my this idea/perspective ok? but he shld know i wait him and look to noone else. and awhile i am also busy building my own startup), and by that time if he becomes singe, if he still likes me, then  we start to talk in whatsapp or f2f .  i would be very happy to date him since he looks super cool:) and as said i like him:)  (and if he dsnt likes me, thn we wont date).  (is this algo ok:)? i pray its ok? :)  (also: if he likes me, i cld secretly talk to him in whatsapp in anytime even now:P but as a friend only. something more thn a friend could only happen btween us if only he becomes single person:P))  (ok why do i feel its not ok to talk to him in whatsapp even as a friend while he is nt single. it feels unfair/not ok. so is my algo ok? i pray its ok, that we dnt talk until he is single? :) maybe we could talk in networking events after i build my company my own as friends but somethign more than friend could happen only after if he becomes single:)) (and if he likes me, want it to be known by him that: since he is a powerful person, i wnt to let it be known, my business is compltly separate thing not any related to us :) i mean i would build my business my own without any his any type of help:) if he would liked to help, i would reject help cause i am a person with pride and i dnt like people to get their help :P  i dnt like him to get his help:) i dnt like people for such purposes:) i just liked him due to his acts whch are supr cute&kind of rmntc also:) (and i dnt know if those acts were done by him or not (by impersonators of him?)  i dont any know if he likes me or not:) have completely no idea:) but if he likes me, let it be known that, i want no help in my startup building ever:) cause i dont like any person to get his help:P i just only liked him because of his acts and cause i like him:)  (and still have no idea whether those acts were done by him or his impersonators either:) i truely have no idea whether he likes me or not:)) so is this algo ok? i pray its ok:)  )



  (ok, if he likes me and wnts to talk me he could anytime talk from whatsapp but just as friedns :)  and if he dsnt wnt to talk till he is single, its also ok:)) (and as he would also think like this as i infer, we could only be more thn friends if he becomes single :P)


(and he shld feel not any respnsblty: e.g. if he stops disliking me its ok anytime. )



 (and restating the fact that: maybe he never liked me and just people impersonated him so that i get in to idea tht he likes me while he dsnt nor ddnt ever liked me. i have no idea whats going on :) mybe he dsnt likes me nor nvr liked me either. have truely no idea whts going on:)) 



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ok i am continueing working now.  or i should sleep because night time is for sleep time. yepp i would study tomorrow morning yeppp.

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ok starting day now:) yayyy with lots of energy:) would study till 24:)

ok i think i would first create sky then apply to pitch decks cause its better to have a demo and apply :) lets build some ground and sky in this weekend and then apply in monday:) its better to apply with a demo:) i think y combinator is very best:) (since it has SAFE model:) and gives the best init :) (much more than i would need to build & scale it is:) ) ok i previously cold mailed investor firms and lets apply with a demo this time:) ok so today is ray marching time:) and scala based visual tiles creation time:) and i think i would have a basic version, where world gets loaded continously and a city with psychical based shaders and yeppp. then that might take time till mid week.

ok seeing that in pitch decks that, in game pitch decks they also want screen shots and demos, so lets add my demo:) yeppp :) so happy moment for project since i could come to ray marching time finally :) in scala yet:) lets work on it today fully and tomorrow add it in to my web page:) with some ground. lets first have world with just some dted data i downloaded before :)  so targets, a model that wanders around in some dted decorated on geoid of world and some skies that exists in 2100s. ok i need to learn blender to make my models better :)  it would be just a demo:) and i love the physical based shaders how it looks:) nice that there is no web game yet that it is used:) :D i feel as doing something very first in an area:) since the thing i do create doesnt exist yet in web browser based games :) its so fun to know both little bit shaders things and backend services thing and game engines and big data tools so i could build such thing that doesnt exist yet:) yayyy:)   its so exciting to build this product :)

ok even if its fun to write business plan for this reti startup, i leave it in the middle(to continue in mid week next week:)), seems as writing a business plan / pitch decks is easy if you have an idea that you believe it would scale easily. for to create a demo i leave business docs prep time.  (  in causalera had no such easiness in preparing my pitch deck. since it were a standard(actually were targeting non standard services :))  personalization/recommendation saas services (i had 8 or alike competitiors in that and it were SAAS domain :) so writing a pitch deck wrnt alot easy ))


ok then after demo is ready, applying to wefunder, seedinvest on wednesday:) and may i try y combinator chance but its in september and also sending business plan and demo link to investors emails i searched before in causalera. 



ok i try to recome to mental knowledge level of scattering for to do raymarching. i listened two lectures on rayleigh mie scattering and understood more. now will try to setup my own algorithm of atmospheric scatteirng onthat.  i think i also would write a gaming paper on this things i learnt and wld submit it to GDC. after this night if it finishes and works nice. shouild work nice. 


ok had thought of how to set sun light hours and zenith and such things but what about space crafts in the game, for them to carry people, they should find a way to get in to fast speeds that doesnt exceed acceleration that people cant handle. so trying to search some flight paths to space crafts in my game so that space crafts would both handle exit velocity and both slowly get in to very high speeds ? is that possible? some orbit that doesnt impose high acceleration due to central force and also finding some path in atmosphere so that velocity gets higher than current space ships velocity ? but acceleration stays in levels humans can handle? and its easy to model sky statically if people stayed in ground. but if they fly the view of sky cloud layers and air's lights color trying to setup models to them. yeppp i also think i would model same latitude for entire latitude for sun's motion in sky per 1 hours of course. so all latitudes share same sun's movement and along in orbit i model that change of sun's path maybe per 15 days or 10 days. so every same latitude has per hour's sun's rotation. and so i dont sample latitudes along same latitude cause sun's projection doesnt change that much per day so its meaningless to try to model per each sampled latitude :S how did i hadnt thoughtthat before. anyway. than so for static agents or agents with some speed, its easy to have a same sky dome implementation to them. but if the agent is a plane or space craft, how to render that dynamic scenes is my other task. so before coloring with ray marching to generate content as static as possible, should figure out an effective way to render sky to fastly moving objects and objects at differnt altitudes and objects which go over sky. how to not render them costly with ray marching done in game engine sub frames but some other ingenius way? yeppp first ever came to first graphics programming assignemtn in this project. some computer graphcis investigation time. ok its easy to do static ray marching to create sky domes. but how to do it for such high speed agent that can either change the altitude also. yeppp how to render that puffy clouds which has even that sugar like light coming from inside coloring (due to scattering ) or that extinction of light due to mie lightening and graying of clouds,  ok its easy to paint their picture to sky dome texture. but how to render them without raymarching cost in game? this is the very first computer graphics tasks i came upon so far:) all before were not computer graphcis. all before were modeling and simulation type. but now i need to show realistic clouds without ray marching. how to do that. my first computer graphics task in this game:)   so its exciting:) need to devise some shading method to clouds that i paint them without raymarching. that perlin noise like thingies as i read perlin noise looks like clouds. this is the first very most interesting puzzle i should solve in this game. all before were learnign existing knowledge about topics. now this is a puzzle to solve:)  so i figure out i would collect puzzle set that i crafted:) but this puzzle is not so much puzzles like:) so e.g. in number theory area, the puzzle i worked on crafted on were how to modify signature and public key params so that it still verifies but they become so unidentifiable parameters that noone would know what is verified:) this is first puzzle i crafted from my startup trial tasks. now comes the second puzzle but this time in computer graphics(from game startup trial): how to render the clouds with shader tech without ray marching:) e.g. you should have a perfect view of cloud with sun's position and sun light's direction in sky and you should be able to elevate fastly to clouds level and over it:)  its exciting cause this is my really first computer graphics task in this game trial. i finally came up to computer graphics tasks:) it has taken a lot time to come to computer graphcis tasks:) but finally at computer graphics tasks:)

hey for super speeds with reaction of atmosphere we could have a space craft that works with nuclear energy and traverse the world's perimeter many times getting faster and faster and everytime altering little less angle  and we might reach very fast speeds that would lessen the time to travel to planets? why dont space crafts get more faster with travelling around world? aha its because they use fuels right? if we had different forms of energy, space crafts could do become superman's behavior like:D that turns to very high speeds around world for to get out of atmosphere:)but air atmosphere's pressure would be incredible. that is the aero dynamics part to be solved. ok trying to design space crafts to game that are really fast. ok my space crafts would fly like that:) they would turn around world in that way (of course fighitng with air pressure some way and would check also coriolis effect) to get to extremely fast speeds:) so there would be paths in earth that are closed at various time points that no plane can enter (when space shuttles are thrown that around that air road)ok  changing the pitch some dynamic way to get really fast in atmosphere. but really super fast. without getting over g limits. thats already done in super fast planes i infer.i doi think with n many rounds around world, it would be possible to get extreme speeds but we need similarly very high precision pitch capabilities in that case which would be risky at all. nope this type of space craft idea is gone now since high speed that much high speed thing flying in air around world in lower atmosphere would be risky. ok so need to figure out other things for my space crafts. space time warp? :P exotic materials? :) exotic materials are my favorite:) would search both 2 topics in design of this game's space crafts:)

but i still think if there is a very small craft that uses nuclear energy boosts, it could get very fast speeds  and i do think it might be possible. so lets design such air craft in game that reaches exit velocity in using atmosphere in that way. so that we would have star wars like space crafts that goes out to space. for planets without  atmosphere, we could build space elevators:) construction in space:)  why there is no still any space elevator in world:P atmosphere ? wind? ok i need to study structure topic to figure out forces on such tall structure? since game would have it:) yeppp but first first computer graphics task and then demo. first realistical clouds generation without raytracing.

 ok how could space elevators exist ing ame:S where their material would coime from. so there should be space stations also in game. ok yeppp game scenario is getting ready:) ok maybe i should be like other games and not fixate in to try to create slightly realistic spacecrafts? that space crafts raise without adhering to escape velocity or reach very fast speeds without  taking in to considering the g impact? ok trying to design slightly pseudo scientific things in game with noin existent physics knowledge is not easy:D (i try to design pseudo scientific space crafts with my non existent physics knowledee:D should read about energy creation methods to design interesting pseudo scientific space crafts. ok i dont want my space crafts like in games that have things like there is no g force.  my space crafts would be pseudo scientific but would still have some little bits of science.

ok this brainstorming created such nice game scenario detail as: space crafts would build space elevators but should find some materials that under some chemical reaction turns to solid and should study structure topic and again physics topic to see if such designs are feasible?  ok i ddnt liked studying physics part this time:S anyway lets move all these tasks to later:S not quite intrstd to learning physics these topics. i am intersted more to computer graphics part.


ok why do i try to stay bound to reality if its a simulacrum? (Games are simulacrum, people dnt want/ dnt expect reality in games) (they come to games knowing its a simulacrum. why do i stupidly fixate to try to make it pseudo real? silly stupid i:S) ok i should stop this thing of trying to create pseudo scientific air crafts. it should have no science at all.

ok things that would be slightly -real: dted data would map with real earth  (since its not very high resolution dted data)  and sky and sun's positions etc.


things that would be completely simulacrum: how space crafts work /travel and there would be space elevators without studying whether its a feasible tech or not.  or not. i dont initially want such things in game.


ok this way of simulacrum is so uncreative way of a simulacrum. take instance fortnight, they did a creative addition to theirs simulacrum that storms looks nice.

so i see that the thing of design of a simulacrum, taking some parts real, taking some parts unreal is not an easy thing to do. ok not kidding that i am trying to create a fortnite like game:D but in webbrowser.


ok maybe i should create the simulacrum design patterns that usually gamers like to play. yepp.
maybe it should be an anthem like world. sun should look like our world but should be a differnt world? or our world with no cities that are any related to current lat long but differnt versions fo world?  and how to generate new cities names? maybe we model a cyberpunk world version where everycity is compltyly chnged.and cities would be loaded along with time. not expecting to have all cities at once.btu as told, each city would be different.  or dnt know. lets first build sky. i figure out its not that easy to decide how a simulacrum should be. hmm lets start with real earth in 2100s  but how to build cities there? or i should just generate random cntinents and cities? i think latter one is better. and planet renderer should be able to   render also real earth but game or simulacrum would pass in non real earth. yeppp. if i want a simulacrum, yepp lets  do it like that. it shouldnt be real earth. so i would need to generate names to continents and create heightmaps. yepp. this looked nicer idea to me now.having real world somehow feels not ok. so i could create planets with different atmosphere conditions and diffrent sky rendering. and  very differnt cities and it would be completely pseudo scientific also.  i would have robots that members fights against like in anthem and also like in diablo some helpers that could team. hmm. i want also natural scenes like anthem. and shading like that. yepp. 

pffff famil had guests very loud guests today so i rested watching tv awhile last 2 hours.
 

now with game soundtracks  trying to design my clouds. on paper. working on that to find how to do that without raytracing.

since my orbit model things are ready in my head. ok it wont be a skydome. or 
---------------

ok i took headaches medicine. lets start day. i would visit and have coffee in uncles yeppp:)  before i have tiny tasks. then game coding task






ok i feel great now. headaches healed. and visited lovely aunt in law/uncle's home :) and dranjk coffee:) i have 2 uncles and their families here:)


ok now studying time with game soundtracks:P
ok i know i would create texture cubemaps in scala. but my first computer graphics task is to create in game cloud rendering (other than sky and its light rays or volumes computation to create ambient light in scene from sky (due to nitrogen and o2 molecules and h2o and argon and aerosols in air along all atmosphere )


other goals: i wld have rhinoplasty sometime :P in long future.

ok designign clouds with listening soundtracks:) (since my game would also need a soundtrack:) )


kudos to all gdc articles writers to show with articles how games are build. We follow masters practices in game building:) (guhu the old padavan in game building:D)    e.g. (the snow bite's article on how they fixated to render atmosphere realistically) (then i set such goal of rendering atmosphere super realistically like they do) (but mine way is my way. i study parts of particle physics in learning how to do like they did:D (studied mie/rayleigh scattering (though i know nothign about electro magnetism topic nor polarization topics. but saw the roots of scatterings in two youtube lectures and one pdf) (yepp later i need to find polarization constants of molecules:) )



i do create my own way. but if i hadnt read that article, i wouldnt set a goal to render atmosphere realistically :) yepp:D guhu the gaming padavan:D (though i am an old padavan:D) kudos to GDC community:)


time to brain storm on hw to render clouds without raytracing thingies. ok sky colors sky texture cubemap and the ambient light volume info for atmosphere's light's contents for light regions i would create from prerendered sky and use that texture cubemap and the light regions to also color my clouds that i currently dont know how to do with out ray tracing. would figure out a way. i want no ray tracing in game. its a browser game and it needs to be too lightweight. so working on task to render realistical cloudfs without ray tracing:P this game's tasks are super fun:)  game dev is all fun:)




doing some design decisions. i think i wouldnt render clouds in such dynamic fashion and would use baked ready pregenerated texture cubemaps. and when one raises to above clouds the switch to above over clouds layer would be with some animation and then one would enter a new texture cubemap. then going above he/she would see new texture cubemap when if necessary.

for clouds around mountains i would use tree tech or some textures that faces users view point and multi textures that its like, n textures and they also rotate themselves according to user's view poitn and only one of them is visible at the same mioment.


and for cloud shadows and for ambient light and directed sun light all would be prereadily prepared. and persons' shadows would be and objects shadows would be sheered/transformed reflected according to sun light. not dynamically computed.
and there would be volumes of light thats diffused. and for volumetric fogs (there would be such thigns of animations since its a simulacrum and in my 35th floorth home in ankara, there existed fog alot that slowly come and surrounds our building that nothing is visible (it were nice :D)) i8n my game there would be ltos of turbulences of fog.  but those would be mostly animated sprites like things. for fog. or might create other types of animations. instead of fog.

it might be an animated sprite like texture for its happenstance. would think of these. but since my sky algo is nearly ready (that i render clouds preready from scala side to large texture cubemaps. and create light volumes . and sun liguht direction and sun light color. e.g. in sunset, the dark side's ambient light is different then the sun's set place. so there would be volumetric differnt light settings. )


and so i want my game to have natural scenes like anthem:) for avatars, i would do lots lod'ing. i wish gpu isntancing also existed in opengl. but i think for far away people i would just use sprites or for a crowd simulation, i would use sprites whenever needed. so game engine would switch to sprites when needed instead of dropping framerate. game engine would have a monitoring part which aligns its rendering/update/cull callback visitors according to current framerate statistics.


listening tiesto kaleidoscope right now:)


there would be 2 passes of randering (dont know how to distribute them to n frames. one is for rendering to texture and using that texture to do post processing effects.


ok its getting more fun:) since i like game engine topics:)

and i am going to edit the game engine in osgjs for sure :) (since its the thing when a game is written:) editing game engine, its necessary most of the time:D i dont liek writing with unity due to that. i want to i like to edit game engine. where is fun of games when if game engine is static:S)

or might write my own js backedn for my game engine. i dont know. but lets start with osgjs.

among game engines i like openscenegraph alot:)


might write my own game engine. since as people said, we cuold do some ar integration to games in future. that game renders on video? for those might utilize my own coordinate system  bsps and scene graph and my update visitors.for such integrations. but its a browser game. but it could have a helper android/ios app to establish game tasks. there would be sure, a walkie-talkie app:D in phones:) sp that gamers could communicate throgh app through shared blended to game's screen signs. so that they would be able to communicate via walkie talkie apps:P no i wont use sip or such session protocol, it would be simple webrtc based communication but i might apply sound filters to make it look like walkie talkie call:) i dont remember exactly webrtc apis but wishfully i would figure out to apply a device based sound processing. and that game peoplw would be could would be able to call people their squad members :)  and there would be streaming capability of game and a phone app for that that same walkie talkie app:)  and there would be things like, sounds inside game might be heard from walkie talkie app also:)  so would try to utilize different sound based apps/adventures in game:)  that if a squad member wants to talk and stream his her game play of investigating a left loft for instance so that the stream watching gamer the other squad member will watch the stream from video of streaming app and would hear sounds from wifi app of the player with some sound effects. so squad members would be able to watch their games. and they would be able to create a together total video from their game and share in the related app. there would be comments section also. and top such shares would be in a recommendation list like reddit's list. a gaussian damping method on the list's items:) people would want to enter top of the list if interested. people on their streams might add advertisements of other apps.so its a new ad subarea, where gamers becomes the advertisers :P not the apps but the streamers become advertisers like youtube.  or might not add that. dont know. there is a lto thing to do when we add such streaming player/walkie talkie comm enabler app to app world aligned with this game. it would be other apps advertisements. or brand advertisements.  or maybe initially no ads. maybe wouldnt have ads. i dont know what to do in that sub area. lets first build game then think of advertisements for brands/other apps. my initial target revenue source is just in game purchases for new suits/new skins/new weapons with game's currency.





plan is to create demo till wednesday and with these ideas apply to investors with cold mails and also the wefund and seedinvest and y combinator and e-tohum investor firms.to create a 100 million capital so that i could go to ali bro to create super computing project studies (since guhu has goal of erasing cancer illness:P with bioinformatics projects that are done on super computers that dont exist yet:) if we fix cancer, we could be also eternal as a second step:) i know i have impossible goals maybe:) but i have. i cant think other type of project goals since i had trauma of biopsy before:P (i am not cancer but the biopsy thing is so scary:S since they say if you have cancer or not:S thats one of the worst traumas of life:S having had a biopsy test:S and they said i need to come evcery 6 months to check my 2cm benign fibro adenom. no of course i dont go. cause that were one very hard traumatic moment to have atest which says i do have cancer or not:SSSSSSS luckily i dont have cancer(wishfully, cause i never checked again. but a fibro adenom isnt expected to turn to cancer. i dont get why they wanted me to check every 6 months. i never went.(since i dont couldnt construct courage to do that scary test again:S it were like alive operation:S(they anesthesize the region just only and take a piece from deep down tumor:S its just so nasty:S the doctor said i remember (were a nice woman doctor which looked like an angel to me:) arent doctors angels yepp they are:)) she said to me, if you move the thign she takes piece would cut my lungs:S so i never moved . but that wernt the scary part, waiting for test result were scary part. since cancer is a nasty illness that i wouldnt want to deal with.   i am a person who goes by herself with noone to rhinoplasty operation by myself toi hospital and return to work life 1 week later or 5 days later i think it were 5 days(i hided from family since ddnt wanted to see anxiety from them since they would stress to operation).  but i scare hell from biopsy test. cause having cancer seems so scary to me.  ok so goals in operations part:P having rhinplasty since my nose isnt fixed and is worse :S and secondly, this fibro adenom freezing op defginitely. i wish i want to not have any biopsy test:S thats the most scary test i entered:S you wait one 1 week to learn if you are cancer or not. happy that i am not. i only have fibro adenom. which happens 10% of woman population. its not cancer. but still want to get it out from my body as i could construct courage soimetime. i would construct courage with a touristic like visit to Japan:) would travel first then go to op secondly. or might get biopsy first. then 1 week traveling in temples shrines and then freezing op next. . cause fibro adnom topic breaks my psychology everytime this thing.  i am a coward person to illnesses topic. i am quite coward visible from my scare of cancer topic. but its a nasty illness:S but i had set up a plan for that fibroadenom topic. its not cancer its just a benign thing.  this year i would freeze it and take it out of my body with freezing operation with nitrogen.  ok i figure out going to hospital becomes lesser scary if i add traveling beside:) so i shouldbnt scare of being cancer since every time i go to hospital i would add a travel destination in a differnet city:) now i am over scaring from biopsy. if i am cancer i am cancer. i wouldnt scare this time:) yeppp dealing scare of biopsy is handled:) i would deal with going to a differnt hospital in a difgfernt city everytime:) yeppp nice algo to deal with scare of biopsy:) ok but i dont think i am any cancer:) its just fibro adenom. and i would get it out of my body asap. but liked my algo to going hospitals since i am a coward to going to hospital topic:D i would everytime i need to go to hospital, would go to a hospital in a differnt world city:) ok :) now i dont scare from biopsy:) cause illness now correlates to also traveling:) i attach some good meaning to some scary meaning:) now i dont scare yepp:) )  maybe would go to breast cancer hospital in Japan that has very nice atmosphere that makes you forget that illness as i heard such place were built by an architect in tv(like they make childrens rooms like if its not hospital in hospitals children section, i wish the same concept happent in cancer hospitals that served adults but of course not designed like children hospitals/rooms but like difgfernt atmosphere that doesnt any look like a cancer hospital. i heard in tv that an architect were doing such proiject in Japan in tv before. (why cancer hospitals arent specially designed that doesnt look like cancer hospitals...) so i would go to next fibro adenom checking thing there if i could find name of and also freeze it with nitrogen based freezing tech. if life lets. ). but i want to try to fight with cancer thingy. thats one step forward to being eternal beings i think also. if we cure cancer, we could also be eternal beings with playing with mitosis and telomers but i might be wrong since i have no idea about bioinformatics yet:P so this goal of curing cancer wth nano tech might be infeasible cause i dont have domain knowledge any to talk on this topic yet. maybe aftr domain knowledge learning, it would become infeasible goal. i dont know any. but have initially such goal. ) so i want to try to fix cancer and fixing cancer means also havgina chance to become eternal beings:) ok my capability set might not be enough for that, but i would try:) ) (yeppp this topic i talk about cause fibro adenom hurts. when i get ill from other things like cold or else it hurts sometimes. as it hurted(it hurts very weird. you feel presence of it with some weird hurt feeling:S), i decided to collect courage agaisnt such illness possibility and but to deal with courage part, i decided agenda like that. since the possibility of being really ill scares me, i decided to deal with possibility of being ill like that, like correlating illness wityh traveling:) that i go heal myself everytime in a dffrnt hospital with travelng city of hospital (in case i am ill :P wishng hadnt turned to illness. these days my under arms part hurts and fibro adenoim also hurts so it scares me. cause it usually ddnt hurted this way. either there is something bad going on. or i have got took a microbic illness and my immunity level is low. cause this fibro adenom things hurt as: that sometimes hurts when you are very sleepy or ill due to other things. but these dyas, hurted so scared the hell out of me. while i feel also some weird feeling under my right arm. so i become faster in startup building. cause i had agenda of dealing with that nasty benign thing before to deal it with after building things before. i dnt wnt to feel ill without builkding somethings in life:P  ok so getting faster in startup building. cause my agenda with dealing with tht thing were always like that:) having a first startup:) then freezing it:) since this nasty benign thing tht which breaks my psychology when it hurts hurted this time in a weird time, i decide to get faster in startup building:) everything in life makes me build startup faster these time:)  including my health:D (ok having a goal of curing cancer in future startups passes also emphatizing with how it feels in my own life:) i luckily have no cancer. wishfully. a mutated cells thigny dont change its mitosis rate right?:) so benign things always stay benign right?  so no need to scare. but why did it hurts sometimes like these days. ok i see that when struggles happen, courage also builds in parallel. ok if i am ill i am ill (i am not ill. just checking whether ill or not (biopsy test) scares me alot. i dont like exams or tests as said:) specifically a test which says i have illness or not). have courage now to deal with it. but as told, i still dont want to deal with it before having a startup built ever:P i wtn to build my tghings i wnt to build first like startup. then deal with it. e.g. this month i build startup. then my game scales. then i go to Japan where i dont understand the written languager in hospital:) and have biopsy (and still no to mammography:S it can mutate cells:S) and there i learn i am not ill after 3 years of unchecked tumor states. and then freeze it with nitrogen treatment:) then viola:) no such scare of such illness then again till i try to build bioinformatics companies in future:) i see that courage also builds when struggles builds. i thought i would have never real courage to deal with biopsy test again (i only had one such test and scared so bad after wards from that tests and all other forms of exams that you either pass or fail:P so my exam traumamight be rooting from biopsy test:D  i dont like tests that you enter in one session and then they say success or failure:P ok maybe me disliking exams might be just unrelated. maybe its not related to that scary biopsy test 3 years ago. but i see that i dobnt scare of illness anymore. cause i think i would deal with possibility of having illness would be: going to treatment each time in a different city in differnt country:) so that i would first get treatment than travel the city:) so that would correlate illness with such traveling thing which i like alot. i dont think i am ill. but i do scare from test which says i am ill or not so bad. (biopsy test). so creating such reward system to illness case makes it more lightweight thing to me. yepp and as i see that similarly some degree of courage really forms:) i become powerful to also possibility of being ill situation:) so this happens as: when struggles happens courage also builds up:) i cant believe this happens:) that courage that ddnt existed for this illness thingy builds. but i still dont want to deal with it before i have a startup. as told i am noht ill. i cjust have a 2 cm benign tumor with nodules. its benign cause they tested it 3 years ago to describe like that. its not any bad illness.  but biopsy thing experience were scary for scaring it shows whthr i am ill or not.  and had no courage to have any check again since its super scary to enter such test.  but now i see i have courage. cause i see in every struggle in life, whenever you need courage, courage builds up. i told i would have courge when i build startup. since i am building startup again after 3 years, the courage to deal with this nasty benign thing also built up:)  i liked my newly built courage inside against such illness type:) i dont scare anymore:) i am not ill either:) just once again havnig biopsy test before freezing tumor scared me last 3 years so i hadnt attended such procedure of biopsy ever. i always told that i would deal it after i build a startup 3 years ago:) then i forgot dealing with it and whenever i remembered it i said its benign and lets not deal with it. bvut since i am building a startup again and since it hurt unrelatedly like this afgain, i put to my agenda for dealing with it very soon:) but sometimes our project goals are defined by what we live unrelatedly in a part of life. trying to cure cancer illness and emphatising of how scary thing it is (while i dont have cancer but just only a benign tumor which even in that benign form scares the hell out of me), defines such project goal:) cause i wnt cancer to be a thing of past. i think people would already cure but i would also try to cure with learning moleculer engineering/nano technology and building super computers dreams with my ali bro. these days, while its not any period that it hurts, hurt of it and feeling of it that dffrnt feeling in my right breast creates urgency to deal with this benign thingy. something weird is happngn in my right breast.it feels weirder. or my under arm it is. maybe its not the benign tumor but i have some cold or alike thing. that there is a weird feeling beside my arm. i dont know what it is. but, so,  so lets build startup faster. because i always said to myself i would deal with it after i have a startup. i dont want to observe such thing: i dont wnt to go have abiopsy test and maybe see i have a bad situation? and then see i created nothing in life. that would be worst. so before having second biopsy test, i would see i succeeded somethings in life.i told before to my self 3 years ago, i wont go have second biopsy test before i succeed building a startup:) so in this second trial of startup, i also put dealing that to agenda. and its benign. i mean i am not ill. but just the biopsy tests thing is so scary:S i figure out my late life scaring of exams thing roots from that biopsy test 3 years ago:) ok i do think its nice to do have this biopsy things in a country where i doint understand language of any:P like Japan or South Korea:) and this situation makes me get faster in startup building faster:) should create a startup to some good level. then go to Japan or South Korea and deal with this illness thingy which is not illness. just test of biopsy scares. then i would take out the benign tumor with freezing it with nitrogen op option. ok i am not any Steve Jobs in terms of intellgnce nor charisma:P(i am not intllgnt nor i do have any charismadue to my looks )  but silly this benign tumor thingy resembles tht stry's only tht part :) (but nope i wont deal wiht it with alternative methods. i would deal it with some common applied methods. and would in futgure as told try to setup bioinformatics companies to fight with cancer:) maybe i only got weight so it feels weird/hurts due to that. i dont know. but gonna deal with it after i have startup. since i dnt wnt to go have a biopsy test again without succeeding nothings beforehand:)  ok i plan to freeze the benign tumor 1.5 months later than today:) )
)








yeppp coding time:) back to coding scala:) to code computer graphics:P (liked the idea of usage of scala in computer graphics:))



yeppp here is the nice atmosphere constituents document/db i found :) :
https://spaceweather.usu.edu/files/chapters_1_3.pdf


now should also find their polarization constants:) then note the scattering equations to notes and then code raymarching as if applying a texture cubemap than use that texture cubemaps that are batch generated (offline generated) in game.

but other than this full static generated textures, i would create in game things also batch (near real time) outside the game and put to game:) if necessary. this is completely offline generation the skies thingy. but other things i might use near real lite setting (instead of generating in cpu/gpu in opengl side, for instance generating sprites from people's avatars. or generating shadow maps of objects . or other things. goal is to move all possible offline content generation to server side to do it in near real time and progressively load all details in game so browser based game always stays light weight as much as possible. ) maybe game could progressively recreate it self its contents like a squad based solipsist view? or a collobrative reality but somepart is generated in shared reality aligned with actions of game players. who explores the most power has the right to create the reality to their own version? like if two teams explore some area, whoever first visits the terrain generates according to them and then becomes reality for all.  some batch offline terrain generation things. but this different versions of simulacrum working mechanisms for whether its multiverse or solipsism based, need much more thought work. i mean i would think on this more. on this near realtime reality creation inside game. and whether its a slightly shared multiverse. or completely collobratively shared reality or solipsism? this part needs to be very critically thinked of. since it might mean a very nice design in the end. i cant think of all possible things on this topic right now since need to code now. this part's brainstorming left to tuesday. yayyy its exciting to define reality creation mechanisms of a simulacrum:)  creating a simulacrum engine :)  a massive multiplayer game which is also a simulacrum. but might disrupt the way reality happens in real world. or might be same. i dont know. as said, this part of design of simulacrum goes to tuesday's task set. its super fun to design games:) never had a chance to design a simulacrum before:)


i love being a coder who has worked on different areas so that i can do combine/use them all:)  ( being an old coder:) ) ( that since i worked on big data also i can progressively create reality in my game :) yayyy :D)  (lets work on philosophy to work on possible reality theories:) so that  i be creative in definingn:) i figured out such form of creativiy depends on reading things from ltos of areas and then combining them:)  ) (e.g. symbolic interactionism is one way of reality creation theory from sociology. lets read solipsism and Kant and Witgenstein and all realted and also contemporary philosophers to learn all discussed ways of reality creation and create a nice reality creation way :)  thius part of simulacrum is so fun to think on:) how reality gets created? and its sharing context levels. the sharing level of created realities. as its a simulacrum, i can stay in way it exists in our core base reality or experiment with some differnt mechanisms in game:)   designing a game is super fun:)  but lets move this sub task to tuesday. today and tomorrow is coding. )
ok my current tasks: i figured out way to do render clouds. i would just use texture cubemaps and light volumes definitions like bsp definitons. and sun light direction/colors. ok not investing more time to sky now.(i would create per 15 days orbit' points  and 24 hour per hour separated skymaps to each latitude. so 360 sky maps * n many cloud types. and i would have at least 2 sky texture cubemaps. along clouds level and below. and generated bsps accordingly. but the impact of ground shapes to the diffusion of light in lower atmosphere layer (isnt rayleigh scattering like diffusion) gets impacted by normally geographic featuers. so to compensate that, i would create bsp of lgihts of as if it were a flat surface. but dynamically realign them with current geography shapes/surfaces. so the at least 360*2 sky boxes and bsps of lights would also be changed dynamically rendered in game according to current surface and heightmaps. so its partially static computed and partially dynamic (the surface and heightmaps impacts would be the dynamic part but it would be crudely added also). so now that methods were devised completed to design clouds and skies in game,  i just leave game for today since its 00:21 and i would watch myth busters little bit and fall asleep and start coding in early morning. since i have huge coding tasks and it feels unreasonable to start it at this hour. ok today passed with deciding/designing how to render sky i finally decided how to.  tomorrow is then continueing coding. cause i want a ready demo on end of wednesday. yepp.



 and clouds around mountains would be as told texture quads. many of them. that only have one thats rendered aligned little bit viewpoitn. (a theater :)  arent games also theaters :) that imitates reality(as its what is computer graphics is all about:)) ..  beside being simulacrums :) ) 



i definitely want spectral like video views of other squad members:) that a member goes fights with aliens and others watch from their head camera:) and all squad to be able to talk awhile that happens. maybe this already exists in other massive multiplayer games. i dont know?. that would be one nice part of game. 

ok coding things today:) working on orbit model and how to model earth's tilt thingies to get earth;s tilt's axis of rotation in orbit model. so that i place the tilt correctly upon the plane of orbit. to get sun's direction and position in sidereal based positioning. were it sidereal? that we center the sun to do computations?then comes the light diffusion time. and particle physics calculations to create bsp's of light volumes and a texture cubemap with raymarching.  today is coding these time. then moving to terrain rendering part and maybe would create vegetation and find a 3d model that animates to do create first person shooter like control. woudl create physical based rendering to model and to terrain:) want anthem like natural texture and a nice sky initially. then the demo would be like that, or might advance it more and make it online. but for that i need that also near real time world's terrain generation part and for that need to find a context's sharing level among multiverses ? solipsism level? but i think i need to design a game real that looks like a game as mvp before applying to funding. so need to work super hard this week. seems doable. since finally at coding stage:)  ok i am working so hard today and tomorrow to have terrain and sky ready and on wednesday adding a first person shooter mode and an animated avatar. i want to move to terrain part so bad. since its wherethe physical based shading would be utilized. and also might add a city i downloaded before:) with changing its textures:) ok lots of things to do for game:) hmm i would create also big data based building creators so that buildings cities are self created by game:) yeppp. and game would call users :D it would be funny:D the game would call and ask whether you would like to attend some match:) but for that i need to hire speech recognition services :) which would be expensive.  mybe asterisk like voip solutions or some other solution tech on voip to do the rtc part? i dont know which rtc tech i should utilize in rtc protocol side. hmm would figure out along. but if the app setting is let to call the users, the game would call user:) for when there is important events in the game. wish i had speech recognition systems so that the game would talk user nicely. aha, like person of interest, game might assign telephone based instructions :) to collect some things. hmm. i dont know. but i wish i could make the game talk:) speech gen and recog part and semantic/context analysis part and conversational ui thingies.maybe like pokemon go, some hidden tasks to collect some skins/weapons (that are visual) around. or might not. i just want the game to be a thing that user creates a personality to. a conversational ui type of hmi :) but needed advanced speech recognition/speech generation and semantics mapping/analysis for that. might check such services around. to inform about tasks deistributed to users inside game. like exploring a building. a bot game unit might call the user and the user could monitor the bots experience or hear it. and the bot might give tasks to user for that building for finding things inside there? i dont know but this could be a part of game? so more personal notifications like phone calls with really dramatic sound effects(like we seen in spectral movie, which makes them want to explore the building and get curious to) in phone calls for bots calling people to game:)

so for demo: mvp: i need a sky/terrain that really looks good as anthems terrain scenes and an avatar  and some buildings and some bots that behave scripted.  and maybe some vehicle.

I need a batch system that creates my buildings in an rdf definition and the webclient would download the textures accordingly and shape definitions? or static models. but it should be downloaded much before than user agent comes to that area.  lots of tasks to do. little time:S ok lets first build the sky:)

then i would cold mail investors:)  with the demo thingy:)

hard work thingy time:) i dont kwno if i should have correct tilt of earth:P since its equinox isnt aligned with the peri-aphelion things:) since the axises are in there those points have right angle (the earth's tilt vector falls to the plane that is tangent to  orbit's vector at equinox thingies(the tilt vector is 90 degrees to central orbit vector in such equinox moments). but not at perihelion or aphelion. so i move back from equinox to perihelion to get the angle of equinox and so i can know that plane's place at perihelion which is my init position in game. or might use equinoxes as init. yepp. dont know which way to set as init position. anyway. lets code these:) lots of code work to do now:) to do raymarching thingies:)


lets get 3x faster:) cause i want to have a full deployed game in 1 month and have my biopsy and freezing of benign tumor in 2.d month:) since i get very scared everytime it hurts. and i am really determined to not do any biopsy until i have a startup:P since i want to feel as i accomplshed something in life before such test. its benign. but still scares me. since dr said come have biopsy every 6 months before that i never went everfor 3 years:P so lets do this biopsy and nitrogen based operation in next month. and for that to have a startup before that, lets work 4x faster:) this week i need to create a demo as soon as possible. ok i when i do procrastination would think of a future where i am dead since i did late biopsy:) there is no such any motivation like that for not to procrastinate. cause i really scare of biopsy and would really only do biopsy thing after startup building:P(otherwise i would think i would lived a completely wasted life where i had built nothing and would not go to biopsy in such mood. i need to be a builder that at least built a startup to have mood to go to biopsy. cause optherwise i wouldnt have courage to go to biopsy test with having built nothing in life. i am not ill. but still dont want to enter the test without having succeeded anything in life:P) so i would work 4x faster to have startup:)


ok i found extreme touchy violin composition/song :) ok my violing training stopped/hadnt started since i dnt wnt to go to city center recent weeks and need to code game asap:) but this is so touchy. the sound of violin is super touchy. (ok the game its written isnt any touchy. but this violin voice is quite:))  this genre of music i can also have my musics in advertisements of game :) i wish i have a chance to learn violin and compose myself:) but no time for such learning period right?(and most possibly i have no talent either. hdnt tried but feel as) (this song has cello and violin and electro guitar and piano )(ok if i get invested, i would find a room orchestrate and build advertisements and cinematics songs )  (game might have no song. or might have self selected songs if i could integrate with spotify and soundcloud from game? do they provide such service apis to games? ) so that in game user can open create playlist from inside game headphones like in real life.





yeppp analyuzing quaternion matrix classes of a scala library, figured out i need to write or enhance it since i need also conjugate ops and other things on quaternions. didnt quite liked the quaternion library so writing my own. or forking my own? dont know. or maybe i use this library in mvp then later create my own. yeah. first need a working demo. not time to write my own matrix libraries with opening numerical recipes chapters...


i were so slow after dinner then washed my hair and get in to. no matter what i want my sky ready today. the texture cubemap and bsps. then tomorrow terrain time. lots of things to finish in this week. this night sky finally. tomorrow iniital version of terrain. wednesday lod mechanisms of terrain tiles for load/unload of visible places and sky haze/horizon rendering. thursday avatar addition with walk mode. then maybe friday the building builder to add autogenerated buildings but first a static one/cityscape and maybe also water shading around. then i wish i also add a physics engine and vehicles... some mvp should be ready asap. need to work alot. i think  i wont sleep tonight or sleep little bit. or next day also. cause i need to build mvp so fast. i need to prioritize features that needs to be built first.


wov washing hair feels amazing. and i found a nice concentration music finally:)

yappp i were sleepy all day but this hair washing thing really feels amazing in this coding day where i would code alot:)  a week time hackathon for mvp of game:) and i see that this hair washing feels amazing and coding in night is more nice since air is less hot and home is more silent. so would study at nights awhile. yayyyy a hackathon i am inside now:) for mvp :)

yeyy i finally devised the tilt vector of earth:) now coming to other parts. have lots of tasks in sky rendering thingy.



i have written quite ugly code as (and dont know if tilt side is correct yet):


package models.orbit_model.kepler

import scala.language.postfixOps
import org.joda.time.{DateTime, Period, PeriodType}
import com.github.jpbetz.subspace.{Quaternion, Vector4, Vector3}


case class PolarLocation (val R:Double, val theta:Double)


trait KeplerModel{
 
   var G:Double =  6.67384 * math.pow(10.0, -20.0)
   
   def tilt_angle_from_z_counter_clockwise: Double
  
   def day_of_perihelion : DateTime
  
   def day_of_equinox: DateTime
  
   def mass_of_sun: Double
   
   def eccentricity_of_orbit: Double 
  
   def semi_major_axis_len: Double
  
   def L: Double  =  semi_major_axis_len * (1.0 - math.pow( eccentricity_of_orbit, 2.0))
   def K: Double =  G * mass_of_sun 
  
   def H: Double  =  math.sqrt(L * K)
  
   def A:Double  =  semi_major_axis_len
  
   def B:Double =  L / (math.sqrt(1.0- eccentricity_of_orbit)) 

  
   def C:Double = eccentricity_of_orbit * A
  
   def aphelion_vec: Vector3 = Vector3(A-C,
   def R__for_0_theta:Double = A - C
  
   def calc_R_of_theta(theta:Double):Double = {
        L * (1.0+ eccentricity_of_orbit*math.cos(theta))
   }
  
   def polar_loc_for_first_equinox:Double = {
     val period = new Period(day_of_perihelion, day_of_equinox, PeriodType.seconds())
     non_accurately_move_theta_for_n_seconds(PolarLocation( R__for_0_theta,0), period.getSeconds)
   }
  
   //the vector which is perpendicular to tilt's plane
   def tilt_rotator_vector: Vector3 = {
        val loc = polar_loc_for_first_equinox
        Quaternion.forAxisAngle(Vector3(0,0,1), loc.theta).*( Vector3(1,0,0))
   }
  
   def tilt_quaternion:Quaternion = {
          Quaternion.forAxisAngle(tilt_rotating_vector, tilt_angle_from_z_counter_clockwise)
      }
 
   def tilt_orientation:Vector3 = {
    
     tilt_quaternion.*(Vector3(0,0,1))
   }
  
  

   def non_accurately_move_theta_for_n_seconds(loc: PolarLocation , n:Int):Double ={
       var theta_v=loc.theta
       var R_v =loc.R
       for  (i <- 1 to n) {
            theta_v = theta_v + (H / math.pow(R_v,2) )
            R_v = calc_R_of_theta(theta_v)
       }

        PolarLocation(R_v, theta_v)
    }
  
  
  

}

(i dont care code quality that much right now, later someone expert could easily fix, i try to make it modular the classes etc)


my editor is in gvim colors:)
now would create sun's vector, sun lights direction on every latitude on earth. then would create atmosphere's classes to do raymarching then.
aha i need perlin noise like data hgolding cloud classes also. yeppp. first no clouds sky rendering correctly.. then would add clouds.


yeyyy now would move the earth per 15 days per year. and for each such selected day, would rotate the earth 24 hours 1 hour separated,  to calculate the sun light's direction and sun's position and specific 0th latitude's position with its normal vector on geoid and sun's direction. so that i have per 15 days, for each latitude have for that day's 24 hour based sun's position and sun light direction things. yepp. lets do it now.  


(ok this living room has a very big mirror on where i sit and i laugh to fate to see my nose is worse than its prev version:P would definitely do have one final rhinoplasty sometime:) )   (being quite unlucky in rhinoplasty thingy:D) (ok thats one funny point i laughed while coding code:) ) 

(nice i got a big cup of coffeee) since have lots of tasks to do tonight in this day of my mvp's hackathon:)

so i set up milestones to this night: first the latitude's locations on that day and sun's lights direction

then comes atmosphere scattering equations setup time. i might need to analyze some diffusion topic cause i do think at moleculer level this thign works like diffusion since rayleigh scattering works in possible every direction. so its like brownian motion or diffusion. when rayleigh scattering's light is left little, the directional light is the master light source whihc gets reddish due to mie i think it must be related to extinction equation of mie and that light travels much more mie range aerosols and ozone and particles also. and little bit light is left in sky so diffusion of rayleigh happens lesser. so after fixing the lat/long's positions sun directions thingy, next thing would be diffusion models checking time and create some model upon that, then paint a texture cubemap with that. then would add clouds. of course there would be haze/extinction topic of light. some of these concepts are handled as, there would be tiles and tiles are surrounded by far away texture cubemaps of next tiles unless the user is flying. i think users might not be able to fly in this initial version. first lod'ing would be very simple in mvp. some large tiles with subtiles and also far tiles are having rendered as texture cubemaps where rendered aligned with light condition. so would also create geometry basd baked texture cubemaps. but none would work if user wants to fly. so thats next version's design constraint. initially this is mvp so is expected to be simple. might do that, with having avery lwo level lod's for far away tiles and continous paging of lods while user travels fastly. but in walk mode, remote far away tiles would be a picture of texture cubemap but current tile would also have lod'ing inside of course. in its subtile's details. and also in everything in game. ok i myself really liked my rendering methodology:)  i finally figured out all critical design things for game's mvp yepp:)  in next versions it would of course improve. finally being able to code yayy:) i were lost in how to do things,  now i also figured out my terrain lod'ing way. yepp.  i infer that simple method would work. but how to handle the passes? e.g. how many tiles i need to render and what to do in passes of newly added tile, and what should be the tile shape in this. would figure out these.  but i do think simplification by texture cubemaps that are prebaked with light information seems nice idea:) would look so natural. but blending it wiht new loaded tile info how it would be. ok i figured out ways to do these along the way. its so happy that i could had switched to coding finally since design/algos mainly(in coarse grain level) (for mvp) is ready as i note/talk about it.



ok why dont i use real world's terrain but completely its natural form. that cities dont exist but just some small villages? or building complexes. so that game could add augmented reality tasks. and we could learn weather conditions from accu weather to do also do precipitation/fog/snow things like real world.
 ok i get lost in game's gameplay/scenario if i try to decide how it should be. lets first code first sky and terrain. and mvp feature set  and then design the game scenario. first i should code as much as i can for mvp yepp.


ok finding normals on lat long coordinates of a geoid means: so we take a cros section of y=0 in geoid then take derivative with x then use that tangent vectors and y=1 vector's cross product and then its just normal vector. then we could rotate this thing to sample all normals on one quad. the other haldf is x axises negated. and similarly all differnt axises negated on 8 differnt quadrants.

but this takes earth equatirial north pole not tilted. and we want also sun as central coordinate system. so that, we tilt these coordinates with rotating with our tilt quaternion then, transform to orbit position. actually, we would first rotate the earth around its own axis to the specific hour thyen tilt it then translate to its orbit then we have both exact normal vectors, positions of 5 degree separated lat/longitudes and sun direction also. so this part is also ready, just need to code it. then comes the raymarching algos time now. after coding these first. then studying ligfht's diffusion like traversal but its not exactly like difussion but just motion is like brownian motion? diffusion's interacting particles dont they change theirbehavior ? but light? it has as i listened scattering behavior but i dont think there is something like interference impacting light's level in sky? or iif exists, i wont model it. so its not like diffuison exactly

oik i remembered my game programming roots, surfaces/normals products etc:P  its super fun to code this product:P
i would try to make a deal with Ece to make me the single founder (since i only work to create the game:P) and but share my 20% of shares with her since i said to her lets create a game together and she sent me positive moods in that but other than that she had no  time to give effort to game other than previous sent 5 drawings. so i want to share all my share's 20% with her. but would like to be the single founder. cause i actually like to work alone in decisions topics. so since recent times, we woudl set up a company, i would make an internal agreement with her to share my shares internally between us and just be the single cofounder. cause she doesnt work to game. she has a separate job and cant give effort to game. and initially told she doesnt want shares either. so i just would ask her whether if i could app;ly being a single founder but internally share my shares with her with internal agreement. cause its not legit cause i am the only one who works to this game. so i want to be the single founder but also since she sent me positive moods and awesome 5 drawings, i would share my own shares 20% of them with her so she would be the secret cofounder.  cause i am the only one who is building working for game.  raison d'etre of wanmting to be single founder is that, i want no cofounders only because, thinking throughly, it means respoinsibility. i do find no logic in taking additional responsibility while i am the only one who is working. so in constructing startup, i would share all my share's 20%, but i just want to be the single cofounder, cause being cofoudners topics kind of i just am not quite in to. cause it means responsibility.  and i am the only one who works for this game by the way. she also said to me at start saying she doesnt want shares. but i would share but i just want to be the single founder cause i dont want additional responsibility. it feels not ok to me to be cofounders while i am the only one who is working. its usually mutually helping each others this cofounders thign right?:) but in this game, i am the only one who is working. so it feels meaningless to take additional responsibility. ok i would share my 20% of all game shares to her, but i just dont want to deal with cofounders stuff.  so we would be hidden cofoudners with an internal agreement. since she invested emotional capital to me to init this project. that day i said lets build a game, i were so down unhappy and i were building the game myself and invited her myself. and then in recent weeks in phone she gave me emotional capital with since we talked about scenraios of game, i told her my scenario that passes in 2100s, she shown me secondlife game. and spared time like 5 character drawings(which are awesome). and but after than that we never worked together. so she definitely owns at least 20% of my shares.  but i want to be the single founder cause i wnt to iterate decision processes fastly. but she is still secret cofounder with our internal agreement that we would build. with sharing at least 20% of shares. i do find 20% legit also, cause i am the only one who is working to game. i can share 50% either. i dont care that much the share thing. i just only dnt want cofounder's responsibilities thing. i just want to be the single founder.because being cofounder means taking responsibility. and such responsibility in a product that i am only giving effort in creation to, seems meaningless. so i would share my shares' 20%- or 40% to her but would apply build startup as single founder. cause i am the only one who is founding:P she would be owning my shares like that we would share wiht internal agreement. but i wnt to create startup alone since i dnt wnt responsibility and if it were someone i know in decisions part, i woqulfd want to be, but i dont know her talent in founding things/or business area. so she owns my shares. but i would want to be the founder. cause i am the only one who is working for to game. not because its not fun to work so. just only, the part of responsibility part i dont like, that from cofounders topic. but she still owns shares . just i dont know her's decision capabilities or her business skills, and i dont want addtnl responsibility of thinking for such things. but she is still secret cofounder whom would own my shares that we would share. so she invested emotional capital to me that day, wiht talking to me, so she owns my game's shares also. but for founders thigns, i dont know alot about her in that founding business topics. so i want to be single founder. she is a very nice person and also i think an art genius that i invited to game just only to have a friend beside me in this business thing. she is my cofounder still but not in papers. but i want to be the single founder cause i dont want to carry additinl responsibility. so i figure out cofounders becomes from people who trust so much. i trust her honesty/decency/kindness she is a great person. and a genius i think. but i just dnt want to carry an additional responsibility in decisions processes in startup. i do find this the most suitable share  sharing way. cause i am the only one founding this startup nor working for it. but i also share my own shares to her. yepp this is the legit way to deal with this situation where i dont want to share responsibility with someone i dont know business skills of. so i would share my own shares (in between 20% to 50%) (yepp she would be a millionare:) which would make me alot happy since she gave me emotional capital in initing this starutp). but since i am the only one founding/working for startup, i wuold apply with me being the founder.(since i am the only one who is working for this startup) snce its a serious topic to be cofounders. i dont want to take risk of taking someone to cofounder role while she doesnt found the startup.since i dopnt know her business skills. nor i dont any like sharing the decision power with someone i dont know business skills of. so decided like this. since that toipic of being cofounders bothers my mind.cause being cofoudner with someone i dnt know business skills of seems kind of a mind bothering situation to me. since i would be responsible to cofoudners decisions also. nad i dont know if she is better in business world than me or worse?it feels mind biothering to be cofounders with soemone i dont know business skills of. it seems illogical to do such act while i am the only one foundeing this business and only one who is working to. so she owns my shares. but i wnt to be the founder while preparing documents of startup.cause i added her name as cofounder but seemed mind bothering(i am preparing business plans but left in middle and would continue after demo). since i dont want to share such responsibility with soemone i invited to myg ame. she also owns my shares so(she were only accepting atmost 10%  but i think would share 30% of). with an internal agreement to be done.













(i newly read a scary news about a post to a popular company:SSSSSSSSSSwhat kind of psycho people do such psycho act :SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS) (:SSSSSSSSSSSwhat kind of psycho people do such psycho act:SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS a scary news i seen on news :SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS )
















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:) (i do follow my promise:) that i said in very above paragraphs about a topic:)  about waiting thign(tht i wld look to noone else while wtng). i would wait. (its my promise:)) but maybe he doesnt ever liked me nor doesnt like me. and of course, if he likes me, he could stop any time liking me if he decides to do so if he like me. i mean me saying i would wait doesnt give any responsibility to him to also confirm my waiting state/be aligned with my state:) its just my own decision to wait:) so he has no responsibility to do follow/reply. as told, i would wait:) as a promise also and since i also would like to wait:) maybe for 3 months? then and if he likes me and if he becomes single one day, he could arrange a coincidence where we meetup and we could date. and if he doesnt likes me, we wont ever meetup...)

(yepp:))  i would definitely follow my promise for real :) )




(ok while searching news all, i very newly seen a news article about responsibility word. in that, i meant: you have no responsibility to reply to me saying i would wait you if you dnt like me. ok i talked like that because of flowers share and also because of my words were stolen in one before share, and i told i like to see flowers from person i like and again flowers were shared then i thought you like me. then but i thought you might be not liking me either. before in some place they shared posts as if you like me(i shared posts about pugs and there were posted in my feed cute pugs that as if they are from you i dont exactly remember how they were). so i thought you like me seeing flowers post. but then I thought it might be people impersonating you. but the flower posts couldnt be impersonated?  or it were impersonated maybe?.   then responsibility word usage meant: i say i wait for you but that doesnt give you a respionsibility to reply to me or have respionsibility of talking to me if you dont like me. i just wanted to mean, if you like me, i would wait you and but a while you can also forget me, that you have no responsibility to wait me since i wait you kind of meaning it were.
that insta posts got personal when they used hold on to from my blog. then i replied with hey i would want flowers from guy i like kind of sent4ecens then again flowers were shareed. so i thought you like me. but i couldnt be sure either. so i thought i should wait you to be single if you like me. then i said that i would wait you awhile if you like me for 3 months like. so that you decide if you like me or not. and that i wont be in insta i said. but i confirmed me being not in insta is because i dont like commnctng with someone i like alot to do tinder like communication. i wanted more direct communication like you arrancing coincidence so we meetup in a conference meeting hall or just whatsapp we could talk i said, if you someday become single, since i like you. then i newly entered insta after reading responsibility word including article, and seen again you stole my word of hidden gem:P ok visibly its either you or someone else doing this word stealing topic. but responsibility meant: i meant, since awhile i am not in insta, i meant, i would wait you while i dont exist there, and i meant but me waiting you dont put a respoinsibility to you for to like me and continue liking me if you like me. responsibility meant that.i like you. but since i am ugly i foresee risk of you disliking me even if you like now, so i said, me waiting you dont give such responsibility (of liking me while i like you) to you.  i constantly say that because i get uglier my nose  thingy and i would fix it i would look better, but i lack self confidence in my outlook nowadays. so responsibility were meant to said to that. since i foresee risk of being disliked (cant i close statistician in my brain that foresees possibility that: maybe you liek me, but maybe you would dislike me while i stil wait you, so i said, its ok if you stop liking me and me waiting you dont give you a responsibility to like me i meant that in that responsibility word. why do you steal my words hidden gems if you dont like me? or maybe its not you doing that insta shares?ok awhile things get extremely confusing with seeing that article.you were a sarcastic friend trying to fool me? maybe thats what happent? or that insta account's shares are done by people unrelated to you.
reason i thought you like me were because that insta accoutn steals my words the same days. i said i need to hold on to some topic. and that flower post with hold on words showed up. then i said afterwards, i only like flowers from person i like. then flowers post showed up. then i thought you like me. then but since i dont like comnctcng that way with people i like, i went away saying i would wait you:) for if you like me, i said i would wait you to be single.  but with also sayign  that me waiting you doesnt give you any responsibility to like me, that meaning if you like me, you can dislike me anytime, that you shouldnt wait responsibility of me waiting you thingy. i meant exactly that. i ddnt said you are doing dirty politics. i meant i give you 3 months to think whehter you like me or someone other?  that i would wait you to become single if you like me. but also syaing me waiting doens tgive you any responsibility to like me if you like me but ddecide to not like.thats what i tried to mean. in that above paragraphs where i used responsibility word.i just tried to mean i give a promise of waiting for you 3 months to you become single if you like me. but also tried to mean that you have no responsibility to like me in the end. but i said, since i wont be in instagram, i just said i give promise of looking to noone else than you but i wait in my corner for you to turn single if you like me. and meaning that me being not in instagram doesnt mean i dont obey this promise eiuther. thats all what i tried to say. that i wait, and but its ok if you dont return to me/reply to me. that i am not giving any responsibility to like me while i wait you i tried to mean.

while i say i wait you, i saw again a shar eof words hidden gems. i said recentlkty nvidia's hidden gems books. so i think in that insta account, some one is reading my blog and stealing my words for some purpose. i thought its you. seems as it is nt you?  since you replied with saying me understanding you like me as a lie? but that insta account really steals my words. so that insta account has no relatedness to you, this is what i get from this situation.or you were tryign to be just friend and i misunderstood? thats also one other explanation of that words taking topic. anyway below topic is the most impostant topic right now.

)




i saw that responsibility news while after reading the scary news about post:SSSSSS after seeing the scary news, i read all news about your company so i saw that responsibility article. anyway itsnot importnt that responsblty news.  the important thing is that scary  post news that scared me:SSSSSSSSSS that post thing is very scary:SSSSSSSSSSSSSSS i wish FBI finds the psycho whom sent that asap:SSSSSSSSSS its super scary:SSSSSSSSSSSSSSS (might such psycho people send such posts to me also? so i should never touch posts ever sent to me?) this thing i read is super very scary:SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS I wish FBI finds the psychos whom sent that asap/super fastly. i wish you are all safe and wish FBI finds whom sent that asap/super fastly.its just so scary to me also, cause i were talking about atmosphere topics since i amdoing raymarching to mygame:S and some psychos sending such thing to you at the same time seemed super scary to me. I wish FBI finds those psychos super fast asap. psychos whom sent that might also send to me? i am super scared:SSSSSSSSSSSSSSS cause ther eis an unnice coincidence of topics in that i do talk of atmosphere and such gas event? :SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS i am super scared:SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS cause i feel i am also whoemever those psycho people are, i am also threatened by them then? cause this is a super unnice coincidence of me talking of atmosphere and 4 hours ago reading such news:SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS its super scary to me:SSSSSSSSSSSSSS i felt the possibility that my blog is read by you like normal people but also by psycho people, and i felt threatened also. sicne there is a super unnice coincidence of topic there:SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS seems as whomever these psycho people whom did that act? they also meant threatening me with such act? i dont know if its related but the coincidence of topic quite alot disturbed me:SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS and i wish you all are safe. and i wish so bad FBI finds the psychos behind this asap very fastly. I also felt threatened by seeing such news. cause i am coding a game, i am talking to you with my blgo posts, and i talk about ray marching and tmosphere scattering/rendering/atmosphere content. and this scary news happens. i see it as also a threatening to me?  i wish so bad whomever behind this are catched very asap/fastly.

or maybe its not threatening me. cause last 3 months i been everyday talkinf of atmosphere so its an unrelated coincidnece. but in any case, i wish that FBI catchs the people behind this ASAP/so fast. and take care. and wish all best. and i just cant deifne how much i scared. i cant stop thinking its also threatening agaisnt me?  but i dnt care myself that much but scared for you. and i wish so much FBI catches the psycho people behind such criminal psycho maniac act and i wish they catch asap/fastly. 





ok i dont want to turn look like crazy but this made me remember coincidenc stopic.
ok this again made me remembered coincidences topic:S i have weird coincidences in life:S i made sculpture with hair princess Leila, heard she passed away in those days in news:S or i share tweet of squid and 2 hours before some friend tweets some squid topic which is very weird. i see in my dream my brother's nose bleeds, in reality nephw's nose's bleeds. i talked escape velocity from calculus book of Addison Wesley corporation on sunday, then i see a plane crash in an Addison named place:S its jsut this coincidences topics are crazy topic and its not the entire, ah i remember, i talk about atlases while someone that time i cared about similar time talks about atlas topics. or  i blog in an unpublishe dblog i want justice, and then watch a movie that i select, and movie ends with saying "i am justice " in end dialogue. ok i talk about atmosphere/diffusion on my blog and 4 hours ago see such bad news scary news:SSSSSSSSS.I say i dont like some government style and a placename  related to that government style, an earth quake happens that day. i in quora read a name and say i dont any liked this name in my mind, and next day i see a disaster happens in tht place(mud flow).   i watch a netflix documentary then say sentence inside my mind why this woman does such act. then i watch open broadcast tv, same thing this time happens to woman (it were about ring).

ok what the heck is this coincidecnces topic? am i a psychic like thing? i know this things are crazy like. i do believe they are unrelated coincidences. but makes me sometimes ask whether if psychic people really exist and if i am one? do people exist that can sense things as happens ? (like princess Leila's passing away? ) or a disaster? aha i forgot to tell the following one, i were listening Oxford university podcasts, i selected one about conflicts. it started playing aboutSri Lanka, then i remembered Sri Lanka incident and said if i were  a psychic why i cant foresee things and fight with such disasters (e.g. fighting with terrorism with psychich powers if such powers exist) :S then i ddnt liked the podcast's topic(it were unrelated topic) and opent another one, in that day, i blogged here in my blog, about my flowers, and saying i dont remember one flower's name, then in the randomly selected podcast, the guy said "kids sometime dont remember names of plants or households".  it were a podcast from past. and i randomly opent it without a list. with just moving over static page which is time listed, its not any persnoalized, it were an old podcast of anthropology that is not any personalized listed, it were timely listed and i selected a random very old page and opent the podcast.so i sometimes wonder am i a psychic for real?  but if i am a psychic its not a repeated talent i would say. i mean it doesnt always happens. anyway this must be just coincidences. i before queried alot then figured out its just coincidences. i mean id otn try to give meaning as if i am any psychic any more. but the Addison word really again stolen my mind last day as alike, i talked some topic from a calculus book i learnt from Addison Wesley publisher and i today read a plane crash to an Addison named place:S that i just 20 minutes thought what the heck and asking querying whether i could be a kind of psychic? then i told myself, ohj this is insane, i am not any psychich, this is just coincidence. then this happens, i talk about diffusion/atmosphere and 5 hours ago read such scary news happens. its just sometimes i query whether i am really a psychic or not. but my mood in recent monhths is to be modernist (not a postmodernist whom could say psychics could exist) i am more modernist mooded these days so i say its just coincidences .anyway lets stop telling such crazy stuff. i think its just coincidences.




anyway, coming to the scary news topic:

 i wish you are good. and i wish FBI catches psychos whom did that asap/very fastly.



and i see there is some cancer related topic that i had no chance to read (since i am not subscriber ) about bogus treatments?  ok So big pharma is against future bioinformatics firms that would try to try nanotechnology? I see some honor stealing operation tried to be applied from future incumbants of bioinformatic firms. and I wonder whom these people are to try to mislabel a future tech as if its baking soda? I myself would follow future tech of nitrogen based tumor freezing that already exists and is kind of new tech and would apply to benign tumor thingy in myself. but i see a deliberate effort of some weird honor stealing operation? big pharma beside that? ok i wish FBI all returns very much justice, we beleive in Justice against this targeted hatred against firms and even sometimes individuals. We believe in justice of FBI. not the big pharma or news companies or else.

As i deliberately see a honor stealing operation. woinder if big pharma is beside that? or people against disruption in whatever sector? I never said chemo theraphy is bad. i just said that i believe in future tech with nanotech and moleculer engineering. and that i scare from current cancer treatment techs. its my right to scare. and i said such treatment i would wanted to exist not exists now. so i wish to disrupt that sector in future.


and i see how news firms are angry against fb either. I think FB or collobrated organizations is much better than central organizations which migh be biased along their owner's views. so I believe much more to FB than news firms. Cause FB has no political affiliations nor any hidden agendas  and we like FB due to that, cause has no hidden agendas, its just a neutral platform. and we like it due to that.


I believe also in justice of FBI. to catch all type of this power related people's decency targeting operations everywhere.


I just think and see people with power (some people against FB) target even individual's public blog posts to try to dishonor them?  so we definitely like FB because its founder has no such tendencies nor such acts nor such goals. It is a neutral platform. not biased to any direction or any such power act applied to individual citizens.


So people are trying to break noncentric organizations forms. I just think these are my ideas on that.

and i gonna disrupt bioinformatics/big pharma in future. while they just think try to label bioinformatics as bogus tech? nice to hear that kind of sentences that i wonder what kind of agenda they have against disruption that going to serve humanity.

And i would repeat i dont like mammography or orther tech that is used in cacner treatment.  something that breaks while fixing or while monitoring is just a not super tech capability set in my view. that i while having non benign tumor, having a mammography might give me a real one maybe? i accept its the only way we have right now. but trying to label my bioinformatics dreams as bogus is very interesting. and i do think i would if i have to enter mammography with just anesthesy cause i do find it a very scary thing that creates me phobia. i dont like medical devices or current tech level. and its free speech. i have right to think like that. and nice that i have such opinion since it creates a future goal of creating bioinformatics firms to eradicate these devices to ones that are fully noninvasive. I do said i believe in such goal. and i also added i dont know if its feasible or not. but its my future goal.



So i think decentralized news platforms are much more better than centric ones which might be routed by its owners biases/emotions/ideas. i do find FB much more better than biased news firms that are more prone to being biased. neutral platforms are always much more better than ones which are inherently susceptible to biases of powers that owns them or such power relations.



So it feels as people dont much very like what we millenials talk. just let it be known, we would continue to talk.


And we believe in FBI to fix injustice when happens. or crimes like that scary news we read:SSSSS




and i believe in a nice future, where such neutral platforms like FB flourish and more neutral platforms also happens and with tech power they solve that internal problems.  and so that we dont see powerful people governing even media we consume. its better whatever we consume is decentralized. and tech power would also fix that current problems in future i believe so.


Its better to have a future where people are neutral and even news platforms are also decentralized so power inequality dont means injustice in all. truth happens exists much better in decentralized news where the news providers are completley neutral.


and we believe in justice of FBI also to deal with people behind this acts. either its that criminal scary act we seen in news last day. or its power relations of news firms targeting people like that for unknown reasons.(e.g. targeting a blog of bioinformatics like that. i wish i could learn whom are behind that and with what kind of motive)


Its much more beautiful world when news sector is decentralized so that we dont consume power relations resulting content.  even if sometimes errors happens but awhile tech gonna fix it as visibly since its getting better, i definitely think decentralized neutral platforms are much better than centric power relations publishers. I like FB and wish such platforms and its more neutral platforms also exist. In my view, this topic is about decentralization. central firms are fighting so bad against decentric alternatives. anyway this is my idea on this. 


We like/love to see all these neutral platforms which we also believe would fix problems that happens. its better to have decentralized such platforms like fb i do think its a decentralized platform. cause itself has no biases and is defined by content by its collobrative members. I do think power relations +  centric organizations are much more worse than problems of decentral platforms.


  And i believe in power of FBI. for both catching criminals. and both for covering/showing these power relations or protecting such targeted hatred/effort of centric organizations agains decentralized ones or against future bioinformatic techs whatever topic is.

We millenials are always neutral and respect justice. Like FB founder i think is also like that. so we respect believe in more than previous generations centric organizations. yepp.  and we believe in a neutral future also.


what i observe in previous generations' this type of people: they tend to be nonneutral and have no justice in their own acts and applying power to target people alike. and hold emotional situation against people when they somehow hate someone while power shouldnt be tied to emotions or else. We like neutral people that never uses power for self purpose. anbd we like  neutral decentric platforms like FB or firms like Google or Snapchat or other new tech that created a fresh air in previous centric organizations that like to follow weird behaviors that we dont see exist in ours generations. like using power to try to do evil act against blogs of people or alike.


what exists in our gen, we are always neutral, we can call ugly to ourself(like i say), or talk fully about our things, or just always we follow a nonbiased/neutral approach to topics anytime. so we like to see more and more millenial tech to disrupt this non neutral minded generations mechanisms. we love neutral tech. we also like FB due to that. we like non biased people. not people influenced by power relations or else.

hey millenials lets dont let the older generations trying to shape our neutral world to their power relations including non neutral world. just stay strong. whether you are a blogger. whether you are a tech firm owner. whatever but let dont let these older generations steal neutrality of decentralization and collobrative platforms by attacking such platforms. or we even see people who try to attack future bioinformatics incumbants:) hey my generation, lets dont let these people constantly creating hierarchical structures which is what they like to do :) and i love our all generations always neutral mindset in anytopic, for being nonbiased. lets not let these older generations trying to stop us create disrupting tech or decentralized tech or non hierarchical organizational structures or else. lets be strong:) against people who arent neutral.



And i believe in justice of FBI to catch all bad people. like influencers/publishers who try to break decentralized structures with full hatred targeting.  and i wish people see the underlying motive behind that. that of being against decentralization. or maybe its big pharma when someone whoblogs doesnt like current cancer tech is attacked like that with again power relations on media as you all observed. yepp. see now? that actually centric organizations are hell much worse than current problems of decentralized structures/organizations/models.


What we think of non millenials who deos such acts: what is wrong with them:S and we continue building our produicts to live in a neutral future. and even to disrupt big pharma:) in long future, if i could come to that step after building my game:)


so one is very hated when she says she doesnt like mamography. yes i think so. and i think future generations would create much more better techsets than those current ones that are used to treat cancer. i see this hurted some people? so that they use power relations to attack future bioinformatics incumbants (that one who has goals like that). so nitrogen based freezing is not it a new tech? i also told i would use current tech to deal with my own benign tumor. but said that i am hell scared of mammopgraphy. cause i want the tech of medical devices to be non invasive fully. and if i have to enter, i would enter with anestheszy i said, cause i would might panic attack just becuase of my idea of their treating ways. i do think this biomedical sector needs to be disrupted and much more better tech should be developed. cause i find it unfair, the things cancer patients confront. or the current treatment ways. so thats my goal in future bioinformatics project, to create such tech thats fully noninvasive and doesnt have risk of mutating(ray based things) or killing also healthy cells. i do find what cancer patients go through unfair. and i do believe tech is at a point to create disruption in that. via nano technology/moleculer engineering and modeling and simulation via super computers. i guess some teams projects might be already working for that already.


we dont hide things. we write what we think clearly. we talk what we think clearly. and see previous generations arent used to such behaviors and try to mislabel that attitude as misinformation also?. ok one other trait of previous generations. they like to hide things instead of being open about any topic. not like in ours generations. as visible we talk any topic we like to talk. about actual things we see.






And i believe in justice :) (and also wish FBI catches all criminal things of all criminal people)



and i wihs there also exists decentralized neutral such organiztions all around.and more andd more decentralized platforms whch are not tied to power relations.





and coming back to cancer treatment topic: i know its very hard to create new tech thats better but why people say its not possible when opne plans such goals to do so? is it big pharma behind that? :)

let me restate, i depend that goal on my genius relative who solved p=np. so i do believe in much better future computation speeds. so i believe in much better super computers with better algorithms. and i talk on  these and be targeted with hatred? because i dont like mammography? i dont like it. its invasive. it has risk of mutating my healthy cells. but if i am cancer, i have to use it of course, but i said i would if i have to use it would use it with getting anesthesized.  i would defntly get anestheszd before getting in to medical devices. since it looks super scary to me, the tech type that heals a critical illness while also creating possible bad impact on health.  Its what we have to attain to now. but just for now. and i told i dont believe in alternative therapies either. but i do say, whatever we are mandated to use when we get cancer is unfair and i dont like the level we reached in that. its my personal idea. others might like that tech level. but i do find all this cancer illness things scary because we hadnt found noninvasive treatments fully yet. and but that doesnt make me ggo have alternative therapies. i just would have to utilize current tech when i have to. but doesnt chagne the fact that i dont like invasive tech. and i have no problem in raiisng my opinion freely about this topic. cause i do think such tech's future lies in bioinformatic firms. i mean non invasive ways would be innovatged from bioinformatics firms. like i dream of creating one such firm. so i see my free speech right is taken away by big pharma? or power relations of media to big pharma? I never said also alternative therapies is any good. i dont any believe in alternative therapies. i just said that its an issue where its lose lose like, i mean treatment is also invasive, illness is invasive.  if you dont treat yourself you might pass away with very high precision of probabiliuty, but if you use the treatment the treatment is also invasive. so if havbing a benign tumor, this situation makes me ask whether i should use mammograpohy? or just freeze it with nitrogen tech which is a very new cancer freezing tech we loved from medicine area. i just said if i had to enter those theraphies i would make myself anesthiszd for not to think of what invasive impact it might on me while trying to stop a fully serious illness that kills me with high precision if not stopped.
but since i have a benign tumor, in my relation, i just ddnt liked having biopsy cause it says whether i have cancer or not. and its very scary to me. since this illness' treatment methods i dont any like our capability set in this era.


 so i wish in future, treatments would turn to all noninvasive ways. specifically starting with cancer. i wish super computers, modeling and simulation gets to very high degrees of capability sets and also nanotechnoilogy side that we deal with cancer in truely noninvasive ways in very long future. any non stupid would hadnt understood what i written as if i favor alternative tech. only either a stupid person or a person with some motive would try to understand that like that.




trying to live inside a world of stupids i feel sometimes as, that understands what you write in most stupid/intellect lacking mindset? that people who tried to show as if i like alternative tech? i dont and i dont any believe either in suchthings. i jsut said i dont like the way cancer is treated now and that it also scares me. which is free speech. and trying to modify my writing to show as if i like alternative tehc, is reasons why decentralization is very importyant. and that how power relations could tbe used to attack even blogs of people.though we really dont care. i truely dont care any little bit such ill intents of people. yeah. a nice trait of millenials, we dont care intricate evil acts of evil people:) we arent interested to either fixating to that:) just let it be known, we dont care when they try to attack us. yeah. really. not any degree. please attack more:) we dont even slightly for a milisecond care yours insults of non neutral power relations places :P follow yours masters orders please more:) get writers of power more :) insult us more :) we dont even slightly care:D even for a milisecond:D its very nice that they give live time example of their wrong doing of power relations topic. i guess its big pharma or other powerful people behind this insult? its very nice they exemplified that they show how they become tools of power? to influence other people's mind with bogus information? its nice that they exemplified and show this side of this issue to people:) that how bad centric organizations could be while they try to convince people how bad decentralized organization are. nice exemplification of their own bad of that centric places. while they try to say some bad things to a neutral tech place that tries to create such collobratve environment with claming its used to spread bogus? they are the centric ones who are spreading bogus. as exemplified in this situation. i wish all people obsrved how such centric organizations are prone/susceptible to power relation equations. I wish all democrat people who are trying to get against decentralized firms saw how centric organizations are utilized in power relations as in this specific case. i wish its clear why we want a decentralized future. current tehc;'s problems are fixed in time. but the centric organizations' relation to power gets never fixed and it could be used as a vehicle of destruction to people's honors or companies or else as seen :SSSSSSS so we definitely believe in decentralized future creators, like FB , Google, Snapchat, or all companies what millenials or millenial mindeds create and would create for a neutral future. we wish to see much more companies like these. yepp. to change to world to a better one.

(i know my vocabulary set isnt great or my ideas arnt complex. but i dont think some ideas needs to be complex or told complex to be right. (if people think i am a dumb due to my lack of vocabulary, i just wanted to state, some ideas neednt be complex to be right)  I do think tech is formin world to is much more better than the earlier world's state. even with all troubles confronted but which are just things to get solved also and which we know these people would/can solve. and we know new firms would also come and we love the state world is transforming to of decentralization.  but older centric organizations which are sometimes turned to devices of power relations, are the innovators of bogus spreading i think(the ones who try to insult me as if i said i like alternative medicine? i dont get. and bioinformatics is not any alternative medicine? i just dont get this:S.   )



.

its like, i feel like i am a person who hurts egos of people out there. either its big pharmacy? i dont know. but i wont be silent nor stop talking either. and our future is not defined by yours tech capability set (said to big pharmacy). we would create much better.  more better cancer treatments. yepp. insult me more big pharmacy:D i dont care :P nice exemplification of how centric organizations are susceptible to power relations to be tried to be used as devices of destruction.  there wouldnt be a nicer example than this case, where power is used to do such act. wonder who is behind this? is it big pharma? whom is:D let me say, i don any slightly even care this insult of that centric organization for whihc tries to show me as an alternative medicine follower :D  and i believe in justice of FBI:) against figuring out /getting to learn all such evil people who try to do such acts. i wish we in future learn whom is behind this power device usage case/situation. is it big pharma? wish we learn in some time later. but i wish this exemplifies how actually risky such centric firms are for being susceptible to pwoer relations(like centric news firms). I believe in justice of FBI. yepp. 






ok lets continue coding my game's MVP.  or lets just take little bit rest before and then continue. as told i wont have biopsy until i create my first startup./ (since i hate biopsy test:S) (i have a benign tumor which hurts(which is not cancer, its just benign, but biopsy still scares me alot, since i do find cancer very scary illness and its my right to say what i think on this topic) and but i dnt wnted to deal with it until i do something in life like creatingf a startup)


and for conspiracy theories: they are f.ckgn real. i think they are just coincidences. i did princess leila's haired sclptre and next day leartn she passed away. or similarly squid topic. or the "kids sometimes forget plant or household names" is really real. i have no task to create conspircy theory. i just note down these coincidences.  and so i started to look when such coincidnece happens. like when a disaster happens in earth, i check if i told something like that to see if i have any psychic power. i from my own tests, i figured out i had missed and i dont sense everytime if i have sense power? if psychich topics are real. but last year i beleived more to this issue. now i do find it as coincidences. the weirdest coincidence were: when sri lanka very sad incident happent in news, i asked myself, if i have psychic powers, i could had sensed such disaster to not let it ever happen. then for a while i were in such mood. then i oine day listened anthropology podcasts and from ordered by time podcasts, i opent a topic about title of conflicts. then while listening it i heard its about cultural conflicts in Sri Lanka. and made me remembered if i had a psychic powers i could have chance to make them not happen. with some foreseeing things like i investigated whether such projects were real for psychich powers.  then i said, lets open anohter podcast, and the podcast were from past, a lecture note, and it told "some kids forgots plants or household names". while i in that day,.2 hours ago in my blog told about my plants and is aid i forgot one's name. so that were and the leila's incident were the biggest coincidence things in my personal investigation of psychic topics. so everytime a disaster happens, i search if i wrtiten something related to that as a sign of psychich power. but i this year dont believe psychic powers exist. but really weird coincidences really happent. like these things i told about. i know this looks insane, but please try to look it in postmodernist view, not in full positivist mood. i also find it insane to believe in psychic topics. but also as a side process inside myself in internet i note whenever such coincidence happens and also investigate whether when a disaster happens somehwer,e(E.g. a ferry gone due to storm, this also happent. i said i would have rhinoplasty in philliphines and next day aferry gone away ion that place. like i said i dont like some government styles and a city with such name had earthquake in the night. and  in quora i were reading articles, i saw a woman name and said what kind of unnice name it is i ddnt liked it, and next days in news there happent  a disaster in a place of earth with that name of again with storms and too much rain fall) may i said something related to check if i foresee disasters like natural or else. i know it looks insane. i myself also dfont believe. i just as a side process in my life, try not to forget these coincidences happening and try to investigate if psychic powers exist or not. i know it looks insane, it is insane to believe to psychic topics i know.  but i just cant stop thinking about when such things happens. all because of the leila coincidence before.  like last day, i toldsoem space craft technologies for my game(very coarse grained) but that is rooted from my studies from Addison-Wesley book and its about goin over escape velocity and much more. and than in same day i heard a plane crash happent in an Addison named place. same day i talked about this space craft theories. i for 20 minutes get lost reasking whether i am a psychic or not again. or 30 minutes i get stressed/lost thinking for whether could it be real. hten i said it must be just coincidences. from my tests (when i see a disaster news on tv) i figure out most of the time i have said nothing related the day before. i mean it happens very rarely these coincidences. so it must be just coincidences. my self test confirms its coincidences. and that i dont know if psychics exist or not for real, but my test confirms i am not a psychic. (i do test of, when i see a disaster in news, i check whether that day or hte day before told something related to that). my tests confirm i am not a psychic :) cause i dont foreses disasters most very most of the time. and times where words coincides must be coincidences. but the scariest creepiest incident were Leila and also the podcast which guy told "kids sometimes forget plants/household names".  cause 2 hjours ago i myself talked about my plants and forgot one of its name and said in blgo i forgot the name of to the plant. the podcasts wernt personalized. i just selected an old podcast from a time ordered podcast list. so upon that, the podcast said such sentence "kids sometimes forgets plants/household names"  i asked myself i am a kid level(entree level) psychic ? or does this happen since i am psychic?  but i dont think i am since with my personal tests, e.g. when disasters happens, i check if i talked a thing about any related the day ebefore to see if foreseeing future thing exists or not. then i confirmed it doesnt exist. it were mere coincidences. but really weird coincidences. specifically the squid one boggled my mind also. and also atlas topic. i told someone same words ath the same time without ever knowing and it were a word i dont frequently use in my life, it were about atlas word (it were about brain atlases) and i opent twitter that persn i followed also talked about atlases but before. but i never read it also. we just seemingly talked the same topic. ok this must also be coincidence. but still a tiny part of me asks do psychics exist or not. squid topic were similar. i made fun of myself saying i am a squid with squid emoji(its the first time and only time i use squid emoji, i dont use it frequently). and saw 2 hours before my friend tweeted a tweet about squid robots that are developed. :D but i never read it before. i read it later after i talked about squids also. so i do think these are all coincidences. but a tiny part of me asks whether really it is? whether psychichs exists. i doibnt think so. it must be just coincidences.cause i tested. for instance, in road to work, there were a very weird road thats very narrow when  if i select to go inside village instead of populated road, i were trying to estimate whether a car would pop out while i enter there, i be careful since the road is too narrow, makes creates a sense of excitement to pass from that road, then but i tested to see if i could predict a car comes out when i am coming in with my car,  and in first trial i felt a car is gonna come so i slowed and saw it came, but next trials, none of them worked, so i figure out i am not any psychic who could foretell future. i myself tested with that car experiment thign. its just coincidences only coincidences. i am not any psychic.there is no risk of accident in that narrow road but just you get excited i mean it just too narrow it kind of feels unnice. i mean i just tried to predict if a car would come that time moment or earliuer or later. and my car expermeint failed .so i am not any psychic. i also test whenever i read a disaster news in tv to test if i talked anything related to it. to check if i have any foreseeing talent. and that shown me i am nt any psychic cause i see whatver happens is just coincidences. not repeated thign of foreseeing things exists. its just coincidences. so i guess i am a post modernist:) since i tested whether i am psychic or not myself with that car experiment of predicting a car would come from or not from the road at that instant. pseudo science. busted. like myth busters. i tested my pseudo scientific belief (of being a psychicor not with checking with that car experiment) and it got busted. i am not any psychic. 




so its coincidences or not. i am always telling things that happent/happens. in every topic. exactly 100% of everything.





ok so happy to news there is no scary thing :) there is no scary thing:) Thanks FBI for replying to public's queries :) ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡





and i were too reaction impulsive talking last day but i wish people understand how i felt against reading such insult. of being resembled to an alternative medicine things or anti vaccination campaign creator. :S thats something i am not definitely:S

 I felt as if i am tried to be insulted and in a very stressed way i reacted in my most natural sentences for to such try to insult sentences. cause whatever thing i write here is real/really happens. please do fact checking please before trying to insult.


and conspiracy things are really real also. nothing i tell is unreal. leia incident really happnt.or other things. i think leia and the other incident of "kids sometimes forgot plant/household names" were creepy coincidences to me. so ime myself tested my psychic powers. there were two alternative roads to workplace. one is very wide way. one passes inside a village. and has a very narrow passage where you dont see other side. then everytime i pass there, when a car comes out that narrow place it kind of is frightening while its not dangerous since its narrow but we arrange our cars to either both cross sides so no accident happens. i thought if i could predict whether a car would come out or not everytime i go there according to my feelings, i could test it i thought. in first trial, i felt very adrenaline thinking feeling like a car would come out from that place, and it happent. but in all other trials it failed. so i understood from that experiment i am not a psychic. i dont for sure know psychics could predict things or if pyshiccs exists or not. buut i tested myself and saw i am not in such way.

so nothing i tell is unreal.

the psychihc things (i know its like X files:P) :

-it all started with princess leila thing.i were in istanbul. i wanted to try doing my second ever sculpture in life. it went so unplanned.  it ddnt even resembled any womans while i tried to sculpt a woman face type. it looked like mans. so i failed in this second sculpturing trial so i said at least make her hair look cool so: i made her hair and i saw it resembledd princes leila's hair and i said " wovv it looked like princess leila's hair. and that day i must had mentioned my sculptyring trials in twitter i dont remember. then next day i heard princess leila passed away:S so i asked am i a psychic in first this case.


then other things happens like i see i am talking ame topic wth people i follow in internet but without reading them ever before. but not too much this happent only 3 times. but topics arent very ferquently talked topics eiuther. one were atlases (it were brain atlas), one were squid like robots, one other were barista topic.


one other thing were reading a writer name in quora and saying wov i never saw a name like this and i defntly ddnt liked it, it resembles a name i dnt like. then next day in news i read a disaster happent(storm/mud flow) in a place in world with that name (that i also first time learnt exists such place in earth with such name)


then i said wanted to do rhinoplasty in Phillpnes and i next day read a storm happent there and a ferry gone away:S


then but i do think these are coincidences. only the talking similar topics wiht people without before reading them seems weird to me. (like atlas, or squid or barista) and the creepiest one were as i told:i told in blog i dnt remember one my plant's name. then in same day i listened anthropology podcasts and its not a personalized list. it flows further pages with n many pages. i get to last pages and first selected a podcast about cultural conflicts. then left inn middle and selected anohter podcast to listen to. then it were about some anthropology topic(included also sociology and lots of common cliches this time about social sciences, otgher podcasts there have no such feeling of cliches, in only that one i felt i dont learn much) i dnt fully remember its context but it said in one of sentences "kids sometimes dont remember plant/household names". this were the i think weirdest coincidence. so nothing i tell is conspiracy theory. so when a disaster happens, i always check whether that day or the day before i said any word that might be kind of foretelling like having psychic powers thingies due to this things. and i am tellign full truth. but before when my life were hard, as people lean to religion more when life is harder, while being an atheist, i leant to more believe whether these incidents really make me a psycic or not.  but now since my life is better alot, i do follow more modernist and less post modernist thing in that and i see them as coincidences. except the "kids sometimes dont remember plant/household names" creeps me. i dont know how that coincidence happent. i at that moment, i took it as if i am a psychich and this means i have entree level in psychich capabilities. but now i since my life is easier, i do see these things as just coincidences. but still that podcast coincidence confuses my mind for whether pyshichs exists. but those things really really happent.and i am not trying to build conspiracy theories either.

and i am not also building conspiracy theories also in cancer case. since they tried to insult me like that. let be fully known whatever i write here is fully 100% real. only people with specific motives against me(i thought as big pharma) would try to show its not real while its real while whatever i write is always in every situation is real 100%. and anyone could prove its real via checking what i write and checkign things i talk about e.g. princess leila incident or else whatever topic is, just check pelase before trying to insult. so i never tell somethign thats not real.



and for the bioinformatics firms, as told i have a very close relative who solved 2 problems from 7 world's unsolvable math problems(Clay institute). and one is p=np and other one is hidden that we also dont know. so i am really hopeful in curing cancer with maths ways with super computing way in long future with nanotechnology and moleculer engineering ways. I want to eradicate chemotheraphy as something of past or also biopsies either if i could in future work with my brother. so i am nt an anti vaccination person or a person who says who thinks alternative medicine is good. i jsut said i dont like current ways of treatments any of cancer:S while i have a benign tumor this partially invasive techs i see seems ok good but not very good. i think this is an existential problem, this cancer illness. and wish i could work in future with ali bro to fix it. cause i dont like the fact that we biological beings die or get cancer. i want to disrupt two topics as told. whomever is against me could be against for my arguments. btu i do see how tech can fastly evolve in every area, and wishfully in future would be able to build super computers with close relative. its just dreams to work on such projects. not sure whether its feasible. i just said that the utopia we live in has a problem with cancer illness. i do think we all(most of ) live in utopias enabled by tech since life become much more easier/utopias wtr to past ways of life. but i think utopia would be the nicest form if cancer and death topics(being eternal beings goals) were also solved/fixed. so that human condition becomes free of such irritating things l;ike cancer. no whatever  they try to show it good as if its normal to get cancer nor to normal to die since because we are biological beings, i dont get it as normal. call me crazy but i want tofix both of them if i could. i would try to. might not be ablke to of course. but would try. i am not the only one who believes in trans-humanism in quora i saw others also exists in this. i do find dying as the worst existential problem of life. and would work to fight against getting old mechanisms and cancer also in long future. if i could build games. or build company with my relatives. then would try to create such projects with such targets. I dont accept the level of cancer tech that is not super good. ok maybe current tech enables such only such way treatments. but i think in future better ways would exist definitely like happens in every sector/area. so i am not agaisnt chemotheraphy its the only way but doesnt make me like it. i dont like those ways. and want to disrupt this area in long future to eradicate such invasive ways whch both heals and partially kills also. thats the only ways only for now. in future we would have much better ways since i see other startups working in bioinfomratics to cure cancer. my goal is also like that. but its a goal for long future. and as said i dont know if its possible either. but i did set it as a goal to reach.  not sure if could reach. but as told, i do find this attitude of forceably stupidly understanding of what people write very indecent(like trying to label me as if i am an anti vaccinisit:S this were the most forcingly wrong understanding of what i write)  and that there are very bad motives behind that to me. anyway. lets continue trying to do projects. and be strong people always against such attitudes. 



ok my last ngiht and my day passed with these things topics. continueing game thingy now yepp :) yepp opent programming music for fast minds:) my mind isnt fast anymore:P but this music really creates coding ernergy.i feel so lacking energy today. anyway. lets wish my mood becomes happier/more energetic as i do coding:)

in times when we feel sad, which narratives work, hmm no to dramatizing yepp but i am not dramatizing either. ok some song for serotonin i need to find from these songs:) maybe i watch a funny tv show to have serotonin more. yepp i would do that for a tiny while:) so that i have enryg to continue my gamey coding in today:)



and whatever thing i write here is real/really happens(in every topic i mentioned). so please do fact checking please before trying to insult.for people who try to insult me i wld ask to do check facting before:S




unrelatedly,

yepp i with watching a tv show i liked and now hjave coding energy after a stresing/scaring day last day. yepp now i am normal back again seeing nothign to stress/scare. nice:) happier yeppp i am:) actually not my usual highh serotonin level. i actually feel down today. not as energetic in coding gamey thingy like day before. but need to stop this down mood and be energetic again. normally listenin music makes me happy. but feels as that doesnt makes me happy either now. ok its ok to feel down when after such day:P happier now i am and but still feel not the exact super energetic guhu like day ebfore:P but feeling much better than earlier times thgat i scared/stressed alot due to various things news i seen. now seen news i feel lesser stressed/ and happier. but my drowning of energy hadnt quite passed not in super game coding mood now:P ok how to forget stressing/scaring last day? hmm lets draw sometihng? yepp. since watching tv show ddnt worked to give coding power yet:) maybe i should wash my hair. yepp but maybe just i should draw. to forget last day and reinit the coding energy to gamey. yeppp.how to get back to normal mood after stressing/scared hours.  yepp should get back to energetic mood asap. but i feel like a mess actually. i dnt know why. fixing this. yepp. fixing this mood thingy. yepp. making me happier with my own sentences:P gonna fix my mood:) yepp each word by word.ok music ddnt worked. ok lets draw things on paper and think of happy things. and try to get back energetic mood.yeppp thinking of future where i work on super computers made me little bit more happy now. but still feel like a mess or kind of nonenergetic mood. ok wishfully i setup energy and maybe a good sleep would refix my such lack of happiness state. i am not like this usually. actually i am most of the time alot energetic person. yepp. fixing this mood thingy. lets look to hardwork memes:). that also creates kind of motivation. yeppp i am motivated to code again even thinking one meme i remember about hardwork. yeppp. lets go outside and get some fresh air. yeppp.how i wish i knew how to play violin now. since i would play some songs to feel happy now:) ok maybe i try drawing things. yepp. that also makes happy. not now but. ok. hmm. so lets go outside and breath some air yepp:) and open my gaming soundtracks to feel energy to code. yepp half life dub step mix would give energy maybe:) yeppp.ok that might not give me much energy. or might. i dont know. yepp i think coding would give me energy. since it felt nice to continue the coding thingys that part. ok. nice. just first go outside and breath some fresh air. and continue coding thingy. yeppp. i have my energy back again:) yepp:) nice:)


I have my usual energy level back:) i usually never lack energy to my startup but happent alittle while for just today. then back to startup  building energy mode again :)  nice to be back in being energetic thingy:)

yeppp and a funding firm wanted to talk of my gamey :) yayyy :) lhave meeting tomorrow most possibly. now the house's electric system has gone so i stop working. sicne i need to read lots before first meeting with investor firm yepp:)


its not sure there would be a meeting:) but its so happy an investor firm returned to my project idea:) (its first time this happens this fastly:) confirming to me my gamey idea might be actually a nice startup idea :))(in previous startup, there hadnt been such return other than one firm which only added to special session of monitored startups (for future funding) but it wernt funding:P in this startup, in after my partial application i get responded that means this time i really might have a nice idea:) yayyy:)


yeppp i need to send a mail that i wanted to send later on as my parents forces me to. i wanted to init that work visa process later after my startup gets clear.(i wanted to init work visa if onlyh my startup fails since i inited the creation of a startup study). (my contract with a standard work place will start in september. but i decided to have a startup instead. and i want to init workvisa process as late as possible. but parents want me to init. ok. i wish i had this week also before since this week i would build demo/mvp for my startup) i had decided it as: if i succeed in mvp i wouldnt init work visa there and would cancel my contrct that is bounding me after 1st of september.  btu parents force to send mail to init work visa process. my plan were: build startup now this weeks and so if it fails i apply to work visa to continue work life. since i have 2 empty months before my contract begins.

aha i saw for work VISA i take work VISA with me applying to consulate. yepp.  so i would apply to:) yeppp



anyway. i think i wont send such mail also today and code startup instead:) if i create a demo and a product, since it would be high graphics quality i think there is high chance to scale:) cause such games in web browser dont exist yet:P

it feels inappropriate to init work visa thing when i am also building a startup. so i would try to build mvp asap and find funding instead cause as visible i want to create startup.  and gaming sector has high return rate. if it scales. i would make sure it looks awesome so that there exists a big chance of scaling:)



ok i have huge coding energy today:)



Wov the things scientists works are amazing:
https://www.nytimes.com/2019/07/02/magazine/dead-pig-brains-reanimation.html?utm_source=quora&utm_medium=referral

They have the key to forever being alive thing:) wov:) congrats and many many wovs

I had not missed the simulacrum word:) its a super cute coincidence.  (I wish i were intelligent like these genius scientists and could work in such science projects :) lots of congrats! amazed and would follow the results its amazing!   wov! and lots of wovs :)  and i definitely would be a very strict follower of New York Times articles:) )


(We all send lots of thanks to people who work to develop science and also hidden angels, who try to support all other people when even if they are not scientists or built things yet:) some hidden angels exist in world as guhu observes:) that support in emotional wise when people are  just sad or down due to bad happenstances? :) Thanks to hidden angels :))))))))))))  Thanks to all hidden angels:) Truly, with all our heart:) ok this world is truly really very amazing place i think:)) i dont know whom my hidden angels are:) but i see the visible support to all wanna be scientists (even i am old i want to work in bioinformatics in future) and we send lots of thanks to all of hidden angels:))))))))) (that try to make people lose not goals while they just look like their mood or just people who work for science or for arts or for goals or helping humanity. and sometimes in this world, amazing incidents happens:) and thanks to all hidden angels:))))))))))))))))

my road map to try to enter science is from super computers part for bioinformatics parts, but what these people work in is amazing super amazing and super super amazing.  and the foundation of any modelling simulation effort (computer science part) comes from the amazing findings of how actual systems work. and its super amazing:) I guess if i could have found the key to being eternal in future(its just a dream to me, dont know if its feasible in nanotechnology side and i dont even know if i could create such businesses, just onlyt time would show, i might not have talent/iq to create such companites in future, dont know, only time would show:) ), this team would had much before found it. its amazing:) excitedly would follow the works of these super amazing scientists! wov and many wovs!  (I wish i were also intellgnt as these scientists and could work in such projects:) I once applied but were rejected:) (it were about bioinformatics, i were sent mail for being eligible for such application(5 years ago or 4 years ago, i think maybe 4.5 years ago), i got alot excited, it were in Maryland in bioinformatics institute for NHS but i were given an exam but solved it but i think hadnt been found eligible some how:P but  were quite excited for such chance to apply to work in bioinformatics:)  i must be lacking talent to work so by then:) since they ddnt returned:P ) ) (many many wovs seeing such studies :) lots of wovs! its amazing:) the most amazing project i ever seen actually :) i wish i were also this much intellgnt and could work in such project:)  ) (its truly the most exciting/amazing project i ever seen awhile:) I also liked the Brain collobrative project (for brain atlases) but it iterates slowly:) these people turn brains back:)wov:) its the most amazing project i ever seen in my life:) would follow very strictly. cant deny it created goose bumps:) its truly the most amazing project i ever seen in my life:))





(ok doesnt look this little bit Frankenstein:D and i loved it:D since i love the topic of returning back to life:) ) (wo:ndering would i be one of those pig brains they mess with if we also give our bodies to science if somehow die early. would i want to be resurrected like that? :) only if it happens gets good as the movie in that cyberpunk movie, what were name of, that i liked, if only when if tech in this gets to this level, i really might had wanted to get resurrected:) seems as that cyberpunk movie gonna get real in time?:) lots of people has wanted to be donors as i read (in case they die early) so even if i been donor i might not have such chance ) but to be donor: would i want such state where i am freezed inside my brain. thinking of it. i think its awesome. but i think before being donor i would try such things in hospital for if i could handle it like losing input output senses? since the person would ave to rebuild input output cells perception cells from zero (if they place the system inside an exoskeleton? wov its like that cyberpunk movie:)) (i like most poepople this topic of returning to life topic alot :)) i think this project is truly amazing/awesome:)  wov that cyberpunk movie is becoming real:) wov:) amazing:) its the best project i ever read for a lot while:) right frm sci-fi movies:) this years, jsut the tech always makes me say that i thought this would only exist in sci-fi movies for a long while and seeing in real life,  its awesome:) amazing:) wov:)s
ey dont
( and the article writer i would definitely follow :) yayyy:) )


 ---------------------



meanwhile i got that i misunderstood one article as sayng me bad thing of anti vaccinist. it turns out that, as i get that, it were an article suggesting to not follow alternative treatments to we tumor holders. sorry for misnderstanding.

cause i got a news feed sayign fb and youtube arent doctors but they dont tumor holders to not follow such alternative treatments. ok this thing of interacting got off track of misunderstanding level for me misunderstanding that news a whole differnt. first of all i never seen wsj article first. sorry for my misunderstanding like that:) i just seeing that bbc article thought bbc article meant some attack against me meaning something  bad. it turns out its not but its for we like people for not to follow alternative treatments in such cases. so it wernt any insult.i told doctors are angels and youtube/fb arent doctors but kind of mail list i received. so it werent any insult. sorry very much for my misunderstanding to bbc news:P I apologize for my misunderstanding as if it were an insult. as i get it were asuggestion to follow to not follow any alternative treatments. I apologize alot for that:) it werent any related to me what bbc article written. it were a link to wsj article. and it were not any related to me either, it were an article for tumor holding people to not follow alternative treatments. it were an advise not an insult. i get it since i said doctors are angels. and i received a mail these tech companies are not doctors but kind of news article with following info. ok sorry for my misunderstanding as if it were insult. lots of sorries:) and thanks for such advise for not to follow alternative tech in dealing with tumors :) (mine is benign (a fibro adenom with nodules that were 2 cm as detected but is benign since they did biopsy) but still scares alot :))  Many thnaks to fb and youtube for showing we people to not follow alternative techs in cancer treatment:)(i am not cancer mine is benign but again lots of thanks:))))))))))))))))))))))) (i thought understood very wrongly that BBC article as if it were targeting me :P i hadnt seen the WSJ article even :) ) (too much sorry to BBC article:S i would like to apologize very mcuh for misunderstanding as if its an article targeted me while it were having advises for us to not follow alternative medicine:) and yet i still hadnt seen the WSJ article yet but today opent its headline and it told of vaccines. its silly i told vaccine word also without even reading that article before:) ok its not being psychic. its just because its the same topic not any psychic situation :) ok i saw that newslette rsaying youtube/fb arent doctors but sentence. so it means, we had written doctors arent like angels? so i really have interesting
interaction with news papers? or news letters ? :))


(and i still dont know if it were tht super intllgnt founder who steals my words or just that insta account and managed by that account holders? like hidden gems? or other topics?(like holding on to flowers?) is it him or just that insta account holder? ok i have word stealing topic happens i see:) i have lots of friends? (i thought it were him and took it like that, now seems to me it were that insta account holder that has not relatedness to him. i thought since its his cmpny? :P and such offcl account? maybe he just tried to be friends?and i misunderstood, quite possible, sorry to him if thats the case? or maybe that account has no relatedness to him. which seems to me the most logical explanation to these things. ok. i saw word stealing of  holding on to something topic or flowers or hidden gems and thought like that. seems as i misunderstood or most possibly that account is unrelated to him yeppp. ok i forget that super intelligent person's word stealing:D i think he wernt behind that. i think it were mybe somepeople other who has impact on that account? quite possible. so i have new friends now this time not founder friends (whihc i confused as friend since my words are stolen) but this time scientist friends:) since they steal my words:) hello to new friends(that are friends:) not more than friends :) friends:) ) bye to founder friend(that i confused as more than friends since due to flowers topic and long before some cute acts now i get it as they were an impersonation of him that send that... which visibly wernt real. ok lots of confusion:SSSSSSS  that friendship of founder were also a honor(if he were a friend? maybe just people imprsntd him). ubt seems as we cnt cmmncte/msndrstnd. so bye to him if he were a friend. ok i gt new friends now also :P so bye:P)

-----------------

and i in this misunderstanding tahnking super alot o this New York Artice that steals words from my blog like simulacrum:) super thanks alot:)


and truly thats the most amazing project i ever seen in my life. seeing people who like to turn first pigs to eternal (maybe humans in long future?) and having have a chance to know such projects:) and seeing my words there topics there from stranger things and simulacrum topics. ok this is alot help/motivation to science entrees in long future (that i want to work in science in not much long but kind of near future after game project) and very much thanks to such hidden angels help for people who feel down and just with an exciting news. i dont know whom is my hidden angel beside such news:) ok thank you hidden angel or angels:) We love science:) (and we wouldnt give up our science dreams for in long or near future ones:) ) (yepp i have a dream of constructing a bioinformatics company:))

lost of hearts to hidden angels that help science wannabe entrees in most surprising ways:) i send lots of many many thanks to my hidden angels:)))))))))))))))))))))) I dont know whom they are:) but this gives enormous energy to future science entrees for people like us:))))))))))))))))))) many many thanks and many hearts:))))))))))))))))))))))))))

this world is really an amazing place, cause hidden angels exist:))))))))))))))))))   that gives also energy to study more to dreams :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

 (ok from now on i am a New York Times Fan also for trying to wanna help science entrees not lose their dreams in terms of confusion with stealing words from their blogs :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) ok i think one hidden angel is New York Times?:))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))  thank you hidden angels:))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

------------------------------------------


ok for my path to science if i could create such path, i want to create bioinformatics firms to study super computing for bioinformatics.

as told i once received a job offer from NHS for such role with a mail but i couldnt win the job i dont know why:P (must i have lacked talent by then:) ? )
it were a quite exciting moment to me:)
ok i wish i also could had worked(i were intellgnt enough to work) in this amazing project where they create such type of simulacrums:) Many many respects to this amazing scientist people:) (I wish i were intllgnt enough to be able to work like them:) in such amazing projects:))


me myself not being that much intellgnt, would try to create super computers based on a relative person's algorithms papers in future (my ali bro found p=np and solved another problem from Clay's math institute problem set. I am not any intellgnt like him. in creating super computers for bionformatics, i were intending to use his papers, not because i am also super intellgnt like my ali bro nor these super intellgnt scientist people:) i have such goal:) to create a game product and then with capital i raise try to create super computing projects like that:)


but its so amazing to have friends whom steal my words:) i saw i have a scientist friend and its super happy:) hello scientist friend who does amazing projects:) its super super happy to receive yours attention:) hello amazing people:) i dont know if you are thebhidden angels or some people writing that article like that:) but hello amazing friends:)  I had goose bumps reading yours projects:) Its truly the most amazing project i ever seen (since i am also interested to eternal life topic and transhumanism topic:) )
 ok i wish i could also work in science topic in future so much:)


I were super sad when i lost the bioinformatics job in Maryland... ok you people create future techs that we thought in movies only would exist. Lots of respects. and i wish if someday i could work in a bioinformatics projects, i wish i could really communicate in such science environment:) Hello:)


















---------------------------------------------------below extremely unrelated topic, life trouble:


ok i want to code my game alot but my mom and dad sends me to take work VISA preparation. its my fault  i ddnt created my independence so that i turned dependent for 3 months. but happy to have helping parents when just instantly i found my self unworking since i ddnt kept my mouth shut while i found new job and wanted to resign in month :) ) (but i just ddnt had power to live in that city since i am stalker by a serdar named sociopath a real life sociopath mentally ill for real. that comes to outside of this home place to shout things doing sociopathy acts. this serdar named sociopath impersonates foreign names that are famous. visibly had read my blog and saw i were fan to some foreing names, started calling himself such name. and does constant impersonation/giving aliases to people/calling people naive while he stalks like that/a definite sociopath.  also comes to this house's surrounding to do such act. so i just left that city also and wanted to resign since i were burnt out due to such issue. having a real sociopath stalking is shitty.  i guess all maniac people that stalks me are rooted to this sociopath. i am stalked by a hell bent sociopath that tries to destroy/disturb a target's life. but i dont stress now.

my stress points are like normal people now. i am over trauma of dealing confronting a sociopath's stalk. the socio gives aliases to people/impersonates people/i see some kind of gas lighting/lie creation/shouting naive to target he selects/creating lies and such following/stalk. all kind of sociopathic acts that is expected from a sociopath. aynway i dont stress now as i stressed before. but reason i were burnt out were exactly that. i am kind of into psychology area. i am stalked by a serdar named sociopath mentally ill whom cant separate real/unreal as i see. has a sociopath world where he sees people as naive and targets them to such stalk/sociopathy acts. anyway, i am over trauma of or burnt out in life due to such situation. i have full energy to follow my dreams:)

psyho shouts me naive and targets me with sociopath acts, happent last midnight, also comes to this house's surrounding to do such act. real life sociopath.  but not stressed anymore. i would read blogs to learn things about sociopathy to fight against such behaivors. my mood is not stressing nor caring these days. before i stressed but could do also nothing(i would sue to police) but i dont know whom he is. he comes to my house surroundings/stalks me in cafes/outside and shouts naive. a real life sociopath. but i am strong against it:) and over trauma of confrnting such acts:) ok i cant lie i entered little bit stress last night and stop coding game but wouldnt do such act when again socio serdar stalks like that.



--------------------------------------


ok i cant believe a scientist and his studies had words stolen from my blog:) its super happy:))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
ok lets fullfill mom and dad's requests of going to work visa but i just want to work to code game to create capital to bioinformatics firm:) and be friends with scientist team if ever possible if i also become scientist in long future:) if ever they want to be friends:) and if ever i could create such projects in road to being eternal beings:) if i could be succesful like that (if i am too lucky and be succesful in creating such company:))







-------------------------- and awhile:)
ok many hearts to New York Times:)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
--------------------------




ok is this a nice competition against whose simulacrum is better:) for sure its theirs and its alot super levels of honor to take attention of this amazing scientist team:) (to see simulacrum word there:P)




 references to animation also:) ok i really might have super intelligent scientist friends:) hello friends:) its a honor to take yours attention:) hi:)




(sometimes life is really amazing when such things like this happens:))



----------------------

ok back to hardwork times after such excitement of having super intelligent scientist friends that work on super fun super amazing (& fun) projects :)



ok life is both little bit hard but its also super levels of amazing :))))))))))))))))))) i would code till morning this night to game for my simulacrum (whihc is not any slight degree cool as theirs simulacrum :)))))))))))))))))))) and its super cool to have such friends:) hello:) hi:)



i see transhumanism is not in just ideas levels like in me(its dreams for me that i would really work on but its just dreams in me and i dnt know if i could create/succeed since i m not super intllgnt) but amazing super intellgnt scientists are very near to making it already real:) so future we like to see(we transhumanists) is already happening right now:) wov:)



Happy 4th July to friends:) yeppp:)






(and also happy birthday to my ali bro:))






--- so how today passed:
had a small fight with family that (i hadnt said any words for fight) but my heart broke and it fixed later:P. now we are good. (yepp when i remember it it still breaks my heart:P ok i dont forget heart breaking sentences fastly:P even if we got better very shortly afterwards. when i remember that sentence it still breaks my heart.anyway. should get over. and code my game:P .   had unrelated stressing times and reflected to me with a sentence. but now we are ok/good. lets try not to remember that sentence which is heart breaking/very uncarefully/unthoughtfully told. i wont forget for a while:P i cant easily fastly get over heart breaking sentences:P )
ok now i converted my resume to German (yepp:) work VISA prep)   (via google translate, i know very little German, just greetings or basic sentences, vie gehts? kind of:P or Ich habe ... kind of. very very basic level yet )

yepp now game work time :) (i know my game is not any cool as friends' super cool science projects :) )


ok now could init coding game and would code all weekend:) (I collected/prepared VISA documents awhile so couldnt code game awhile:) now coding all weekend this weekedn yayyy :))


feeling awesome today:) (since accomplished all VISA  doc preparation tasks:) )


ok planned a little bit travel plans also inside my mind:) hiring a car and traveling in France:) and going to Barcelona:)  in next year:) I love traveling with both friends and but also alone:) would do both traveling types :)



ok i think the benign tumor(fibro adenom) hurted/felt weird since i get weight here:) ok one more reason to lose weight:) but i got too much scared. but when scare passed, :D ,  i know i would postpone biopsy ? :P i dont know. i might do it like: i might travel alot for a month and then have biopsy:Pok the weirdness in my adenom under my arm passed but i get that the feeling of benign tumor changes along when i get weight. it scared me hell alot:D then scare slightly faded away as i get used to this state:) so i think that, i would have biopsy after i travel alot for a month:P i am not any cancer. (its benign) just biopsy op scares me i hate tests/exams:P ok scared the hell out of me, just after starting hurting. its like a point feels more inside and burn feelign also but just a point inside. then that burn feeling in time passed. maybe a new fibro adenom ? i dont know what happent. i think this happent since i got weight here. but there also happent some weird feeling in my adenom under my right arm. so i think i might had an infection or something like that? i had an infection in my left heel due to a shoe. then it newly passed(i used outside medicine to that, it collected water even:SSS).  my lenf's being feeling weird newly passed as scar in my heel passed. so that were related to that infection? yepp seems so. but the hurt of benign tumor might had happent because i got fat. possible. but both of them happening at same time scared me alot. now my lenf under my arms feels ok. so my fibro adenom: its benign. i mean its not cancer. but still feels like a mini wound exists inside. i dont know why it behaved like this. must be just because i get weight. yepp.must be because of that.  i created a crisis to myself since scared hell now get that the lenf feeling weird were because of my heel's infection to shoe. it newly passed/passing. so fibro adenoms hurts. doctor said its ok to hurt. its nice that it hurts. they say that the nonbenign things dont hurt. but fibro adenoms hurt. as happens also in my case.  ok i got over scare of it:) but i saw that the adenom side's lenf felt weird because i had an infection in my left heel. its weird, my right lenf adenom got felt weird when i had an infection in left heel:D these thigns works in reversed paths? :D ??
 


I feel awesome today:D and planning lots of holidays in my head:D
I feel like an energy reactor today:D too much energy:D since i think because i have an entire weekend to code game:D ok lets continue game:)



hmm decided to make my hair straight. i cant believe i am either going to be an expat on exciting fashion industry (something i dreamt to be:) being an expat:)) or a game startup founder:) both careers looks super fun:)  (of course i also dream to work in medicine sector but its for my further years:) maybe for 3 years later :)) (if game startup happens, then super computing topics would be studied, so i think medicine side studying could start ~in 3 years if the career of a game startup founder happens:)) my both career alternatives looks super fun to me:) (i wuold be either an expat in Germany :) ) (or a game startup founder that lives in multi cities:)) (both 2 options looks both super fun:)) (i am super happy :) )

(ok if i become an expat, i think i would travel alot in weekends :) )  (and if i become a game startup founder, i might again be in multi cities state :)) (i know i like traveling alot:P) (specifically alone:P of course i would also travel with friends:) but i love solo traveling alot:))



(ok today i had the most normal photo ever taken(VISA photo, it looks like me). the other photo which is used in my passport and identity card is ugly as hell:D(ok i am ugly but that photo is uglier than me for sure:)) )


ok wikipedia impact: while reading the lat / long based geographic coordinate systems and actually dted data's coordinate system, found myself in here:

http://www.wikizero.biz/index.php?q=aHR0cHM6Ly9lbi53aWtpcGVkaWEub3JnL3dpa2kvU3BoZXJpY2FsX2hhcm1vbmljcw

definitely want to learn much more about. since i saw how much places its used in. and i like eigenvectors topic usually:)  and seen quantum configurations of electrons orbitals there. so definitely should learn about the underlying tools deeply.

i always want to learn every detail of any topic i read. and here, i see that, i lack basic information in geographic coordinate systems. i before only used libraries for conversions. but wanted to understand roots of it. and saw that i am using the same geoid repreesentation but for defining functions of geoids, i liked learning this new concept. i thopught if i going to devise a dted like format myself for heightmap representation on earth, i just couldnt found a good way me myself thinking for a little while, then lets said open holy wikipedia,  and after reading this, i said i know why i cant device:D so its nice to learn about this crucial tool :) more i read wikipedia, more i learn what i dont know:P


ok so in game currently coding coordinate systems side i am.  happy that this side makes me learn about this little bit. not fully. i would note this link. hmm so i might also use spherical harmonics to select sampling of separation of lat longt degrees? for taking sun's normals? how many normals for i would calculate sun's look in sky? shouold i use also spherical harmonics. i think if i use it might be nice. of course i could just sample skydomes at 5 degrees separation crudely. hmmm. of course its not ok to sample like that. i hate to not code again and that i have to enter learning curve thing again, but i should learn this spherical harmonics topics to create my own normals selection on geoid. i were planning to sample just same longitudes all around:P but saw the problem with it as i tried to design instantly. so spherical harmonics would help me if i could learn them asap:P lets not fully learn with every equation understood to its roots, just learn in level that i can design my own lat longt sampler along geoid for creations of such many sky dome visualizations around globe.(since i need to be agile and continue coding asap instead of learning domain knowledge to contniue to code)

or i might just take dr constant in terms of polar coordinates? and creating the grid of normals to take of various lat long coordinates along first z=constants. and z's constants taken also with dr being same along the axis of  y =0? no no no it needs to be spherical harmonics defined way that is the best way to create the grid of normals. there is no logical simplification like that:P i initially fell in to such fallacy. lets learn the spherical harmonics then. i hate leaving coding since i need to code alot this week:) but lets learn asap very asap this spherical harmonics thingy to control this taking nice grid of normals instead of unbalanced ones.  ok i normally like to learning things, but this time i wish i knew the domain knowledge beforehand and so i continued coding rihgt now. anyway lets learn asap that topic yeppp. and i feel as this might give me creativity in tiles design when i create tiles. so that my tiles would have more rational shapes along taking in to account the coverage of earth. when one knows more math, has more design power in games.  i know no maths yet that i want to had:P wish i learn maths much more in time. during these specific mini tasks maybe i learn more. wishing like that. that i learn more maths during my hobby projects like this.  this is usually the way i learn things. i create hobby projects and learn things i wonder with that. i never could learn in disciplined ways :P (everyone learns topics she/he wonders in his/her way:D)


ok i forget s curves in startup business growth modeling:) from now on my equations on startup resources would be 3d with spherical coordinates :D or even 5d as i saw they also model that. if i learn this.

this part i love about learning things, it gets use case in lots of different topics:) so instead of four quadrant analysis with a coordinate system on strenght weakness analysis, we could move around spheres or more dimensions surfaces for to do plan business models of startups. the product road map modeling, i would definitely learn this spherical coordinates ways to have more precise control of what i want to optimize. or there may exist better convex optimizations right? that also exist, but let this also exist.  ok i think both convex optimization and this new methods of Legendre polynomials ways could be utilized in investigating and modeling dynamically changing surfaces of that multidimensional customer product interaction?

i wish i knew this topic alreadly so that i add to my business plan not a strength and weakness graphics but more finer detailed models on that:P but that would also take time:S have to do write lots of jupyter notebook codes for that and need to gather free data from web.   ok i of course plan my startup's business plan with BI's tools i know from my ml expertise. but seems as need to also learn about spherical harmonics. designing a product in multiple dimensions with precise control on them. i infer current BI toolsets provide that. but i want to code my BI tools myself on jupyter notebook thingies. since i want to use deploy my selected ML methods myself:)  (ok i know little bit (actally not beginner but mediocre level) ML :) maybe some good level but not any expert or else. since i lack lots of maths to be expert in ML yet. just in some level of in between beginner to mediocre level i am or maybe i am already a mediocre level data scientist due to thanks alot to my previous workplace for giving me ML tasks:) thanks :D i now have chance to create my own BI tools much better than my previous ML knowledge (from my failed startup trial of causalera) )  I would plan my product with both experiments and both BI and maybe machine learning models with reinforcement learning(i never used reinforcement learning yet). ok when game demo is ready, the fun part of my own coded BI tools would come, it would be alot fun since creating own tools in jupyter notebooks is kinda alot fun. in whatever task is, whether classification or prediction tasks:) some kde's some som's some hebbian models, whatever we want is in our fingerprints in jupyter notebook. so thanks alot to my previous workplace for having me chance to code in jupyter notebook so i learnt about that:) i before only used mchine learning algos in bare python code or just svd codes or just spark codes. had entered little bit to machine learning world in prev work place and thanks super alot for that hey previous workplace:) (appsamurai named firm it is). my new workplace is also very very amazing, and i would work in data engineering tasks:) and this time in fashion sector which i like alot:)

its quite exciting, both possible two futures, being an expat as data engineer in a fashion firm that i liked alot the team and the company and the tasks alot:) (i liked my future team alot and my future managers also and company alot :)) and or be a game startup founder in mini time awhile. i dont know which future would happen. but both possible futures feels super exciting to me:)






for any resource planning:
now that i would have fun to define my own BI toolsets/my own optimizations for product roadmap or expectations or any thing like marketing costs planning models, i would analyze all models with ML and my business model would enclose that results. would plan my business with ML:P

hybrid optimization topic, i once bought a book about it long before where i bought lots of things from Springer that time. hybrid optimzation: its a complex system where we modify parameters of a complex multi leg optimization system. yeppp. i want to have such merged systems where each leg is different and entire system is optimized in future in planning my customer acquisition or other things.  its so happy toe me to have learnt ML more awhile in career:) since its always useful in everything:)


wov nice its used in triangulization:)
https://www.hindawi.com/journals/mpe/2015/582870/


ok i definitely want to rest:P  since i know i wont stop without learnign this topic to write my own samplers:P and since its 01:42am and my energy to work is not much. lets wake up early.  or lets study little. ok i cant deny i missed studying such topics like being lost in articles. it always happens like this when i am inside a startup trial:) ok i wont rest since i have no sleep now. i should atleast create my ways since that article defines the topic very nicely so i can learn from there to build the methods upon. then would read dted's coordinate systems implementation details in geodesy part again. ok i really liked game making me learn about these topics:)

ok we can have many shapes that have same surface area to cover the geoid's surface. for that we can create iterative algos. so we dont need to know spherical harmonics to parametrize surface like fourier series as i see now their meaning for why people use that in dted.  but want to learn more about them. since they seem as useful. its easy to create similar areas on geoid. ok i still dont know how its used in dted fully. would read about the algorithms in that side.  hexagon surface builders or cube surface builders, to model the geoid's mesh someway and assigning normals to their centers as the sampled normals. i still wonder how they utilize spherical harmonics in that. anyway would learn about it in tomorrow.  since its rest time. not needing spherical harmonics in my case, or might be needing. since i hadnt throughly studied yet, dont know.

ok i see that if i know maths much more, i would be a good computer graphics person. i need to learn more maths then awhile for game thing like this mini study time for domain knowledge. 

everything is somehow related. e.g. whether you use hexagons or nto to define a shape is also related to somehow little bit to number theory seems as. so i want to learn about these topics more.


ok today is studying with tiesto music day:)  (as i told i also like electronic music:) )  
and many other techno music types:)  maybe also Faithless yeppp.


ok i see that i dont like Tiesto's some songs i liked alot when i were young. so i feel kind of old to listen or my music i like has changed as i became an old p[erson:D.  but some songs i still quite like alot:) i liked electronic music alot when i wernt an old person :) i think its one of the best music type :)

ok i figure out i am not very much in to electronic music when i got old.


ok i couldnt figure out my study playlist today yet. lets open a coding music that has 2 hours of compilations yepp.


ok i like alot this halflife compilations. ok i figure out i like game soundtracks when i am working for a game project right now:D


ok this spherical harmonics is really like fourier things in 3d:D wonderng how do they utilized in geographic coordinate systems exactly. lets check:)

yeah you can do matrice factorization like method to solve the coefficients to find the coefficients. so my first case of trying to create specific normals thats efficiently distributed along surface area is something other topic. so need to check if these spherical harmonics would be nice use to have that surface area covered essentially. the thing is that for me, to me, my model needs normals just initially to be efficiebntly distributed. as told there are other methods to do that, but wondering if we could utilize spherical harmonics for that. looks as doable. for that laplacian which results in 0 we might figure out many other representations not only spherical harmonics which looks as an intended copy of fourier invention and which looks nice.   but i dont have to use that representation for my own specific problem since laplacian=0 doesnt have to be rpresented by those thigns. not related to laplacian, i could cover my geoid with hexagons that have some sheering happening in flattened areas partially. or just mini cubes and take the cubes outwards normals for that.  but maybe i am missiung something since i dont know enough maths now. so lets study and find ways. and before all lets learn spherical harmonics much more and also see how dted uses it even with looking to code or if i could find algos of that wgs84 ? or such methods that depend on spherical harmonics.


ok why dont i use also heightmap data to calculate normals efficient usage, yeppp in that i would definitely need spherical harmonics like representation. hmmm. or some other representation that i define. i wanted to go step wise without initially taking heights in to accoutn for taking normals along surface of geoid that nearly same normal coiunt is shared in similar surface area, so to distrubute normals fairly. but this initial way of not taking the heightmap to account is ok and then changing it to also handle heightmaps is also ok. or just checking dted implementaiton to see how exactly they use spherical harmnics to efficiently code height information including both geoid shape and also height's impact. i wonder if they only use it to model geoid shape or do they use that to efficiently model heightmap. lets see first while getting more in to this topic.


ok this might be super useful in computer graphics tasks for defining shapes in game or buildings.  i were planning very crude ways to define buildings. but i dont know if i would use the crude ways to define my game's buildings generators.

https://liris.cnrs.fr/Documents/Liris-2276.pdf

better to know these. but before lets finalize this normals prep for the geoid shape thingy of  planet Earth. then finalize the ray marching thingy first. i stucked on normals prep of geoid shape. but would learn little bit of spherical harmonics awhile while doing that. the normals calculation is not the thing, guhu the yoda of rotation/translation/scale, there is no issue in that, just distributing normals along a surface equally, that part i stucked on:D it would had been quite easy if it were just a sphere:D why Earth why arent you sphere:P just distributing the normals sampling places on geoid surface took my extra time. i figured out without such shape representation in 3d fourier like ways, we could figure out some coarse grained ways. but before i want to learn about advanced ways to decide if i should utilize a basic way or an advanced way. but figured out, if i learn advanced ways, i could utilize in many parts in game also. but maybe not specifically this part.

ok if we modeled the sphere not with this specific functions but with fourier way but fouriers not defining the shape but the frequency of emitting a normal in x-y-z direction along from the sphere.  or not even with fourier ways to define shape? not needing that, we could iterate angular rotation in azimuth and theta along the center of sphere and emit normals according to surface curvature. so this normal distribution sampling could be solved with that without diving in to topics of spherical harmonics which are more a fourier way. actually this way i define is also kind of fourier way? not fully exactly. this be the coarse grained way i define to try to solve this mini problem. but still lets learn spherical harmonics since they look to be useful.  so i would do this method in both z-x plane and also x-y plane but it wouldnt be the most beautiful way to do it. its just a coarse grained algo. i think mathematical methods would define the fine grained way. so i should learn them. i figure out i have a tendency to follow maths in rieman sums or intuition based ways but not super into getting expert in formulations. but i see that formulations gives much more fine grained capability so i should get in to them more in some time. being lazy to that things, i should learn in time. maybe i get more in to awhile i coding this game. since they create the fine grained ways or the other possiblities in solution state space. not the only intuition based ways. they just define the crude ways. but the capability of being advanced in maths creates much more finer detailed solution set. so need to be unlazy and learn more. so there is no chance of being good in computer graphics while being lazy ion maths. since that leaves me just to intuition which is just a single tool. if i know maths more, i would have much more tools to solve these representation problems in game or mini algorithms etc. if i get over the laziness trait and could make myself study, i wish this problem of just being bound to intuitive silly ways to design my game's mini algorithms thing would be solved. i wish i get over laziness in that sometime. maybe today. lets learn more about this topic. so try to desing this normal sampling process in mathematically efficient way(fine detailed), not my intuitive way(coarse grained).ok how we paint draw things in computer graphics might be changed with spherical harmnics right? instead of rasterization. so this topic might create new ways to think on and show me that i need to learn maths to be good in computer graphics. i always asked whether there is newer way better way other than original rasterization methods. but this new type of shape representations might work for such new ways of painting and new graphic card architectures. and newer ways to define shapes of objects. why not. i always adored how opengl card specs change along time. specifically most liking the render to texture feature which enables nice ppost processing effects. but maybe its time to change how we draw things with not just the libraries but the card architecture. how we represent shapes. i dont know why people ddnt do that while they have this much advanced knowledge in maths and spherical harmonics topics. maybe it doesnt give an efficient way to draw things? or does it? we would see:) i wonder why they hadnt changed graphics hardware with such new shape representation ways:) and all graphic model designers? or this already exists alreadily and i am ignorant and dont know about it. it would be  kind of like 3d fourier transform and doing rendering in such representations? is not it efficient?. why they hadnt done this yet? or they already had done and i dont know. i think they must had done and i dont know about it:D i just wonder why rasterization happens like current way as same with screen's rasterization methods. it doesnt have to. graphic card architectures pre process steps might deal with shapes in differnt representations. not this current way which tries to bind to the hardware method of rasterization. it doesnt have to. seems as we lost duality in computer graphics hardware design by trying to make software resemble how hardware works?it tries to work like hardware exactly. it shouldnt be like that. software is the virtual layer. we could do whatever we want in our own shapre representations /scene format but then later translate to hardware format like compilers does. why do we have the same graphical pipeline for many years and same computer architecture in that graphics card in this perspective4. i mean i do think it evolved alot but why they are still binding to same shape representation formats in their design? duality is intentionally lost in computer graphics hardware design weirdly:S they just try to bind to how hardware works so much. we need to create hardware that is more integrable to differnt shape representations but not the usual vertex shader/pixel shader integration points to the opengl pipeline, shouldnt we? why this is so bound to that shape representation? I might be quite wrong. but seems as that still having vertex pixel shader staying ins ame shape representation for many years seems wrong while i saw this new shape representation methods has flourished. so the hardware has new forms of virtualization ways but sticks to basic single shape definition format still. the hardware is kind of lagging the academia visibly in this specific sub topic or i am quite wrong about it. i am most possibly wrong. i have no idea. but i figure out we dont define nice virtualization capabilities/duality in hardware/firmware design of graphic cards yet. ? seeing it delivers all the same shape representation? why opengl doesnt evolve in such ways? i like opengl alot but i do find this duality tool(e.g. duality of brain and mind, or hardware and software) lacks duality intrinsically? and sticks to same firmware/hardware design to hold the same shape representation in every version? or i am ignorant but it also enables new shape representations already? i might be quite ignorant on these truly. ok in analogy of brain/mind, our brains have plasticity to some level, but hardware why we design static? specifically in the tools that are frontiers to duality's represenation of world, i mean computer graphics, why do graphics cards only support single shape representation and dont change their firmware in that design? anyway, i would investigate ways in higher than firmware levels (since current cards dont let it) to define new shapre representations as i saw such articles in academia in future phases of game. but current task is just ray marching/skies and terrain.  but seems as i need to learn very myuch this spherical harmonics topic in that. wov the dted which uses EGM96 uses really spherical harmonics of order 350.  wov. had no idea that there were such underlying math tool in dted:P (guhu the ignorant:P)


ok visibly i am quite ignorant in this topic since there exist already lighting modelings with that as:
https://github.com/google/spherical-harmonics


ok my rest turned out too long:S i fall asleep since i felt i lack power and so sleepy then i woke up late right now. i fell asleep very late last night so its because of that but still its too much sleep/rest:S


creating a project is like you get hooks on to many curiosity areas at once while you read things. now i want to dive to this spherical harmonics topics and its use cases in every area so bad and learn it very effectively. but need to also iterate my game. ok i just cant stop myself on learning this sub area right now. i usually buy printed documents for topics i wonder and dont like studying from unorganized ways. so what kind of places is this spherical harmonics is told? math right? need to find related topics/places to learn more about this topic.  ok i need to learn this more cause it feels as an amazing toolset that i see is used in differnt contexts.







seems as i am very ignorant in computer graphics:P this topic has been around in this area for many years from articles i see.  (ok i left game coding in 2010s so its ok for me to miss this? but the articles are even earlier than that, so even that time i were behind the taxonomy of the state of art of toolsets that are used in CG :P   ok got back to computer graphics topics this summer after many years and this time i follow the taxonomy of epistemology branches/toolsets/frameworks in this area much more

ok i get use cases from here as and reconfirm i am quite lagging taxonomy in computer graphics as:
https://www.fxguide.com/fxfeatured/the-science-of-spherical-harmonics-at-weta-digital/


yeppp i found very nice lecture slides on this topic :) nice:) would study for awhile for a hour since it might be quite important to know.


ok seems as i need to read more methods in CG to catch up tech there both from GDC articles and also basics of advanced methods from lecture notes like yepp: (i already know some of those topics/links but for instance not spherical harmonics or not the deferred shading:P (up to now:P) )
http://www.paulsprojects.net/opengl/defshad/defshad.html


ok i made my reading app open in browser. so when i feel i am kind fo wanting to rest, would read articles there yeppp:) but it doesnt open source of complex numbers:SSSSSSSSS i want to cry. cause it would have been nice to get much more info than i know in that in whilst i want to rest:SSSSSSSSS mini brain fructos rests it would be:) i like context switching while i study alot, like context switching to blog here. so it would had been nice if i could had opent that source. i figure out sometimes i have a focus problem doing laziness in studying/learning thigns. so i would devise this way of instead of procrastinating in such moments i want to do something other, i would read very various topics from now on. yeppp. why i hadnt did this method before.


definitely liked this shader:)
http://www.paulsprojects.net/opengl/celshading/celshading.html


ok i defntly get the SH topic also.  its as i inspected when reading this thing as fourier on 3d and it turned out like that:) (while reading article i said this thingy exactly looks like fourier in 3d:D then it turned out exactly same:P) ok then:)
trying to figure out all use cases with my low math level. i wish i also would develop non intuitive maths some day and be expert in using formulations based math language. need to study for that. yeppp would study. i want to be expert in math usage alike in: (incluyding representation theory wise view):

 https://github.com/moble/SphericalFunctions
or

actually: 
https://arxiv.org/pdf/1604.08140.pdf


the above article is the level i envy in math level that would had made me a much better computer graphics enthusiast.

ok nonlazies get advance in knowing languages and guhu lazy envies this level of this maths language usage. i should also be able to use this language like this level some day if i have time and do enough focus/ nonlaziness thingies.(but dont know if i can learn this much:) wishing to learn yepp :) but dont know if i could)


i definitely would have been a super computer graphics coder if i knew math language this much:D(i know the article's domain is different to computer graphics, but if i knew maths this much it would be like having stereoids in computer graphics side:) snce computer graphics also depends on maths)  ok i want to know this much(but i dont know if i can learn this much, might not be possible to do so if i dont have a math oriented brain. i dont know if i could learn. since i am a arts oriented person(though definitely not in good at arts), dont know if i could learn maths this much). Lots of envies to the article writer.


ok since we have orthogonal basis functions,doesnt this things also i wonder algebra of it, i wonder groups of it.  this new form of linear algebra that is based on such orthogonal functions in 3d. anyway. need to study to know their algebra. i wish i knew i alreadily knew. i need to be definitely unlazy. since i hold curiosity to these type of topics in these recent years of my life.

wondering algebra of these orthogonal things alot guhu the newly curious to these topics:)


one thing i see orthogonality is used for compact represe4ntation but it neednt be like that in some cases? what would be the algebra like for non orthogonal basis things? or could we utilize a new algebra that defnies orthogonality in a differnt opreation so we use different forms of orthogonality in senses different than that? why do we have a specific only one orthogonality definition? hmm. i got curious to these topics. but would check later on. why is our algebras commonly similar, why dont we change things and define new operators? would think on this if i could study to these topics later? these topics are fun to brainstorm about (even if i might not be expert in maths).i see that complex numbers are such concepts that are type of things i mention(an invented thing to back the original framework though). why not people invent much more different operators in algebras and investigate how they behave to define things? would check these points later on. maybe such things already exist and since i dont know which branch in maths deals with these things? it must already be existing. but i since know noithing have no idea which branch it is:) (arent people bored of using the same operators in this language. why not invent new ones that are just virtual and obey rules in a modified version or a different form of our understanding? not a fully consistent systyem definition? operators that work in such sense? i wanted to learn this topics later on. even if i am not talented in maths i am curious to know about.  it looks like there is just a super strong cpp in maths domain and but new languages never gets created? :P if we get away from our desire to have a fully consistent system definition bias, we could experiment with different forms of maths? is this an infeasible goal? or bs idea? mine this idea might be bs :P i dont know any. i have no knowledge in this topics to talk about actually. the thing pseudo science, could we have pseudo maths and do work in that? dynamic systems that we dont fixate to have control over? but just investigation with new algebras that are slgihtly different than our neural circuitory's devised ways? i see that in math areas people invent languages like as if the languages are control freaks and cleanly precvisely show things. but what if we created lesser control freak algebras or dynamic system definitions that we dont fixate in consistency or correctness but use that for exploration of ideas? or exploration of new algebras? ok i know this idea might be bs. most possibly its a bs idea:P but want to experiment in such newer algebras in future if i learn maths in like the above article i shared(if i get to that advanced level(i dont know if i can), then would experiment with new different algebras(that i would call my algebras pseudo maths) as i told if i could). want to have a pseudo maths existence:) to explore in differnt form of maths way.  might it already exist in algebra related branch? i am quite ignorant on these topics so it might already exist and i might not be knowing about it. )



some life things:
yayyy i would wear my pink dress (a long pink dress that looks nice & modern and nice shoes and nice hair) while going to consulate. i missed wearing hmm chic or stylish clothes:) since i dont usually invest any time to that last many many last years. ok i see i would have two thingies before going to abroad. i would make my hair straight (that stays for months) since straight hair looks better to me and that thing i found very nice price of hair straightening here.. My hair is like Einsteins usually:D while i am not any like Einstein :D  i like straight hair more. so would do such operation to my hair before going to abroad. but not right before since i might go to sea awhile and salt breaks that hair operations impact :P

ok for rhinoplasty thingy, i long before had a natural lifted nose that has little bit bone. i wish i never had rhinoplasty and now it looks unnatural and not ok has an unnatural look that looks not ok and is not even like my original nose:S ok i would do final one rhinplasty op in some abroad country i think. to make it look more normal.  so haviung rhinoplasty while having normal nose were definitely a very bad idea:SSSSSSS it could had gone worse (like in my caseas happent) anyway. actually everyone else had great rhinoplasty results in my surroundings. i am the only unlucky. rhinoplasty is quite common here. is like a fashion style:P i mean yeah. but it only went bad ugly in my situation not other people. everyone paid less and get much more better results. i paid always high prices but yeah:D were unlucky in that:)  rhinoplasty has kind of luck factor also. this time i would try my chance in a country i want to visit as touristic purpose and also have rhinoplasty also. some time later in life, maybe next april. yepp or earlier. dont know anyway:)  in this sub utopia of aesthethics industry that we could how we look as we want, that went bad in my case:P everyone else got nice looking nose:P i went to have uglier nose:DDDDDD its just chance sometimes :) and i paid the most in people i saw. and i got the ugliest nose :DDDDDD ah. its just sometimes chance:D ok i cant deny i like aesthethics industry like i like fashion (but i dont wear fashionable these years :P). its nice we could change how we look. i like that thing that aesthethics industry provides as service to society :) i cant deny i like:). 


i read the occlusion source code and got how shs are used for occlusion/lighting. yepp. time to do some tasks unrelated. (preparing for consolate visa application things. )


yayyy i would wear my pink dress since its energetic and i want to have postive energetic impression at consulate person that gets my application:)  (i am always energetic and so choosen pink a quite energetic color to my application submit time:))



ok it had been an interesting day last day. last night i went to ankara  by bus and there spent 3 hours ( went to consulate and submitted my application:)))))))))) ) then went on the bus again to return back to iskenderun:) so i had been on bus for 19 hours.

ok it were exciting to go to consulate to apply to work VISA:) i came to Ankara at 6:15 or alike, were at kugulu park at 6:40 and my appointment for VISA application were at 8:00. i went at i think at 7:40 like time. then when everything is ready i wenbt back to terminal to buy the earliest ticket which were at 10:00am. then returned to iskenderun at 18:00 or alike hour. hmm so its not 19 hours hmm. its been 15.5 hours on bus.and 3 hours in Ankara (for VISA application waiting for appointment at 8:00am and appointment. one tiny thing is missing. today inited to fix that but dont know if its fixed so would call/ask tomorrow yeppp:)) i usually never fall asleep in bus this time i opent netflix and i constantly fell asleep maybe i were tired i think. i opent mythbusters and but even if i like mythbusters alot, i just find my self continously sleeping. air is hot. i had taken easy to wear slightly heeled shoes with me to fit to my dress (in my bag:P) but mama ddnt liked that shoe and put another one but it created weird nose as i saw while using that. but cant lie i like the feeling of being taller:P since i have a head cheeks with bones, when i wear high heeled shoes, it feels as that were the height that i should had been:) (or would liked to be in) (since i have big bones:)) (ok i love the feeling of high heeled shoes gives (a temporary having higher height feeling:D) but wearing them sucks and specifically when i am tired and also when i had no idea the shoe creates a weird noise) hmm in Europe i think i would have long straight hair and such style of high heeled shoes since i figured out i missed wearing them. how lucky woman are that are tall by just themselves. i know also people who love to be short. i mean its personal preference for to like being short or tall. i like being tall. its unlucky that i am not tall. anyway at least sometimes with high heeled shoes i feel temporarily as big as i would have wanted to be:)

i think i would want either colored hair or this hair style but definitely straight since my hair looks so bad. i dont have beautiful face as Mr. Einstein  while my hair is like Mr. Einstein (and i dont have any intelligence of Mr. Einstein:)) curly hair looks good in some people(that arent ugly. curly hair looks quite good in most people. just doesnt look good only in me). not in me. my hair when i dont dry my hair, it becomes curly. and when i dry it it becomes straight but too puffy. and but as told, i would do have a hair straightening op whihc i liked:)
 hmm for my nose, i plan a new rhinoplasty on April or alike. yepp. I want to be so thin. and have a style with long straight hair in Europe and high heeled shoes that doesnt create noise:)   (ok again how lucky woman are whom are tall and whom also like to be tall.  i like to be tall/to feel as a bigger person than my current height (as told i have big bones big cheeks it looks better if i am taller) but unfortunately i am short. its so exciting to design a new style to myself in a life in a new city:) i have some ideas on my further years:) last years i were casual. next two years i want to wear kind of my style that i plan:) maybe i would design my own clothes. if i could have time and mom who learnt sewing recently (moms  goes to hobby courses and learn new things like  sewing) from course also teaches me to do so. ok my accesory for sure would always exist is high heeled shoes:P since i love being taller as i told:) and definitely straight hair and hmm in after april a much better nose version:P that i would use for rest of my life this time:) i had epic failures in rhinoplasty trial things. this would be last rhinoplasty.  (my original nose were much better than this version)

i want to be very thin again. and in free time get lost in art exhibitions in Berlin in galleries:) (but with high heeled shoes that dont create noise alot on ground like the shoe i wore today which is very disturbing to my own ears. )

i want to wear a style i create next year:) even if i am not beautiful. might draw clothes to me myself :) (its the hobby i did when i were child:) drawing clothes:))  hmm so lets get as thin as possible till i go to Berlin:)  since i want to craft a silly style :)  ok i know i would feel like alien since noone wears high heeled shoes usually? (since people are already tall or they dont like wearing shoes) but why do i try to ge talign with my cloth style to other people:)  hmm i wont wear so much different i think. hmm dont know. maybe i would just wear like that when i go to art exhibitions:D its nice very exciting that i would work in a fashion firm:) (as told i liked drawing clthes when i were child:) my main hobby :) i might retry my hobby but for my own style in future yepp:) next year:) if i get thin. would might create a style with drawing them and maybe finding a tailor in here and making them ready? i dont know. or might not do such act. i dont know. )

 i might go to work in casual but when i go outside i might wear noncasual styles that i craft:) why not:) yepp:) or might not if i cant or dont like the styles i draw. or if they dont fit me. i mean its unsure if i would creeate styles to myself.


 

)

ok plans for tomorrow: coding also game:) actually main task for this week is. since i understood how they use SH to do rendering shadows nice from example i saw i understood yepp.


ok yayyy I had tasks today, both before noon and afternoon(should visit relatives). now game studying and actually coding time:) yeppp :)


ok sometimes creating something non perfect seems quite hard thing to do so. so i create a nonperfect algo in something. to iterate game:) i want to learn much more on some domain (its not SHs:) its some other topic in math and about curl divergence topics) but need to iterate fastly. ok lets recheck the visible maximum sight distance. to create sky dome's positions. and lets recheck number theory notes i written to think of some shape for my tiles that are authentic and works nice.ok i want to study alot for even my tiles shape. some coffee stink created a picture to be drawn in my head but as told i have no time to study to that either (and my drawing utinsils are gone, its just a part of an illustration. maybe beside some page cover, a thing to draw again i dreamt like happens sometimes. its a hand picture but a very different form of hand, has high perspective projection and an amplified posture and fingers are like as if they have little bit sheer transform but in having an exaggerated projection. as i like drawing hand trials. this hand is pale and has a bracelet and green nails. its not normal hands.

i before always liked drawing dancing ballerinas. now for last 4 years drawing hands is my fav drawing activity when i want to draw. though have not so much talent.why its myt fav: since i can look to my hand and try to draw it i mean i have an easy way to try learning drawing like that:) i am right handed. so my left hand becomes my model when i want to draw hands (unless i draw alien hands:)) and that becomes my trying to learn drawing trial thing:) its easy for me to copy a picture i see in screen. but i am bad at not exactly drawing but at shading i am bad. i could work likea photocopy as i look to an image in screen i can draw quite similar picture. (my brain is a photocopy machine? :DDDDD )  but when i draw real things, shading, i am not any good in shading. i still can do draw shape/edges quite well. but when it comes to shading i fail epicly:D so my left hand becomes my drawing model while i try to learn drawing. or tried to. last year i stopped.but i think while i learn to drwaing this method is really nice, cause my big hands has many bones, many postures that could be used in learning drawing trials. so my left hand becomes my model while i try to learn drawing:) but i dont know why but i feel like i am bored of that activity of drawing trials. i switched to painting but that ended since my painting utinsils gone away. but as told, i feel kind of bored to drawing hobby i dont knw why.

  there would be matches in game and the caricatures would be aligned with the theme of that matches. actually there would be matches every noon. in every country's specific noon time. there might be many winners and its done to be champions in specific regions.) and they would have such specific doodles. there would be common events world wide such matches. )

ok i figure out i really like the name of my game:) it comes from rethink word:) it were a collobrative game version before where multiverse exists where each squads lead leads the game his/her self up to some steps and then the one who has succeeded best takes on the final result:) might also create such mode to game:) why not. the name comes from that initial game scenario. where rethink means rethink whether thats the best strategy and the very best strategy in some randomness gets selected to be reality. rethink comes from that. i changed the game scenarios but made the name stay same. but thinking now, this some degree collobrated commonly shared multiverse where reality is bent/changes with such mechanisms is also nice idea still. so might have such game mode also:) but this only has one decision place in such strategy, i mean the every squad member would decide on a single decision, otherwise, their ai versions would have to play the further decisions in this multiverses? thats also possible. yepp. when a team reaches some time of game playing time, unlocks this multiverse option:D and in different scenarios, one does the team leading and others ai versions play the game. uip to some point. then the time the rethink moment, whose strategy worked best for team in short term bends the reality of that reti universe. so a continously changed universe it is. like in inception but not exaclty like it, if one of teams get destroyed by another team awhile, it doesnt happen if the other playeers saved the team in other reality version. ok its not sure i add some multiverse mode to reti game (reti's name comes from such scenario but i dont know if multiverse thing would exist).

ok after 2 days stopping game dev, i felt problems in returning back to stydying. but tomorrow morning i would wake early. and code. and wont do perfectionism thingy. cause its illogical. ok i would do perfectionism in shaders or how outside looks in game. but not in this specific point of skydomes creation's this algo.

ok lets fall asleep while watching some netflix. and wake up early tomorrowe morning.

ok i see i wont give up drawing hands:) since i while thinking things drew hand again:D nice that hobby is not gone. ok then would continue drawing trials/this time would learn shading after n many trials. as told i have no problems in drawing edges/shapes but when comes to shading i cant any slightest degree. for ionstance, if i saw a shaded picture in pc, i can draw it like a photocopy machine. and but if i draw myself the shading, i can draw the edges/shape quite nice but when comes to shading, i just simply cant. it might be due to the fact, my all childhood hobby were drawing people with clothes, so i never learnt how to shade but leartn to draw edges. it visibly is due to that.so i figure out i trained my drawing muscles in brain when i were a child but not the shading muscles:P i loved drawing fashion and clothes like a cloth designer. but never shaded those pictures. so shading became some area i never had a chance to experiment learn. I figure out every person has inherent drawing talent like me. its just differs if they have a role model who draws and makes them wanna take paper to try drawing. I have a cousin whom drew. so i get that she were my role model. i do think everyone has drawing talent(i believe this happens for every area including science and every talent type, not just for drawing). its just happens gets outside if you train yourself on it and mayebe in early times its easier to learn.  drawing clothes were a very fun universe cause its an infinite creativity board. I loved drawing clothes alot when i were child. still have an inherent desire to craft clothes. now drew some cloth shape on my study paper this time. its still alot fun to draw clothes as i see:)ah i now devised another cloth drawing and dreamt about creating a fashion show where a model wears exactly such cloth/dress:)or people buying such dresses:) felt quite fun to do. lets reinit clothes drawing hobby that i left when i were a child sometime. since its actually quite fun:Pbut after game gets built. lets create some pages of drawing cloth trials:) why not:) since it looks quite fun:) (or might get bored of doing such thing) might create just only one collection of some chapter of dresses i like to draw:) or might draw alotL( yepp:) nice fun activity:)



ok its quite unnice to have my parents pay my bills for this month:P but its quite lucky to have parents that always helps me in paying my bills when i cant for awhile:) lets code game asap:)  (its quite lucky to have parents whom i can ask for money whenever i need:P but i dont ask usually. only for this month i would take. and would pay back also:))



back to coding game:) some geodetic systems coding. and stopping leisure acts of learning new thigns till game's basic version is ready:P











-------------------------
awhile received some super nice mail thing to study(from a news group or from other such source? its not personal mail but sent to some subscribers or newsgroups ) (to be read in leisure time that i dont have now:) previously had left in de broglie constant and matter waves equations. but have long way to go to learn these thingies. since i am not even exactly used to usage curl/divergence things or flux things. i like studying science in leisure ways. not in like a task way. but with leisure and curiosity ways. since maybe i might not be very intellgnt to study in task ways i dont know why i like to study in leisure ways. i dont like doing studying things i wonder in task fashion. but like to study/learn in leisure ways. the societies created workplaces in task mindset. and created a slave mindset to all workforce. while automation happens, it might alot change, since workforce of humans is becoming lesser necessary. i align to that task mindset when i work.  but at home, i usually favor leisure type of learning. but there is no time to leisure these days also. but would might have time in future:)  not to be a task workforce in these topics but just because i want to know. and i might not be expert. but as told, i am not studying these to be expert in task force either. its just curiosity. some people super intellgnt people could handle their curiosity in also under tasks? i just am not any super intellgnt. i do follow to learn things i am curious to in my home time with not any deadlines. but these days there exists deadlines so should stop leisure thingies for a while.)
https://iopscience.iop.org/journal/0295-5075/page/Highlights-of-2018?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=gmail&utm_term=quantum&utm_content=eplhighlights&gclid=CjwKCAjwmZbpBRAGEiwADrmVXjwxMu3_3cSL33Bf9RWq53mCAlYHLlHgonJlHU7RpPnQ8zZnbT6olRoC5DUQAvD_BwE





its a wild world, some game soundtrack i chance to listne now. i am listening auto curated playlists of soundcloud. and liked this soundtrack. yeppp its a wild world:) i wish had much more lyrics. it said repeatedly "oh baby its a wild world" i definitely confirm its a wild world :D




ok i definitely confirm i build my project like as if i am writing a science article. i cant do else way. if i had scientists working with me, i neednt spend time this much. but since i am the only one in this deck right now, i just myself need to learn things to establish things cause i dont accept doing something unperfect since i love games. i cant create any unperfect thingy in that. it is impossible. since i love games. its like an art project to me. i mean i cant spend less time on it. i mean i cant make imperfect algorithms (of course my algos would be imperfect still(since i am not any super intelligent) but they would be mine perfect version i would do create best of what i can create). i cant leave the desire to create something very perfect. i have time of 1 month actually. so lets spend necessary enough time on important poitns like representation of shapes and shading. i mean the shading principles of game. lets create the best of best in that (the best of guhu. its subjective. it wouldnt be best of best(since i am not any super intelligent), but best of what i can create)


so my current status, i think i wantto utilize spherical representation both to clouds. since i dont want clouds textures on my skydome colorings since i want to have people fly. and so, even if sky domes would be prereadily prepared/rendered, the clouds would be i infer rendered in some ingenious way. i am deepening my study in shape representations and still angry to opengl pipeline for following such single representation way. i wish i would make change proposal to opengl comittee. were it Khronos group? oh i adore their physical based rendering algorithms with mipmaps and all. its awesome theiur shaders. I would submit a change proposal to opengl to suggest new shape representations other than the current single one used.along this game, i would prepare such document.



(for insults topics: i dnt reply to insults from people having lower intellect than me. yeah. to sociopath people specifically, i dont reply to. its unnecessary to reply to sociopath/maniac people. is it worht answering to sociopaths? i dont think so. not necessary. i dont feel any urge to reply to sociopathy. yeah. its waste of effort. to deal with sociopathy or even reply to. yeah. i lock my little universe away from such sociopath peopl;e's intruding trials.  i dont care nor even reply to sociopath people when they forcefully try to intrude to our universes(with sociopathic acts and stalk) while we arent any interested to them nor would ever be. i dont let people to my universe unless they are sane(nonsociopaths) so i wont reply to sociopaths. they could do whatever sociopathy act they want, i wont care nor reply to. yepp.  when you dont let a sociopath enter your universe, does sociopathy to extreme levels to enter your world. talking about psycho sociopath stalker serdar.  i dont let sociopaths enter my universe. they can do whatever sociopathy to try to enter universe. but i wont let. nor care any of sociopath acts targeted against me.  my only reply would be a middle finger drawing drawn by me myself:P )


and i continously see confirm that not only sociopath people mock people btu sometims normal people also like to mock people. in such cases i also dont reply to else than with a middle finger image:D again drawn  by me:D it would take 2 minutes for me to draw a middle finger emoji that we could call as art also since i draw nice:P not need to reply else way than to people with lesser intellect (what does lack of intellect means: makes them bound to mock others instead of doing things other than mocking people. such type of people. )


so people who have plan to mock me, my only finger is a middle finger image thats drawn by me. not needing to create else effort than 2 minutes drawing to reply to mocking people for whatever reasons they mock (sometimes people mock others due to sociopathy, but also very rarely, sometimes even normals mock others as i observe) but whoemever is trying to mock me, my reply is same:D a middle finger image for showing how much i care the mocking effort :D.a nonpersonalized middle finger image: whoemevr tries to mock whether its a sociopath mentally ill or a normie.  so my reply in game programming language is :   a texture quad of middle finger image that gets turned to field of view of looker:P this is my reply to mocking people:). whether its a sociopath mentally ill maniac or a normal person, the same reply to mocking efforts whomever does :P a texture quad that changes orientation aligned with your field of view:D of haivng middle finger image. this is my reply to all people who want to mock me:P(whether its a mentally ill socioapth stalker(i am stalked by such psycho for 3 years) or a normie that somehow doesnt likes my blog and want to mock me) that depicts how much i care the mocking effort or what i think of what should all people should carry as attitude when mockers tries to mock.   a non personalized middle finger image. to show how much i care the mocking effort i see:D i wish that becomes also reply of all people who are tried to be mocked:) i wish noone cares trying to mock people's mocking effort like i do.




yeah my new motto in life is: i dont talk nor reply to people with lesser intellect. i already never talk to sociopaths but seeing that even normies sometimes try to do mocking effort. so my motto comes solid: yepp not talking to people with lesser intellect.  lesser intellect means: people that read your blog and while they have none relatedness to you, they decide to hate you and shw targeted hatred crime effort. then i reply with my texture quad(with middle finger image) that is also targeted to such effort:D it looks right in to mocking efforts insults and show a big billboard of middle finger image. (as game terminology, its a texture quad. but these mockers arent from gaming area so they wouldnt might not get what texture quad means? i dont know. anyway. i dont care nor reply to any type of crime. whether its a sociopath's stalk crime with sociopathic acts(a sociopath in 90-100 range in range from 0-100, a serdar named sociopath stalker) nor its a hatred crime from a normie who just hates me from my blog i dont know why. ) all receive the same reply, a texture quad with middle finger image.


ok i figure out i lack lots of things in spherical harmonics still. if i want to render clouds with spherical harmonics. lets learn.


sometimes i think i dont like what Mr. Euler invented or dont like the formalism of their language.  ok everyone would hate me for saying that. i figure out i have lots of haters? anyway.i wish some other more interesting language existed. i dont quite exactly love the formalism created by Mr. Euler. but need to learn about all that since all people use that language. even Mr.Feynman(physics genius) likes Mr. Euler's invention. so i must be disliking Mr. Euler's innovations because i am stupid? (I am quite fan of Mr. Feynman and Mr. Von Neuman) but i dont any like the language they like.the Formalism Mr. Euler created. and that also, the fact that people not creating other languages either.it feels a boring type of language to me since there is only one language/formalism. never got quite interested to. either because i am art sided or else reasons. i would get in to details of this language more. but i dont like it. nor like the fact that people use same language for hundreds years. nor that the exact language they crafte3d and like as if its a religion. why there is jyust single way to define a formalism. it looks a boring way to me also. i dont know why i think like this either. it just takes time to get in to such language. but why there is a just one language? i just dont get that since having a sinlge language in one domain seems quite boring to me.



ok a dream happens:) i am being co-founder to my ali bro:) so i might pause game development a while:) my ali bro is a math genius, and i am a software expert and we would create first consultancy firm yepppp:)  I always wanted to study with ali bro. and i have chance to do so. so if we succeed in this, we could really init bioinformatics projects in future together or build supercomputers together yayyyy:) my brothers daughter name is iris, so when he asked what should we name the company, my mom said it should be iris and my bro liked it.  its my mom's advise. bro also named the method in his p=np article as Iris Matrix.  then 5 minutes ago mom and dad and me and bro were talking on the consultancy firm. and bro asked whats name it should be. my mom advised Iris (like p=np method thing's naming) and bro liked.

our first project trial would have been building a radar together. me being the software expert he being the math/science side expert. but we couldnt init that project. it were 14 years ago. now its our new project but this time a consultancy firm. yayyyy:) its so happy:) I always wanted to have a chance to study with my Ali bro:) (his other name is Onder) He uses Onder name usually. I usually call abi to my brother:)  so never use his name. but people usually call him Onder.

its super happy:) awhile while we take our first jobs together, i would awhile also code my game. or continue studying maths. i saw that i hadnt exactly understood SH topic. my idea on such topic, its like i see that i am not a specialist type of brain. and cant even understand how people specialize that much in a specific language. but would learn it. but still i find it that, people had made a religion on that and that there could be other algebras/other languages. just people created a religion on that and use that as single language, doesnt mean to me that history of science could had evolved other ways with other innovations.

I saw that from spherical harmonics topic, there is alot i need to learn about. and i would but still have problems in getting in to that language. which people invested lots of effort to create advanced usage of it.I mean i find that formulations kind of boring sometimes (i think that happens since i dont have a specialist type of brain. only specialists like that form of tasks?) it somehow i dont know initially felt me to that, people are blindfold liking and following 100 years of methods from Leibniz/Laplace/Euler there. specifically talking about the thingies Euler invented.I felt smelled a religion on that. (I am atheist as i told. i could do show atheist behaviors to both science's tools also). I mean it looks as people never thought of reinventing new ways in new century but always use the formulation Euler crafted. that seemd a kind of religion.So Euler has been and his method has been the benchmark's foundations? for building further topics? I do find this a single sided methodology. and a boring (since i am a generalist, boring means specialist type of tasks) type of task. if there had been multiple foundatioins it would be lesser boring. but seeing the same tools in there makes me dislike that area. not because i am any intellgnt. just because i am not a specialist. ok spr intellgnt people also find things boring in various areas. i just only wanted to say in my case its not because i am intellgnt but because i dont like specialist type of things that much. ok that made us create current form of tech. so i feel lucky to have been born in an era where beside the specialist type of tasks there exists also generalists type of tasks for people like me. math to me is like languages we talk. another language. but i do find no interest to learn about its behavior or  about its advanced toolings(though i have to learn since every thing else is built on it and its the common language in science and i hate the fact of having have to learn it since i dont like its intricacies or just that people always followed it like religion. as told i am atheist and i dont like topics which has a single  language (single science language. why? i just dont get why its like that, it depends on people's religious brains? i mean peopl;e crafted many communication languages but why a single science language? to have no problems in sharing findings? its like math has a religion around it? for since noone ever intends to create other science languages? i definitely think like what would Wittgenstein think in haivng a single language topic. and this even makes math boring to me since i dont like seeing complex problems solving with always same methodologies based on same foundations. to me, people forgot innovation spirit in that:S and bound themselves to a language that is used for 200 years. its like, everyone else combs hair and others also combs hairs due to that, it looks like conceptual mechanisms of reality/culture production in cultures, it become a singularity defined by this behavior of people.  it is defined by people then it becomes the rule that they always follow with forgetting innovative spirit, and a silly soul(silly guhu's soul) seeing same language over and over everywhere feels kind of unhappy to that. its like people like to label sometopics as holy. sometiems its maths. and they follow that. its like maybe due to some theory i read about our brain origins. our brains some theory said that our brains had a God like voice before in previous steps in our evolution. i forgot the label they use tot his theory. and so, we love to follow what we call as holy or have a path to follow defined by culture or what other people invented. in same ways  and same happens in science.  same happens to modernism. people also created religion of modernism. then post modernism broke that. but what i want to say is, feels as our evolutionary designed brain has a bias like that to label things as holy and so math's language never changes. but why this doesnt happen in talked languages? i dont know. scientists are also quite religious even atheist ones. they have made a single language as a holy concept. and forget the innovative spirit in that. i wonder if other people exists who think like this on maths topic for its singularity? i think on what wittgenstein would have tought on having a sinlge language topic.  creating rigid cultures. of first virtual than becoming solid rules. also happens in science. there is a math culture there that noone gets out or thinking of crafting new languages. i feel anxiety when i see same operation name in all research papers. i dont like having a single language ever.    why they have to inherit the foundations in that domain? why no new languages without Euler's theories  are not founded? why all new things constructed have same foundations. its not a nice attitude to me, i mean even having have to learn such area makes me unhappy due to that, since i have to learn a descendant tree of innovations all linked to same roots. why not new languages? in science. arent people bored of using the same language over and over again? but religious people never gets bored? i think its something like that? for trying to follow the same language over and over again? why not new math languages gets created?)., i mean i wanted to have seen lots of math formulizations/algebras instead of the single common language people use. but i have to learn it even if i dont like, to be able to understand every research paper written ). i sjust think we could define new languages always. i do try to look in meta math perspective would try to look in. like meta models in modeling design. ok now i have much more haters after this paragraph i know :P i have haters increase rate in exponential rate:Pnow i take all math community against me:P but in following paragraphs i would melt the ices of math community :)


but yepp so happy to have a chance to work with world's one best mathematicians right now from now on:) (even if i have problems with math. its either because i am a generalist. or because i am a weirdo). Onder bro is 1000x intellgnt than me. so dont listen whatever i say on maths but listen to bro's. I think he likes math alot. So math must be something really great. so when i talk on maths, please dont listen me so much since i am not super intellgnt like super intellgnt people and since i am not any specialist.




its super happy to have a chance to work with Onder bro:) (ok i switched name to Onder since visibly he likes that name instead).



ok its super happy to have a chance to work with Onder bro.  i definitely beleive we will construct super computers in future together after this project. yepppp. its super happy:))))))))))))))))))))))))))))


I were very excited long before to create a radar that is really a radar with antennas 14 years ago. but we couldnt started that project. he were working on fusion in radar area so we could really had created miny radars with lower strength with fusion on the kalman filter? or such algorithms. so it would had been a hardware project and it looked super fun to do since its a radar project(I always been interested in radar topic actually:)).


now i feel same excited for this second chance to work with Onder bro. its a honor actually:) (to have a chance to work with person who showed p=np. i think i am a super lucky person:) dont you blog readers think so? i just have a math genius brother and now i have a chance to work with him. kind of just sole luck:) and honor also:) yappp. lets never lose this opportunity:). ))



(sometimes life is just a lot of chance/faith. like having a genius bro in family :))


ok this feels super cool. to be software expert and co-founder of a math genius:)


we would come with our big bags. and would take your design requirements and would outsource it in perfect ways:) i want to have style of big glasses and some different outfit. for this two member task force of super math powers:) (i am not the one who has super powers but i am the software expert part, a generalist software expert who knows lots of things in software:) from big data to frontend or backend or ml or desktop apps or other things)


ok i turned to people who wear glasses to look nerd:P i just find it like in movies. two sister and brothers. constructing a company of super powers in maths:) its like in movies to me:) "call onder and guher in case you have a scientific problem to be solved in software:)" yayyy it looks super cool:D
haivng ahve a chance to work with my own family feels super happy:)
ok i adore 60s style and 80s also:) hmm might wear glasses from 80s style and pants from 60s style in meetings:) or might switch my style variously from every style i select or draw to myself:P I love 60s style alot:) and also 80s:)


ok i also love 60s furniture style alot:) and its HMI style also:) (computer buttons and the pants styles:) and shoes and clothes and jackets:) arent they super cool:))

its like being excelling alot:) its that our company would excel alot:) so that makes it me feel like super cool:) i wanted to craft differnt clothes to  requirement collection meetings :D and big glasses :D a science problems solving company:) or complex problems solving company that you could call in your the very most complex problems to solve with maths/science and software:). an excelling consultancy firm it would be:) it felt like that chip company which built the bayeisan chips. :) feels awesome to create a tech company:)))))))))))))))))



ok i dont want to say this following super stupid sentence:) but i cant stop sayiong ieither:P is my own blood:) how many people have such chance to setup business with their own blood:)  it feels kind of privilege :) to have a chabnce to set up business with own blood. i mean seting up business with someone from family. ok my dad and uncles also did created such business when tyhey were young. okthey also started after their 30ies but we are not only after 30ies but after 36s:)



i wish i had a wine today to toss new family business. like my uncles and dad.  this time me and my onder brother:)


ok i wuold convince bro to also continue game project cause we might really also create capital from that. i dont want to leave that project also. would try to convince bro also.  yepp. i wish i could convince bro to the game project also.


ok I received super super support from startup consultancy things:) yayy, i want to reply but i need to confirm my cofoudner on game product first, waiting for their morning to come (co-founder lives in Ontario).



ok what people would remember of weirdo guhu if she decides to stop blogging: that i am atheist and dont like to see same religion in any topic. like same language used in science. I like to see multiple logic systems multiple formalizatiosn, not a single language.  so i mgiht construct haters due to that? i dont know. i just only dont like inheritance topic, that things are built on heaps on same foundations, which are strong, but looks so much single perspective to me. i like to see many many languages and many many perspectives. (as in religion, as in maths or science)

I see people tries to show science as nonreligious, its also a religion to my eyes. that because tey use the same Euler methods over and over again and noone ever intends to change the foundations or create new multiple all different languages?

I am atheist but i like religions but i like multitude of theirs existence at the same time. i mean i dont any like any single language/any single perspective to define a topic. cause i think exactly like Wittgenstein on that on what language could mean.  I like to see various different perspectives in every area.

coming to science, i do find it definitely much more religious than what some cult of atheists try to label religions as. I do think science is the super religion with all single ways repeated ways  of  holding only single language. and i dont like this trait of science due to that. I wish in future lots of math languages exists so we dont have single language to define things.


Are not scientific institutions are the new religious institutes? We are super grateful to science cause modernism and modern technology is created by that religion. Similarly like civilizations were developed by other religions before.  I mean we are grateful to, but i do find it as if its a religion. I would have wanted to see different languages in that domain not the repeated usage of single language. I do think scientific methodology is the best methodology, I just try to say that i dont like the situation of the custom of usage of single language/single foundations inside that methodologies and noone ever tends to change foundations but follow and build things on what is built before.

Like inventing an esoteric framework /specialization and everyone else other builts thing on that. this part only, i dont like. other than that, i quite like science's methodology.

New religious leaders are Newton or Euler. I just think i just only dislike the fact of using the same foundations in that like if the foundation builders are like religious leaders and that everyone else should build upon same foundations.

I see people are investigating ai's usage for maths. I would try to learn the meta language behind instead of trying ai way. and i am really sick of sdeeing Newton's method or Euler's methods over and over again. Ok we respect/adore them, but why dont we invent newer formalisms newer ways to define that domain with common basis language of meta language? The meta math that creates math, would try to reahc such grounds since i dont any like the formalism systems thats used there. This idea set  I tell abnout might be quite stupid. I never claimed i am any intellgnt ever. I just say i am sick of this. to see same the same foundations in some area for over than 300 years. and people crafted very esoteric formalisms on that single language. we would like to see multitude of languages in that area. I would have wanted to see. cause i dont like to learn esoteric specializations. I like to learn meta languages which dont have baggages of esoteric inventions and everything gets build on such foundations. I dont like to ever learn esoteric specializations but i have to since everyone else built science based on maths.


so would like to study in some time meta maths thing and new languages based on that, like industry 4.0, science 2.0? or science 1.1?  i have i think crazy ideas? but this is what a silly generalist thinks looking to esoteric language that is followed like a religion and used everywhere in current research sphere? (yeyy guhu the silly's future goal: being a linguist to maths side in long future and read about linguists and Wittgenstein more also awhile) (don't take this crazy idea so serious:P I mean i might be quite wrong thinking in this ideal.) I dont like any type of specialism without any meta model. I dont like any specialism ? i dont know. 


Ok i just think its elegant math is elegant, but i dont like to see a same language everywhere, i like to see multitudes of languages.

my such ideal might be stupid either or not. would investigate in time. to create additional formulations to math other than the current framework, and creating a unified formalism on that, not like this continously named based methods/frameworks with various rules/inductions/methods.
 i know people would say to me you dont have to like maths. I just want to say i dont like the singularity of a single language. and wonder why linguistics doesnt exist for this area? to try to craft new ways instead of the  of sharing a single common language methodology. it looks like the singularization of measurement systems for easier management long before that is now topic of decentralization. We have single common language for some optimizations. but i do think its time we could have more languages on that. since i dont know why but i dont like to have a single language in doing science.

I dont like rigidity but plasticity. I dont like rigid frameworks/toolings.  I like existence of multitude of languages.  I dont like having a single way of doing science or talking science. there could exist multiple languages in that? why not? we dont have to have such optimizartion any more(of having a single interface to talk things in science?)? we can define new languages. whjy not? ok i might be the only person in world that has such desire i know and this idea might be quite stupid. but i truly think like this. and feel anxiety whenever i see people like rigidity alot and like to use same namings same formulations to define things over 300 years. why dont we have linguistics and new language generation mechanisms in this area?


ok my personal idea in science & religions: I like science much more than religions(i am atheist to religions:P(even if they constructed civilizations) but not any atheist to science:P(constructed modern tech), just only dont like that science has just a single language to talk to:S).


ok seeing religious scientists develop amazing projects by the way, i want to say my ideas on religions are personal, its a silly person's personal views. religions is a personal area.  me being atheist feel like this, but its a personal area. everyone has his her own idea on these type of topics. this is just an atheist's perspective. religious people would hold different perspectives. this were just an atheist type of brain's perspective on this. but this atheist doesnt claim her perspective is right or wrong. this is just lots of brain types exist, this is just an atheist brain type's perspective. I respect religions but just i am me myself an atheist. i mean i like to think in specific perspectives. but i know my perspective is neither right nor wrong. its just my own perspective.

I dont know why i felt like that yesterday, ok since i have barrier to harder usage cases of maths(for topics like spherical harmonics, i would never seen the properties they hold to be nicely utilized in cg, i)  it made me enter such design request. hmm. since i lack necessary enough skills to use maths that much yet:P i wanted to see many more formalizations of it that would look nicer to learn. so my such request is also personal thing. our views/ideas are personal usually, i mean it changes along with our idiosyncratic beings. If i been a math expert, i wouldnt talk about such ideas. so again idiosyncracy plays. I just hated lacking enough skill to understand fastly that topics and just made me feel as if other languages of this symbolism/formalism should exist. so it were an idiosyncratic ideal completely.



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whilst:

 having have a chance to work with world's one best mathematicians is a honor :) i felt so happy like the idea of building a radar 14 years ago:)

quite alot excited:) Its like having have a chance to work with Mr. Feynman alike situation to me:) its very happy situation:) Its like to have a chance to study with Mr. Bohr or Neumann to me:) I am super happy about this :)



ok but i also continue the game project as second project while this consultancy firm would construct. I dont know if brother would like to attedn this game project. I would be super happy if he also becomes cofounder to this game project also.  I am copnstructing a network in startup community from very kind people I receive help suggestions on my product and its an extremely blessing to me since I am quite ignorant in startup economies/mechanisms.


ok that game project is also super exciting, i am right now working on spherical harmonics topic to investigate its usage on clouds inside the game. and model my clouds as such volumetric entities with some 3d textures that are merged and looks like perlin noise and leaving least amount of shading to the gpu/cpu of the browser's pc that renders it.



So maybe both Reti and Iris named companies get constructed at the same time:) lets see:)





-----------------------------------------
ok very unnice coincidence happent this day. while i talk of Iris company and its setup , hospital where the Iris name owner born(nephew), the hospital had an accident today as i saw from news :SSSS (news said formaldehit has fallen to ground in hospital so they evacuated the hospital).  there are all weird coincidences in this life sometimes good &nice but sometimes unnice creepy coincidences :S


maybe we wont construct Iris company :S (not any related to creepy coincidence i tell about , actually maybe because this coincidence scared me. it felt like a threatening ? or is just a coiuncidence maybe. i dnt know. )


I continue only game project. would work on games with my bro. and if he insists we construct Iris company, i would tell him this incident which scared me.Iris is our family's everything. I would never construct a science company with my Onder bro as such coincidence happent:S

from now on just only game company:S

not any intention not any slight degree to construct any science company i hold.  not any iris nor any other named company:Ss just it would be game company:S


if its not a coincidence and a threatening to our family: the threatening people whomever they are could be sure i wont construct any science company with my bro. not any ever.  iris company would never formed after ever:S never ever:S I would only code games and wont work in science projects with bro. but would only might work in game projects with bro. not any thinking anymore any little bit any science project ever. ii ddnt took it as threatening but just as a coincidence. but were a weird one:S so even slight possiblty that its actually a threatening by people we dont know, I make sure that we wont ever construct an iris named company ever nor any science projects either.


------------------------------------------------------

so from now on jsut game project, for instance:
ok since i am working in backend of game thingy, this is the frontend since i am working in backend still cant work in frontend.

ok logo would change for sure. there is just a shading integration added scene with osgjs and webgl inside, nothing more. as sky dome gets ready would add it. currently working in batch generated skies db and currently working on cloud's rendering algorithms.

now working on cloud rendering topic i am.


this is the super clear explanation of SH rotation that i had problems and i figured out i hadnt actually understood correctly before any:P

https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/83d9/28031e78f15d9813061b53d25a4e0274c751.pdf



ok so happy that math expert onder bro also attended project cause i confirm i lack enough skill to see such properties of such representations. if people just shown me equations of SH i would just never seen their possible nice use scenarios in CG like spoken in above super nice article. so happy that someone who knows much better than me entered the game proejct.

I would prepare the demo and would later tell how opengl/shaders works to math expert cofounder(my Onder brother). then we would work on the game together from that time.


-----------------
 so little bit from my parents & family about our history:

So my uncles and dad built construction firm (and many buildings in Iskenderun and in many cities) but left early since they were tired.   Dad also did hotel managering task which i liked the most since i could also go to hotel while and sit in his room to play with typewriter:) (tried to draw images but were not succesful). our family is from a village in Sivas. our granddad's were farmers.  but 2 uncles went to Germany as workers then learnt little bit construction information/tech. then my dad graduated from technical school in construction. so they built lots of buildings here and many cities. they are truly sivas people:) (they like to drink raki alot:) i see this in every sivas rooted relative, they like to drinking alittle bit much alot) the oldest brother hasan brother, were the most intellgnt one as we are told, he were from prirmary school graduate, but were the brain and all construction firm's all big tasks were his craft. i think my dad is also very intelligent. but is not socially super open person. but Hasan uncle had also such talents also like good communication skills. but i do think my dad is also very intelligent person. (for economic status: dad didnt ended very rich since every one took share from the construction aligned with child count  and our parents have just two kids:P  )


my mother is a primary school teacher.  while dad were always outside in other cities in construction projects (when we were kids), she is the one who raised us since dad were always staying in construction fields, managing workers, building's stages, building's foundation. they took lots of building tasks both from government and both from self created buildings like colored one in city center. i know its kind of older style now but in its time, it were one of the biggest buildings of this city:)maybe were the biggest one:)


So and me and my bro (me being an computer engineer grad from Metu)  and my bro (who is an ECE dept grad (electric and computer engineering) from Purdue university, would construct companies in ours common engineering sector.


My bro worked in defense sector projects in radar sector his Msc and assistant and Phd times here.  He wrote many  articles and won best article writer in one of Radar conferences during his Msc. all before, while he were assistant and i were a student in university, he were new in to fusion topics and asked to create home made radar which excited me since i were interested to kalman filter algorithms. then but we never inited. He is writing a Radar book with Radar academia's very best experts nowadays:)

And he solved some of Clay institute's problems. we are waiting for his paper submission to be read by referees in the places he submited his paper. I do think he is genius as Mr. Feynman like people cause he solved 2 of Clay institute's problems:) he named p=np solution with tribute to his daughter's name:) and its a very sweet act i think:) (our nephew is our's family's everything:))


my history: i graduated from university, i started working in modeling and siomulation topic in defeense sector (place i took expertise in game engines:)), then i worked in telecom sector as project leader, then i mvoed to web /desktop based applications companies (2 of them, worked with qt chromium webrtc to develop a voip solution in one and in other its a qt project again then also some scala microservices also).then i tried to init a startup named causalera but it failed. then i returned work life in ad sector(python microservices, big data in aws, big data with spark, ml). then i resigned.


so this is our family's history yepp. as dad and uncle's build business in construction firms, i always wanted to do same, but being a computer side, i just couldnt of course:) but then now like dad/uncles did in construction sector, we are constructing company with my onder bro but in games sector.

cause the following incident scared me: as the time i told i and bro were going to create a startup named iris (tribute to nephew's name as mom requested the name of company to be last day), the next day in news, we see an accident in the hospital where nephew wqere born n many years ago. so even mom and dad ddnt thought its kind of scary, it felt scary to me. so i also told this to my onder bro (who lives in Canada). and told i think we shouldnt name company Iris since this incident scared me. he said ok to constructing a games company instead of a science consultancy company. so happy that bro is beside me in games topic (who is like Mr. Feynmann in maths area) since computer graphics depends on math  and i always wanted to have a chance to study with Onder bro. since is like i think is like Mr. Feynman but in maths branch:) (since solves Clay's institutes problems one by one in time:)) its a honor to have a chance to work with a Mr. Feynman like person:) (and if my brother werent like Mr. Feynman i would again like to work with him in building companies since he is my brother and one of the best people in world i ever seen)





and i see some unsuccessful  effort with very unreal analogies. ? i dont care nor feel any need to reply to tht person or such effort that tries to create unreal analogies.  I have none relatedness to him. i dont get why he tries to mess with me such way. (and radar general area speakability doesnt belongs to him(i mean we could also talk about radar topic. its free speech. and its expected me to talk about radar since my cofounder is one of the experts in defense system's radars area. not the commercial use cases either. ). and our radar specialization is not that radar area either, ours were fusion and military radars, not the commercial ones. so, its quite unrelated to his sector. i dont get why he tried to mess with me when i talked about radars:S  I did analogies of ours company to company who created bayesian chips.  i dont get why he tries to mess with us like that with such else analogies? its getting unnice?. i say that this thing either is parody or else, is unnice. i dont reply to either. i dont have time to reply to either. my time is spared for more important things instead of replying to unreal analogies by  a person whom i am none related to nor any interested to talk to. doing that to create a fight? i have nothing to talk to him nor anything else nor would ever reply to.  people who would want to init fight(with false analogies) would only receive a quad texture from me(that type of quad texture i mentioned before in an unrelated topic).  i have no time to talk to him. why does he tries to mess with me with trying to disgrace? i really have none miliseconds to him.  truly.  only reply to such act or possible future acts would be just a quad texture wioth some image. i dont truly have time for nonsense of false analogies or else. truly nonsense this effort. i dont have time to reply to nonsense or bs.  i am not the earlier guhu version who had time to do talk with him. now i dont have time. i wish he doesnt finds my response to nonsense analogies as bitter. cause such analogy required such response. so i wish he doesnt try to do such effort again cause i would never talk to him nor reply to him in else way other than i mentioned. (one about quad texture) so haters gonna hate becomes motto. haters gonna do bad analogies either with trying to disgrace with false analogies. i care that quad texture much.  ok lets make this like this: one day if you also create an advanced product(like bayesian chips like that bayesian chip company)  by yourself(without helping engineers/scientiests), i would have time to talk to you. yeah. other than that, i have no time to reply to your talks. and whenever you try to talk, you would just receive a textured quad like that.  you being a powerful person dont make me get scared of that either. i just care your disgracing effort that quad texture much. have fun trying to disgrace me with nonsense analogies/evil content. i wont reply nor care.  ok i would had cared your nonsense bs disgracing effort, if you could also code game like me. or build such products all by yourself(wiht no scientiests or engineers helping you). other than that, i just dont care nor would ever reply to. you being a powerful person doesnt mean an engineer has time to reply to your nonsense parody.  )

You dont belong to my universe. You are not type of people I like to talk to. I would nihiliate any thing you say to me. I have none relatedness to you nor would ever have nor ever reply to you.  Most reply you would take would be just that textured quad.  I dont care your specialities that areas i am not interested either in. I wish you understand that you dont any exist in my universe(mental universe) nor that i would any care your messing effort. Bad behavior(like trying to mess with a person with untrue analogies) has many replies, one is of type nihiliation(that I always follow and would follow always). I do follow that approach to people that I have none relatedness to but tries to mess me like this with trying to disgrace with nonsense/bs. So wish that its known, that you dont exist in my universe nor i would care anything you say. This engineer's universe holds just engineeringh things, not replying to haters that makes nonfunny/nontrue/nonsense/bs analogies. This engineer has no time talking nor replying to you. Are you an engineer? Or self taught one?  I dont care whatever it is, but this engineer has no time to reply to you. I wish you get that I would nihiliate whatever you tell or say. and whatever yours act would receive jsut that textured quad I mentioned  (in unrelated topics.)







-------------------------------------------------------


continueing studying thing today.


ok i figured out how to render clouds. they would be SH based first diffuse rendered but with considering inside scattering (sugar plume impact) and then but the halo impact is something to be later thought on. the clouds would be various versions with LODs and would be pregenerated. and halo impact might be done via some again some things. thatwould be later thought on. but the thing is the clouds would be just lod structures. the inside cloud design would be utilized with perlin noise looking like  structures transformed to sh representaiton and many lod versions of them would be pregenerated. so that clouds would be much lod'ed only when the camera is flying to clouds or over clouds. the sky dome would be pregenerated along with hmm dted like ground illumination map. the ground would be shadowed of clouds and also geometric structures via SH. and when camera gets fastly higher, the upper atmosphere's rendering would be also done via again illumination dted at that  height level. so we would have dted like illumination maps shell by shell over regions. so lots of many of things would be pregenerated. cause i dont want to do ray tracing inside game. of course clouds wouldnt be artistic like minecraft. i mean lod's wouldnt look like that. so if we also pregenerate the vegetation, thats shadows along with sun's position in sky, that would be also pregenerated. but if  we use inside game lights that would also have sh but computed dynamically inside game. and when wind blows, the shadows would also move. that should be in sync with animation of the trees.  that part to be thought on. trying to minimize the ray tracing thing as much as possible.

yayyyy so happy that i can continue coding sky domes and clouds since i figured out ways to render them. (i were stuck at clouds side since ddnt wanted them to be just images on skydome texture but also had no setup solution. now i know lod is the thing i would utilize. and for clouds 3d shape generation (original shape) i would also read literature on that. that part also could be modular. changeable. would craft initial implementation but should eb changhable. )




its so happy that i can switch to coding right now:) yayyy the clouds i were stuck at:) i figured out lod'ing them is a nice way to handle that with low polygon count. but switching between high to low poly count and reverse should be very carefully thought on. otherwise it would look weird. ok finally figured out how to do the most complex part of game. the iniital most complex part. might come out other complexities along the game. but this were initially the hardest.


so there would be lots of static content pregenerated content in game, to reduce the polygon load on cpu/gpu.


yayyy i want tomove to coding asap. so happy i can continue coding again. (i am not stuck at algorithms design part)


yayyy lets open tron soundtracks while coding:) since i like to listen soundtracks when coding (usually game soundtracks)


today is a little bit exciting day cause i might have an investor call today in very further hours:) (first ever possible investor meeting) (for game project)    (Reti project:))
I am quite excited and want to drink something to relax before phone call. I did drinking sip of whisky before job interviews usually cause i create too much stress before interviews. in one, i drank so much (i stressed so much before) that my cousin said, it were visible you were drunk:D so that much driunking before interview isnt ok:) but to get of anxiety before very important meetings, i had such hack of drinking some sip of whisky:) but now that i have no whisky, i cant:) lucky its phone interview:) i need to get over this getting too much stressed before important interviews thing:)


this is my first ever possible investor meeting in my life:) its alot exciting:)
The interested investor is from Canada:) its super exciting:) lets continue coding MVP:)   its super exciting:) I never entered any possible investor meeting before:) Me and Onder bro might have a game company soon maybe:) if we could code asap the initial game version. yeppp:)


I would tell about the business idea to possible investor and would report that MVP would be ready on next' week's end. I infer if the MVP is liked, the investor might be interested to invest, yayyyy:)

Since today is very exciting due to my first ever business meeting in startup context, I have problems in focus. but nope, since algorithms are ready, need to code yeppp. that also excites, that i could switch to coding part many days after getting lost in how to do render clouds part.  Switching to coding part also really excites since i finally figured out of course there are sub details that should be designed, but there is no unclear thing in the general schema of rendering. so its alot exciting. Its first time i would code utilize spherical harmonics also. happy to learn about that, since i am interested to learning quantum computing or quantum physics more in some time (after i learn more maths). so game make me get informed of lots of interesting topics during design&implementation:)
I need a sip of whisky since its a very exciting day(i finish 35cl whisky in 1 mnth, i am not a drinker, i drink just sips of whisky. I wish i bought 35cl J&B again. (i finish that drink in a month, so i really am a slow drinker). there is wine at home but its mom's and daddy's. should i open it:P i might:) and then later would buy them new wine. or nope. i shouldnt. should go to shop after dad comes and buy a whisky like thing. since its my official drink to enter exciting meetings. I drink a sip before meeting:) to get over excitement.
I am super excited today. since also because i have my high detail scheme of rendering skies finally ready. I might obfuscate it and provide it as a SAAS service to other possible games. that clouds dont get rendered as separate cloud objects ? i dont know. i might create such tricks and provide this as also service, this realistic skies thingy that i mention about. specificall i could provide real world rendering for that. as a service. but all later, first game. then i could service its subcomponents as saas services for webbrowser games. there would be a skies db and client libraries. currently coding db part. ok. lets cool down. lets be less excited. i am super excited since also because i move to coding. this project really excites my brain alot. this project that i am working for. I feel super excited today. Its super exciting since i waited so much to come to this step. of working to have realistic skies with not much load on gpu/cpu. it has taken a hell alot time to come tothis step. so its very exciting to switch to coding now. how many hours i spend to learn about orbiting earth, or sky renderin or design decision of cloud's rendering i dont know, but ltos of effort really be spent and now finally after many many person hours i can move to coding (I only coded orbit parts ) now sky dome and clouds part. its super exciting. its super exciting to get some stages in a project when you put lots of effort. its truly super exciting. I dont know how many hours i spent to create my algorithms. that are very authentic on orbiting part(using info from Calculus book in that but very authentic orbit model but not high degree of scientific accuracy it has. but it makes planets orbit and thats what i need initially. ).then i went to sky dome algorithms and initially designed it that clouds are images. but that doesnt just fit in since camera could get very fast in game to skies and in lateral or vertical or any direction ways and that doesnt fit in game to have clouds as textures.  so first problem to be solved were how to render sun, how to know sun's position. second were how to render sky, that has equations but design part has to be also worked on but i have main scheme ready. then last part were clouds and for that  also main schema is ready. I were so unhappy of texture clouds on sky dome. now it would be lod'ed clouds. and its mcuh better, when camera ascends, clouds would look realistic. and in lover ground they would be seen in lowest lod form which would be quite enough. its so exciting to do create a game project and step by step solving problems to be solved (like clouds etc) its super exciting.

while lsitening this soundtrack, wherever i wuold live as next city i would take violin courses i said to myself:) I like violin sound so much:)


I like Adagio for strings compilation in Tiesto album alot. I liked similarly Adagio for Tron in this soundtrack compilation. I wish so bad i could played violin :) crescendos of room orchestrate & mixing of electronic music, something i like alot:)  and then instantly all music goes of and a violin plays. its all very nice to listen to. I like both electronic music & classical music. and like its mixture alot:) but in my older age, I like more where classical music is much bolder(in mixtures of classical&electronic music), like Tron's adagio version.  (needless to say, when i were young, i liked mixtures where electronic music is bolder:) )


yayy one point more to create solution in generating surface samples:
https://math.hse.ru/data/2016/05/04/1128317061/complex-ell-integral.pdf
creating similar surface areas on a geoid task. would check methods on these things.

ok 30 minutes left to investor meeting:) yayyyy :) (I would talk to an investor from Canada)
hmm thinking of business plan brief:) arranging my sentences. yayyy quite exciting:)

27 minutes left:)

ok i prepared some financials expectations part. so coding studies i would continue today. it would be exciting week since MVP would be finalized in awhile this week :)

last day were very exciting since i figured out some algorithms/methods and also due to an investor meeting.

yeppp would prepare the MVP :)


ok i also bou8ght a ballantines (35cl, i finish such drink in a month:D i  drink so litte)


ok very hardworking coding for today I envision :) yayyyy :)
its super exciting. now coding sampler for wgs84.  yayyy:)
like yesterday, its another super exciting day:) a day with full coding:)  (yesterday couldnt code since other tasks of executive summary prep i worked  and little bit more algorithms design part worked on) (ok my music selection is again tron soundtrakcs:) since i am also building a game and i like listening to movie soundtracks/game soundtracks while building the game :) )


this things i need to learn about in future for being able to correctly integrate things so that i have no suspicion whether my self crafted integration method is ok or not: (right not not needing to learn alot I would craft some sampling in non perfect way)

https://math.hse.ru/data/2016/05/04/1128317061/complex-ell-integral.pdf


I might take as if sphere is like geoid instead of second type of elliptic integrals. so that i take area approximations as sin@d@d# (@,# are angles)  or might extend it with flattening of geoid. so not would spend so mych time on geoid's intricate shape but would use a crude way for the sampling of equilateral surface areas (for sky dome's creation).



yayyy i figured out a crude way to do things. not the fine detailed way like elliptic integration (for perimeter)...

lets finish sky asap today. sky domes and clouds. cause next sunday my demo should be ready.


I missed whisky little bit. (i am not a drinker. i drink very little very rarely) and nice that i have ballantines now. ok a hackatehon of demo (for this week) and it would be weird combination of ballantines sips and coding :) since things i code dont require me to think alot for today, it wouldnt matter:) it would be bare cloud rendering and clouds things which algorithms main schema i already thought on. just remaaining part is generation of perlin noise like structures and SH lightening. and similar thingies. than tomorrow wish to move to terrain thingy. and next day vegetation. statically generated worlds with many lods, with many simplifications. and of course characters are dynamic. and objects inside game that are dynamic, other than that even shadows would be statically precalculated/generated.  with many LODs. have huge tasks to do. osgCal or alike library to do skin animation osgCal model importing so that i have a character. if i finish important parts till thursday night. i would study blender to do a nicer character (I want to try to create models' like anthems soldiers initially but with lesser detail/lesser poly count) (might create transformers like models to reduce necessary poly count or would try different shaders to create physical based shaders with different materials)  yeyyy creating models in blender would be super fun:)

i might initially create some different models with very low poly count but with cool look.

physics engine would be searched, if i could find a lightweight physics engine in js might use it. if i cant find a lightweight one, i need to wrte a basic one first.

for animation models of characters, again would check preready skeleton skin animations models.   they would get better after game gets funded? i would try to create initial nice versions. huge task set to do asap.  i wouldnt feel urgency in levels that paralyzes me of stress. i mean i would do my best to make it be ready on sunday, but if doesnt happens doesnt happens. would share the not fully ready mvp ni such case. would have little bit stress. but not so much that would breake my performence. so let the coding hackathon begin:))))))))))))))))) (for my MVP) (it already begun:)) (its suepr exciting:) i felt similar fun like 3 days compiler generation trial (that failed because 3 days is never enough to write a cpp like compiler with yacc )  (it feels as exciting as such project:)) (it is similar to that because 7 days is not enough to develop such game  maybe:) so it makes it more excited:) since its my project and i am doing a hackaton and i have this much days:D) its super fun:D today has the hardest tasks of hackathon. if i get stressed i would just take a sip from ballantines:) since there is very little time to establish huge amount of tasks in this timeline.  its nice that i am not a drinker and only in this hackathon got a whisky beside me:)
every stress/laziness moment: one tiny sip from ballantines:) (this is my way to create a high quality game in 6 days where algorithms exist but lots of things to do /to get stuck at/lots of things to get fixed. ) i would level down the scope of MVP if animated characters creation have no enough time and move them to next week. but i should have very realistical place very super rendering quality. i think i should target this in iniital MVP and next week create another MVP this time with animated models. 


ok i wouldnt fixate on guice tghings  that much initially,  refactoring could come to this assets generator code. its urgent that it works efficiently but maintenance is lesser important and that refactoring might have little tasks to do.  i should code as much as possible to create the functionality of batch asset creation systems. (world creator, its named reti_creator and written in scala)


ok i have so super cool models in my mind to model. and if adding cloud animation would craft my clothes collection for game:) ayyy it would be a dream:) I thought of a woman model with no hair and is made of metal and such robots and they could wear also collections of clothes. :D it would be super fun:D since i like to create clothes :) (i wish i still like to do so. it were child times hobby. ok this game's that part would be much more fun than current's state)  (who says robot ladies wont want to follow fashion:) :P ) (my shops for clothes for such robo avatars might have such name:D)  i have stunning image in my head for a humanoid that is very shiny of some metal type that has no hair and has a stunning cranial and very super shading on that. i would create near real time environmaps generated in game so that such models would have texture cubemap based reflection on their skin. with cloth rendering on the cloth collection guhu would preapre:P) (ok lets put these ideas to dreams stack for features i want to put to game) ok this doesnt fit to this game's concept, might be something in another game yepp:) since this game would have models like anthem's models or transformer's models.


ok its kind of silly funny to have taken sips from whisky. i listened game soundtracks, than moved to 8 bit music, than found Stavroz compilations is also fine while coding this day:)  (Stavroz has really great compilations. sometimes just feels repetitive at song passes but just still very great, ).

(some songs are like from magical worlds in this track. some Spanish song is so authentic. )

i were bored of listening that track and

hmm the track i like the most? might be some parts of Stavroz-2017 #5 named compilation that i listen now. hmm changed my idea, i ddnt liked alot this track while listening it.ok just only one part i ddnt liked, but the rest is amazing as usual Stavroz.


something i never did before and found without planning, having multiple docking windows inside the same screen, that each window is smaller and lots of docked code classes in the IDE. its super fun:) adding some line code to that class then some other to that there are open 4 classes right now:) (or just for checking interface of classes) i loved this IDE option. i dont know where its open, this overall docking window setting but i liked it:) many docking areas exist in window i use and this grid view i definitely liked:) its like lets check a little bit this class then this object kind of nice perspective it provides.

i think this much whisky is enough, i drank very little bit feel as impacted my head so its time to stop.

hmm what i missed, i wished i could attend a high sound music festival now:) i hadnt attended alot. this sound level i listenm music feels not enough:) ok maybe later:)


yayy when i go Berlin, i can find a music festival around and listen high music yeppp:)))))))))))



 i seen a very funny code comment:DDDDDDD in a library
// TODO: fix this.  the below approach is crazy



had guests (relatives) so couldnt continue studying. i think i would wake up early and study in morning instead.


ok working on algorithms of my ray intersector with 3d objects. its easy to setup a method with 3d objects that dont have concave shapes. lets check some basic implementations of other people.

where this came up, even if its backend it needs such intersection methods since it would do lightening. so i try to create basic geometric shape instances not like a game engine's scene graph but i need to work more on its oop part i think. not a perfect thing is needed for current game's version like intersection of two complex shapes.  its an MVP and need to code basic parts of MVP asap.


seems as there exists sphere and bounding box intersections around. so i code my own way.


one query point i would check:


if f is a function that takes x y z and maps to a surface of hyperboloid on 0,0,0 point ,   now take this:
(p being a cartesian point of x,y,z)
now take this: f(g(p))   g is a translation/rotation/scale function(maps p to p')

if we have a ray intersects function that takes a ray definition

ray_intersects(ray, f) that works for this hyperboloid def,

if we had a new problem of
 
o:   function composition operator

 ray_intersects(ray, f o g ),

in solution of it, previous f worked on usual coordinate frame as reference, now f o g translates rotates scales the coordinate frame.

should the following solution work, if M is the   TSR  matrix product of g operator,  if we put the ray to conversion of inverse of M, we could modify same ray intersection method to this modified ray like :



the solution would be:

ray_intersects( inverse of M * ray,   f )

Is this solution correct? would check.

I try to set up some shape definitions in backend code4 and shapes also inherently hold object to world transformation matrices.  so my ray intersector needs something like this


but what if M is singular? thats also possible, so we might do similar reverse of  T , reverse of S, reverse of R things one by one instead of trying to take reverse of matrices.
 i wish this method is correct:P (lets ask Onder bro later on. felt as it is a correct method. what kind of functions does these type of reversing function composition operators work, i think one slide i shared analyzed such things but i have no time to learn about them now yet. )




ok i had a very rest day today since, we visited relatives. now would continue hackathon.
i like mythbusters so much. i slept with watching that super funny and fun show. then woke up and again watched:) (they created whirlpools:D and they tested lots of funny things:D) then i worked and started working. then mom said come lets go shopping. then since i am not working :P she bought me some shoe etc for September(Since i am going abroad in September. She wanted to buy more i stopped:P. ) . (I would of course pay back them i dont like taking gifts even from family(since i am 36:D i mean i liked taking gifts from them only my ages before 30ies but not after that:D)  ( they also pay my bills:P i would of course pay back that also. ).  ok then we visited close relatives in after noon (hmm Hasan uncle's wife and Sevil cousin) so this day passed like a summer day done nothing other than watching funshows and walking. but now i would continue the hackathon asap. so would work at least 5 hours now. yeppp.
I am so sad that only 4th and 5th seasons exist in Netflix. (Mythbusters) before theirs full seasons existed or i remember wrongly.  (thats the only tv show i like these days. its super funny&fun. i think that is the funniest show ever invented for tv:) I like that tv show so much. aha i also watched scare tactics:) one show i liked to watch ebfore. but hmm it ddnt catched me like Myth busters. Myth busters (even is a show from 2000s ?) is the best show i ever seen in tv :) )( Jamie Hyneman's moustache's movement in wind is super funny:D and that Adam Savage making fun of that :D  for people who dont know what kind of topics that show as: in a show i watched they tried build sailplane with material of cement:DDDDDDDD (they tried to do myth busting to notion that cement can not be used in planes) in another show they tried to do myth busting to the notion/myth that a paper sheet can not be folded more than 6 times:D its super fun:D)


ok lets continue coding:) i did lots of laziness today. all started with mom taking me to shopping:P then i called to visit relatives:) buit cant lie it were fuin to do laziness for today. since i have huge code to code it created stress and such kind of laziness per today felts so fun. yepp were a fun day with visiting loved relatives/shopping etc.  now codintg time:) ok this part of code isnt fun i know (since i would code basisc like ray intersections etc. but when i move to SH part it would be super fun:)) 




ok getting lost in code time now:) 

ok when code i gonna write is uninteresting part, i think this Strauss, Tisch Tratsch Polka makes it fun/interesting:)



when i dont any trust the matrix inversion method's code :DDDDDDDD since its a comment saying     // TODO: fix this.  the below approach is crazy

its like, my function decomposition  would work :) (not pretty sure if it is a function that could have such algebra? feels to me its logical to do that as i think of operation applied in decomposition. but its not formalized/supported with proof way so i cant know whether my suggested solution is correct )

or rieman integralling some part i did as if rieman integral would work on such function:) i think it would work and it should work. (I am not hundred percentage sure it would worked, nice that it worked so its a function that could be riemann integraled. )

but sometimes we write things in game like things as without being sure whether it would work  (that we are not hundred sure if it would work:) )  and that parts are quite funny:D (such approach is only done in games' rendering part, so when there is error, there is no big side effect for if methods doesnt work:P (i would see if it works or not visually beforehand also :) i mean its easy to catch errors in rendering when if i do create wrong code in rendering parts:) ) )

ok after seeing that comment, i would never use that method for matrix inversion:P

i need to write my own matrix inversion method but later on. (hermitian matrices i remembered or  other special matrices.  but i would do now instead of opening my numerical recipes book, would go do apply cheap tricks instead of matrix inversion to my changing coordinate frame method. actually method i write would work and would might be lesser costing cpu cycles. hmm. )

(ok this feeling of not fully knowing that something i write would work or not before hand is a funny state. i had felt many parts in this project such feeling. 2 parts actually. hmm. not parts, i mean some algos. 2 algos. first one worked. now at the second algo and would check if my algo works or not after it gets ready)




(one day i wish I would write code with being sure it works beforehand:) like knowing topography and such topics or could write formalizations beside. but for today i dont know any such math knowledge yet, so i have to write game's parts with such confusions sometimes with not knowing whether it would work or not :) and seeing from rendering whether it works or not. e.g. not every function you can do apply riemann integral i think, or like using an algebra with some feeling that it would work, but not having a proof that it would work like that. i lack too much math knowledge. I wish i learn someday. its sure its not a feasible goal to set it as today since I have to code game's MVP asap.  (and i dont know if i could learn math to that much level.  would try to. i wish i could learn)

)


yayyy co-founder Onder  we would create proejcts. yayyy:) this game is our first proejct:) i hadnt shared tasks in this part with him yet since we both thought me telling how shaders work to him would take some time but i need to code MVP asap. he would help me in maths side of game yayyyy so we could have much better shaders:)  and we wqould also work to create supercomputers as we create capital from this game product yeyyyy. that part is the next super exciting project i plan to enter in future projects agenda. he once told he would be happy to do bioinformatics projects in future with me. I wish we do create both supercomputers and also bioinformatics projects (simulations topic). ok lets think of that supercomputers topic and be hardworking never do again laziness inside the week. (and he is busy doing science (maths) projects as i get from his talks. so we would do informnation transfer next week. I would tell opengl/shader things initing points to Onder bro then we would work to write faster lght shaders maybe. or other topics. but we would our concern is to fastly publish the game asap. so that we move to further projects. )







I definitely think writing code with Strauss' Trisch Tratsch Polka is fun:) Lets also listen Bizet and Wagner today. hadnt listened for ages.

ok today is techno listening day while coding:)  hmm finally finished some utility classes in way i wanted (i wanted some shape class a basic one and i have now my basic shape classes (hadnt added triangulization algos yet, but there is enough things to continune skydome coding now. hmm i needed a shape class which would have a transformation matrix and a coordinate system changer utilities (like rotate/scale/translate) and also some intersectiopn methods between some basic shape methods (have 3 basic shapes and their intersection methods with the other shape geoid now even if they would be scaled/rotated (along with quaternions)/translated, the intersection method (ray intersection) is expected to work. i need to also add a rectangular prism/cube to basic shapes part and create some my specific version of BSP mechanisms.  i need to add bounding box methods and bounding geoid/sphere methods also. ok i am not any writing any game engine in scala side, just a world creator, and lightening assets creator and lightening dted like definitions creator and world's assets creator.  since its scala and is offline, i dont need to add scenegraph ? i need to do add but not exactly right now. i need to intelligently traverse the scenegraph and bsp according to tasks inside. but it would be big data alike, so i could extend sinlge operation to many spark executors to operate on, so it wont be like game engine scenegraphs thats why its not a game engine, its a big data based world creator tool, so there is not a scenegraph to be optimized eto be able to be rendered in game. it creates the skies/ lod'ed terrains/vegetations/illumination maps(like dted)/lod'ed clouds. so not a game engine. my game engine to render things efficiently is initially osgjs. but might modify osgjs along with my requirements (i would most possibly do) (e.g. changing lod behaviors so that lesser cpu cycles are went away. ) (or might create my own js rendering engine later on (something whihc i infer would happen. but not this week further weeks. osgjs2:D? it should be again named osg_something_bla_bla.yayyy lets continue the big data side tasks, namely reti_creator's tasks. tonnes of tasks to do:P )

ok i were thinking  whether Hilbert curves would help my some of tasks, and investigated little bit.


 i  rested awhile last 2 hours:P


i made my self salad to eat light for dinner but ate too much cheese beside it:S

oh i got too much weight:S i just need to do more sports. maybe now some stairs time. yeah.  i need to start eating like i used to. here in iskenderun home, i eat too much. i just eat too much. and get weight accordingly. i need to stop that. ok tomorrow from tomorrow setting goal of 900 calories per day. i wish i could adhere to that, cause i got too much weight. maybe i got 3 kgs or alike i think.



ok by the way last day were an importnt day here. its a celebration day. nice&happy 15 temmuz to my country:) 




ok now i should do one of two tasks. either sports or continueing coding. hmm i think i would start with sports than continue.


i watched one of sherlock holmes series, thats also another amazing tv show (in Netflix). but my fav is Myth Busters:)


ok i use the colored brush pens  and i wrongly paint my arms my hands:D while writing things on papers. i leave the pen open and it both creates stink in the desk's cover (that is washed but need special washing to the stink. ) and also my arms(that passes not hard as desk's cover).  everytime i tell mom i wont use those pens but i use them since its nice to write with them (when studying writing things) (not that i am doing any intelligent calculations but things for my game's algorithms and it just paints when the lid is open. )




ok nice that i have my geoid methods, i could calculate the length sun light travels in various atmosphere layers. so that in mie lightening model, there comes orange/violet colored light due to long length light travels.


yayyy now i am at point of projecting sun light at normals which i would sample. (not by Monte carlo sampling, it would be like, hmm, 10 or 5 degrees of latitude separation (left dealing with elliptic integration:P might add that later on) and n many points sampled per each longitude around such latitude thats selected accordingly to perimeter of such circle.  hmm i now have to revise mie and rayleigh scattering equations. and should construct atmosphere shells. i think i would not have the legit atmosphere layers as told, that might be one another index of shells around world. but i think i would create such thing based on molecules/aerosols. like ozone, like argon etc. i mean it would be separated based on particles/molecules. not the standard atmosphere layers.

so for every sampled skydome, i need to create a skydome texture with colored with rayleigh /mie scattering according to sun's place in sky. i think i would store the light colors with respect to spectrum, for every spectrum light i would sphere the image of skydome in SH so there would be n many color bands with their SH representation or might not. currently trying to figure out how to do ray tracing to create the sky dome textures.  ok interesting place in code. lets first finish the coding part of sampler and sun's projection and place.
or i should first find the way to do ray tracing for sky domes textures generation. or might utilize texture cubemap. I never did ray tracing before:P


i might utilize SH for this, looks nice to do. but as told would store the SH representation for n many differnt color spectrum bands.  looks nicer storage format than texels or just images.hmm so flux in around sky dome would be modeled by SH for n many spectral bands. hmm i wonder how inverted skies would look in such case:) i would check when its ready:) i mean what if rayleigh and mie worked exactly reverse in wavelength based models, so we would have reversed skies. anyway. in some games might play with various models:) is not it my simulacrum:) i can change how rayleigh eq works:P  (in some world versions i could do that:) why not:) ) but first should figure out how to do this ray tracing task. i never did raytracing before so i came up to point of storing things as SH coefficients.  but would it look realistic in that? and how we would render it, that part i need to think on also.
so if i could also morph spherical harmonics coefficients to one and another form i could also just iterate the look of sky along samples that are sampled at 1 hour points.  so animationg sequences between SH coeficients? i think that might work? or dont know if it wuold look ok.

ok lets focus on now the rendering part if i modelled the sky dome's colors in SH how should i render at shader level that? now lets brainstorm on that part.

so how my texture would include theta and phi inside a 2d texture. hmm. would check that. but i liked this much more than reflecting something to a rectangular screen. i mean drawing as with sphere perspective(theta/phi) instead of ray tracing thing that i never did before. i should also check learn ray tracing sometime later. but not now. i would do render with spherical coordinates/with SH coefficients. and would create coloring even in shader side with spherical coordinates perspective.  hmm so lets focus on rayleigh/mie scattering and light flux definition more. we need to efficiently store such data.
I think so skydome rendering could happen in pixel shader or even in cpu with creating scene based on raycasting on a rectangular screen just only to convert to spherical coordinates.  and when the camera is moving fast, it could utilize a very low information holding SH version of sky domes? hmm thinking of how to do tiling along many domes.  and how to interpolatesky's image in between. i think as tld, interpolating along SH data seems nice thing. and in fast speed, we could use simplified lesser bands for SH to hold many mre tiles at once. and ok so
the shading might even happen at pixel shader, cause it would just render a rectangular screen with sampled points with sampled points being painted aligned with SH data or it could be even done in cpu side. or might some how stream this data to game with efficient tiling.  since every millions of users can fastly change his head to many directions,  i felt as its better to store the skydome's (missing clouds) light flux SH data all once in texture cache and not tile it. cause the user can at any time change head. or could iteratively construct image. like: in 60 frames'  firs 10 frames show the low detailed SH data, then next 50 frames shows the detailed data. (whenever user changes head direction)so we both store a low resolution SH data (as texture) in gpu but change /load/unload continously detailed version of sky's SH data according to field of view. and migth implement little bit tiling also in that part, and as told, clouds are  separate things, they would be rendered as 3d lod'ed objects. utilizing the flux information and sun's location also.

ok i really liked my way of rendering sky:)  don't know if it would work good or bad. i would see when i code it:)  feels to me it wuold work:)  and ir eally really liked the algorithm i built:) nice that Sony Entertaintment Co. has developed spherical harmonics usage for lightening. or is it Avatar movie? whomever did it, did an awesome new way for rendering ops in games:) so that we could utilize also SH in different ways:)


by the way, i really really liked my sky rendering algorithm:D its a nice way:) getting away cost of mie/rayleigh calculation from cpu/gpu/client side and baking that data as spherical coordinate based SH textures. so storing flux of sky in samples all around world. so storing things as flux as along with increasing r regions and rendering it the way i defined. I definitely liked this approach:)  its a simple but very beneficial way to render sky i think:) (not taking in to account clouds yet. as told they are separate from atmosphere firstly.

ok huge tasks to do:) but so happy i finally have my sky painting algorithm's this part also be defined/ready:) now lets code these parts i mentioned:)



seems to me with these optimizations all around, i could even move the rendering to phone clients. with cpp modules utilizing apps in ios and android. i mean this much optimizations would mean that these things would be playable on phones also. though not sure on tablets side:P

ok i think above paragraph is not legit until i solve many more optimization problems sicne there exists lots of others like how to render terrain. and how to devise filtering operations on SH side.  e.g. we can have lower resolution data in far away mountains to render, but when we have trees on it, the treesshould be rendered in a higher quality way even if scene is far away. these parts for instance. ? so lots of things to think on still. so might utilize some textures for that for sure. and have n many textures that slightly rotates and only one is visible at the same time kind of situation might be employed. so when the user is flying would see the 1 of 5 textures for trees. and it would also always stay in graphic cards' memory such textures. anyway lets not lose the focus, vegetation/forests are third step. first and first sky should be ready.


one correction ofmy blog: i newly learnt that my onder bro left writing the radar book 10 or 15 days ago.  I dont know reason but i newly learnt about this.



as told my bro showed p=np (His article is being reviewed by a committee of academicians. we are waiting for results:) ). I read once, and would reread again.  in future i want to create  super computers with  Onder bro. for that i think i need to prove that i could really do big projects myself and make some step in my project ready. I need to work very hard till weekend. i would soonly create capital for such initiatives via my game. first should create the demo.

today i analyzed the sh code again and i understood i hadnt exactly understood how to rotate SH coordinates yet.  i think its a cute topic:) i really liked a topic i can visualize in my head easily but hadnt understood exactly therotation mechanism written in the paper yet. so i read other rotation methods in papers. i think i would overuse SH since i dont like ray tracing alot and sky has no sharp edges so SH is quite fine in modeling it.  or might utilize other type of visualization but it should be all spherical coordinates. of course i would paint a rectangle in either cpu or pixel shader in the end btu would be rendered by spherical coordinates things.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

yayy i wish i could studied and understood this article much more but i think i would  instead prerotate my objects instead of learning about SH coefficients rotation more right now. but i would also learn this since i like induction/recursion.
https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/1430/60d2513e21a1d1f43a347c941917b856902c.pdf


 
would also check this one before:
https://cgg.mff.cuni.cz/~jaroslav/papers/2005-rapport1728/rr1728-irisa-krivanek-shrotation.pdf




ok i also understood the rotation topic yayyy. but not the fast way the way of X(-90)ZX(90)Z way:) and have a sample project also:) nice:)

i started liking the integration modeling topics:) (unless its elliptic integration of first & second kinds :)  )


now revised this article: (not going to render like them, but reading their light equations helped me alot:)), this is a very nice rendering method:

Precomputed Atmospheric Scattering, Eric Bruneton, Fabrice Neyret



yayyyy should solve the multiscattering problem also in solving rayleigh equation and mie equations.




ok my rendering algo passes as:
the iteration goes around shells around world centering earth's origin with spherical coordinates. and each shell has flux value directions info on sampled points around the shell and next iteration goes with changed light to other shell.
as told before, Rayleigh scattering looks like random walk,  so some portion of light gets scatrtered in random walk way and diffuses to that layer and colors sky. in Mie the phase is  directional but has not a random walk behavior.


so when we iterate light like this, with scattering everywhere when Rayleigh happens and absorption also in Mie (and both favoring differnt wavelengths), when we also cover the reflection from ground as secondary source and also iterate that like this in some layers, and when we cover shadowing impact of heightmaps, then: we have suhc shells existing in around world with sampled flux values with directions/wavelenghts. so whenever camera moves upright in sky or when is in ground, it could paint the sky along with this time taking cam as the source of sphere, and taking sample from the nearest earth's shell for selected ray volume color. i think i might store the flux function's values as SH constants since every shell the directed light falls on a rotated SH framealong with filtered wavelenghts/absorption/scattering. we could just rotate SH coefficients at every shell entry to iterate this ting along with absorption and as told along with also computing scattering. so we iterate the flux'es travel with playing with SH constants. would it create any efficiency i dont think so exactly I just want to play with SH coefficients (my first SH trial) and adding clouds to one layer might be easier with that setting. so every shell modfies the flux someway and end of flux area is defined with SH and next layer has that flux rotated accordingly. such approximation.


ok resting time:) (yayyy watching mythbusters timee:) yayyyyyyyyyy:) ) would wake up early and study. i need to find aerosols distributions/ozone distribution(concentration) in atmosphere. ok tomorrow would be atmosphere contents details searching task  and shells/spherical coordinates/ Mie /Rayleigh /color spectrum things time. ok happy that i finally created also this part of algo (generation of flux/things) last day were generation of how to render such things. today were generation of how to do simulate that lights iteration along its path's algo design part.  i could move to coding tomorrow as i find atmosphere's contents with more detailed data. and yeah i figure out, this part of game were really challenging to me. since i never did ray tracing like things before nor knew any of SH topics.  happy to have learnt lots of things during this part. i do think, this part of game might be the hardest part of game. or vegetation might be. dont know. i do think maybe further parts would be also at least this much hard. ok but so happy that soon finally i would have my sky ready:) then comes time to terrain. (also sky also takes terrain's dted in calculating the flux of light in shells (in spherical coordinates) mini sampled regions.

now end of studying time and comes watching tv shows time:

yayyyy its watching myth busters time:)yayyyy:)


ok i woke up late. and made breakfast. helped mom in house tasks. then slept in swing (hammock like swing) watching clouds in garden :)  (dreaming of my own clouds that i would work on today:)) (i felt little bit ill today so rested not started workign asap.  now i came to desk, checked my phone & mails. i felt ill today (i think i got little bit cold since i forgot to take on sheets while sleeping (i fall asleep while watching tv shows))


I now newly saw i missed calls(phone were in silent mode:S) i would try to reach up with saying sorry for late catchup. ops. making phone in silent mode isnt ok. so i miss calls:S would make phone nonsilent.



yayyyy now study time starts. i consumed  molasses (it has a weird name:D) and bread leafs for energy for work day to start (work for game project).  hey this molasses is done from beet.


ok watching clouds move fast in sky in an sunny sky were kind of alot peaceful:) my day started with hammock with watching clouds move by and then falling asleep:) watching the wooden ornaments that has a peaceful color of roof wooden structure of outside, pomagranate branchs and pomagranates being getting redder under sunlight and in the opening in between the wooden structure the clear sky with moving fast clouds. and hammock like swing. it were a very nice day start:P i last day temporarily studied in garden took a chair to garden beside plants of pepper/tomato/lemon tree/cucumber/eggplant. i studied maybe 15 minutes while air is getting darker there with my foot touching the soil. it were peaceful moment:) but i think today's hammock time were also peaceful:P ok started day with such rest:) but tooken my energy (molasses/syrup) and would study now:)

yayyyyyyyy:) i found this amazing Phd thesis:) yayyy:) feeling super lucky today:)
http://www.ung.si/~library/doktorati/fizika/14He.pdf#table.caption.4



had i told, my projects everytime i start a project has a workspace name lucky or such names:)

my gcp project name has name of door :)  hadnt carried my projects to gcp yet.



yayyyy this one is also amazing:)
https://www.academia.edu/35727052/Atmospheric_transmission_in_the_ultraviolet_and_visible_Aerosols_in_cloudy_atmospheres?auto=download



I might use the scattering coefficient directly of water vapour:)
hey from this above paper we see that scattering is only dependent to wavelenght in rayleigh. thats why when sunsets the colors are reddish, since ultraviolet scatters alot and red regions come and light the sky? and there is not enough ultraviolet region light also to color the sky full and also the distance light travels is higher so it gets scattered but the ultraviolet side color gets scattered. and during sunset we see the sky as blue in topmost part and its because rayleigh still happens but the mie is directional and we dont see it since its directional. and end of other part of horizon gets darkened since rayleigh scattering scattered beams arent enough to cover all.


ok i helped mom and dad in house tasks:) (it were about garden, they harvested mint (we love to use mint in our caciks or mostly in soups) and i helped taking leaves of them. then i cleansed the garden with water which is quite fun thing:D then i waited in front of milk/owen to wait to milk get boiled (parents buy milk from local farmers). so it were quite different tasks but were peaceful(resting:D) also. i mean i rested. specfically washing garden and mint's leaves tearing off were really kind of rest time:) now studying time ) so continueing studying now. (mom and dad rewarded my mint leaves tearing with special chocolates as if i am thin:DDDDDD (since i did nearly 70% off the hardwork, since they went inside to watch a tv show awhile:D they have in weekdays a tv watch they both watche veryday at some hour, a tv show that they dont miss:)) my life at here is sometimes different:) i not always code or rest wth watching things o r reading :)(sometimes help to house tasks:D ok watching milk to boil were like watching browser to download files animation:DD ok but rested alot. but most fun were washing the garden. mint thing werent super fun. but it smelled super good. and in winter when we put to soups its so delicious better market mints:P ) ok now  back to coding or studying:)



ok I feel awesome today since it were like a holiday day:P and now stuydying time:) We had relatives guests from Hamburg (my dad's cousins daughers/families) in my dad's cousins. they had 3 weeks holidya here and it were their last day of holiday so i visited them:) 2 very nice families. so reason i stopped studsying last hour were that i were at relatives house. we promised to communicate when i go to Berlin:) I think i like relatives alot:) there is also not close relative but from dad's village a very nice young couple (Belgin and her husband) also at holiday here. i thinik i would also try to viist them when i go there:)



I think i feel so happy about moving to  Berlin:) its like a dream to me:)

last time i stayed 1 month in Germany passed quite nice:) I liked cafes/work colleagues/trains/lots of traveling :) and also i quite liked the drinking parts of shopping centers:) all champaigns here in Turkey are all sold in very big bottles. they had lots of milkas and lots of lots of small bottled drinks:) i dont drink too much. so small bottled drinks i like a lot :) (since i dont even finish even a small bottle i usually drink 4 or 5 sips(no no maybe 70% of bottle or less or usually i think 50% of bottle) and throw the remaining. i really doint drink alot, so the concept of small bottles i liked alot. i liked the shopping centers and the traveling places and cafes and Christmas time alot when i were in Germany:) so quite happy about moving:)


our half of relaitives live there actually by the way:)


I when worked there as softweare developer, i lvied in hotel like a month and it were also nice time:) i dined with my German colleagues who were like software ninjas:) it were fun time to have talks with them. i wish i could reconnect. my friend were i think at 50ies (a very expert software developer) and had a nice family. they also worked in that company i worked. everynight we usually dined: An English software expert (very expert), the German friend i mentioned (very expert), me(not very expert). it were super fun to have nerd friends and dine everyday:)  they were expert in Erlang and the German friend were also very expert in Golang:)  we would talk about various topics about tech/software/accustoms it were super fun:)  the other time i had cpp friends, one Indian friend and one German friend, and we also had super fun tiume in cafes laughing out hell hard. I worked oncpp side that time they were that cpp side friends were super funny people, i liked their friendship also alot:) then in scala side, I wernt quite friend with that ingelligent German colleague. but learnt lots of from his scala code while we developed a scala based project together.


hmm so my Germany time were fun. I missed Frank's fdriendship but lost ties also. but super fun time to listen their accustoms or their travel acts with his wife, super nice people/family :) and i were non expert so I felt like padawan beside those people:D It were nice to have Jedi friends:) but i lost connection all.

I missed the feeling of traveling every different city i wonder:) would try to repeatr in weekends:) like breezing in january in a train station :) its super fun to travel solo:) i liked it alot in Europe to travel solo thingy. I loved taking a wine in 2 floor trains and eat some snacks and watch the flowing fields then traveling the city i wonder about:)  or stopping by train stations and waiting for the next trains:) I figured out i like the train concept :) hmm ICE trains and 2 floored ones and also the old ones that we see in movies i also had a chance to travel such alike and it were awesome:) i like trains alot:)




aha i remembered the following incident:) while i were dining with my German and English nerd  & Jedi friends , a frech business peopl;e were also staying at hotel and they were playing hotel's piano and one French guy specifically played a song to me:DDDDDDDD it were romantic but i ran away from there getting ashamed:DDDD  (since i am not used to taking compliments:D i am a  tomboy:D)  (even i heard talks that i looked sexy from that friend set:DDDDD i had nicer nose those tiomes and were younger:D even i got flattered i ran away from the environment feeling ashamed:D but hmm so in some part of life i looked cute? not now i dont think i look any cute now:D defiunitely have uglier nose:D)it wre funny moment. they talked with my German friends to say that next song is from somehwer ein their group. a business people (French company and French people) were also staying there in the hotel and i received such compliment but ran away since i just ddnt know whgat to do. funny thing is if i werent ashamed i might meetup and date with the guy but felt super ashamed since i am a tomboy. not that i wouldnt be into dating with a French guy:) (it would be super cool i think:D) but that at that moment i were super sup[er ultra ashamed since i am not used to such compliment:) (so Frnech guys are roimantic super romantic:) I deifnitely should find a french bf in future:D) (might be German maybe? i dont know if people would look to me i dnt any know:) since i have uglier nose. but think i discovered that time (i were younger then) if you have black hair where everyone is blonde, its kind of you might be more liked/find attractive alot:) cause  afriend had shown little bit interest there, i showed that friends picture to friends in Turkey they said its crazy since they told guy is super handsome but since i am not super betfl, we thought, it might be due to black hair impact:) black hair makes people look more charismatic where there is less black haiur in a place:) it were super fun since a super handsome guy looked to me:) (but i messed it up :Dwe ddnt dated either. we ddnt stayed friends either :D his Indian friedn tried so hard to make we couple:D but we just couldnt. and he silly he got jealous of his friend whom were trying to make us couple:D he thought i looked to the Indian guy (he were younger, i am not intersted to younger people than me) and then anyway. we never dated. it were so funny. since i saw allegedly Indian guy tried to maek us sit together:D it wre fun time:) I lioked that Indian frined and German friend alot. but as told, we all lost ties. and i think when something brokes and ddnt inits, i dont want to do zombieing like reiniting contact. past is past.  wouldnt reinit contact with that not ex but i mean we had something i think:)but co uldnt init also. just i dont like being a zombie. past is past. so wouldnt reinit contact with him when i go to Berlin. and he might be in Finland now. or USA. or in Frankfurt. i dont know. and wont init contact since as told past is past.  And i forgot my feelings also. I dont know if i would have time to dating:) i like traveling alot because. i dont know if anyone would be intersted to me. i like being alone usually. but next time a French guy plays piano for me or sorry makes piano played for me, i would definitely talk to him:) i would get over feeling super ashamed feeling:) and would not run away from such compliment if ever happens such thing afgain in life :D)




i would also code the game and also want to go to Berlin:) I had super nice time there (all solo traveling in trains/museums/cafes or chilling out with friends outside)  and so i want to have expat life there and also build game also:)


i like trains and being in crowded places like being inside trains alot:) like ICE trains:) quite comfprtable and like being inside such crowded place:) I am actually an extrovert. reason i am introvert last years is i have got a sociopath stalker as i told (named serdar i think? from stalk incidents i got that stalker is serdar named).  even  if i am little bit social phobic, i am actually an extorvert, i love going outside and even studying in outside like studyiung in cafes in weekedns. i am actually not any introvert person. I actually like being in crowded places. actually the sociopath stalker stalks me for 3 years:S its like a nightmare.  a real life sociopath stalks me:S constant lie creation/constqant following/stalk. its lijke that blog i readf that a pscyho stalked a woman for 10 years (a blog i read in some foreign city a blogger said she even had her family get broken. the stalker would come beside her houses. intruded her home even. and stolen things. and did this for 10 years. she said her husband left her saying i cant handle stress of her stalker:S  so i read other blkogs where sociopath stalker also creates fantasy world(the sociopath that stalks me takes foreign names (calls himself foreign names(impersonates) while talking in Turkish), i had before public blogs, copies names from my public blogs impersonates people.  what kind of mental disorder is this impersonating foreign people i dont know. the stalker talks in our language. and took topics/names from my blog and impersonates and i figure out my public blog 3 years ago has been a source to this mentally ill stalker &impersonator. and also i figure out in many instances calls me also many names:S calls me labels i dont even know what it means:S a true high degree of sociopath:S so i figure out one should never ever have puiblic blogs:S this blog is hidden:)  its super hard to have such sociopath stalking me. creates a fantasy world where he labels himself foreign names that takes from my public unrelated blog(from my blog from 3 years ago). and creates a fantasy world and stalks me like that. a mentally ill stalker. and stalks me in high vicinity with also very disturbing acts for 3 years like this. its super hard. it were super hard i before entered trauma. now i dont care the stalk any.  i dont any enter trauma since i have got a sociopath stalker. before i really did. i as told left being an extrovert person since i am in trauma being scared of stalk of the sociopath. now i am not any more in trauma anymore.  but its really hard to have a sociopath stalker. so i would never have a unhidden public blog ever. the socioapth serdar targeted me like that:S and created a fantasy world with impersonating people names taking from my blog:S and since i hadnt responded for 1 or 2 years and 3rd year extended disturbing acts to more disturbing acts like calling me labels i dont know what it means either. i am fighting against sociopathy for 3 years. its really hard to be targeted by a sociopath stalker. but as told i am over trauma of it. but this stalk stolen lots of thing from my life. i were an extrovert person and I forgot how it feels to be an extrovert for 3 years:S i am fighting with stalk of a mentally ill psycho for 3 years all alone.  but as told i am over trauma and i would become an extrovert again:) )
)

. my situation is kind of like that. and similarly stalks in high vicinity for 3 years like that woman blogger told. when a psycho sociopath stalks, it never ends. anyway. )


. its similar to the woman whom says she has been stalked for 10 years by a psycho. for 3 years the psycho stalks me. and i stopped being an extrovert due to that. its so bad that we have to sometimmes even change our life style due to apsycho sociopath stalker:S anyway. its just sometimes bad chance? i dont know what it is. but i have got such psycho stalker:SSSSSSSS but i am over trauma of it:) psycho also comes around this place to stalk. :SSSSSsmoe nights calls around my house here the psycho stalker:S  I dont care nor stress. says psycho sentences even:S its really hard to get stalked by a psycho sociopath. so i wish i never ever had any time any public blog ever:S  since i saw the psycho impersonates names from my public blog 3 years ago, i get that the psycho serdar named stalker targeted me due to my interesting blog. so i would never ever have any public blog ever again:S
(this blog is hidden from world. only my previous twitter followers would know this blog) its really hard to get stalked by a sociopath. this sociopath has a type of impulsive behavior of disturbing the stalk victim also with coming beside houses of and shouting a maniac sentence. i am stalked by a sociopath psycho stalker.  as i observe getting stalked by a mentally ill for 3 years, mentally ill people are extremely disturbing when they target and stalk people:S mentally ill people whom stalk others should definitely get theraphy:S and shouldnt be let disturbing other people's lives like happens as i observe. i figure out one should never ever have a public blog ever. cause i think that its my interesting blog that made me get stalked cause the sociopath stalker impersonates names from blog. i last 3 years for the first time see psycho person ever in my life, that even impersonates foreign names while talking in our language:S   i mean its my first ever seeing a stalk from an impersonator person whom really tries to impersonate foreign people names. and i never before stalked either. i mean its my first ever getting stalked in life and it is really super bad stalk, the stalker is sociopath, even impersonates foreign people's names while talks in our language as i see in stalk incidents. so lessons learnt: never have your interesting blog public, cause this serdar named pscyho visibly targeted me from my blog. cause constantly impersonated names from there. and constantly stalked in high vicinity. so i would never ever in my life ever any time have any public blog ever. cause a real life sociopath stalks me for 3 years with such sociopathic fantasy world like this afterwards. gives me labels i dont know what it means either. real life sociopath. i figure out, its my interesting blog (About interesting world of startup building etc) is what made this mentally ill fixate me with such sociopathic acts. the psycho calls me labels i dont even know what it means:S real life mentally ill:S real life sociopath psycho:S

so lessons learnt: never ever have any time public blog ever:S never ever:S there are lots of maniacs outside who are searching for to fixate an interesting person.  never ever have any time ever any public blog ever.

thje psycho is not from my communication range:S(every person has a type of communication range or some people she/he likes to talk to, i like to talk people more intellgnt than as me like artists/engineers/startup builders/scientists/teachers/sociologists/anthropologists/philosophers. i might also block talking with intellgnt people at times due to nonmatching interests ornot any being related to nor would ever be any related to and wouldnt talk ever not because of communctn range but because i jst dnt have any interest to talk to snce not have any common topic.  i have a communication range and this serdar named psycho stalker doestn any belong to any person i would like to talk to nor any from my communication range) i only like to talk with similar intellect level or higher than me. but since i had an interesting blog about interesting topics, a psycho sociopath thats not even from my communication range that i never either talked before targets me for stalk. so,  lessons learnt: never ever ever ever any time ever have any public blog ever.  the psycho calls me labels i dont even know what it means:S its super scary stalk. a super level of sociopath stalks me.as i get from stalk incidents, has serdar name.

 everyone has a communication range. and this pscyho that stalks me, doesnt any enter my communication range(is a pscyho stalker) and but i observe, that having a public blog is super super incorrect act. since a person not belonging to communication range could disturb with such sociopathic stalk for 3 years only because i have an interesting blog. so it were a very bad idea to have ever any public blog. i would never ever ever ever any time have any public blog ever. cause there are maniac people as i see from being stalked by a sociopath for 3 years. i never saw such maniac people evr in life before:S this is real sociopathy:S people that doesnt even enter my communication range constantly tries to stalk/disturb me:SSSSS (the stalker and i guess his friendset) it were super stupid to have a public blog while having an interesting life like trying to build a startup. then i got stalked by a sociopath for 3 years and it still continues. and the stalker doenst even belong to my communication range. but i see that public blog thing is super risky. i would  never ever have any public blog ever again. it made me be targeted by a real sociopath only because my blog showed i have an interesting life and that makes me a continous target to stalk of sociopath serdar. and last year this sociopath that i never responded to stalk, calls me labels i dont even know what means. i figure out, when you have an interesting life(like you are trying to build a startup ), its super risky to have a public blog. i would never ever ever ever any time ever have any public blog ever.  this blog is hidden. only my early twitter accounts fllower would know this blog.




so lessons learnt: never ever ever ever have any public blog ever:S


and but i am over trauma and of course i would become an extrovert again:)



for dating things: i think i like being alone much more than dating:P (I like solo traveling:) so i might not date for a while again:D ) (so when someone plays piano to me, i mgiht not be interested. i like traveling alone:) i like getting lost in world in traveling alone:) so not quite alot interested to dating:)

things i figure out i like is trains:) train stations:) and cafes:) and studyign outside:) learning things:) ok dating must be also fun. but i like traveling solo much more than that:) I li9ke being extrovert, i like beingh in crowd. but i like being alone (traveling solo) in crowd and i like having friends lots of friends and crowded places and an extrovert life.

to walk in a  very crowded street, but also feeling alone in crowd. i like that:)


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and the stalker looks like coming from a super ignorant peopleset, the sentences they use, its just super ignorant. this people that stalk me i  dont have any share any communication range. there is as i observe really an iq related communication range thing for real. i am not high iqqued, but i like to talk to people higher than me or at similar levels. so i like to talk to lots of friends. (I am not any deviation from normal distribution so people i could talk to like to talk to is really huge number). and sometimes i can stop talking with a high iqqued person not because i dnt share commnctn range but because i am not interested to his speciality areas nor share any common topic.  so communication range is something that exists but not makes it easy to communicate either. but the psycho sociopath stalker that stalks me, the sentences they use, not any belong to my communication range. it is super ignorant people they look like and super low iqqued also unfortunately i dont like using such sentences but it looks like that from outside. and i get that i am targeted by such psycho sociopath because of my interesting blog, since i had a public interesting blog. the sociopath serdar takes names from my blog while stalking, impersonates them. does high vicinity stalking. gives me labels while stalking inside this sick fantasy world he creates. its super hard to get stalked by such low iqqued sociopath psycho stalker :S but for 3 years, i observe this sociopaths sick fantasy world (gives me labels/aliases/stalks me in high vicinity) and a constant stalk. and gives himself foreign names as nick names and took that names from public blog. so i concluded that, its super risky to have a public blog that is type of interesting.  a psycho thats not any in my communication range (super ignorant/super psycho/super low iqqued/super low eqqued) stalks me with sociopathy with a fantasy world he creates.  (a serdar named stalker). its first time i see some one taking other people's names:S its direct sociopathy:S its sociopathy at full extreme:S psycho first claimed i am fan to him(i remember this from one stalk incident i saw 3 years ago). and took names from my blog with impersonating some name(. while talking in our own local language here. while not being a foreign person, impersonates foireign name that this serdar name pscyho saw my blog. i even catched once this psycho's friend wandering beside where i am saying in phone, let her you think its him. so tries to deceive or catch attention with using name from my blog (impersonating name from blog, i never ever saw a sociopath person before that takes other people's names to deceive people, its full sociopathy:S ). but never worked, i never even replied for all 3 years nor looked. and then but stalk persists for 3 years like this. a real mentally ill sociopath staks.   as i saw the psycho has a goal of impersonating people to catch my attention. or some bad goals? like trying to deceive people around him as if i look to him (via taking a foreign name as a nick name, impersonating as if i am fan to him via impersonating a foreign person, a high degree of sociopathy ). these people sometimes shouted me naive. but i ddnt any replied to the stalk nor ever talked.  those acts ddnt worked, but the sociopath is continueing those sociopath acts and extended amplified their degree like gving me labels that i dont any know meaning of. so this is how its like to be targeted by a sociopath stalker. doesnt even enter my communication range either. from their sentences, i understand they are super duper ultra ignorant people (not any knowing philosophy or science or arts or conscience)/ super low iqqued/super low eqqued/ sociopathic mindset (constant lie creation and even impersonating other people with taking name of)/ using some nomenclature i have no idea, gives me labels that i dont even know meaning of,  a true sociopath from horror movies. and all because i had an interesting public blog so that this low iqqued low eqqued psycho ignorant sociopath fixates me. a serdar named psycho sociopath. even impersonates foreign names in stalkng the target he chooses to stalk as i observe.  a very sick sociopath. i just cant imagine how much sick a person should be to want to take names of others to impersonate:S sick psycho sociopath:S  and thinks this works:S behaves as if such act works and persists such stalk:S a sociopath in a fantasy world:S  anyway i am over trauma of it:) i dont care nor stress now. but as told this mentally ill stole my peace from my life for 3 years with doing such sociopathy acts against me and with such very high vicinity stalk. so mentally ills are like horror movie characters when they fixate really disturb our lives:S

i do think these psychos(the stalker and his friends) are either a terrst orgnztn that targets atheist people(i am atheist) and stalk like this to make the stalk victim mentally ill or just to disturb atheist people's life for such psycho identity politics based reason(to try to disturb atheist people?). or the stalker is a psycho sociopath/a mentally ill so does this stalk due this. either one of these thing is happenign. cause i look around no such stalk happens to noone else than me. and i am the only atheist person around. so i think, the stalk i confront might be coming from a psycho religious cult (terrsts? like iran rooted trrsts?  or other terrsts?) whom targets atheists to stalk them.  I do think that might be whats happening or its a mentally ill sociopath doing these stalk.  I do think one of these possblties is happening. either i have got a psycho sociopath stalker or these people are a trrst relgs cult whom stalk atheist people to mke thm mentlly ill/to distrb their life in extreme degree with sociopathic acts/sociopathy against them.  There is an evil intent behind this stalk. its either a sociopath(inherently psycho/evil) or a relgous cult which targets atheist people to try to break down their life/peace with sociopathic acts against them/to try to mke them mntlly ill.  there is some evil behind this stalk. i usually took it as a sociopath stalking me(evil inherently due to sociopathy, doing such psycho acts/stalk do to mental illness), but might be a group of psycho religious people whom targets atheists to stalk?. i have no idea whom is stalking me. i just confront such stalk for 3 years like this.  not any people i would talk to, people i think having 70 or more iq points less or eq points less and super ignorant people are stalking(people look like having no brain are stalking. super ignorant/super low iqqued/super low eqqued). not any person i wuold ever talk to.  not from my communication range.  i do think i am confronting a humanity crime. i mean its either some identity based hatred based stalk since i am atheist (a religious psycho cult stalking me? i read in news papers some religious psycho cults exists that does trrst acts against non religious poeple?.  is it whats happening?) or its just a sociopath fixated me and stalks?. but its none less than humanity crimes. none less. and i fight against such stalk all alone for 3 years. and when i tell parents they behaved as if i am crafting a story(like the woman who were stalked for 10 years, first 4 years her parents ddnt believed and thought she is crafting story. same thing happens in this stalk case i conftont.) . i fight all alone against such a humanity crime like stalk for 3 years. i dont even know whom stalkers are(i  heard serdar/hamit/ada/ege/sedat/cem/ilyas/boris/oguz/sina/tugra/saral/hami/serdal/serdar/sibel names in stalk incidents when they do following stalk in cafes when i went to cafes in 3 years, its like these people have gps and stalked me even in shopping centers when i went to shopping centers, or went to cafes or just went to lake side. its a high vicinity stalk with sociopathy acts against like impersonation of names, high vicinity stalk/ork shoutings(the stalkers call me ork as i get)) . so i stopped going outside last year stopped being any extrovert while i dont like being introvert all because of the sociopathy i see/observe applied against me). as told, such actions happens like i tell(psychos even impersonate foreign name that is tkn from my public blog 3 years ago. doign an impersonation act(stalker serdar impersonates a foreign name that taken from blog). this type of sociopathy.  either due to sociopathy, or is a religious psycho cult?). its either due to i am atheist? or its just a mentally ill fixates me and stalks? whatever is happening, I have none idea, but as told i am over trauma of it(before i got in to trauma .but i do confirm, if its a mentally ill stalking me, not some psycho religious people who target atheists? whoemever is doing this stalk, is doing a humanity crime like thing for 3 years against me. i stay strong. i am strong. super strong. and over trauma of it. i do think, stalk/following with  sociopathic acts against the stalked victim is a humanity crime. it is none less. its traumatizing thing. but i am over trauma of it.I do think woman get stalked maybe they look interesting? become targets of humanity crime all around world (the woman whom were stalked for 10 years were in an another country).  and its not just woman whom are stalked. i also read lots of man are also stalked and they are harder to make it beleived that they are stalked, when man are stalked, their condition is also very hard.  or also other genders, LGBT are also stalked most possibly? (I had no chance to have such friends yet but i wish i would have in future. ) I do think stalk with sociopathic acts against (or maybe also without sociopathic acts? i mean not high degree but low degree of sociopathy?) is a humanity crime. and its definitely gender neutral like every topic. and it happens all around world as i read blogs. the hard thing about it is, when you tell your parents they think you are crafting a story since such horror movie like story doesnt feel believable to anyone when you tell. its just too much sociopathy. the serdar named psycho calls him a foreign name as nick name (visibly took from my public blog from 3 years ago) and stalked me every cafe i went 3 years ago. talks in our local language and people called also serdar but also such nickname as i observed in stalk incidents. so i understood that this stalk is rooted by a serdar named sociopath that takes foreign names as nick names. but might be a psycho religious cult that stalks atheist people? everything is possible i think behind these sociopathy i see? its either a mentally ill sociopath stalking me.or some psycho religious cult that stalks atheists? i have no idea. but i fight with humanity crime against me for 3 years. i fight against sociopathy. My fighting is just staying strong and never replying nor caring. of course i entered trauma. of course impacted my life (that i stopped going outside for last year). my fighting is, stasying strong against sociopathy i see/observe. and I would continue to stay strong.  i just am fighting against sociopath whom can even impersonate foreign name. its a big fight against sociopathy. but i am super strong. my fight act is just staying strong and not any caring. nor replying when being stalked in cafe nor ever looking to. i am strong and would stay super strong ever. the sociopath low iqqued/low eqqued psycho constantly does sociopathic acst against all 3 years. but i am super strong.  it feels like either its a situaiton as a sociopathy serdar or sedat named psycho fell in love to me? i never replied and the sociopath finds peace in dogin sociopathic acts against me like acts i tell about?(like giving aliases/constant stalk/const6ant ork shoutings/constant following/constant sociopathic sentences shouting in 3 years)  tries to even kill my life with such psycho/sociopathic stalk with even impersonation and all these sociopathic acts?  or is it a religious cult that stalks atheist people? i have none idea what is happening.its like in very low eqqued/low iqqued people sets/super ignorant families, when people dont like a person (because rejected their friend?nor ever replied to attention? )they try to kill the person's life with sociopathic acts?. is this whats happenign? or is this a religious cult that targets atheists?  i once remembered someone shouting kuma to me. so is it such family does this acts to me cause i rejected being a kuma or never looked to such guy? i have none idea but that kuma accustom belongs to super ignroant people sets/super low iqqued/super low eqqued people sets (our families have no such customs).  does these sociopathy killing of my life happens from such psycho family? just i reject a psycho, do these sociopathic acts happen because of that? i am confronting a high degree of sociopathic acts for 3 years and i dont even know the source:S that whom these people are:S i remember 3 years ago, stalk started and i remember some people shouted me a group of large people shouted me kuma, and i never replied nor cared. then some people started shouting me ork. then all stalk persists three years with worse form. with creatiung sociopathic acrts like giving labels to me i dont even know what means. constant stalk. constant following. constant dehumanization. constant lie creation. constant high degree stalk. an eastern psycho fell in love to me and i rejected nor never been interested and stalks me with trying to kill my life with applying sociopathy to me? (even with taking names from my blogs and impersonating them) is this whats happening for 3 years? or a reliugious psycho cult is stalking me since i am atheist? whom these people are? have none idea. but i dont care. and i stay super strong. and i believe everyone confronting sociopathy must stay super strong. evil people shouldnt win their sociopath acts. I am super strong and would stay strong against evil/sociopathy forever. nothing could change my dexterity/strength agaisnt sociopathy. and i dont even enter trauma again like i did seeing sociopath acts against me. i am over trauma of it of traumatizing things i confront. i am super strong. and would stay super strong. nothing motivates me more than fighting agaisnt personal injustice. i would always stay super strong against sociopathy (that is a huge injustice, sociopathy thing). i am super strong and would stay super strong.

so lessons learnt: never ever have any public blog ever :S its just too risky. since people like to stalk people with interesting lifes. and if such person from such people is a sociopath(that whom impersonates even other people's name), it's impact in life becomes too hard like stopping being extrovert cause the psycho sociopath stalks me every city i went last 3 years.  its just super risky to have ever anytime any public blog ever:S  cause there are really sociopath people that arte mentally ill and maniac and psycho:S i would never ever ever any time ever have any public blog ever.



there is really communication range, and life becomes super hard when someone not in my communication range stalks me that is a sociopath and does sociopathic acts also like giving me labels that i dont even know what it means:SS this sociopath stalker looks as 70 iq /eq points power than me and extreme form of ignorance is visible from the stalk sentences. i share none communication range. but disturbs my life like this as i told for 3 years. so i would nvr ever have a public blog ever. cause i see having a public blog while you have little bit interesting life is super duper ultra risky:S
I would never ever anytime ever have any public blog ever in life:Si never saw in life a person who takes other people names before. and a sociopath that does act stalks me for 3 years. i would never have any public blog ever again. cause a person not from my communication range(super ultra ignorant, super ultra low iqqued/super ultra low eqqued/psycho/sociopath) fixates me due to my blog(since i looked like an interesting person due to my blog) and stalks me like this for 3 years. so never gonna have any public blog ever again:S 

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ok i fell asleep for a while since i hadnt slept well (watched movies last night) then in morning i slept and have silly dreams that i saw my game project:)  in the dream, the relatives family said bad things to game project and i reply and leave the house:) then i went to a cafe. then i sit some desk then i lose my shoes. then i  try to find my shoes but figure out the cafe shop is big like a big shopping center, traveling each floor for my shoes:) then i say ok then lets go outside with shoes :) it were a really weird dream.







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i work now on game. yayyyy. to be able to create capital to create super computing projects with Onder bro who is a math genius person.


ok i lost last day since i helped house tasks(which i am happy for:)) and also said farewell/bye  to close relatives(dad's cousins) who were going back to their home after 3 weeks holiday here.  me my parents all went to their home here. so last day were lost without any productivity.and but found nice indexes for atmosphere's optical transparency values. should work on that little bit more.


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ok the day started with hearing my mom saw a very weird dream in early morning that i get smaller as a baby in her dream.


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for me i confirmed the neighbour has link to the stalker cause they were talking of some name who does impostoring. so the stalker communicated to the Arabish neighbours. maybe its all before their relatives whom stalks? or they communicated. i dont know.  (they were in balcony, i were in balcony i just went to our balcony to get air and viola, i confirm the stalker communicates to our Arabish neighbour. anyway. i dont talk with that neighbour alot. they look like nice people. so it must be the stalker whom inits such contact. not ii am any stalked because i have a maniac neighbour. i do confirm, the stalker communicates also surrounding of my house. the psycho impostor took name from my blog, but took it pronouncing it wrongly and insisted i am fan to him, a real life sociopath, stalk never ends, even contacts with Arabish neighbour. anyway. as told i am over trauma of it. so its not a psycho r4eligious cult? but a sociopath just stalking only because is sociopath? but really very bad sentences also they said and constant impersonation. impostoring. stalk. const6ant dehumanization. constant lies. anyway. i am over trauma of such stalk situation. a constant fight with sociopathy. let me clarify how this impostoring goes on. in my talks i said i am a fan of an entrepreneur 3 years ago. and a psycho pronounced that guy i am fan of as Mask. and gave himself name of Mask. and impoersonated as if i am fan to him. and stalks. stalked me in ferikoy home beside the next building calling himself Mask name. (pronouncs wrongly. a super ignoratn super psycho super sociopath) then this sociopath constantly stalked me and constantly created lies as if i am fan to him (while i were fan to the entrepreneur, not this impostor of the entrepreneur) then i constantly contronted lies/a high degree of sociopathy from this sociopath. and confirmed the Arab neighbours also used that nickname in one beside building. but it just simply doesnt end with such sociopathy/impostoring/impersonation, ths sociopath as i dont respond to him, this impostro maniac tries to destruct my life also, cause i saw more destructful lies are also created. the sociopath creates labels to me i dont any know meaning of. So when i write blogs that i am fan of an entrepreneur, a local impostor that talks our local language started to do impostoring the entrepreneur. and while i dont respond nor reply, tries to destruct my life while still stalking also. i confronted a trying to make mental illness in me with high degree of stalk with lies/with giving aliases with constant lies thing. I been stalked with dehumanization/constant ork shoutings/constant high vicinity stalk/constant aliases as i see. the sociopath whom does impostoring of people in my blog, is not given up stalk just with simple stalk, also tries to destruct my life with sociopathy. so when a sociopath is mentally ill in high degree, doesnt just do simple sociopathy like creationf of simple lies, also does create advanced sociopathy with trying to destruct the life of the victim he targets. So writing a blog a public social profile werent any good idea. a sociopath started stalking me since than and impostors person i am fan of. (while isnt any that person. talks Turkish. ) so i confirm that person is also related to our Arabish neihgbnour. but i do think its not Arabish neighbour's fault but just sociopth also initing contact with neighbours. So having a public socipal profile with stating i am fan to a famous entrepreneur were definitely an inccoret risky act. cause an impostor whom impersonates famous guy i am fan of started stalking me. and it persisted for 3 years. and it all started while i am tryin to build a startup. and some really psycho people stalked me during that period of 3 years and sociopathy's degrees amplified in 3rd year. with giving me aliases while they stalk.  so i have a sociopath whom is hell bent in trying to destruct my life. stole 3 years' peace from me. stole peace from my life for 3 years. so sociopaths are really detrimental to society and they should get theraphy. so people impersonate famous people in situations like: when you say you are fan to a famous person, and if there is a maniac stalking you at the same time, the maniac might do even impostoring of famous person you are. so its always risky to write any public blog ever.

I have got a sociopath stalker. but i am over trauma of it. sometimes i feel the trauma like seeing i am lost in cafes without shoes searchiong for my shoes. sometimes even stalks me coming to surrounding of my house. and even inits contact with my neighbour. I have got a sociopath stalker. i see i am usually over trauma. but the stalk were like, the psychopath stalked me every cafe i go usually. and gave me aliases while stalking in cafes and would constantly create lies and stalk and also do that with sitting beside my desk. so no wonder i saw nightmare about cafes. so but i am so happy that i am over trauma. last act of sociopath is a "kava" named label. a woman started to claim in street "guher is my kava". then last night she came around the house she shouted "she is my kava. she is my hunt." (what the fuck kava means? i have none idea:S  a nomenclature i have none idea of. ) So i think this woman is also articulated by this moriarty like sociopath whom is stalking me. i have got a sociopath who is hell bent to destruct my life with sociopathy.  but i am super strong and not wont let. (i used moriarty word since i like sherlock holmes (quite fan to Sherlock holmes character. and i dont think Sherlock holmes is any sociopath. I do think Moriarty is sociopath).I am not any Sherlock Holmes but the stalker whom stalks me really resembles Moriarty:S has some power in articulating people to stalk a person with sociopathic acts with trying to destruct her life. so really resembles Moriarty.  ok but i am super strong. and wont let the Moriarty like stalker destruct my life. thought i couldnt havbe my life';s 3 years peace slipping away from my hands. cause i never confronted a stalk of a sociopath before. I mean it were ok to enter trauma awhile while being stalked by a sociopath. i mean it were a natural reaction of me. and i know i would see nightmares more about cafes for some time more. (cause the stalker everytime usually most time would come and stalk when i go outside to chill in cafes. i left that last year due to stalk but would continue being an extrovert person in Berlin). so i would continue my paused life (due to stalk) in Berlin:) i like going to cafes. so would go to cafes in Berlin. my life's 3 years of peace might be stolen from me with stalk, but wont let more. I would continue being an extrovert and would continue being a person who likes traveling alot.
these psycho people do what kind of acts: i remember i went to cafe in galata to write a business plan to my startup. right beside in outside, 3 woman shouted ork and some sentences that i hadnt understood (they shouted some hande name turns out its one of the aliases sociopath assigns to me. those time i thought i have got a stalker named hande. then another alias is tomris as i figured out the stalker assigns to me. and they shouted me tom while i went to buy milk to my home(a guy shouted "tom get horny". i thought i have got a psycho stalker named tom. turned out the psycho stalker whom stalks mealso assigns me alias/name of tomris. and makes me called tom by people in that district. another alias i thought as if were a stalker but turned out its an alias that stalker assigns is serra. i thought serra is a stalker to me. turned out, the stalker assigned serra name to me. i figure out in various stalk incidents in cafes. i first always dont understand whats happening whom is hande? why these people shouted "ork! hande bla bla". then i said whom the fuck is hande. then it turns out, my moriarty like stalker assigns me multiple aliases/names and stalks me with articulating people. last sociopathy act is "kava" word. i dont know what it means either. last night, a woman came to our district, shouted "my kava. she is my hunt!". ok i do understand this woman is also articulated by Moriarty like stalker. I really have ghot such psycho socioparth stalker that is as if from horror mvies like this. gives me aliases. i first ddnt even understood that, i thought i have got a Serra or hande or tom named stalkers. turned out they are all aliases sociopath stalker assigns to me in other stalk incidents. no wonder i entered trauma state. and see nightmares about getting lost in cafes without shoes. but i am over trauma of it. maybe tomris is not an alias but a person from stalkers? i am not sure whether tomris is also an alias. maybe its also from stalkers? i dont know. but this is what happens when a moriarty like stalker stalks a target as i get. i mean it were quite natural to enter trauma. whilst having a moriarty like stalker that does such stalk against a victim he targets to stalk.
 


I have a moriarty like stalker that also articulates people while doing sociopathy acts against me. i have got a sociopath stalker thats hell bent to try to  try to destruct my life. might impacted my life for 3 years. btu I wont let anymore. I am not in trauma anymoire. cause i understood whats going on. before i just said what the fuck? why some p[eople shouted ork to me? what the fuck? whom is hande? why this psycho come and sit the desk beside my desk in cafe creating such lies?  my mood were: i am super scared of this sociopathy, i am super scared of this sociopathy. i ran away from the cafes(with trying to not reflecting my super level of  stress inside  nor not even looking to). i left going outside last year while i love being an extrovert. only because a socipath stalks. but as told, I am over trauma. and would continue life with sometime forgetting/gettingh over trauma of it. i figure out i would still see some nightmares more. but i figure out it would get over in time.

so i figure out sociopaths are the most risky mental illness people. cause they hide. and articulate people to try to destruct people lives. i figure out this sociopath fell in love to me 3 years ago? and i never looked/reply and decided to be hell bent on destroying my life due that? since stalk also persists. there is a sick love topic also cause as i see the stalk in terms of love aspect also persists (as i saw from talk of neighbour) while trying to destruct my life with articulating people wiuth doing sociopathy acts like giving me aliases or what the fuck "kava" means? articulates a woman to tell me "kava" and woman shouted "she is my hunt". what the fuck these sentences mean? she must be articulated by the sociopath stalker. (whom visibly has power to articulate people to try to destroy the life of the target he stalks) while doing these acts, this sociopath stalker also tries to win heart of me as i heard from neighbour (in balcony i were), is in hope of me lookng to him?(has a sick love also this sociopath psycho(whom is either serdar or sedat named. i ddnt exactly get the name in stalk incidents) . while tries to destroy the life of the person he stalks, also expects the stalker to look to him? sociopath. full sociopath. ) I have got a fully mentally ill stalker. I ddnmt know how to deal with this situation and i entered trauma always for 3 years. felt persisted times of super scared state. so i get thats reason i see nightmares of cafes. cause i loved to go otuside to cafes. but everytime i go outside, the stalker is like as if had gps, would come sit in the cafe or have some articulated helper people sit in desk beside my desk and stalk/disturb with sociopathy.


but even trauma is also past. i would see not nightmares in future. i am over trauma. I am going to a city I wonder alot(& never seen bfore) (its one of the art capitals of world:))  :) and resume my nonscared/normal life:) would go to cafes alot:) alot much:) and would travel with trains alot:) (I love trains alot:))

I think among stalk blogs i read, mine is the most scariest/most traumatizing one. I think mine stalk story is much worse than woman who were stalked for 10 years. at least the stalker didnt created sociopathy acts against her like giving aliases. ok it were 10 years. but mine 3 years of gettingh stalked by a sociopath, were much scarier than any stalk blog i read in internet. or might be similar scary level. i dont know. maybe all stalks are super scary like mine. i dont know. but mine getting stalked by a sociopath were super scary situation. i mean if the stalk things were ordered by scare factor, mine would be the top most scariest stalk of a sociopath ever seen in world. cause does extreme sociopathy acts. (the scary part is sociopathy:S e.g. creating aliases thing. or impersonation thing. creating lie thing. impostoring/impersonation thing. that were when applied to me in high frequency (whenever usually i went to outside to cafes) it were super duper scary:S confronting sociopathy were the scariest thing i ever seen in my life. i do think, in world, sociopathy is the most scariest thing. being stalk target of a sociopath is the scariest thing that ever happens in my life. )
 

but nice thing is i am over trauma:) and dont any care nor stress when stalk happens.


ok now studying time to gamey:) yayyyy last day i ddnt studied well. i needed to rest last day. yayyy today feel i would study alot:) yayyyy :) atmosphere scattering topics, i am getting more in to. not staying with 4 or 5 paper readings. so that i could play with atmosphere scattering with more knowledge. De Beer's lawsa and all things in that topic would get in to. to try to render very good or normal. but i want to know muchmore before moving to playing with fun SH topic in rendering atmosphere :)


i am planning my november:) in my next birthday lets see if its weekend:) cause if its weekend i would be traveling in my next birthday:) hmm saw that 26 november is on tuesday. so would plan my birthday on that weekend as traveling:) maybe in mountainside:) maybe Swiss side? or a city in Germany.  hmm but dont know if my Visa type lets me go outside borders of Germany. I would have work VISA (if i could get). so if it has right to go outside borders, in weekend of my birthday week i would be traveling with trains to mountainside:) it feels to happy:) that version of my life i want it to be as (extrovert version) is happening quite soon. i were an extrovert, gonna be  soon again an extrovert:)



Hopfbahnhoff i remember from German words. what did it mean i ddnt remember. i know little bit German language. I would go to online courses in that to learn more. So that i could talk also and understand also.

yayyyy I have a cousin in Berlin that i like alot:) her name is Bilgin:)  yayyy she adopted a cat, i like cats alot. super happy:) (i dont think i would adopt cat cause i would be alot traveling. as told i think i would have a backpack or small bag, with not much costs, i would travel :) in weekends:) i want to see that old train from Basel again:) there i were traveling a student talked to me, told he has problems with his train tickets about some passport staff, but i had no chance to help. in one train, i had no internet yet, and i had not a thing i like to read, that i read something i dont quite like:) but i love traveling in trains:) specifically that ICE trains and that two floored ones and the old trains (that i saw in Basel, it had cabins i saw in movies such thing like that:) ) things i would repeat foir sure: trvaling Frankfurt cause i couldnt travel much that day, then eating at that Japanese or Korean (i dont remember exactly) restaurant in Amsterdam, hmm trying beer types in Amsterdam:) and definitely visiting Switzerland also, and also Hamburg and the shore side. and definitely Paris:) this time having enough time to travel Louvre:) and hanging around in Paris cafes and street travelign/taking photos. yappp these are initial travel destinations. hmm might visit Brussels also:) yeppp. and Prague also. in time of course. not every weekend i would be able to travel:)



guhu is a person like: if she has time and some money left from her salary(of course i would pay back the help family does to me now:) i mean i would spend less from my daily things to collect mroe to traveling:)), she would utilize it to travel every possible weekend:D  I really like traveling alot:P

ok maybe i also create capital from this reti game yappp. lets code:) but i had no study thing yesterday. right now starting studying and i finish studying at midnight usually. yeppp.


thinking of recent/near future is quite exciting :)   I would be an extrovert person again:) its super happy cause i missed my extrovert life:)

I could find myself walking in ibiza in weekend or other city. i just really like to travel alot:) i spend any dime i earn from dogin coding at software firms to traveling usually:P but maybe i would have additional income from games and could create some capital from that.  dont know. anyway.


ok i have plans to also create capital to try building super computers with Onder bro. but also want to live expat life. okwould do this like : i study supercomputers math while i travel in trains, i work in that nice fashion company as big data engineer(exciting career:) in fashion industry:) yayyy quite eager to start working there with my team, i alreadly liked alot my team:) ) and also here create capital to super computers projects from game i code now:) yayyy future looks quite happy:)  if i win capital from game thing, i share with Onder bro so that we could build super computers. He is cofounder to game project, so we would study in next weeks. so i should have my demo ready asap. so would study till 12 this night to have atleast sky ready. and i want to show the vision of the game to Onder bro. so that i tell about shaders to bro then he would also help wrioting shaders/renderng mechanisms inside game. 



i tried playing violin little bit. but figure out my violin is not accorded nicely. and i dont know how to fix it either. but i figure out its fun.if i learn it in time, it would be super fun to play it. its super fun to create melodies in that. so would travel with a backpack that also includes my violin:) when i am resting, i could try playing violin. i think i would take couyrse from a teacher in Berlin to learn how to play violin. cause it looks a lot fun. its really looks easier than guitar and piano. and is the musical instrument for me i think, i liked it more than other instrument trials. but need to learn. cant learn myself. maybe i could learn little bit from internet courses. but i want to take course from teacher so that i could also learn how to correct accord of it.  I had fun of trying to play violin today and its really fun. but of course i failed alot. as told accord isnt any ok either.






I am super happy for thinking recent very near future:)


I remember my life, in air port i tried to draw a comics on my notebook. but failed. i decided i need to enhance my drawing to be able to draw comics. then i once bought things. so next time i might rehearsel drawing trials in waiting in airports. yepp. would rebuy moleskin notebooks not that i could write nice sentences but just to rehearsel drawings again:)


future looks quite exciting:) lots of traveling. and drawing trials in waiting times in airports. math studying in trains. violin would be tried to be learnt from teacher (not a thing i could any learn myself).








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ok one cover of Quantum theory looks like as if its a Dali painting:) some wave drawing but it somehow looks like a Dali painting:)




ok now that i understood what optical depth means, i am stopping studying advanced study part and continueing game coding part.  (optical depth is nicely defined in : http://scienceworld.wolfram.com/physics/OpticalDepth.html)


this nice paper quite nicely tells even precalculated values of optical depth for aerosols and clouds: https://www.academia.edu/35727052/Atmospheric_transmission_in_the_ultraviolet_and_visible_Aerosols_in_cloudy_atmospheres?auto=download



yayyy nearly 1 month left to go to Berlin:) when if work visa comes, me and mom would buy plane tickets:) I think i wopuld couint the days:)  to day of going to Berlin :)



sociopath's articulated people came around the surrounding of home  to shout sociopathic sentences. i have got a psycho sociopath stalking me that does these type of acts (an extreme form of sociopathy) . but soon i would be in Berlin and safe from stalk of sociopath:) yayyy its super nice:) super happy :) just only 1 month left:) yayyy :)counting days. and wish so bad my work VISA soon comes. i think if visa starts at 23th of august or 24th i would go to Berlin on 25th:) mama is also coming and staying with me for a while we setup a home there.


ok its so weird when the psycho stalker in far shouts sociopathic sentences and i talk with parents outside at the same time. I wish i could record the sentences to prove the stalk to mom and dad?  some guy later on shouted "guher i am mentally ill". one other guy shoutedly said "hamit get over". ok so the stalker has name hamit. I am stalked by a mentally ill sociopath and  have to prove to my parents. but i dont like any being detective. should i go and record voice outside? it looks as insane act. i am not any detective. but to make parents believe thats the necessary act.  the sociopath said sociopath sentences also. should i record? as evidence? i have no idea what to do while i am stalked by a psycho sociopath:S and its so silly when mom says you should get over stalk trauma whilts the stalker stalks in 800 or such meters away. i just since mom's ears dont hear as well as mine (she is older than me), i just couldnt say hey listen i am not trying to create pseudo problems to you, the stalk even happens now. i just couldnt said that either. mom thiunks i should get over trauma. how can a person could get over trauma while being stalked at the same time. though i should prove her i am stalked at the same time while she says i should figure out way to get over trauma. ok i think i should record when stalk happens. i should have courage to be detective when i am stalked. ok these people also used sedat name. so sedat might be the stalker and hamit their friend? or hamit is sedat named stalker psycho's second name? i have none idea. but i figure out life is really hard when being stalked by a sociopath stalker.the guy also shouted "guher obey!" (guher eg!) from far away.  the sociopath wants me to obey to him. quite low iqqued sociopath. I wish real Sherlock Holmes existed and i get his help:) how i wish I had a Sherlock Holmes whom helps me to catch the sociopath stalker whom is stalking me.like they do in conjuring things, should i have a voice recorder in house to catch the stalker's sentences? in that i would make mom believe the seriousness of the stalk. she thinks, if the stalkers were serious, they would had kidnapped me and not just do verbal based stalk. if thats not the case, she thinks there is a mentally ill stalking me. she says noone would stalk someone doing nothing other than words based stalk for 3 years. she thinks, if the stalker were a bad person, she thinks he would kidnapped me. she thinks the stalker is a mentally ill.  i do think also alike. but the thing is, i need to prove to parents that stalk also happens here. like in conjuring movies:D should i setup a voice recording system around house? i dont any like such things. i wish i had a Sherlock Holmes whom helps me.  i think, next time the sociopaths comes around house to stalk, i would do voice recording to prove the 3 years of stalk to my parents. since there is no Sherlock Holmes that helps guhu, guhu has to be Sherlock Holmes in this stalk crime.i think time has come to prove the stalk to parents since they dnt understand how serious the stalk is, i need to prove with installing voice recorder on my phone and leaving it open to prove the stalk that they finally understand what kind of sociopathy i am confronting (and had confronted for 3 years). I do find voice recording some thing i would never do. but being stalked by a sociopath for 3 years, and getting no help from noone, i am deciding to become my own detective. first i would prove to mom and dad stalk also happens here. so during day, i would leave phone in voice recording state beside windows and i would prove. i know its silly like conjuring movie. but arent stalkers like bad evils in conjuring movie. i mean no different. to deal with a stalker, i should first prove to mom and dad it also exists here. its not souls like conjuring, real human (i am atheist by the way). i never wanted to be any detective anytime, but i have to be since i am stalked by a sociopath stalker for 3 years.

mom said we could both go to cafe. and stay at differnet desks and talk with phone. and prove her that stalk also happens in iskenderun. i still have no courage to go to cafes. (I would go in abroad) but i think I could also do that. yeah lets got a crowded place with mom next day. 
 


ok having a sociopath stalker (that even impersonates person from public blog  3 years ago) and has some kind of capability like stalking as if has GPS: (I once in Ankara went to a cafe where its not a common lunch place. again stalked. ) :  a sociopath stalker with some power that enables him to stalk as if he has GPS: how to deal with such situation: i figure out one should have steel nerves in dealing with a sociopath stalker first of all.  and should have a voice recording when stalk happens. e.g. i never had courage to record evidence of stalk cause i find it indecent to do any voice recording ever, when even being stalked. i dont know why i dont like detectiving any. so: i should change that, to solve this, i need to do voice recording when stalk happens.


from the name list in during these 3 years stalk: i heard oguz name also and last night, some woman shouted some sentences calling "oguz hello. oguz, my sarraf". so during the stalk, last year i also heard this sarraf name. and i heard oguz name also during stalk incidents. so this person either is artiuclated by the stalker named sedat/hamit, or is the real stalker, (that articulates hamit/sedat) comes beside my home district. or is a person from this district and is articulated by a family frenemy.i need to do voice recording around house constantly to catch this posycho sociopath stalker.


last night, i confirmed oguz also does impostoring of name from my previous public blog. and in one stalk incident, i remember: in ankara: i since figured out i am stalked by some psycho people, i never went out other than workplace. i just once went outside to lunch to a place that looks different, some hidden place (not a crowded shopping center or such place). then 10 minutes later, a tall fat dark skinned color guy and a lady sat in a desk beside my desk. the woman said these sentences "she is a fan. oguz sell". so these people read my blog to know i am fan to some people. and during this stalk, as i observe, even they impersonated a famous person i am fan of.  the psycho talks in our language (Turkish) and impersonates the guy i am fan of. then, i saw, i am given aliases also. one alias were Serra. its like, everytime i went to some place outside, as if the stalkers have GPS, they would also come and stalk. and they used serra name. i thought serra is a stalker of me. turned out she is an alias these stalkers assigns to me. for instance, i once went to bolu to see nature and walked beside lake, i sat down on a cafe, some people sat. a woman and lady right infront of my desk. they told abnout serra name. then i called my mom and dad (thinking i have got a serra named stalker. awhile i later understood they call me serra/giving me such alias) then they said the sentence "saral, this girl cant be messed up, lets give up".

I figure out whilst a oguz named moriarty stalks me, i am assigned also different names like hande/serra/tomris. at one stalk incident, i went to kadikoy for something like either some government paper to take for something. then i were tired. and sat in a cafe. then 5 minutes later. some people came and sit one desk before my desk. and told about serra/boris names. i had no idea serra is an alias. and  but those days (it were 3 years ago), it were new time where stalk started. i knew a boris named psycho were stalking me. and i said, ok the stalker came, (and i said (whom the heck is this serra)) and i said, lets move away from this cafe and return back home asap. and i did like that. and that year, whilst i tried to create a startup, at the same time a serdar/hayko/boris name stalked me in ferikoy constantly whenever i went outside. and some people shouted tom name in some scary sentences. i said i thought i have got a tomris named stalker. then a woman shouted, it is tomris, tomris is a lesbian. i dont know if the tomris is also an alias given to me. by the way i am not lesbian any, and i respect lesbian people fully. then stalk continued everytime everywhere whenever i went outside.

these sociopaths read my public blog by then, and to try to deceive me, even impostored person i am fan of by then. with impostoring a famous name. and that still persists also. the psycho sociopath talks in Turkish and calls himself that famous name. tries to deceive via like that. sociopath. impostor. impersonator.
so having a public blog isnto any good idea. cause when you have a sociopath stalker, can utilize names he sees froim there to impersonate them. i figure out see scoiopath person could impersonate different people names.


coming to recent time: 1 dya ago, some woman walked beside my home, saying se4ntence "oguz sok!" then "to guhere". its a curse. she said harrasing words. using my name.


then in ankara, when i were waiting in a cafe to wait for the bus to return to iskenderun, (I needed to leave work pc), in a cafe, when i were leaving, some lady said "let oguz love her".

so i do think, this oguiz is like a moriarty like character. a stalker that does bad things. could articulate other bad people to target stalk victim. so sedat/hamit are all articulated by this psycho and also boris named psycho.this oguz named psycho, (I saw in stalk incident, is a very tall very fat brown colored very ugly guy)  is the root stalkeer as i understand.


coming back to neighbour usage of impostoring name: yeah as i told, i were stalked every time. and Mask name were used in impostoring person i am fan to. this Mask talks in Turkish as i told. impostoring/impersonating guy i am fan of. the guy i am fan of is learnt from my public blogs by then those times i had public blog. I once went to dine in a Chinese restaurant in Ankara. and the impostor using Mask's friends came.  so i figure out, these people are all articulated by oguz named moriarty like sociopath stalker.


I do seen constant impostoring/impersonation/giving aliases in during stalk incidents during this following/stalk i confronted.


I do seen, due to i were in love to a famous person(that would never look to me), i were tagged as maybe naive by these bad people? so that they targeted stalking me with impersonating famous guy i am fan of. but i wernt decived because the impersonator talks Turkish.


but the stalk constantly persisted. as told, this oguz named psycho sociopath visibly is inlove to me. so stalk never ended. constant this harrasment/stalk perissted/constant sociopathy i confronted.  it were like i think the scariest time of my life, being stalked by a moriarty like sociopath thing is, the scariest thing that ever happens in my life.

I remember these people calling "aga" word. my uncle once made a joke to another relative 2 days ago, "what if you turned an aga and wandered in prison?". that suspected me. cause in stalk incidents i also heard "aga" name. the joke were done by "cuma" named uncle.
what if? what if my uncle is behind this stalk? the4y always showed as i learnt bad behaviors to my dad/mom when they were cofounders as all uncles. they always claimed the distribution of places(among cofounders, our uncles were cofounders) were not ok whilst they took more actually. I just dont want to think such bad idea. but why the heck uncle did such joke. maybe it were just coincidence. or maybe the stalk i confront is organized by uncle, who thinks my dads taken much place than he deserved and tries to do revenge by hiring psycho people to stalk her daughter? and with trying to make her mentally ill in such stalk? is this whats happening? do i have a psycho uncle? or were it just a concdnce? I dont think i have got a psycho uncle that does revenge to my dad by hiring psychos to stalk her daughter. i just dont ever want to believe such thing.it mst be sole coincdnce. but these people whilst even made my dad be fired from cofounder stauts whilst with creating lie to the other uncles. but i dont think they are such bad. though i remember uncle beating his wife. so there is even slight, a possblty uncle mght be some psycho? that tries to revenge of things distribution (cofounder things, my uncles and my dad all were cofounders) thinking its not ok thinking he got less and trying to take revenge with hiring bad people to stalk dad's daughter? it looks insane. i dont think this is whats going on. since uncle always behaved extremely good to me. though they say sociopaths have very good masks to hdie their actual feelings. but it all feels unbelievable. i dont any think this is whats happening. it were such word usage were just mere coincidence not showiung an direction that uncle is any related to the psycho stalk i confront.


oh my God, ths is such a hard situaiton. i have got a sociopath stalker. and yeah, its really hard. i am fighting with such sociopath stalker's stalk for 3 years.

ok trying to be Sherlock holmes to understand whats going on is also very hard. but i would be. cause i would show to mom the stalk that also happent here. i would have a constant voice recording via my phone . and when i see stalker comes around house to do say sociopathic sentence, it would be recorded. and so that i would be able to show to mom and dad.that stalk also happens in here.

ok when i think its like conjuring movie, it looks funny. cause arent dont stalkers resembles such things from movies. they are human. but evil as evil souls depicted in such movies. i mean i never thought i would record voice to prove stalk, as they did such acts to prove evil beings in conjuring movie. in my case its not evil beings but a psycho human. (and i am atheist.) (but i see that, religions depend actually on evil thats maybe seen from humans. i mean maybe religions existed cause some human are evil. and such stories myths are things analogies/myths to evil people. like the sociopath whom stalks me. is a complete maniac sociopath evil. alike evil beings in such religious movies like the Conjuring.)


voice recording is my last resort to solve this stalk case. i dont any like doing such act. but i need to prove to mom and dad that stalker also stalks me in this district also. i dont know when stalker would come to stalk. but phone should be voice recording when comes to stalk. so would have my phone's voice recording open when day starts. to prove mom and dad the stalk.


so observations: neighbour used Mask name. Mask is one impstoring names used by these psycho people. (impostored famous people usiong such nickname) (the psycho talks in Turkish but callshimself Mask. trying to impostor the famous guy i were fan of, so an impersonator, so i figure out famous people are alot impersonated.) the stalker tried to stalk me with such narrative and persists. with such impersonation agenda. and the Arabish neighbour right beside neighbour told sentence: "she wont look to Mask.  oh the *** is a fan". the Mask is one of the stalkers whom stalked. and so one other theory is are these Arabish people secret agents tryign to undermine lives of people here?  I dont think so.



they called me irrational since i were in love to real famous person(and visibly these neighbours read my blogs from 3 years ago) . and waiting me to look to an impostor of famous person named Mask that tries to impersonate the famous person.  the Arabic neighbours. are they behind this stalk of the impostor/impersonator?   so this neighbour read my public social profile 3 years ago. and Mesk named stalker is somehow related to them. the guy whom impersonates guy i were fan of(from my blogs 3 years ago) is related to them. I mean impersonator (of famous person) is related to them. or contacted them.

but what the heck is going on? why i am stalked by sociopaths/bad looking people like that?

ok. this is really weird.whom the fuck is behind this stalk i confront?

maybe oguz named stalker is someone's friend or else of some people living here? and routed by such frenemy of our family? cause i heard with my own ears, someone talked to "oguz" name here saying also "sarraf" name which i heard in stalk incidents. maybe these psychos are routed to stalk me by a frenemy relative or neighbour.

ok its best to desert this place asap.
i wish i have chance to desert this place/this country asap. i like this country but i am stalked like this. so i want to desert this place asap.


once again, in another stalk incident, i remember this sentence be told "serra is faithless. oguz is a sarraf.".  i got from the stalk incidents that these people give serra alias to me. so a "sarraf" named person falls in love to me and stalks me. why that makes me "faithless". i am an engineer woman. i am not any faithless that could any be done anything bad from a sarraf. (what the fuck sarraf means, have no idea on that nomenclature, but i understand that its a bad thing/bad meaning from sentences used in stalk incidents) the only thing this stalker could done were disturbing me with such constant following with words harrassing sentences but nothing more. i am not any faithless nor would be ever.


its like when these people stalk, i called mom and told in phone amplifying i am an engineer. fighting back agaisnt sociopathy.



its so happy internet exists so that i could tell about you readers the torture like stalk i confront from a moriarty like sociopath. an oguz named sociopath. or its a sedat named sociopath and oguz is articulated by sedat? or reverse. but i have got a sociopath stalker. whom reads my blogs and even tried to impersonate person i am fan of with pronouncing it wrong. kind of super ignorant also. super socioapth/super ignorant/super psycho. a new level in psycho definition. this stalker psycho that stalks me is. i figure out moriarty like people really exists. this oguz named psycho whomever is for instance is a moriarty. I had theories whom is the root stalker. i do think from sentences, i do think its oguz named sociopath. i once in Ankara seen this sociopath in one stalk incident in cafe, its a very tall very fat (with very big belly) very ugly tanned colored guy. tried to make me mentally ill with constantly crafting aliases to me and with a high vicinity stalk.

its either because a socioapth whom is in love to me. or is some frenemy from this district hires this sociopath to stalk me. i do think thats whats going on. the thing constantly happent: constant ork shoutings, constant alias giving (i initially thought i had a hande named stalker, turned out its an alias) /constant impersonation/constant impostoring-lie creatioin i confront, its like an effort to make me mentally ill. it looks like our family might have a frenemy here. that hires these bad people to do these acts. or its just by chance, a sociopath(oguz named psycho sociopath) fell in love to me and tries to do sociopath acts against me like i teold above since i dont look to him.


i jhust only dont understand how these people were capable to stalk me like if they have gps. as a software engineer, i do think, to be able to do such following requires some things/some power. so that makes me ask, whether are these people a psycho religious cult(That have some power)  that targets atheist people to stalk like this? for instance, i once went to nata vega shopping center in ankara which is 1 hour away from city. and 1 hour later, a woman  passed infront of the shopp talking in phone saying a sentence "tomris and boris "names. and right beside building, 2 people were walking and did said harrasing sentence using tan name which i also heard alot in stalk incidents. a guy short thin guy i get tfrom stalk incidents is being called tan. and a woman and guy said harrassing sentence outside the shopping center.

so i ask, query, how do these people stalk me like this with knowing even my location when i go to a shopping center 1 hour away from city? or when i go to lake side 2 hour away from city? how these stalkers know my location as if they have gps? thats the mystery part to me. these people stalked me in ankara like if they have gps. and i dont any understand how?


i dont go outside in iskenderun home also. since boris name also stalked in city center here.

and viola. i am gonna prove the stalkers to mama and dad. i had installed voice recorder software to my phone last night. and would keep my phone's such program open all day this day when day starts. to prove mama and dad the stalk when if it happens. when stalkers came to surrounding of this district, my phone would be recording. so that i could prove to mama and dad.


ok the other neighbour told "sedat is shizoid". so they had a some how contact with sedat named stalker. ok.




i had though morning. ok the menstruation period is not a nice thing. but it hurted like hell as if i am dying:S  and the painkiller hadnt worked quite well. it feels like some fluid hurts my body and it passes my body. it feels so much pain. it happent similar like last morning but painkiller worked last ngiuht. dont knw why ddnt worked this time. it usually works and i have only 20 minutes pain then it goes away witrh pain killer. i dont know why it ddnt worked this time. and it were so bad. either with pain i wrongly took wrong medicine. or else. i dnt know. it feels like some fluid that hurts vbery much wanders around inside body in such situation., it just hurts too much.


so I learnt the Arabish neighbour reads my blog 3 years ago. and Mesk named impersonator communicated her family.  the other neighbour told Sedat is shizoid. so this Sedat named psycho has contacted either the other neighbour or their neighbours. for uncle using such sentence saying "aga" thing, the "aga" word is very linked to stalk i confront, the stalker shom do impersonate whom do impostoring and an effort of even trying to make mentally ill with stalk constantly use "aga" name. so uncle using "aga" word is also suspicious. he made joke of calling aga to another relative and making a jkoke of her wandering in prison being an aga. ok, the aga word is used by the psycho stalkers alot.  So thats still a suspicious word usage since the 3 years ago stalkers constantly named aga label to someone and i told whom the fuck is aga. then one of the constant stalker names i heard were cem during stalk incidents (following in cafes). they even stalked me when i went stayed in my bro's house. the cem would impersonate some name and shout sentences in the street like curses etc once happent like that. once it were shouted cem is aga. but so, this aga usage of these stalker/psycho people and uncle dogin such joke with using aga word is little bit suspicious.cause the psycho whom stalks me used aga word alot. and uncle made such joke. so there is really some kind of slight degree of possibility of uyncle being related to stalkers whom stalk me. i am sorry to think such think of uncle. but that joke were so unrelated to the context. maybe its just coincidence. but yeah life is weird, i watched maniac realitves in tv shows sometimes, so if this uncle hsa been upset to what my family took from theior 20 years ago cofoundership (they had construction firm and did buildings as i told), might he trying to take revenge with trying to hire stalkers who allegedly try to make me mentally ill with such stalk. i have no idea. i dotn think so. but i just being staljked by psychos, i go over every possible possibility of this stalk.

my main theory of these psychos whom stalk like that, with impersonation/constant sociopathic acts/constant impostoring/giving aliases, my theory were usually that, these poeople must be hired people. i mean they must have a goal in doing such acts. it must be either someone hires them to do these acts, or there is a sociopathy situation (an oguz named sociopath moriarty like person fell in love and articulates all these sociopathy acts against me).  so i do think our family might have frenemies doing this. (uncle? it seems unbelievable, but i remember the stalk started with high usage of aga word so i asked whom is that aga constantly, and in one stalk incidents they shouted "cem is aga". so there is an aga stalking or being articulated by sociopath oguz named stalker. have none idea whats going on. ) 


i remember this creating lie thing about my dad's offsprings once again. while my brother were studying university in USA, he gave break for a year (he become in first 200 of SAT, our country sent such succesful SAT studernts (whom enter first 200) to USA universities if they want, i were also wanting so bad to do that, but i became 555th:D i finished exam 45 minutes earlier, then cghangge a biology question and if i ddnt did that, i would also had chance to go to USA university, but i also liked METU afterwards, it has a nice very big campus, but my dream were following my brother who became entered first 200 in SAT. i also were the second honor student in high school. if i were the first one, i would had get extra credits and might definitely entered first 200. i were succesful in high school but i ddnt need to study for that either. similarly instead of studying to SAT, i liked to play halflife game. or sleep. i only went to some dersane named thing here that prepares students for solving exams giving courses that people go to in weekends. i always solved exams super fast. i usually finmished 45 minutes or ebfore. but i wish i hadnt finished the university exam fast and redo that biology question wrongly :D  i think SAT exams those times were quite easy things, i just could succeed without studyiung and could solve exams very fastly. that came from reading alot. i liked to read alot those years. ), so our government does i think have nice act for supporting succesful university entrees with making them educated in world also. but they have to serve like, if you study for 4 years, you have to do 8 year academician tasks here. Onder bro went (he were the honor student of high school, and had very high SAT results), he entered bogazici university and whilst then using this opportunity our government provides, he went to USA. but he left thinking he doesnt want to be academician, our parfents said to him, we would pay your universiuty cost, dont stress that, but during those years, an economic crisis happent that made our things value half, than brother would have to be academician while he wernt intending to be. so he stressed little bit. and paused this thing for a year. then went and finished with high grades (honor degree or alike). then while he went, that side of family, my mom and dad were havintg holiday in the village house and they some people from there, to learn whether my brother went to USA or not, crafted a very bad lie about my brother, they told as if my brother and soem woman ran away to marriage in Sivas that time. whilst my brother were USA for 3 montyhs. and when my dad tried to investigate whom crafted such lie, he were stopped by relatives. so my mom and dad concluded these people crafted such lie to learn if my brother is in USA or not. but such lie creation about dad's offsprings we seen like that. so in this case, of uncle using word aga, i got suspicious for whether these people are related to me getting stalked by maniacs. theirs wife's family, hmm has some mental illness in the family related to jealousy. but i dont think they would any craft such lie nor such act. i like her wife. but from that village, such lie had been created for my brother once a while. i mean some people there could craft a nasty lie about someone to learn whether someone went to USA or not. kind of sociopathy i think. so could they also craft some lies to someone since they are unhappy with things distribution? i dont know. cause my dads have got, in things distribution, not so much places/houses, but also an land in Ankara (a place they long before, 30 years ago, boguht to create a factory, but they left doing such goal but the land left and in things distribution that land went to my dad and my uncle. but wernt a valuable land till last 8 years, some new things happent so that that land became valuable (buildings constructs there so mom and dad if buildings might construct, might get 10 or alike flats from there (and mustafa uncle could get 20 or alike)  but my mom&dad's chance, economy went bad so such projects stopped:D) so do cuma uncle might be upset to this and tryign to make revenge like that? i dont any think so. it seems unbelievable.  but remembering lie crafted about my brother once awhile (just for a purpose of learning whether he went back to USA or not), i just still abit suspicious(not crafted by cuma uncle. but must be crafted by someone from that village). cause that way were a sociopathic way to learnm if my brother went to USA or not. and it were visibly crafted by some relatives in that village. my dad were going  to police for to learn whom crafted such lie, the relatives stopped dad. so, the sociopath lie crafter that time must be someone from that village, from that relatives. )

just as uncle did said soime sentence, i felt in that moment he is behind such aga named stalked for 3 years. cause that sentence had some kind of such feeling in air. so i think this possibility is still open, that my uncle is behind or related to the stalkers of me who allegedly even also try to make me mentally ill and try to destroy my life in sociopathic ways. I love all other uncles, Mustafa/Hasan uncle. but this act of Cuma uncle made me feel suspicious. cause used similar sentences or the sentence felt like, he were trying to say smething like, since i cant go outside due to stalk for last year, he were creating life prison to me with such acts? and makign a joke of that to another relative.  it felt like that at that moment. but i might misunderstood either. ok deleting this paragraph cause i dont think cuma uncle might be any related. but that day felt like that the way he created such sentence in such context, really felt like that:S


ok i became really like Sherlock Holmes. in investigating my stalk case.but since once a while long years ago some sociopathic lie were crafted from the village residents (jhust only to learn if my brother went to USA or not), and that we hadnt learnt the sociopath behidn that (since some relative made stop my dad's investigation of going to police to learn whom did that sociopathy). so i do think, everything is possible. since i observed once such sociopathic act from that village borns. ok, this has been doing too much Sherlock Holmes thing. but i am stalked by scoioapths for 3 years that allegedly even try to make me mentally ill. so every possibility is on table while tyring to figure out whats happenign.

so would stop communication with cuma uncle. i do think its unfair to think such probability abotu a possible innocent person. so i dont think i should say such thing while i have no evidence other than that sarcasm filled sentence which felt as uncle tried to say i am tryiong to create life prison to you while making fun it in a sarcastic joke to another relative there. i do think it were just mere coincidnce. not a joke done intentionally. it were unnice coincidence.  but just a coincidence. so that village i think we are actually living inside some interesting people. i mean people that did once sociopathic act against my brother. so my torture like stalk that happens for 3 years, might it be also related to those people? this possblty is little bit on the table. having psycho relatives that holds jealousy and tries to break down my dad's offsprings possibility (e.g. via hiring psychos to stalk me?). its just a possibility. not a fact. i dont think its true either. i do think, what is going on is,  a sociopath(oguz named socio stalker) fell in love to me and since i dont ever look, articulates people to try to do torture like sociopathic acts against me and allegedly trying to make me mentally ill & trying to destroy my life also awhile. )


ok to prove mom and dad that stalk also happens here, this evening i would make voice recorder open and if stalker comes to stalk in vicinity of our house, would be recorded.

this evening there is some loud wedding celebration in this district so stalk recording of if stalker comes is not applicable. but while walking in the park, a guy whom might be from stalker people set were sitting and shouted "hunt! and said things like "her name is serra". so since i also seen "serra" alias being said in other stalk incidents (i always thought i have got a serra named stalker but in further stalk incidents it turned out these psychopaths give me alias of serra. ) ok not possible to record stalk since the possible stalker is not sitting in near vicinity of our home and there is wedding celebration noise.  I would prove the stalk to mom and dad.(and also to police. )

then also, as said i hear "hami" name in stalk incidents. and a tolga name also. today these in one beside street shouted some sentences using those words of "hami" "tolga". i wish i would always have my phone recording tomorrow and prove my mom and dad the stalk. i heard "aga" word beside "tolga" name in various stalk incidents. so this sociopath tolga might be related to that "aga" word. i remember tolga name also alot in stalk incidents. and also "aga" name. so this sociopath tolga might be articulated by oguz named sociopath root stalker? these people are articulated by someone. I would record voice recordings around house. to prove to mom and dad the stalk. and also to police. the "aga" word has been alot used during stalk incidents.  and i also heard "hami" word. i first take it as a name. maybe its said as a name. i dont know what the fuck "hami" means. but it were commonly said by sociopath stalkers in the 3 years of stalk. so i would do voice recording in home to capture stalk if stalkers come in vicinity of house.

most sociopathic sentences has been said also beside "aga" word. and also "tolga" word. so i definitely should had my phone been recording when that name  and "hami" names were told. to prove the sociopathy of sociopath stalkers. to mom and dad.  and to later to police. so having my phone open/recording.

my way to deal with stalk were constant music listenign and not trying to care. but i changed my algorithm. i now wont continously listen music (to not care stalk when if stalkers come around house's district). i would record the stalk and show to mom and dad. and to police also. yepp. changing my algorithm to deal with stalk of sociopaths. i before used not trying to care method. but i change that.  I would do voice recording on phone so if stalkers come to vicinity of house. when if some people come in our house and repeat the common sentences they do say in stalk incidents of overall 3 years with those names, i would have evidence to mom and dad to prove that stalk also happens here.


i am so sick of trying to be a detective or doing paranoid thinking of thinking whether my uncle is related to stalkers. btu that sentence really that dfay felt like that. but i dont think uncle might be any related. and thinking such idea also made me felt my brain as dirty. but that sentence really resonated with such context of being related to stalk i confront. so even if this idea makes me feel my brain as dirty, i still think little possbtly for such possblty and would stop commnctn with that uncle.



ok if i have evidence of constantly repeated stalk(that happens all 3 years), i could also go to police and police could help me in identifiying people and then the responsible people articulating those sociopath stalkers might came out of shadow. I dont any think uncle is any related. i dont any think.


I for 3 years, want to build things. but have to deal with trauma of stalk i confront,. and i figure out paranoid thinking has developed like thinking whether if uncle's such sentence means  uncle is related to sociopathy i confront or not.
i wish i were just living a happy life instead. and beside building things. but some sociopath people stalk me , and i have to deal with trauma related to that for 3 years. i wish i could find the root stalker (i understood its an oguz named sociopath?) whom does these sociopathy acts against me. I wish i could catch my stalkers.

but  a while, how i wish, i have happy lives like other people, who arent in trauma of stalk or who dont go scared of going outside whilst confronting extensive following/stalk.


I had very traumatic stalk incidents where the stalkers said sociopathic sentences against me with coming to cafe i sit.doing allegedly sociopathy against me and laughing also with that.  i wish i opent video recorder that to record that day. there is one such sociopathy+laughing act filled stalk incident in a cafe, where the stalker saidf sociopathic sentences and laughed out loud also. I replied with calling cousin and telling whats happening. and then telling some sociopaths is doing this act right now. i wish instead of calling cousin, i should do had done video recording of these people who are doing sociopathy act against me. i wish i had done that. i am super stupid for not wanting to be any detective in handling the stalk. anyway, i corrected my algorithm agasint these sociuopaths. next time they come to around my house to do sociopathy acts against me with sentences, my phone woiuld be recording the stalk.  so that i could also prove to mom and dad the stalk.


so would not scare of sociopathy. and wouldnt constantly listen music. would have newly installed voice recording software open all day, and so that when if sociopath stalker comes around house to do say sociopathic sentences, i could prove that to mom and dad. and to police also.

I want to restate i am not a maniac who likes to do voice recording. its because i been stalked with sociopathy for 3 years. voice recording is nothign i any like to do nor would do. its because i am fighting agaisnt sociopathy which happens for 3 years. otherwise, i am not any interested to any voice recording or detectiving. i just once went to police to report the stalk and ask help, police asked me evidence. but even a year i just ddnt had mood to do collect such evidence. but i do think, i change my algorithm now and would do collect evidence. i would have my phoen's voice recorder program on so that when the stalk crime happens (stalk + high degree of sociopathy), it would have evidence, so that i could also prove the stalk and sociopathy to my own family first. and also to police as next action.

ok when the stalkers stalk in around home, now i could prove it to my mama and dad.   i do get that i hgave got an oguz named sociopath stalker whom does these sociopathy acts. i would prove. i would catch the root stalker oguz and the people he articulates in this stalk crime wth sociopathy. with evidence. last time i went to police. police asked evidence. i would since i saw i got extreme stress when stalkers came beside my home's district last day,  and i reflected the stress to mama and dad with my super anxious/stressed expression, i just change my algorithm and would collect evidence. to prove to mama and dad the stalk and next to police.  I have got a moriarty like stalker as i get in stalk incidents, has name of oguz(in one stalk incident i saw, is a very tall, very fat, very ugly, tanned skinned guy) . its been super hard 3 years with stalk trauma due to that stalk. is a sociopath and applies sociopathic acts against me. anyway.


ok now stuedying time. last day i just couldnt study. today till morning i would study to game.


but how i wish i had happy like other people last 3 years. as told, i am usually an extrovert that likes to travel alot. but last 3 years passed with most trauma and last year i just even scared to go outside of home other than workplace. but i would become extrovert again:) i would get over fully trauma. i would go to museums in Berlin/lakesides/parks/galleries. and also travel alot cities beside. maybe if I work in Braunschweig, i stay in some mountain resort like place:) cause there is a relative there who lives in a house thats 400 years oild and they invited me if i work first at Braunschweig center (company training) i would stay in that mountain resort like place:) yayyy:) they said you would be our second daughter:) cute:) since it would be harder to go to Braunschweig from Berlin, which is like 200 kms? or alike. but that mountainside touristic city is 40 minutes to Braunschweig. so if i get company training in Braunschweig, i have a place to stay in vicinity whilst that training time. My normal office place is Berlin. but as told, there might be 15 days or 1 month like company training before hand in Braunschweig. if i had training in Braunschweig and stayed in Berlin ,i would use the ICE train to go there cause its 200kms and i like ICE train actually. but if i would hjave traiuning in Braunschweig (i hadnt asked yet), i would stay in that touristic mountain resort place where my mom's side's relative lvies whilst during the training period yepp as been invited. ok then:)



i had taken second painkiller for ache of menstruation thigny:S it were like, super level of pain:S its as said, like as if there is some liquid traveling in abdominal that burns the places it visits. menstruation thing is shitty when pain happens:S and is some super level of pain :S i need to find a new painkiller for that? i dnt know. this one ddnt worked in morning.



I were tired yesterday. i fell asleep (wth watching the myth busters :) its a show from a universe of super fun :) )


now coding atmosphere layers time:) dont getting initially deeper to de beer's laws topic. but it would have been fun if i find later on myself in Navier Stoke equations and De Beer equations modeling and simulation topic:)
of course in crude ways. then, going in cheap tricks i am, i would use the precalculated optical depth values or might model the extinction/absorption model's integration. yeppp its about cloud's rendering and scattering related to aerosols in vertical and horizontal ways.


lets start rendering some clouds with some cheap tricks like using precalculated values of transparency then later on move to details of it. but first lets start playing with SH based rendering thing of atmosphere. lets code an atmosphere with cheap tricks:P (cheap tricks: using precalculated values:P)   for more advanced rendering, one should calculate those values herself:) but i would firs try the cheap tricks. i dont know if they would work either to render i mean they might not be high resolution enough for rendering purposes. would see:)


ok no no i would use the scattering coefficient wise way and would read the following article in detailed to model the clouds side:
yayyy gonna coide my atmosphere's scala classes but this depends on the domaiin languagew i would use for that and that depends on the modeliong way which depends on the study of the article, so that i render different clouds as generally from this document:
http://nenes.eas.gatech.edu/Cloud/Clouds.pdf



****
a woman named/shoute4d my name in a sociopathic sentence so i opent voice recorder. visibly sociopaths in vicinity of our house's district (the woman also named the impersonator/impostor in sociopathic sentences). so evidence collection time. she also named hamit name. hamit is one of the names i heard in stalk incidents in cafes. and last night while i were walkign in street, someone shoutedy topld "hamit should forget her". ok so voice recording. to collect evidence of the stalk right now as the woman shoutedly used my name in a sociopathic sentence. first would prove the stalk to mom and dad. and then to police.  ok she stopped shouting. not possible to collect evidence of stalk this time. anyway lets continue coding atmosphere. shouted a bunch of sociopathic sentence  and shouted a sentence to me using my name. psycho sociopath's articulated psycho helper.  anyway, i would remember this voice and whenever she starts shoutiung next time, iu would fastly open voice recorder to record evidence of sociopathic sentences & stalk. this time i missed the chance of recording evidence of sociopathy & stalk. next time. so the root stalker is hamit named? or oguz named? (so these people are articulated by a hamit named socio? or oguz named? i have none idea, i am trying to understand)  whenever these people would start shouting sociopathic sentences like this, i would record. and prove the stalk to mama and dad  & also to police. next time the woman shouts, i would instantly open the recorder.



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ok i think i would use the optical depth values in rendering yeppp.








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waiting for VISA to come so bad. so that i go to Germany yayy.

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i found my nice concentration music for studying :) i listen now a concentration music with very funny comments section: ) comments sections say "stop reading the comments and go study" :D its the funniest comment i evr seen:)

 this is guhu 1 week ago: (i nhave a  big forehead  but that doesnt mean i am in high intllgnce grp :D)

thats why i like to use fringe alot :D

ok i think i should paint my hair in brown hair colors cause i like my hair like that.



this silly in this above photo would travel in Germany alot if her VISA comes:) yayyy eagerly waiting for my VISA (if it gets approved)


(I would postpone having rhinplasty thingy for at least 8 months or 6 months:) i knw my nose is ugly but i wnt to postpne since rhnplsty is a hard thing.  maybe in 7 months i might have. i dnt know. what if it turns uglier:D so its also risky:) i dnt know. i think i would have rhinoplasty earliest in 7 months:)  my nose is defected. it wernt ugly like this before. anyway as told might have rhnplsty in 7 motnhs or later:)) ok this funny nose defected nose of mine looks like an arrow:D anyway. new rhinoplasty, i think earliest in 8 months:D i dnt have mood to have rhinplsty for at least 8 months:D



ok so eager to have my new life begin:) as an expat:)



i would travel alot in weekends :) and study maths while i travel in trains:) a super happy year it would be:) (waiting eagerly for my VISA to come:))

and live in Berlin and work in fashion industry:) yayyyyyyy:) super eager to get VISA:) if it comes, we would come to Berlin in next month's last week:)





ok when different papers name optical depth to a different concept :) hmm, lost in translation:P


10 or 15 minutes ago, i think sociopath passed around house cause used "aga" word in sociopathic narrative i heard in stalk incidents. i will catch these sociopath stalkers by voice recording evidence. i get that a sociopath stalker (hamit named?) articulates these sociopaths?. i would collect everytime voice recoridng evidence from now on. and sue these sociopaths to police for the sociopathy they apply against me.   I am confronting a high severe degree of sociopathy. but i would collect evidence and sue to police. no more opening music when getting stalked. instead of music listening to not to confront stalk, i would record voice evidence and sue to police.after 3 years of confronting a sociopathy filled stalk, i wish i had taken such action long before. i always chosen way of opening high music when stalkers intend to stalk with coming to my house's surroundings. not anymore. when you dont sue, the sociopath continues harrassing with sociopathy/stalk.  I would collect voice evidence of the stalk to prove to mama and dad, that, if the stalkers comes around my house to say harrassing/sociopathic sentences, i if i am not listening music, i would record the evidence. no more silence to the sociopathic stalk. no more opening music high when i do confront sociopathy. i would record evidence of stalk/sociopathy when happens and sue to police. (e.g. if the stalker&friends comes beside my house's district to say sociopathic sentences to stalk with sociopathy, i would record, no more not caring, i would collect evidence and sue to police whenever they come around my house to do say sociopathic things)


i wish so bad that my VISA comes so i run away from stalk of sociopath:SSSSSS


world is little bit tiny bit unfair in ways that, when you try to build things, just a sociopath fixates you and makes you incapable of studying to things you want to learn due to stress. as an oguz named sociopath stalks me, and articulates people to do so sociopathic acts and tries to make me mentally ill with that, or tries to destroy my life with stalk, i just think that, world feels little bit tiny bit unfair when being stalked by a sociopath.


i just wish so bad that my VISA comes so that i have a healthy environment to study very far away from sociopath's stalk.


I just want a happy environment. i know everyone else wants such environments. my friends here have also happy environment. but i am stalked by a sociopath with sociopathic lies for 3 years. i am right inside a horror movie of a sociopath's stalk. I wish i have a healthy environment someday sometime. I wish my VISA comes so bad. 


I just want a healthy environment. meanign an environment too far away from scoiopath's stalk. e.g. a foreign country. e.g. Germany. i want to be so far away from here.

I wish my VISA coems so bad. I wish i go away from here so bad. I count days to go away from here. due to sociopath's stalk.


I do confront socioparthy crime. i dont know how to deal with it. the stalker socioapth constantly stalks me in where i live, and disturbs with sociopathy.

I wish my VISA comes so fast so bad.

I am beside trying to collect evidence of stalk whenever happens. so that i can sue this 3 years of stalk to police. (from as i get an oguz named sociopath stalker this stalk happens).

I am doing voice recording whenever stalker comes beside house's surrounding.  to collect evidence to sue to police this sociopath stalker.

i am fighting against a sociopath thats hell bent on trying to destroy my life with sociopathic acts against me. constantl;y stalks me even in my house's surroundings. gives me aliases as i see. a definite maniac socioapth that impersonate other people even.

today, i see that the people came to sorrounding whom call serra alias (not any my cousin serra, i dont know why but this sociopath gives me serra alias:S among other name aliases. definite sociopath. i shouted that i would sue to police. then went away. then shouted me a man alias claimed me i have a man's name. then shouted i am naive (sociopath means he could bend reality in anyway since i am naive. he claimed this time a man's name to me. ) i am fighting against a sociopath. its super hard. i dont know what algorithm i should choose to fight against. not caring? ok. maybe i should attain that. but dealing with aliases sociopath creates is super stressing. the sociopath is master of bending reality. he shouted me in pride voice "she is naive". i learnt this time he also calls me a man's name. i am fighting againsta  master sociopath  thats master level in sociopathy. i dont know how to deal with that.

i am fighting agaisnt a sociopath that is A grade level sociopath. i think best definition would be this. he this time claimed me gave me a man's name as alias. and proudly shouted "she is naive". i am fighting against an a grade sociopath. bends reality in everyway he wants. a high severity mental illness holding sociopath. 



wiht shouting i am collecting evidence to sue to police the sociopath who creates such lie, i could managed to fire away the "serra" alias talkers. but the sociopath popped up to create another such alias as i saw. articulates a group of people this sociopath psycho visibly. has some power on people visibly.


so this sociopath visibly takes pleasure from trying to destroy people's lives with giving aliases to them. i see the sociopathy illnesses is a very bad illness that disturbs the society alot.takes pleasure of giving aliases. i heard the kind of voice of some happienss/pleasure in him saying "she is naive". so this sociopath tags people as naive, and tries to disturb their lives with doing sociopathy acts against them like this.


i am trying to also collect evidence to sue to police awhile. to sue to police. this sociopath looks like a criminal person. i mean i do think these acts are definitely criminal acts. is no differnt than serial killers. this sociopath not kills but triues to kill lifes of targets he selects as i observe. as applies to me. is no less criminal than serial killers i think this sociopath maniac which stalks me.

i am fighting super hard against. and i would conitnue to fight. and also would collect evidence of stalk/sociopathy.

anyway, i am super happy that, whilst they came to stalk around the house., i made the sociop[ath's friedns heard that i am collecting evidence to sue the sociopath to police. i am super happy that sociopath's friends heard that(i shouted). and i told everything sociopath's does and that i am collecting evidence to sue the sociopath. i am super happy that they heard that(since i shouted).


when i make the sociopathy visible, i saw some reactions. i broke the image sociopath tries to create. and i would continue to.  and also would sue to police also.


its just as i shouted psycho sociopath. some guy shouted "cem get over! are ytou a psycho sociopath? " this cem name is a constant name i heard in stalk incidents as i told. so i still dont know the root stalker. does he has oguz or cem name?


it were so weird. after i shouted what sociopaths does and constant stalk. a guy shouted "cem stop! stop you sociopath!" like sentence. so i wrnt wrong in assesing sociopath's friends were beside home surrounding. cause they shouted serra name. i saw before that serra is an alias they give, like the man name alias they give also. the sociopath creates multi aliases. and visibly gets pleasure from such sociopathic acts. I first thought i am stalked by a serra named lady (not my cousin), but then i understood they tried to shout me serra. as like hande name. as like a man's name. the sociopath gets pleasure of giving aliases to me and articulating people along with such fantasy worlds.


this bnight, as i reacted to stalk, with telling that the sociopath constantly stalks do following and create aliases/constant impersonation/impostoring,  one gu8y outside shouted "cem stop! stop you sociopath!". so the root sociopath might have cem name. so oguz might be just an articulated person by cem named stalker sociopath. quite possible.


i still dont know whom is the root sociopath. i get that its either cem or oguz or sedat named.

at least i shouted and let them know i am collecting evidence and i would sue them to police. i am super happy they heard that.

so i wish the sociopath cant deceive his sorroundings easily after today i had a chance to reply. normally mom and dad lives, so i just have to stay silent (if i shout, they would shout to me for why i reply to sociopaths. ) so i am super happy that the stalk happent whilst mom and dad wernt at home, so i had a chance to reply back and i made them know that i would sue to police for sociopathy i confront.


ok seeing sociopathy illness, what i plan to do in life: definitely buying a mini island:DDDDD i definitely think, definitely confirm that, the worst thing in life is confronting sociopathy. i never before any cared collecting money, but i figured out, one needs to collect money to live in a mini island or a in a home in alaska with huge garden. i see that, one should have at least one such shelter like home from zombie like sociopath when a sociopath fixates to stalk. zombies are real. sociopath peol;e are really like zombies when they stalk. i mean world's end scenarios? world ends everyday to the stalk victim when a sociopath stalks. i mean shelter home.  i would definitely have a home that has a big garden. but to create that,i need peace. as a millenial, i had no idea what money means before. after being stalked by a sociopath, i truly understood. money is necessary for to have peace. i before had no idea that life could turn unpeaceful. after a sociopath started to stalk me, i get that money is actually necessary. i understood why people try to create capital firsthand. its for peace. if i collected money (whilst i had good salaries) i now would had flied to Japan or Germany or Alaska for instance. could i do now?nope.


i never understood there were need to collect money. but now i know. one need to collect lots of money in life. cause there is slight risk of being targeted by a sociopath. maybe 1 in a 1000 or 10000 or in 100000, there is a psycyho sociopath in piopulations, and if you get the unlucky victim of the sociopath and if you have no money, than that truly sucks.

i thought i dont need to collect money when i am young. since my mom and dad has houses and mom said she would give me house. and since i thought i would collect when i am old. so i never had collected any money:D  and i thought i could had a peacefgul life without money. and i actually had such life with spending every dime of muy money to traveling or just dining outside etc. then last 3 years a sociopath stalks me. and that time i understood collecting money were truly necessary in life.  cause if i had money, i would long before deserted as sociopath initially started stalking me. as a millenial, i ddnt ever thought that money could mean peace or else. now i truly know it actually means. cause, as told, in populations in everywhere, there might be some percentage of people being mentally ill. and if you are just by chance a target of a mentally ill, he could turn life to horror movies like life.  if i were intellgnt, i would collect money in young times. instead of spending all to traveling or spendingto dining etc.


so a millenial only gets the importance of collectiong money when being stalked by a sociopath:D thats really true:D we only get the importance of money when we confront a disaster. :DDDDDDDDDDDD



ok recent goals in life after being stalked by a sociuopath includes buying a mini island. but to reach that i need enough peace to be able to study. that lacks also when being stalked. but i need to have steel like nerves and should create an inner peace while being stalked by a sociopath that comes around my house. maybe meditation? yepp maybe. i dont know but i shoudl somehow someway create peace inside and continue coding my game.


ok lets do inner peace this way.  lets constantly listen music and dont care whenever stalker cames beside house's surroinding to do sociopathic acts. lets not care ever. with listening music. if i hear stalk, there is no possiblty to not stress. so algorithm changes to constant listening high music state and studying to game.

i shouldnt let stalk of a sociopath steal my peace. i need to create ways to deal it without losing my peace/mind.

ok lets code game and constantly listen music.


ok i figure out the stalker currently lives in one neighbours, a woman named hamit name/hande names. so the sociopath lives in recent neighbourhood. hmmm. maybe the sociopath were always rooted from here? a frenemy of our family? i dont know. i never came to place for a long while(i left here while going to university). my family has a psycho bneighbour?????

i jsut ddnt get the stalker name  also. is it cem or hamit? or do i have 2 stalkers? i dont know what the heck is going on. but i heard the stalk narrativers being told from some loud talking lady in neighbours. so its a psycho neighbour in this district doing this? this turned to desperate housewives's psycho stories:D that a psycho neighbour in district exists that stalks one other's neighbours' daughter like this. really looks like that movie's psycho stories. i watched that movie series before.


the woman loudly talked "her name is hande". then also told hamit name.  welcome to psycho narratives 2.1 :DDDD the psycho turned out being from our family's home's neighbourhood:DDDDDDDDDD

so posychop[ath is related to jealousy? or what? we have got a psycho neighbour!:SS i dont know if its funny por what. but turns out, the psycho whom stalks me in 3 cities roots from my family's home's district. cause the lady is visibly in surrouyning house and named stalk narratives i heard in stalk incidents. the lady shouts stalk narratives. wov. real time sociopathy:D

i just cnt believe the stalker comes from a place i am not living for 20 years or alike. i dont live here. i am temporarly here. but the stalker which stalks me 3 years turns out to be from here. from family house's surrounding. i just dont get how it happens.

so my theory that, this hamit named sociopath somehow fell in lvoe to me? and i ddnt replied nor looked so does sociopathic acts with all his family against me? or are these people a religious cult that targets atheists? why i am targeted i wonder? i mean is it just a mental illness or a group craze llike psycho religious cults? whom are these people and why they stalk me like this with sociopathy?


ok whatever is happening, i need to not care and do meditation or constantly listen music so i dont lose my peace when stalker comes beside my home to do tell sociopathic sentences. cause this happens. sociopath articulates people to do such acts. 





sooo, one needs to definitely buy a mini island to have a peaceful life. cause sociopaths might exist. to be fully safe in life, i need to buy a mini island. thats my new motto in life(for 3 years, i had such motto after stalk started). yepp.

so whatever i should do, i shyould concentrate on not losing inner peace while getting stalked. i should persist this laughing out loud mode to stalk. i dont know how, this night i entered laufghing mode to the stalk. cause its also like a comedy movie, having a psycho sociopath stalker:D i mean it really has some tragicomic aspect also.

---------------------------------



wov Onder bro (the math genius) and i might work together to create proposal to a DARPA project:))))))))))))))))) (I like DARPA alot, cause created internet and all digital tech of world:)) personal computers were rooted in DARPA's outcomes as i read. so yepp, i really like DARPA projects:) lets create proposal:) yayyyyy I wish my brother and i work on that project topic:)

this is the topic :) and is a topic i like alot also :)
https://www.darpa.mil/news-events/2019-07-18



------

ok so it were all a neighbour in family's district. the stalk is rooted at. and i get there is a hamit named stalker around from here.
and stalks in sociopathic ways.


there is an alias assigning effort like i told. i saw hande alias/serra alias/a guy's alias also. its like this hamit also tries to destroy my life with creating fantasy worlds centering me and articulating even people in doing so.

there is an "aga" named i heard a lot in stalk incidents. and also a tolga name.and some such sociopathy effort in that.

so i guess its all articulated by hamit named sociopath stalker.
i have got a super psycho sociopath stalker.
turns otu this hamit named psycho is some's relative or else from this neighbourhood.

its like psycho neighbours in desperate housewives movie.


i dnt know what to do. should i do voice recording when if shout stalk sentences with stalk narratives i confronted 3 years, and record it and prove to mom and dad? and to police?



the sociopath is trying to articulate people and giving me aliases different names.

all it started with dehumanization shoutings in istanbul shoutiungs of ork and  a hande named alias (i thought there is a hande named stalker of me). than also other nomenclature i heard in stalk like "hami".  "kava". i dont know what last 2 means either. and i also confronted alias of "serra". (i thought i had a serra named stalker whilst.) then turned out its all alias. and there is an "ada" name. they shouted "ada is a model". so the ada name whom is shouted to be a model has also hands on this stalk with scoiopathy situation. i remember in istanbul, i went to a cafe. and sat. (my home w4re in city center, beside nisantasi). i went to a cafe in nisantasi. (its a nice place). then these people came sat beside my desk. and they they used ada/serra names. i had no idea those times serra were an alias given to me. they did some impostoring calling ada some also other name. its like these people have some mind set of constant impersonation. from outside it looks like that. then i saw i been constantly dehumanized. in cafes with shouted ork. i thought i hyad a serra named stalker whom makes me shouted ork. turned out serra is alias given to me by these sociopath stalkers. and there is also hande named alias as i observed. these people a group of people do this effort. so as i see the root stalker is a hamit named psycho, i understood, all those people are articulated by a hamit named sociopath stalker. it really likes moriarty situation. this guy dehumanizes me as ork, gives me multiple aliases, tried to make me mentally ill with stalk, and does apply a full spectra of impersonation of many names. its like a psycho people set trying to make me mnetally ill with both impersonation/ both dedhumanization/ curses/giving nomenclature i dont even know what it means (e.g. kava)/ giving multiple names. and as i observed in this distirct, the root stalker the sociopath whom is behind this is a hamit named soicipoath. cause the people who used hamit name in sentence also used hande name. so hande alias. and then i also obser5ved 2 nights ago, some people shouted "hamit should forget her". so this sociopath while stalks woman with sociopathic acts like this, also is in love to the target he stalks. a very sick guy:S 


i remember many names shouted. i thought i had such stalkers whom stalk me. turns out as i understand they were all aliases shouted by the articulated people (gives me many names of his fantasy worlds?) they also shouted he is a company owner. so this guy uses his money to torture woman he stalks like he is a serial killer none lesser sociopath. tortured me with stalking me with shouting me many aliases /characters. uses his money to articulate people to do that. uses his money to do sociopath acts against woman. a sociopath with masks that lets him live in society while being unnoticed for mental illness. and tortures woman silently with high sociopathic acts.


i am a victim as i get. of a sociopath stalker. i mean coudlnt physically disturbed me(i never even talked nor replied). but messed up my psytchology so bad with that aliases/fantasy characters he creates/assigns to me with articulating people.


i am super happy i am going abroad and getting saved from stalk with going abroad.

but this sociopath stalker stolen 3 years peace from my life like this.
i dont know what to do on that.

blogging about it makes me feel better. its like i feel ok when i tell about stalk when happens.


so i defintiely conifirm, the sociopathy illness is none less risky to societies than other mental illnesses. sociopaths just hide. and do torture people with sociopathic acts. anyway. super happy i am going abroad and running away from impact area of sociopath. i dont think sociopath could any stalk me when i am in abroad.

ok i would like to restate, its not because my country is not safe. its just, a sociopathy mental illness situation. its not any related to country. everyone else than me lives happy here. i just want to state, its related to statiestics science, in scoioties, some people get victim of mentally ill part. i mean it is related to human nature. some human are ill. i mean this things i tell is not any related to country i live. all my friends live very happy here. i figure out, its just statistics, like homicide. its like homicide. i mean its just a mental illness. i am a victim. my life is tried to be killed by a sociopath with sociopathic acts. its not related to my country nor else. its just related to bad parts of human nature, that some people could be mentally ill and its just statistics and chance.  that being a victim of sociopath is no diffrnt than being a victim of homicide. i mean its just mental illness' impact. i mean mentally ills disturbs societies. so when i say sentences like i wish to go abroad to be saved, means i want to run away from area where sociopath has kind of power (not because this place is not safe, its safe, its just i am a victim of a socioapth here, the sociopath constantly tries to do sociopathy acts here and has power to do also). not meaning this place is insecure. just menaing, the sociopath has group of people he could easily articulate here visibly (the moriarty visibly has setup some people power here to do sociopathy against woman as i observe. ) anyway. soon i would be saved from sociopath's impact area.i am fighting against a moriarty. that has a power like moriarty as i observe for real.


i moved to ankara to run away from stalk but hadnt helped. i were living in city center in istanbul.  ( anice cute place it is). my mom and dad has 2 houses in a building actually its a 2 floor house but the previouys owner separated and crafted two houses to increase rent revenue:) and has nice rent revenue for real cause its the center of istanbul and house is also very cute. my mom decorated very nice. (the low floor) the upper floor is not decorated nicely. the low floor i lived there3 years and i lvoed living there (its a tiny house:D its either 60 m2 or 55:D its kitchen is like plane's kitchens,  they turned corridor to kitchen but its a cute home. and its place wre super nice. but i left that super nice life due to socioapth's stalk and moved to ankara. but that ddnt saved me from stalk either.

yeah now i live in iskenderun and confronted sociopath's sociopathy also here.


but final act is moving to abroad and i am sure that would save me from stalk of sociopath:)


i remember i were searching talking to jobs in dubai. and i remember talking to mom on possibility of going to Dubai. i remember some people sat beside me a woman and a middle aged guy. and the guy hit his han d to desk so hard whilst i said on phone to mom i might found job in Dubai. (happens in 2.5 years ago in a cafe in istanbul in nisantasi. )

i think i saw this hamit named stalker in two stalk incidents. one were that. and one were in ankara. is a nmiddle aged guy. with slightly white hair. has brown skin.  a sociopath that tortures woman with stalk. 



ok this is a woman's life that has a moriarty like sociopath stalker. blog readers i wish you good luck in life and that wish you never get stalked by a socipopath like happent to me and happens still.


some days i feel so stressed on that and couldnt study. last day were such day. today i feel i could study. yepp i can.


i had a life before like that: i lived in city center of istanbulk, i were hanging aroudn in nice places of istanbul.(i wetnt to cvineama in city;s named shopping mall and its one of the best) i went cinema every week it were a thing i loved to do. i think i never went to cinema for 2 years.
i went to sushi bars. i dined alot. i liked investigating diffeernt sushi cuisines. i went to seaside alot. and i liked to travel alot. that all ended after stalk and i moved to ankara (i liked istanbul. if stlaked ddnt happent i would enver moved to a city without seaside:P)  (Cause istanbul is really a very btfl place. it has lots of places to visit/travel. ) (much betfl than ankara:D sorry to ankara likers:D)

i lived in best places istanbul (my family has home in city center:P) (i lived with family but they go to summer their summer homes.) (the home's debt is still payed but payed by the upper resident of rental home. it were a ncie investment my family made. cause the home can itself pay its debt. since is actually 2 homes:) has a separate home upstairs:)) 

then from such a nice life state, where i traveled to ibiza in summer, and try to plan lots of visits everywhere on world, and living in city center in best places of istanbul, my life state wnet inside to trauma. to stalk of a sociopath. and living in trauma for 3 years with constant stalk.


 then i moved to ankara leaved all istanbul's nice life due to stalk of sociopath. though it ddnt fixed the stalk problem.


this is how it is to have got a moriarty like stalker. articulates people to do sociopathy acts against the stalkj victim he choses. I figure out my stalker has hamit name from all stalk incidents and sentences i heard.  the one character he tries to assign/create is hande name with also a "kava" word i dont know what "kava" means either. and also other aliases names exist that he tries to assign to the stalk victim. real life moriarty.  articulates people like moriarty does in movie. not any less. i have goit a moriarty like stalker. a real life very dangerous sociopath that stalks people like this. anyway soon i am saved. i am going abroad and be saved. but i do think, sociopathy is the worst mental il;lnes of world. i do think sociopaths are the most dangerous mental illness type in societies. i do think, schools/teachers should monitor kids even from small ages for signs of sociopathy illness and society should not let sociopaths torture victims they target with stalk/sociopathy with even monitoring sociopath traits even from childhood. i definitely think socioipath people are quite dangerous people that disturb the society really too much. as a hamit named sociopath stolen 3 years peace of my life with sociopathy/stalk, my idea on sociopathy illness is this. that it should be tracked even from very small ages(e.g. teachers/parents should be educated on that to monitor such illnesses on kids they develop, and when if there is sociopathic trendencies, should try to fix that with therapies )  so that an adult sociopath cant disturbthe society as happens to me, my life's peace is stolen by a sociopath named hamit for 3 years.


ok i feel soon it would be solved as i go abroad. ok i wont share which company i work in linkedin. i would leave linkedin. i wont have any public account that shows where i live either.  no clues on where i live it would be.

my job, its  in Berlin:) but this blog has no publicity. its public but only my twitter users would have known this blog belongs to me:)


my mom sends me to wash myself since i stink:D some people's sweat doesnt stink (like mom never stinks.) but here, when i dont wash my self in morning (my under arms place that stinks the sweat stinks) and try to continue life without washing myself in morning, i stink. i wish i resembled mom who never stinks. its just biological, the odor of sweat we create. mine stinks alot:D its weird. stinky guhu:D

today i woke up. then went to bed again since i felt sleepy. i watched myth busters (thats a show that always makes me happy :) its super fun:))   then fall asleep. then woke up and continued watching:) then starting the day now. and just with first washing self.

--------


one very differnt story: a bird tiny bird entered room mom sleeps last night (from a tiny opening in door's net cover. ) my mom said she ddnt saw the bird went away also.  so she searched the room for birdf but couldbnt find. i also heard the clapping of wings . we concluded bird went away? but mom thinks she hadnt saw bird went away.so where is that tiny bird? must have gone away. mom has opent the door for to go away to nature. but she ddnt saw it went away either. must went away. from a corner mom wernt looking to.
she said tiny bird hit her head like a stone. anyway. i also heard the wings voice. it were very late hour after midnight.



ok lets wash self and be nonstinky:D and then study. i have alot mood to study today yeppp:)


yappp studying time:)

ok if this game succeeds, i would definitely for sure buy either a mini island in somewhere in world, or a home with a huge garden (e.g. an Alaska home)

(or there are homes that are very tiny islands, that home is itself the island:P might do such thing. or such else way. but would create a shelter alike that)

a shelter to end of world:) (cause i felt how end of world feels means whilst i have a sociopath hamit named stalker that stalked me for 3 years. ) i would create such shelter to me. for to feel safe. if game succeeds.


thats what how sociopathyy imp[acted me. before i ddnt ever cared money collection before. now i do think money means peace. when having a sociopath stalker named hamit that is sociopath in very high severity goals i had also changed:)


so if this game succeeds, i would create really a shelter like feeling like home to myself. that i would live there sometimes.   so being stalked by a sociopath(that has hamit name as i finally think the root stalker has hamit name) created such goals in life:)

sociopathy is the most dangerous illness in life. whilst being a victim of a sociopath's sociopath acts, i felt like its end of world, or just i am in a horor movie or a zombie movie.


so i would create a shelter to me that i would feel safe:) like a mini island. or a home that has very big garden in Alaska.  (if my silly game succeeds) (today i have energy to sutdy. last 3 days i lacked such energy).



i confronted a stalk that could only be a topic to horror movies i think. its super high degree of scoiopathy i confronted. a hamit named mentally ill sociopath stalks me with very high degree severe sociopathy acts. and is like moriarty. articulates other people also during the stalk. its like a horror movie.


so: i would definitely create a shelter if this game succeds. would buy a mini island. qand i would do these things quite soon. need to create the game asap. but investing enough time to do it right as way i like it to be.

lets see if i can. i am studying light topics still since i just think i need to do. but i need to get over this part of game soon and move to terrain part asap. but last 3 days i just couldnt studied.

 ok i changed the study place to my room since living room felt lesser nicer and this room feels like my cave, my coding cave buyt living room feels like is not ok to coding. i am super happy for room change:) since this place feels isolated and my own cave:) (a woman and her cave:))
though this place becomes hot but dont care. kind of feels more like a st6udying room:) this room:)

 ok today's agenda: coding and also talking with Onder bro about the DARPA project application chance when he comes online.  the DARPA project looks super nice:)  we actually worked on a blockchain project before, lets talk with Onder bro when he comes online.


other than that agenda is coding the game also. lets code:)

yepp since its my room, i can open music also on normal music output (instead of always headphones music). music i like to listen as background music on computer's output? howling wind music usually or fireplace music usually with howling wind also. :)  i like that music alot:)


lets get back to coding thing:)

ok one t6hing i discovered, a coder should have a coding cave:) i definitely am super happy for moiving my study things to my room:) but i think i would buy a ventilator:D this room is really kind of hot


ok i think i would move the blog to a new page since wifi is low in this room and it cant even update (i get that update button works with posting the whole page, but that operation fails in wifi signal i dont know why) so opening a new blog page as:




https://weirdlife1234.blogspot.com/2019/07/blog-post_23.html