hmm i think dark skinned people are nice but i think i wnt smne tht looks like me but wldnt rjct smne darker colir either☺ but i do think i like the most European look then darker colored people☺ in bf topic☺


ok this is super funny.

ok what i want in life is i think hvng a cute daughter or son. and also those hobbies. and building a game and some project before i get to 90s☺

ok if its ok to say what i like as type😉 its European looks😄 though i dnt know if anyone wld like me☺ but its super funny to talk such topic.


ok this is super interesting to see my blog in ur page. you are super funny to do such thing. ok☺

i been laughing for a while seeing ur share☺ you are super funny☺ to get silly topics from my silly blog☺

ok me wanting to dance is modrn dance type of dance since it looks interesting. though i dnt have any talent so it might end up super silly😊


ok then setting up a colleague group who dances in night in city ballee form of dance. it looks as fun to do. then coding game.
hmm having a daughter or son before its super late for that. hmm hurricane topic (yhermodynamics studying) hmm and some lovely kids wandering around me☺ (being a mom☺) this is my life's current agenda☺


ok i thought first you like me than i understood u dnt like me any (as u did cute acts to ur signfcnt other latestly) and then  i labelled having a family is really cute as i saw what cute things u said to ur family.  i mean i dnt knw how but u made having a family cute concept you made that look cool.  if one u envy shows family asa cute cncpt it becomes cool to have family. i think you are my biggest influencer now☺ since when u said cute thngs to family instantly having a family looked like a nice concept☺ ok i think i envy you & you are a lot influencer.

i think i envy you☺ so things you do becomes cool things to follow☺

we are nearly same age &  i quite envy ur success in life☺  i wsh i were like u☺
this topic this cmmnctn is super funny. you are super fumny to do carry my silly blog like that☺

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i think i have an art related soul and would try dance but i expect silly failures from me in tryng to learn it  and if cld succeed to learn, wld set up a friend set who tries to do ballee in city☺ in empty streets. just noone around. it looks as fun.

then planning to have release a game before becoming 90😂😝
above thigns are my confused head.
but what i really figure out/think:

ok but i think we shld stp cmmnctng like this since u mnt ur sgnfcnt other & u had rejoined and u said bones to ex things (i dnt knw if i m any ex of u in intrnt (whthr u liked me or not i mean our internet commcntn, we never talked ever even) but snce u depicted as bones and rejoind ur sgnfcnt other its best we dnt cmmncte right?
mst possbly u nvr lked me & all is a msndrstndng? but u shwn u retrnd to ur sgnfcnt other so there is no ground fr cmmnctn btween us actually after sch thng. after u said u rtrned to urs signfcnt other, then i thnk we shldnt cmmncte. i dnt knw if u liked me, but seems as u might, but i dnt thnk we cld be frnds tht talks like this. i dnt like being friend wth smne whom i like but rtrned to smne. i dnt think we shld cmmncte  cause u selected tbe one whm u wnt to cmmncte and its not me. so i wsh our such topic carryng things ends because we cnt be friends and i m nt the one whom u chosen.
there is a thng tht  i dnt like being frnds wth smne who exed me/whm chsn smeone other. so i do think we shld stop any cmmnctn to forever and not cnfse minds cause u chosen smneelse whch means i hve to cntnue my life.


this is my idea. i m nt modern in reltnshps. if smne chsn smne other thn me, thn i cnt be frnds wth him. so whilst u erased meand chsn smneelse other, there is no need to do cmmncte.


i dnt like cmmnctng smne who chsn anthr person and made me history. i like to cmmncte smne  whm i m in crrnt time/present/ftre.  i cnt be friends wth smne i liked but chsn smneelse.  so i wsh u dnt take topics from my blog cause u chsen smne else, not me.


i said i can be friends before if u chosen someone else. i figure out i cant be friends in such situation. i am not modern in relationships. i cant be friends with someone that ex'ed me. i dont like talking to any person i am ex of. i were wrong in saying we could be friends.  i cant be your friend. i dont be friends with any person i am ex of.

sinec i am the dead and someone else is chosen instead of me, there is no reason in cmmnctn? right? i mean i wish u dnt take words from my blog since i mean i dont think in terms of all things happeening in world right now, i dnt think me being chosen or not chosen by some person isnt an importnt event(i am not self centric). but whats importnat is choices and promises. i am sorry i told i can be friends even if you chosen someone else. but i cant. i am sorry but i cant follow such prmise. i cant be continue to be friends with a person whom i am history kind of thing. (even if we ddnt had any relationship, i have feelings and so it makes it kind of platonic thing? yepp.  ii mean there were something between us i think, i might be wrong i might misunderstood but i felt like that) but after you return to someone else then instead of being self centric i see things as it is. and   i do think your promise is more importnt than mine for whihc i promised you before that i wld be friend even if u chosen someone else, since u chosen to rejoin with someone. i mean thats more importnt than my prmoise to you. i mean i jut cant be friends wth someone that i have feelings to but he chosen someone else and this just wont go out like thagt i mean yeah its time for me to be cmpltely history and we neednt ever cmmncte ever since you had made your choice and i cant find a ground to be any self centric per myself.  for reasking for us to exist, that is not a possibility anymore. there is no ground for self centric ideas in this thing anymroe. i mean i am sorry but i think we shouldnt any communicate, since you chosen another person and i cant handle such situation. i mean i cant be friends with someone who ex'ed me. even if we had no relationship, felt as there were something between us. and now that you chosen someone else, i just find it illogical to ever commncte with posts/blogs.

i said before i could be  your friend even if you chosen someone else. no i cant. sorry. i cant be friend in such case since i never succeeded to be friend with someone that ex'ed me. cause for me to continue life, means being in distant in mind wise to person who ex'ed me. how i am supposed to continue my life if i talk to person who ex'ed me. i mean i dont find it any logical for us to take topics in our correspondant blogs. i think we should never ever communciate with such corresponding blogs things ever. cause you hadnt chosen me and chosen someone else.
i dont know if i am your ex. but those somethings with eyes references showed me you might be really liking me. i also liked you. but we messed up. i messed up or you messed up but the thing is, you chosen someone else and said bones to your exes and chosen someone else. so it should continue like that and we shouldnt ever commncte again. 


that day i said angry things is because u played with my scar. my scar topic you mentioned and i understood as if you said bad thing to me with playing with my scar that i reconfronted the pain of some scar when you referenced something somewhere. and i of course said angry things after words like looking to other people.

then i read you rejoin someone else. ok. i might had messed up but its you who hurted me first with referencing a topic which is a scar for me. you know it. the day i started saying i would find others is the day you mentioned a scar of me. then my impulsive reaction and you chosing someone else anyway, we messed up even if there were any hope or there might had been hope but we messed up. so better we dont talk ever from corresponding blogs with references.

i think we should really continue our lives. since we messed up. and i think there is no point of any talking after  you had chosen someone else. and i know i said i would chose some people else, but with what mind had you chosen to post a topic that made me felt as you had hurted my biggest inner scar? so one suggestion, when you are talking to people, please even if you want to say something good, please dont reference a topic that hurted them before, cause the other person might misunderstand your aim or might think you are also trying to hurt with same narrative. whilst you ddnt.   i mean 1 day later i understood you might not be saying any hurting narrative in that. i dont know. but the the thing is we messed up. you referenced a hurting narrative and it hurted. and then i said i would look to else people. than i read you rejoined someone else. i do think we messed up and we should really stop any communication and continue our lives. cause there is no point of being any self centric from now on. i cant be any sself centric in such point of time. like thinking of we exist is not possible from now on since you had given promises. and i am sorry but i said before that i can be friends with you while you chosen someone, but i cant. sorry. i cant follow such promise of being friends whilst you chosen someone else. maybe you also want it like that i dont know what you think. but the thing is we messed up. and yeah we messed up and we shouldnt commncte. since you given prmises to someone else. and so there is no place for us to exist. ok so yeah this is my ideas on this after 2 my head super got confused state, i clarified my ideas and i think we really   messed up super bad. so, i wish we dont commncte from corresponding blogs ever again. cause we should continue our lives like we are expected to do and yeah, thats the thing.


you should stop confusing my head with carrying my blog to yours blog. cause you had chosen someone else. there is no place of being any self cnetric from now on. maybe we might had chance of being self centric only once. but not twice. i mean, there is no chance of being self centric in such a situation like this. maybe we had only one chance (that when you are single, that i ddnt knew you were single either. i wish you told me. if i knew i would accept yours attention. reason i hadnt is because i ddnt knew your state. it were confusing all. ) then but we messed up. so i thik we dont have second chances since you given prmses to another person.  i dont have yet promises to any other person. but you have. so there is noce chance of being self centric in such moment. and so i  do think, we shouldnt communicate ever. snce we messed up and we dont have chance to be any self centric in such topic/such context like continueing to communicate alike. i think we shouldnt commncte with sharing related blogposts you from insta, me from here. i do think we shouldnt communciate. cause there is no chance of being self centric in such context. maybe we could had such chance when you were single. but you never signalled me that you are single. i never knew what is going on as i continously said, i had no idea. i just liked you, and thought you might be liking me also. but had no idea whether its true or not. still i am not sure, but kind of little bit think you might had liked me since i saw the eyes reference and so that eyes thing were really from you. so you really liked me. anyway. even if we had chance, all is gone now since you had given promises to someone else now as i read from that rap song that people played with bones and about rejoning fixing relationships. so you fixed your relationship with your significant other. anyway, so there is no point of we ever communicate in such context. even if i said things like,  i can be friends even if you chosen someone else. i fgure out i cant. i never succeded to do such thing of being friend to someone i have kind of some history. our history is just eyes? :) eyes sharing/some protection tweets. i mean our history is only in internet i mean we never really had out of internet any relationship but i do digital differs no other than real life. so i do think i mean feeling is feeling whether its in digital or non digital life.  anyway, whatveer happent/said/told, in the end, you chosen someone else, and then that means there is no chance to talk ever after with corresponding blog posts, i mean since you chosen to return someone else, i do think in such context, we should never communicate ever cause we cant be friends. i cant be friend with a guy whom ex'ed me. i cant succeed to manage such things. i am not a modern person in relationships:P i might be reading post modernism but in relationships i am not any modern:D i cant succeed to be friends after something ended? i mean i really cant. for me, with someone, either it exists or not exists and we dnt ever talk. i mean i cant succeed to be friends after you chosen someone else. so this is why i ask you dont share thigns anymore. cause you said as i understand i am the bones(exes). and you return/choose someone else. so no point of talking after such thing. i thik neither of us wanted to mess uop but we are kind of unlucky. relationships needs also luck. but i think we lacked luck. i think so. i mean i dont think actually that its neither of ours fault. to mess up something that could happen between us. but i wish you hadnt referenced a topic thats a big scar of me. even if you might had done it for good, i definitely understood in contrarian perspective that day as if you repeated the painful words to me it felt like that and anyway. so we had no luck. and anyway, so one thing this guhu asks is, we dont communicate cause as you had given promisses to someone else, there is no chance for us to exist as you also know but the thing is we cant be friends. i cant succeed to be friends with people whom ex'ed me. even if i before gave such promise here in blog saying i would continue to be a friend, i figure out i cant, i am not modern in relationships, i cant stay as friends. i just favor, when i am ex'ed,  i just favor to never communicate ever. i mean, when someone ex'es me, i usually dont want to talk ever after. i dont know if i am your ex. but some things showed me really such thing happens or happent. that even if its in only internet, something happent between us, but no more reason to talk nor mention since you had chosen someone else now. so, fairwell/bye.

so the newspaper wernt faulty? there were really something between us?(even if only in internet?). i knew i had feelings to you(after your heroic acts before:)) but never knew your side. since i never knew whether they were from you or not.


but the thing is we messed up i think:P don't you think so:) best is we dont communicate ever after. cause you had given promises to someone else. if you were free, i would continue wanting to communicate, but there is no point of being self centric now since you had given promises to /chosen someone else. if you were free/single still, i would want to talk alot to you:) cause i like you. but as you chosen someone else, i have to forget you. and for that to happen, we shouldnt ever communicate again from our blogs (you from insta, me from here, we shouldnt talk. for this to end. for me to forget you. and continue life like you did. )





* ok the newspaper thingy:
ok the newspaper which in detailed said my balcony's shape were W. Post. i dont know how they know my balcony:S  and article writer took my blog words and balcony's features like wall decorations on that to write an article. so news paper article were that.  and took thigns like words like me being fat to blend to an unrelated article. so it were W. Post. not any news paper.
an article were written as if refernceing a past event but taking words/things from my blog. anyway.
it even included plastique door and also butterfly decorations on my balcony and used words from my blog like being fat etc. so i dont know why i had seen my balcony's details, my blog's words in an W.Post article that day. anyway. for people trying to label this as other way around. its not other way around. really weird things happent. anyway.  it were an article about a heart transplant operation. and played out me as the woman character whom is murdered. and played out the guy as someone. and used my words from my blog of getting fat. used words like my balcony's decoration details.  so when i got suspicious he likes me, its because other people had written such crazy things in internet using our names/blogs. and even using my balcony details.  for saying this to an Eastern nation whom visibly got angry to me for saying that nation is not my type:S i am ugly & that nation is very beautiful faced.  but not my type. why cant we have types:S do we have to like all types of people all country residents? we like some face types inherently it must be kind of some cultural thign. it is not related to beauty since that nation has baby faced people. its just everyone has a different type in life and its right to have such preferences i think. beauty is a subjective thing. i can dislike something very beautiful and its my choice/preference i can have any right to hold on.  beauty/type topic is all subjective. i dont like baby faced people alot,. even if its the common defginition of beauty. i mean its a subjective topic of what kind of type of appearance we fall in love to or not? right?  i myself am quite ugly i know. but not having chance to talk about types we are interested/we arent interested seemed weird.  and people just getting angst to such topic and trying to label things in ugly way is also weird.  anger canalization works weirdly:S people getting angry to smoeother topics try to take their angst from bad acts like trying to throw bad words on.  there is no common type that everyone likes. or there is i dont know but i havent seen such thing in life yet. everyone has a type either too rigid constraints or non rigid. so personal statement preferences talking is restricted in eastern cultures? i am post cultural so i do not have to adhere to such constraints. i have free speech rights and no weak or strong culture can bully me for my free speech right.   woman speaking their types, it is something forbidden? in which cultures its forbidden? why men can state they like blondes or others but we cant state what kind of types we like /we dislike?  trying to investigate my boundaries of my free speech right. am i not supposed to talk that Asian people are not my type? what kind of problem it creates? is not type topic a subjective topic? cant have i preference on such type topic? i wont be bothered if someone said Turkish woman are not my type. i would say ok. why this much angst to free speech?
in my view, cultures setup rules alot to free speech or such individualist related points, so thats why i am mostly post cultural not fully but mostly.  but its free right to attend to a cultural system or not. like me not attending most of the time except nerd subcultures or such scifi subcultures. but showing angst to people who are exerting their free speech right is something not understandable. trying to degrade a real thing(W. Post article for instance)  with later such accusation is shallow. so i can n many times tell Asian people is not my type. whilst i know they are very beautiful people. but not my type.  so blogging means seeing angst sometimes.
ok really weird things happent in life. some people written a news article even depicting decorations in my balcony with taking words from my blog with a crazy ideas inside. then those weeks passed. then me stating Asian people is not my type and then confronting angst due to such statement. ok internet you need to grow up for more speech right. type topic is not any related to beauty. as i told i dont like baby faced face types or too beautiful face types. its thats why its called usually someone's type. its not objective. its subjective. so never expected this much angst for as a woman stating my type preferences in internet. ok. lets see what else i would see from this world.  boundaries of free speech versus hatred filled people for woman who say they dont like some types ? :S we need to be silent on that? why?  ok now i have Asian people as haters. ok. though i would never any little bothered if someone said Turkish people's looks, ah, its not my type. i dont get this any. as i also stated before,its not any about beauty either. its just i dont like too beautiful face type. (Asians have usually baby face type, they have very beautiful noses etc, and their hair dont get white either as i saw. ) but not my type cause i like uglier faces. and its my right to speak that i would had been forever alone if i lived in an Asian country since its not my type. anyway:S  (and i also said that, those people are very beautiful and noone would ever look to me there either, with saying i am super ugly and i dont think anyone would look to me in such place ever beside such sentence. ) ok so lessons learnt, never tell your types talk beside Asian people since they take it as soemthing bad. all my life i saw everyone talking about their types, i mean its a something thats talked since its a subjective area and not related to beauty either.  i mean i were used to talking about types freedom thing. until this thing. of seeing where talkign about types is disliked. so its not free to speak about types. not every culture has such open environment to type preference talks. ok. so this is how culture differences are. cause all my life, type topic has been a subjective topic as i saw. (if one person said, Turkish people(e.g. peeople with thick eye brows like me) arent my type, i wouldnt be any bothered).  never thought people would look it or would try to look it in an objective meaning/way. we all have visual differences, and but type topic is not any related to beauty as i saw all my life. its somethign subjective and not any tied to beauty either.  personally i dont like too beautiful faces. for my type definition. i like big noses more than small noses. but small nose is something mostly liekd more byt world right? so this is subjective. but i see people's acceptance level to talk of such topics is different from culture to culture. cause we are miulticultural, we have both blondes/both black haired people/both slanting eyes people both slanting out eyes like people, so when we talk of type topic we know its not any related ot beauty but a preference. but i understand that, people take it differently if they arent from multi culture environments and dont see type topic as a personal preference rather than any being linked to any beauty thing. i am from a country that holds all types of people since its a mixture a land thats mixed of all type of people. so except red haired people, you can see everyone in our country everytype of people. its like we are like mixture in that. so, that, we are used to talking this type topic freely. for as a right to state our personal preferences of what kind of face type we find attractive. personally i dont like too much beautiful face types. it might be nice in woman though but i liked uglier faced guys usually. but some woman have contrarian thing in that. but the thing is why Asian people is not my type, cause they are beautiful faced and i stated that very clearly in that blog part. and also stated that they are very beautiful and noone from them would had looked to me if i lived there. but since i like uglier face type, i would had remained forever alone. ok so one thing i discover, no society holds free speech right like mine in these topics? i dont know. i think being multi cultural is a good thing so that such misudnerstandings like trying to take type topic as if something bad doesnt happen.  luckily world is all migraitng and i think every country might turn out a lot multicultural in the end. since the young age ratio think, and my fav French political course teacher's shown expected migration dynamics, so i wish in future noone would think bad for since i loudly stated my type preference? since its a common thing thats done in multicultural places and noone takes it as a bad thing since it doesnt any depict beauty nor any related toa ny beauty standard. for me it definitely not related to beauty, its reversely related to beauty in my case, cause i dont like very beautiful faces most of the time. in topic of type.   ok trying to tell my perspective to a different culture is challenging for me. since never confronted such behaviors in multicultural places before. like trying to limit free speech right like this.  ok this cultural differences thing really happens. so blogging is risky in that sense. since you dont know what makes a culture angry or not beforehand. ok so never talk i wont want to live in Asia ever again since i confronted such angst after that.  so i guess, i neednt specify any regional living preferences. since it makes people angry? ok.  i wanted to travel to Japan for sure since its hot springs and nature is very awesome but couldnt have enoguh money since it were very expensive. so its not any related to being a beautiful place or not. its just i like being in multicultural places more. i dont like being ina specific culture. i like to be in a place where culture is micxed and every culture is present. thats where i like to live. i dont like to live in a place where single culture exists.  since i dont qutie adhere to any culture. and i try to tag myself as post cultural due to that.

  ok so would restate Asian people is not my type sentence as: beautiful nosed/baby faced/non olding(their hair dont get white, i am not kidding,)/people with no hair falling (their hair dont fall also) (its like those people are not olding ever. and they have super beautiful noses. it were my first shock to see since in Turkey we usually most of us have rhinoplasty to have beautiful noses).  so instead of using sentednces like: Asian people is not my type (whislt i added that they are very beautiuful and i am super ugly b eside such sentence and i also said: i dont think noone ever would look to me there either sentence wiht saying they are very beuatiful and noone would ever look to me there. whilst saying Asian type is not my type, i also said these) i would enxt time would say: baby faced people arent my type.  ok. so we cant use regional words in depicitng our type definitions.  i even depicgted my cousin Gulnur to be super beaqutifukl saying she resembles Japan woman. and saying i wish i resembled her. but their guys is not my type cause i dont like baby face type. but as a woman i would had wanted to look like that for sure. but since i dont like baby faces in mans, its just not my type. but would next time blogging think of this sensitivity that i enver felt in my own country (Cause we are really mixture and noone bothers if you say you arent my type or such blond or Sivas region people is not my type? (I am from Sivas and we have some common looks)) such sensitivity. but as visibly some cultures are differtn than from where i grew up, so i need to not say such things like that. ? visibly. ok. seeing world has no free speech right to talking our preferences on outlook type we want to date (whilst its not any related to any beauty topic).  why,  people even have face whitening products, (which i never seen in my country either since we also like brown people, i mean noone brown in our country would feel as unbeatiful. cause beauty is not an objective topic, its completely subjective. for instance, i also wanted to try being super brown but got scared from those tanning devises :S chlostorophobia i felt. otherwise i would always travel being super brown. but the thing i saw in place i grew up, there is none predefined beauty topic and everyone knows beuty is subjective and not having any predetermined standard. so we could freely speak of types and unlike Asian countries we dont have face bleachers like i saw in Asia.  i mean growing up in a place where beauty has no standard definition, i thought it were my free speech to speak of types. though seeing its not. ok.  sorry if thats considered as not ok in other cultures. but in place where i grow up, beauty has no standard so i never felt any pressure for not stating what kind of type of people i find attractive. since we all know its not any tied to any beauty concept. since beauty is a subjective topic completely.  ok i defginitely shouldnt blog since i dont know other culture's sensitivities. i get it as if entire world is like place i grew up. i am quite ignorant on sensitiviteis of other cultures. and never expected such anger. since were ignorant for that lack of freedom type of not being able to talk type we like/dislike.   anyway i think cultures might change in long run? after migration things?  i would never bothered if some people said: you Turkish people afrednt my type since their nose are usually not perfect.and i lioke perfect noses.  i would laugh instead. saying yeah you are right. i mean this is the thing culture i am used to. laughing smiling to such statements. i never knew world lacks this understanding. but constantly see world is quite different from where i grow up.  we usually smile to such things. some people instead i see get angry? ok. so shouldnt blog.  i exactly specified Japan people are very beautiful and but its not my type. but seeing it makes angvry? i am not used to this but seeing this, i would be more careful in not stating my type preferences.  so dont state your type unless you are inside a for many years been multicultural place. its a lessons learnt i take. since internet, is not just where i grew up, is not just multicultural places where people has no sensitivities like that,  i should not blog why next reason it is. since i figure out world is not like place i grew up.  things we smile are kind of creating anger in other places.  i thought i had freedom of stating my type preferences (since noone bothers it as any related to beauty in place i grew up),. seems as world has different understanding in that.
)

ok constantly discover, i like living in multicultural places where people have right to have type preferences and loudly state it.  ok Berlin is also multicultural. but thing i discover about Turkey is, it were really some multicultural place and people always had kind of understanding and noone would think type topic is any related to any beauty topic. ssince we are really mixture. take Karadeniz people, they are from Phontus origins,.  they are usually blond or brown colored. take Sivas, we are like Armenians more maybe we have shared roots maybe. or similarly my region and Kurdish people quite look alike. take west people look like European people. we have also Gypsy people and they also look alike nice. we have Arab people. all different looking people. and i never saw there any one correlates type topic to any beauty topic before.  so thats why i like living in multicultural places. since they have no such sensitivities. luckily Berlin is also like that.


i definitely dont like living in a place where there is just one culture and its dominant in that place. i liek living in places where multi cultures is present for many years. since its what i am used to.



ok so woman gets confronts angst when she states her type. our types, cant we state this? everyone else i saw knows type is not any related to beauty.

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hey nationalist winds quite like to oppress multicultural people's blogs in ugly ways as i see from that act.
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while i like to say i am a world citizen, i do only want to limit the world to multi cultural places. for people who dont oppress others blogs in ugly ways.


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so i am not a
world citizen. i am a citizen of multi cultural places, not world. i dont any like to be any world citizen. i dont like any being in non multicultural places or nationalists who lieks to oppress others blogs in super ugly ways with even trying to throw dirt like that. (saying these to the Eastern super nationalist country who tried to throw such dirt). (super nationalists)


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ok people never underestimate the development level of Turkey, whilst people say its a developing country, in culture wise its really much better than super nationalist part of world. Berlin is also super good also.


i only like to live in multicultural places, that have been multicultural for many years so they are used to that being multicultural fact and populating many political opinions at the same time.
i see not the economy but the culture defines if there is a place we want to live or not. for me its like that. i dont like super nationalist places:S i like multi cultured places.

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ok now i have some super nationalist haters. ok its good to have super nationalist people as haters :D
ok :D
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so since cvonfronted such dirt; want to clarfiy all is real. and that news paper article i mentioned is from W. Post. some people written a crazy article there taking words from my blog/taking names and some people whom sees my balcony/with using my balcony's details.  so this thing is real. though never expected super nationalists angst/dirt since i said that super nationalist people arent my type. ok.  (super nationalists are from Eastern part of country, some place very beautiful though i refigure out i dont like nationalist places any. whether its very betfl place or not. or whether they have baby faced people usually. (i dont like baby faced people also as i said before ) )

ok staying silent is not possible when confronted dirt from super nationalists. ok i replied in accordance.  ok so in a world full of super nationalists, its not safe to blog, since they would try to throw dirt to you whilst your acts depeneded on a real enwspaper article.

ok now i also have super nationalist haters. quite good. not expeccting to be friends with super nationalists either.

ok:)

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onething i confirm:
ok economic development is anot always algined with tolerance/being multi cultural traits. so if a place were richest place of the world and but nationalist and have one dominant culture, i wouldnt want to live there no matter how nice/good that place is.
(as told to that Eastern countries) (who visibly likes to throw dirt to people with nationalist reactions) (for when we said i dont like to live there) i said i want to move to abroad in Turkey many times(due to an unrelated reason of getting stalked by a sociopath woman which is not any related to Turkey either) and never received a dirt throwing thing from Turkey. so being nationalist or not is something different. would constantly reconfirm differences as i see since i see lots of differences in this world. and i confirmed i am not any world citizen . i am only would only want to be citizen to world's multicultural places and definitely not any nationalist countries.

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ok so confirming some Eastern country hasngt any changed. economy might changed but that single cultured and super nationalist culture, who even would ruthlessly try to throw dirt to bloggers who only said that they wont want to live htere or is not my type.  ok. reconfirming my decision i dont like to live there any.

i maybe thousands times said i dont want to live in Turkey (since i have got a sociiopath woman stalker stalking me) i said 1000 or 10000 times that.  but Turkey hadnt tried to throw such dirt since i said i dont like to liev there (due to whatherver reason i dont like living there).


so dont assess the countries regarding their economic power.
tolerance. how much nationalist tendencies they hold. specifically i dislike the most super nationalism factors. and how many years they have been multicultural as a country. thats what defines where i want to live.  definitely not that Eastern country. reconfirming. this thing i confronted, reconfirms my dislike to live there.  since confronted dirt as i said i dont like to live there.





i think world need to reconsider what development means. thats my idea in this developing countries/non developed etc criterion. or maybe my dimensions are quite different for considering those.


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i dont consider science tech development or economic development the most. but where i like to live is defined by:

freedoms as a woman for instance we could talk what type of guy we like or not.  (for instance i can state Eastern type is not my type)
being able to walk at 2am in outside.
being multi cultural for many years (so that being multi cultural is not in just words)
definitely shouldnt be any super nationalist.


(by the way Turkey also lets above list.  but i had a sociopath stalker woman thats why i wanted to leave not any because i had problems with Turkey any. i actually see, its much more developed than even some G7 country in terms of its tolerance level or multicultural aspects.  i definitely reconfirm i wouldbnt wanted to live ever in that G7 country (which is in far east) after cnofronting being thrown dirt only becasu i stated i wont like to live there. ok economic/technologic development is not the most important thing in life i think. at least for me. Berlin is also super nice. i love Berlin:) like i loved Istanbul :) )


i think thats all. so in that i think i am not a world citizen. since not all countries have what i want from a country as i would want to live in.  and some even want to try to throw dirt when you state you dont want to live there with yours specific reasons. super nationalists.


i wont care my salary i wont care anything else. but these defines where i want to live.

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ok,  my internet package is ended and need to buy.

then last day, while walking some people shouted some word in a cafe, i am super shy if some people shouts me something not anticipated right that moment and i were super shy so i just couldnt manage to get to learn.  ok i hate being super shy. its just i ddnt expected it in such moment and felt super shy. i would be super alot happy to come to acafe to say hi if i am told before but when i been shouted to come for by like that, i were super shy.  i mean i would be very super happy to come to say hi but on an arranged thing thats told to me beforehand:) or next time when if such thing happens, i wouldnt be shy and be ready for such instants in life i think. but that instant, i felt suepr shy and just ddnt know what to do and i did shy act. next time i would go sit inside the cafe to say hi. (and i wouldnt had done such shy act if i were told before. i would be super happy to come say hi if i been told before, ok but and next time, i would do no shyness in coming say hi:)  )


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ok newly seen some silly posts:P ok:) trying to get whats said, have none idea:D

guhu's silly jazz bar chronicles now: :D (definitedly fun but i cant go to my fav music listening place anymore visible in below paragraph)
ok recently i went everyday to jazz club:D since it feels amazing to drink. though last day the guitar player guy miasunderstood as if i am looking to him. were playing really awesome music but were just looking to the music. then saw he started to look to me:D i were just looking to the band. anyway, i didnt looked :D but it were weird moment. (guy werent my type since i usually like taller guys. if he were tall might be interested to). then the guy who sat beside me tried to look to me, he might had been my type(looked as a tall guy) but i were shy:P actually felt super shy.  ok i think i might not be able to go to that nice place for a while since the jazz band guitarists thought i were looking to him(thought i am intersted) ok every day different groups play. but i mean he might come and it would be weird situaiton and would look as if from now on that i go there for him. ok lessons learnt, dont stare to the guitarists.  mgiht confuse as if i am interested. the guy whom tried to look to me looked as posisbly my type (were tall) but i dont know but i felt super shy in looking back. i dont know i am not any experienced in flirting thingies. hadnt succeed to reply to looks:D ok this is guhu's jazz bar chronicles blog part:D now that guitarist thought i look to him (constantly looked to me later on:S) i cant go there. but were really really playing super good. i were amazed by the music. but wernt intending to stare for any because i am interested. it were just to music. i looked to the band. for since enjoying the amazing music. but misunderstood.
one thing i confirmed: i am not good in flirting things:D even if the guy were kinda might be my type, i just failed in replying to his looks. tried to stare me many times but just i couldnt reply since i am not good any in flirting. :D ok would you expected me to blog any less interesting things:D now i blog about jaqzz bar chronicles:D

one other guy tried to talk to me, but wernt my type quite alot, i chagned the topic so he iddnt talked more.  ok it were a weird night.  ok i am kind of sad since i couldnt succeed to do reply :D to the looks type of flirting. but not good in such thigns ever. dont know whom the guy is but there is fun in flirting with strangers. but i cfant do that anymore since i cant go there since the guitarist constantly stared me all remaining night and if i go there would have been understood as i am going to see the guitarist:S even if he might attended only once (since every day diffrnt music group is hosted).
its an awesome place wiht super awesome music but i think i cant go there for some time whilst i want to go.

the guy who stared me looked quite cool actually. though couldnt managed to reply to. cause i dont know if its any ok to reply back to stares in bars. i went only to listen music and finding someone trying to look to me werent anticipated for sure. and didnt know what to do cause i dont know if talking to strangers in bar is ok or not. i really have none idea. i should ask but from whom. all my colleagues are guys. is meeting up replying to stares of someone in a jazz bar ok? i really dont know any. i have none idea of flirting thingies. not any having any common sense of what to do what not to do in such area:D


ok felt kind of sad now since i hadnt replied to the guy since might have found someone who would talk to me. though at that moment, in the universe, had no clue of whether its ok to reply back to someone's stare in a jazz bar. ok i think it might be ok. why not. i just could had found a friend. anyway.

sad that i cant go there due to guitarist perosn. he confused me as if i am trying to flirt to him. i were just looking with awe only because of music. not my type. but were an awesome musician for sure.
but cant go there anymore for a while.



ok were people expecting non interesting blogs from guhu? i dont think so:P
lessons learnt: try to reply to someone if he stares you. even if flirting is somethign you arent quite having any common sense info of.  ok i have no kind of common sense in flirting things. none info. dont know whats ok whats not. liek replying to a stranger's looks (whom looked as my type. were tall(as told i like to date witht all people usually),  looked cool, looked old as me, so were quite looked ok to flirt  ).  but stupid my brain were confused in whether i should reply or not. since i dont know if its ok to look back to strangers in a jazz bar.


ok things i confirmed: getting drunk is kind of addictive hting. good music+ getting drunk is awesome thing.  i lioked going to jazz bar alot.  but wont be able to go for a while:D (due to guitarist whom confused as if i am trying to flirt to him :S he constantly looked to me whilst playing at times which were kind of weird. i cant go there for a while:D ) (whislt i got addiction the following combination: drink + music. this really feels super good. the drink + music. i said i never had this much fun in life before kinda feeling cause the musics played gthere is sometimes awesome and drink + awesome jazz music (sometimes African woman sings songs and it becomes super good music instantly )  ok i have a new addiction in life: drink + jazz music :D but cant go there for a while since due to the guitarist. it feels not ok to go there for a while. whilst i want to go today also:D

(ok quite sad snce i hadnt replied to the guy who tried to flirt but due to me having no common sense/no knowledge in flirting things, epicly failing in that:D )  (might be fun to someone to talk to. thagt lives in Berlin. so we could meetup etc. anyway.  next time if someone of my type looks, woukld truy to look back even if it feels i dont know, it feels i dont know i feel i dont know if looking back to someone staring in a jazz bar is ok. but even if it feels weird, should reply back. anyway i dont think any bad person would go to any jazz bar. so i dont expect the guy to be  a bad person. but its always risky to talk to strangers right? anyway.  )

last day i felt as beautiful. and whilst i felt as beautiful, even guitarist tried to flirt me. must my hair looked different i dont know to feel more btfl.   ok. this is the stories from jazz bar thingy:P

i am sad i hadnt replied to the flirting thingy since the guy miught had been a techie/an artiest i dont know. i mean i think i should had replied back though having no common sense, had no idea what to do when someone stares me inside a jazz bar:D
ok some narratives to build if i want any relationship in life: when someone stares, stare back :D i have zero common sense in flirting things. i usually most of the time dont know what to do:D
(maybe everyone else dont know what to do. i mean flirting is not a topic thats told how to do:D i mean there might not be any common sense knowledge in this area of flirting either. or there is. i dont know. i have none idea about flirting. dont know how to. ok lessons learnt, next time a guy that looks cool sits beside me and tries to look to me, stare back and dont be shy.  )



)

ok i think i would also travel today. but not to that jazz bar but would try to find else place wiht music again. since i got addicted to listening good musioc++ beer thing (guhu the homer simpson :P beeeeer:D)



ok lets travel today. lets find another jazz bar but that were best jazz bar in vicinity:S oh guitarist shouldnt spoil. but i am also bored of going there also. should discover new amazing music places. that jazz bar really has amazing music. every day different group most of the time. and very talented people.  and its under a train station. i missed city life and it feels like being in the heart of city life:) that district. (it has a funny name :D) but i wont tell the district's name any:D



i never drank this much beer in my life before:D confirmed beer is a very delicious drink. maybe i liked the jazz bar's beer version. cause usually i dont like beer alot. but this one tastes quite nice. ok that jazz bar is awesome but cant go. otherwise would be thought as if i go for to see guitarist. not that he would play there again.  but still kind of going to someplace too much feels wrong. but the beer even the bare beer is super good there. anyway. lets find another place to go.


ok the bar had a Turkish bartender last day and it felt amazing to see someone from my home cojuntry:) we all look kind of different kind of same:)  but as told, everyday different people work there. normally some lady and a guy worked in other days.


unlike to the super fun jazz bar, right next is the most boring place. last day the jazz bar hadnt had opent so i waited in next place and it were super boring. they hadnt let me open my laptop to study thigns either they are right though. but it were super boring the one right place. but the jazz bar is suepr awesome. last day an African lady also became vocal and we listened awesome jazz music again :) but the guitarist were really really good. never seen someone plays guitar that good. but is not any my type. as told i usually like tall people most of the time.


do people expected guhu to blog about her never ending game forever?(which is webgl) :D now guhu's bar/partying memoirs from Berlin:) since i got addicted gosh i cant code game anymore for a while"D cause this music + drink (beerf) combination that i discovered, really is nice. i mean i got addicted to drinking + listening music thingy. ok were thinking of going to home to code game. but i cant. whilst the cirty center is right beside:) i am in Berlin. fuck coding game (at least for a while:D maybe would study/code in weekend). go have fun of nice music + beer :)  it feels amazing to go outside every day:)

since i have kind of little bit fat problem, bought a taller coat today. thats xsmall but this country's xsmall becomes medium to me:) (guhu the tiny person:)) i felt more fat with the other coat i boiught. so this one feels better. since is covering me:D not exageraitng my fatness but kinda hiding it or not hiding but the other coat exaggerates how much fat i look.



yayyy make up time:) i liked this make up of eye liner. and then finding a new live music place since i got addicted to listening music + drink combination recent days:)
and it felt fun to make people look:D like guitarist:D i mean yeah :D stealing hearts :D felt kind of fun:D though not would over do such act:D  ok ok i think only last day i were kind of cute/beautiful looking (& fat person:P) but i dont think i look beautiful today. but these flirting things looks super fun:D

(the feeling of stealing hearts looked super fun act:D(not stealing hearts but making people stare:D) i once felt like that before:D when i partied:D and dressed nice:D this time i am fat/old and didnt had great wear(were in most casual form), but somehow with my looks stolen attention of people:D ok this flirting thign is super fun:D ) (but lessons elarnt: dont be shy and when a guy that is of your type sits beside you and looks to you, look back:D ) (ok that guy who tried gto flirt looked cool (since were my type. i like tall guys usually but not suepr tall either. ))


(guhu turned to evil side of flirting thingies:D) (it is super fun to make people look:D with your make up or clothes etc:D i mean feeling beautiful feels awesome that someone cant stop looking to you :D that feels awesome:D never had anyone looking to me till last day. ok so the makeup style i should adhere to is last day's style:D )




(gosh this flirting thing wigth strangers is super fun:D) (makes a person feel beatiful) (when a guitarist constantly looked to me:D) ok i think last day somehow i dont know how i looked beatiful. today i am not any beautiful i think:D some days i am more betfl. somedays i am uglier. anyway)

ok this coat is not ok for this weather. lets buy another one thats more suiting to warm air. had no idea air wld be this warm today. kind of looks absurd this coat


i feel quite weirdo right now with this coat.




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gosh i cant understand the angst when a woman specifies her type:S
there were a news that popped up, would you like to live in another planet but you cant:D

so human speices shows angst when the woman type of them talks of their types? like saying i like tall guys etc? what? is this like this?  or that i dont like Asian type since they are baby faced and i like uglier faces. cant we talk these stuff? cant woman state their type preferences loudly? i do. would do continue to state:P

or cant we say we wont liek to live in a country in Eastern side? and then confronting angst i said bad words.

why free speech is this much hard to attain to?

why i cant freely say my words? i actually do say. but see angst at times.

womans should be silent?. they never should say they wouldnt want to live in a country ever(somewhere in Eastern side). cause it would piss off people from there? why? why i lack freedom to state where i dont like to live?

why i lack freedom to state which type of guys i dont like. (e.g. i dont like baby faced guys. )


why stating prefernces of nots is not let?

ok since i said Japan guys arent my type, wont Japans hate me i think. since type topic is not any related to beauty.

or that i dont like to live there since i would want to scream since there is a single dominant culture and i would feel as i am not being able to breath. cause i like entropy:) i dont like seeing same things all(in terms of culture wise). and as told, i am post cultural most of the time, so i dont like living in places where people hold strong cultural things.  i guess lots of people would like to live there. but i dont. why me stating these makes people angry?
I am instead kind of bitter to cultures. cultures seems unreasonable logics to me. so i dont like living in places wigth strong culture. so thats main reason i wont like to live. i dont quite like culture topic. but i respect. i like religion more than culture. culture? is a thing i dont super like. though of course i respect but i wont like to live in any place with strong cultural values.


ok confessing i dont like culture things like other people. i try to lookk in an etnographic favor but i dont like. so living in multi cultural places makes me feel happier. i dont also like places that lacks culture. i think best is multi cultural places. neither empty/void nor full of a dominant culture, i like when its alot multi cultural.


i would get there are lots iof people who love culture and they would love to live in a place wiht dominant cultures. but i am not like that. i would not be able to breath if i live in a place with single dominant culture. nor i like any lack of culture, i similarly dislike culture. i have love/hate relaitonship to culture topic i think. but i definitely know, i dont like single dominant culture.

you know, being atheist/being post cultural feels weird. i dont know how i could tell how it feels. that you would feel lacking breathe if you lived in a place wiht single culture.

since all these interactions named in lieu of culture seems not understandable to me. i would feel like alien in a place where people is either super religious or super unreligious or super cultural or not having any culture.


i know culture means alot to people. to me its, why thedes people do these repetitive things over and over again kind of thing when i see people attending a cultural processes. i cant see the meaning in such things. so i like places where its more atheist, more mixed cultures. or similarly i wouldnt liek a place thats full atheist and has a single culture.

so but i know lots of other people think different to me and they like cultures. i know. but i am liek this. and why its not let to talk what we think on these topics? and receive nationalist reactions when we talk?

why i am not let to state my dislikes? world should be more tolerant to dislikes? all of us dont like baby faced guys(like Eastern guys?) or all of us dnot like culture topic. we dont have to. i dont like culture topic. i like culture only when its multi cultural.



 and to the Eurus acts doing perosn, why do you misunderstood my words. i understood as you are trying to do tindering to me 3 days ago and shown a Japan artist.  And then i stated Japan arent my type even if artist. cause i dont like baby faced guys (ok their woman are beautiful and guys are handsome. but its not my type).  reason i stated i dont like baby faced guys is because i thought you were doing kind of tindering to me wiht showing artists and they looked all Eastern type and i said then later nope Eastern is not my type. (since i dont like baby faced guys). why did it bothered you this much? its because you tried to do tindering to me with showign Japan people and i said nope my type is different. felt as you misunderstand me in that? that i said i dont like Japan guys. you seem to quite misunderstood that. i only said that since seeing you might be doing tindering to me with Japan guys as a funny act. i said nope since my type is different. ok you Eurus. you did turned to an Eurus in yours last act have you got any idea:D (sicne you made fun of myt ballet things like that, (that you make analogies of me to guys) (whilst only because i said Japan guys arent my type. why that bothers you? i dont get any) since you did such act, then i made analogy of that act to Eurus style of act:P

are you the protector of Japan guys? is me saying Japan guys is not my type bullying Japan guys? i dopnt any think so. i do consider it as my free speech right. i have right to state my type.

i only stated such thing because i thought you tried to make fun of my finding bf topic with showing Japan artists as i said i were might be looking for an artist boy friedn. i thought you were making fun of me and doing tinder acts to me(with showing artists). then its why i said nope Japan guys (baby faced guys) is not my type. (that you shown me i thouyght you were tyring to say look there are lots of great artists if you like artists) (then i said nope since my gtype is different) (i thought you were making fun of doing tinder tasks to me in that. )

while i didnt bullied Japan guys you tried to bully me. why? since due to that, i resembled your latest act as something Eurus would do:P
tryign to find better metaphors to this communication with an Eurus:D I felt like I am Sherlock Holmes and Eurus is forcefully saying things to me:P  protecting Japan guys from guhu's bullying? no i dont think Japan guys are any bullied since i stated i dont like Japan type. cause type is not a topic related to beauty. I simply dont like baby faced guys. i wish i resembled their woman for sure since their woman are very beautiful. but i dont like the baby face thing in guys so thats why i said nope its not my type. and i only talked such thing because you tried to do tinder act to me with showing Japan artists after i told i would want to find an artist/techie bf.




I think you quigte misunderstood me int hat. anyway. I dont think Japan guys would be any bothered if guhu says they arent her type. though i received kind of nationalist reaction since i told i dont want to live there. its because i dont like culture topics alot. thats why i dont like living in places with strong cultural values from past.  i like multicultural places. but this is a choice this is quite perosnal topic. not everyone has to like culture topic right? so not everyone has to like living in placvs that has strong cultural bindings/values from past.


you afrent used to people who like to state type preferences?

ok part of we millenials like to state. not all maybe. but me as a woman i like to state my type preferences loudly.  that feels alien to you? makes you think its a bad thing? stating type preferences is not a bad thing. its free speech. some likes shorts some people like talls everyone has a specific type.


i like future:) i see in future noone would bothered from stating type preferences right? in future cultures? there would be more free speech right?

i do think why i am like this is because i come from a generation that has been raised to be like this. that is post cultural. i dont think world would turn to more deeper cultural state but since this millenials which people also see as kind of failing gen:P that we since we are post cultural, i do think world woukld becoem less cultural in time:P  i might be wrong. but i do think the trend is like that. nmow all people who are super bound to their cultural values would hate me. speaking is finding haters as i see:D

so I liked people making fun of we millenials. who are like aliens wtr to prev generations. we are mostly post cultural. but guess what, next generations would be raised by us:P so i dont think in very long future, whatever people do, the cultures would be lesser exerting things in people's lives:P


ok i thik cultures would stay also even if millenials like to be post cultural. but i would take care not to live in a place wiht a strong cultural values dictating in present that comes from past. so i would try to live in multicultural places myself.  thats why i ddnt liked living there. i dont like cultural values from past dictating current life time alot.  but also respecting that. but i dont like to live in places where culture is strong.


we millenials: we are like people that lacks alsio gender right? (with respect to previous generations cultures) yes we are:P cause we like change the rules:P we dont have to behave like previous generations behaved right?  even if i now belong to older generation:P

i like to see ccommercials who holds multi gendered perspective either:)

ok i saw you like free speech. so i take back my comments, so you hadnt meant bad things to me. I apologize for you for thinking you try to bully me. Sorry:S  I apologize alot:S


Thousands of apologizes :S really so sorry for such analogy:S I did that because:
I thought you try to hurt me with such analogy. and thinking you are a genius who has extreme power like Eurus had, i thought you hurted me like that. but seeing that you hadnt meant to hurt me.

You and my communication, makes felt as if i am in an unbalanced thing that you are much intellgnt than me and have bigger tools than me in using communication, in that, when the first time i felt as if i hurted, no wonder i resembled to Eurus since she were a genius and she could communicate in bigger ways.  since being genius and building such big ways.

I apologize deeply for this analogy since seeing you ddnt tried to hurt my feelings. so as such analogy reply i replied iwth another analogy :P and buyt i would like to apologize so bad for my analogy for since i thought you tried to hurt me with a thiung you created being genius and using your unbalanced power against me in that. but i deeply understand it wernt like that and i am quite sorry for my reply as analogy:S


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ok i dont any have neuro fibromatosis. hmm i have a fibroadenom, thats different:) fibroadenom is breast tumor (inside the breast) and just hurts at times little bit. i dont any have fibromatosis. and respect people with such problem.

reason i like casual clothes is i feel kind of fat, why do you try to say as if my my body has some differences. no it hasnt.
i just played with some acnes but it fixes. and i dont have fibromatosis.
the only thing i dont like with my body is having small thingies (hmm you know, woman thingies). but the operation of that has problems after on like its a complex procedure. so reason i dont like womanly clothes has always having small things:D
ok even if you tried to say i have fibroatemosis noo i dont and reaosn i dont wear those nice dresses is just because i have small things. :S

i dont know why it is like that. mom has big ones:S i dont know whom i resembled:D but the only tihng i kkind of not liking in my body is that.



hmm you tried to say my boddy has such things? no it hasnt. hmm reason i dont like wearing womanly colthes is only because i dont have big things. (in university times: i and my parents had such discussions:D its super funny. i were super silly at university years. "parents: guhu study lessons." guhu-> she never studies returns always dds dcs etc. guhu: "mama if you people would have me that operation, i would have all my grades good":DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD (yes i were silly like this:DDDDDDDDDDD) then: mama says: "if you return good grades this semester, we give you such promise". then guhu returned dcs/dds/ffs again:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD (sicne i never attended courses nor studied any. only did homeworks)  so clarification:  my skin is not having such issue. i might had acne problem but it fixes. and reason i dont never wear womanly clothes is because of having small things:DDDDDDDDDDDDD ii also would wanted to wear open dresses. though some dresses also looks super cool. since i have long legs wtr to my body whilst i am short i have long legs and it looks kinda cool in some dress type.)

so body positivity:  only thing makes me negative is having small things. otherwise i am like other people.

if you try to say suhc things to me like if i have such body things, no i am like other people in that sense that i dont have neuro fibroatmosis.

though i have fibroadenom, but its just a benign tumor inside the breast. its not outside. so i dont have that fibroatmosis thingy. but i had acne problem since i had policistic syndrom  and i liked to play with acnes. but they are fixing since i dont play anymore.  ok only syndroms i have were policistic syndrom. (though passed) and fibro adenom (thats inside.).

ok watching what else you try to say to this guhu. ok:D

you want me to be seen like that? ok :D but i am not like that?



i am doing data engineering n fashion world. why do you think i had any intention to be in such presentation side:D i am inside data engineering side. or as a kid i liked to draw clothes but not super good.

just makes me feels as someone with inferiority  or superiority complex(syndrome) writes these things. kind of sensed some jealousy.

some peopple set have inferiority complex to try to make fun of people? visibly so.
.

it feels as, some people are hurt from whatever i dont know. maybe because we are polymath? i dont know and tries to do jealous acts to try to degrade. looks like inferiority or superiority complex. so syndromes also exists in brain.


ok thing i confirmed: people hate polymaths:D and try to ostracize them. people hate different people. and try to ostracize them with trying to label with syndromes they dont even have. they hate this much us.
inferiority or superiority complex:P shows up itself in weird ways.


and who said i would like to be any model. no i am not the presentor. i like to be in the kitchen(means not in presentation layer but in creation part). in the background processes. i do work as a data engineer. though if i want i can also draw clothes. guess it makes people hate me? i am being hated due to that?anyway:)


things misunderstood: i never said i want to be any model in my entire life. why owuld nayone think drawing clothes is any correlated to being a model? i think i said many times, i liked to draw clothes.

ok do people lack correlation skills? to correlate completely different contrarian subjects. drawing is none related to being any model.  why would i want such thing by the way? cause i am not appropriate to be a model since i mean they are beautiful people. and why my words are taken from one domain to aonther. who wants to be a model?  i dont. if i were beatiful i would think maybe.



ok things i confirmed: people hate polymaths super much.


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and those people with passive aggression, i never seen such people in polymaths eitther. we focus on not doing passive aggressive acts like this.



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ok i work in fashion sector doesnt mean i am a model in fashion sector.  i work as a data engineer. though if i wanted i could draw clothes or crete such career.

*this is why i am hated ? for being a polymath? for bragging about my art side? that is inmature now but might be worked on?


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there is a thing like as if i would want to be in fashion things show business side? no i never wwanted nor had such goals. my things is about not presentation. though presentation side also has creation of course. some people also like to create and be in show side either. i mean these things are personal. its like type topic. everyone lives life in  his/her own way. i mean not all people are interested to be in galas/show business. i am definitely not. why were i misunderstood as i want to be in? those type of things are not my type. we have types/choices. and not all people want all the same things in life. universal thinking device doesnt works same in all people. we all have different goals to follow/different purposes that we work on.


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ok coming to you, you hate me super much as i see. why do you do this? and why people written such news paper article? anyway. lets see whatelse of hatreed would come:D


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ok part of fashion industry hates me. for reasoans i dont know. ok hate me more:D  (i guess its because i am polymath? or i dont know why. )

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i wonder why people are this much passive aggressive? anyway. they hate polymaths if you try to brag about drawing clothes or other things whilst you are an engineer, they would try to do such things like this? 

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ok the thing is i hadtn started this.
he making fun of me as guys i made fun of him resembling to a woman(Eurus) .


some competitor topic werent being a competitor to  a lady. it were to him.  i just meant, would you want me to create a startup and be yours competitor. i ddnt meant being a competitor to a super betfl lady.  and i am not interested in medical science except in very long future want to work in genetics area maybe. but i figure out my words are constantly taken wrong.  so she is not any competitor. i cant compete her she looks like super models. i just meant competitor to him. since he tries to mess with me like Bill Gates/Steve jobs thingies. then i said i am not ayn super intellgnt. and i asked is it why you tried to stteal my attention?

being competitor were to him. not her. and when i called Eurus, i called Eurus to him not her. she is not my competitor cause i am not in same levels she is super beautiful. things i focus in life are dffrnt like if i work in fashion side i am on data engineering side.cause i m not super btfl.


and still wondering why such news paper article happent?

for if any confusion occured, i called competitor to him not her.

for anyn misunderstanding:
the things i written were to him and were centered on: why do you constantly mess with my blog ?

cause iobserved. and i resembled that to Eurus since she did those stuff to people she selects. not any resembling evil side. but i asked him whether you are bored wth people and found a weirdo that looked interstng to talk and try to ta;l due to that? that were the common point of yesterdays writings.
i ddnt said she is any competitor. cause she is super btfl. i dont have any chances.
i just tried to mean: what is reason of yours fixation to my blog (to him).i just queried whether he is bored and trying to create competitors? (to his companies). i mean cause it looked like a super intellgnt person is bored and wants some super intellgnt people to talk to him or compete with him. then  i said i am not any super intellgnt. then i said are you doing this? for messing with me/my blog. trying to find someone talk to ? (resemblence to Eurus means, she is super intllgnt and has noone to talk to as a friend or alike). i asked that yesterday? are yyou just trying to find someone or create a competitor? since yyou feel bored of having no strong competitors? that were the thing i asked.

i mean cause i observed thigns like referencing topics i mention like octopus. like other thign else. lots of things. and i wanted to investigate this messing with my blog's core reason. i resembled to Eurus because she both hates Sherlock and both is fixated to talk to him. since by that time thats the only one she seems as interesting to talk to.  but in movie we many times sees she even tries to beat him. that were the thing i asked, are you bored i asked and got fixated to talk to a weirdo since there is no weirdos to talk alot? that were the main point of last sentences? why do you fixated to my blogs and why do you interacted me and why that news paper written such things? that were the queries i had. i though it resembled Eurus since she were bored since she had no such intllgnt people to talk to and selected weirdos to try to steal their attention and talk to.i just said in competitor words, are you trying to create competitors to yours company. cause you know i am also a possible startup builder. the thing you mess with me is due to that? i asked those? for why you fixated to my blog and trying to talk to me like that. i understood as and asked were it to be friends? cause i saw that many times. from philosophy to other htings. i just wanted to learn the reason why you messed with my blog. since i talked Hola you messed with that.  similarly ballet topic. dont you see me i have none relatedness to be in show business. when i want to learn dance, i want to dance not as a show btu with friends in places there is noone else. i mean i dont do that to confine with aesthethics or to look aesthethic. it were because i wanted to try dancing and of course would do that in places noone else wanders with future dancer friends. i ddnt said i would want to be a beloved ballet thats famous. i said exactly reverse of that. i said i want to dance with future dancer friends (in the night in places noone is around). so why do you think i am interested to show business. i am not. i am reverse of that. liking show business is also great. its just types/choices in life. everyone is different everyone likes different things. i dont like the show business things. if i dance, i would want to dance when there is noone around. maybe dancers are also like this but since its also a thing to create income, like we do coding, they do dancing thigns. yeah, i think they also not liking any show things most possibly. or they might like. its not a bad thing either. but its just how different all humans are. everyone has different choices/preferences in life. so when i said i want to learn to dance (quite low possibilities of chances i could learn) it werent wanting any to confine with aesthethics or else. it were jut a hobby like all my hobbies. and i definitely wanted to dance in hidden places with dancer friends. though this is a very unlikely goal since i dont have talent in dancing. but would try. in 20th of october there is some course.   ok i have weird hobbies like learning humanities areas/trying to learn ballee (quite unlikely that i would learn but would try)/ creating a game/ working to learn thermodynamics. (i might be some degree of aspergers so that i focus to learn weird things). so seeing you like to try to steal attention, i asked why? why do you tried/try to steal my attention. were it like an Eurus like thing, like you lacked weirdo people around to talk to and wanted me to talk to you because you confused me as super intellgnt and wanted to talk me due to that. like Eurus lacked super intellgnt people around(i mean you have but you want more super intllgnt people around) (the bell curve, i guess every super intellgnt person sometimes feels like Eurus) but i am not any super intellgnt. and so i asked that, for why you tried to steal my attention, were kind of Eurus like reason? (that she just were searching for a friend?) so last day's blog part were about that. Eurus were about bell curve.  and isolation due to that. and i asked are you isolated lacking lots of super intellgnt as friends and tried to steal my attention due to that? Eurus analogy were bell curve analogy? though i am not any super intellgnt. or you tried to create a fun competitior to your businesses i asked? with messing me and trying to make me create a competitor startup? that were things i asked to you. so Eurus were you. it were an analogy to bell curve/isolation due to bell curve. i mean you already have lots of superintellgnt people to talk to. but that mght not be enough and you tagged me as super intllgnt wrongly and tried to talk me /steal my attention with previous acts like that? that were my queries for last day. for why did i read such news article? why do you liked to steal my attention? is it Eurus thing? (you want more super intellgnt friends (while you already have))  the thing i asked were that. you feel kind of alone since there arent super many super intellgnt people in world and when you confuse guhu named person as super intellgnt, you fixated to try to talk to her? then she misunderstood that as you like her? (due to spam things she received?) i asked last day whether this is the thing happent? anyway. i think i might never receive any answers either.



==========================



ok lets go do the shopping. my life is weird. queries i dont know answers of. nor might never learn.

kind of hard time to me last week has been. tried ot make it easier with hanging around alot.
but figured out drink+ music always makes happy when you are kinda sad/perplexed.

but feel ok now. that i dnt nee:d to hangaround to feel aas if life is a party :D though i might go. i dont know.

 but in general feel  better than seeing that super nationalist (not any related to him) thing in somewhere. or  else.
were a really hard week to guhu i think.anyway. feel better even could code game.

some weeks of life are  easy some weeks are hard, last week were some such week. any way. i feel better now. since i said all things in my head. after seeing unrelated super nationalist thing.  or some things.

any way feel as ok now. since i said all things in my head entire week.
and just were kind of quite hard week.

---------------------------------

ok things to do today; ok might party also today:P since it looked fun to do makeup and go outside. and i bought a nicer looking coat that doesnt shwo me super fat.

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hmm i think i owuld code the game today but would go outside tomorrow. i wish i had friends here. that i would meet up now. ok might code the game. but have to go out to shopping. ok lets wash hair. hmm i think i can go to outside to hangaround. since it felt as a happy thing to do. there is cinema there, maybe i found a subtitled mvie? then i can watch movie. yeah. ok. today is still no game coding. but hanging around outside. then after cinema, i can go listen music. and have nice fast meal like thing there. ok. (having fast meal in street in street meal shops its kind of fun to me) (i like being outside.)

or instead lets just code the game. yepp. and sunday night i can go to cinema. yeppp.


wondering why fashion people disliked me. is it because i talked of automated design? design is the least thing to be done by nns. i mean its the most secure job against automation. i mean if automation would come, it would first take away coding jobs away not the design. so i mean i wondered reason i got hated by design community is because i told of automated design? thing i told wernt about arts. it were about automated design of structures like trying to createe simulations to stop hurricanes but doing that in big data way in a simulation approach like modeling navier stokes with big data.  it were about thermodynamics structures design. and after talking like that, saw some company is doing that creating products designed by experimented simulated design things for modeling some artifacts used in industry. so i were happy to see my silly inference be already applied by which company it were, hmm adobe or the CAD program builder forgot its name. it design some artifacts based on this simulation based approach with nns/big data, i mean trying to not design the optimal structure  based on known simplifications but rather trying out design options like simulations and figuring out the optimal design in various conditions via that way. its just like neural networks for design. (but again its not arts. its some type of artifact design. ) so were kind of happy to see my big data way inference for designing things (even stopping hurricanes investigations) like that. that the artifacts get designed by just experimentation with big data. like genetic algorithms, but as a simulation. it were for me to simulate how to fight hurricane and how to interfere it to possibly stop hurricane. i saw that company (what were name? the CAD software? )uses that to create artifacts like such simulation included approach. so that dynamical equations arent such needing super complex solutions but just iterating it with experiments. maybe we could figure out the dynamical model's eigen vectors and iterate possible phases of it with multiple system's interactions. doing this along with artifact design, i said yeyyy this were the thign i mentioned. using of big data to do such things. for complex dynamic systems simulations of many iterations like 10000 iterations or more. for a chaotic system we might not iterate enough for sure. i mean creating a black box mechanism of design makes it kind of risky. but for non complex artifacts parts it might not be any such problem or might be. kind of pre analysis to figure out main stablitiy boundaries of parameters sets and trying to figure out some nn based design in that. so hurricane stopping thing is such thing like that. not using the sequential dependency based human design method but using the multi analysis of search spaces at the same time methods to create unforseen by human view type of solutions to design topic. i dont know if perfect shoe design might be designed by like this. i think so. its plausible. but since some fashion people seemingly dislikes me(that thinks i have syndromes), i need to be silent on automated design topic?. of course i dont think human creativity in cloth design can be any replicated. but small minor thigns/tasks might be. just like shoes\s some parts design. or a jackets design for dealing with cold/hot air. anyway.


ok lets share different topics in blog now: this idea is always intriguing:)

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boltzmann_brain


lets go eat some pizza slice:) something i ddnt eat back then but now interested to.  and lets go outside again. for a hour maybe.

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ok i saw i really have haters:D ok :D its like some  science area where they are super cruel. i have got a scientist hater this time:D ok this is like some  science area wher e they are super cruel to people. ok the scientist tried to dehumanize me:D ok :D funny people lacking emphaty related circuitory. ok i call myself asperger sometimes for since i have weird interest areas like trying to get learn many topics and being super shy. but i have emphaty. but i see some scientists are far more asperger and lacky any humanitarian measure of emphaty and try to dehumanize others for reasons unknown. ok. you person whom tried to do satir to me, you are a 100% asperger since you lack baseline circuitory of emphaty. why do you hate me scientist guy? now i have a scientist hater:D ok. all nonintersting part of the world (peoplelacking emphaty) you can dehumanize guhu forever. i wont care. its not my problem.its yours lack of emphaty circuitory.  ok scientists are funny sometimes. specifically when they are psychopaths who can dehumanize another human being like that as a bacteria. ok things i learnt in life: get used to psychopaths cause there are. for a long time i hadnt seen any dehumanizer in my life. this is second:D  hey maniac scientist go ask more funding from people whom made you tell such things. and try to look as human whilst you are a cold blood psychopath who can dehumanize other human as a bacteria or alike thing. ok its not yours fault. you lack that baseline circuitory of emphaty. not yours fault. its not yours fault to be a stupid psychopath who just bounds to funding you are awatiging to make your next scientific discovery in your specialization. you are a hired serial killer like thing. you lack emphaty.  you lack base line human circuitory.  (as told to scientist, actually might had followed serial killers like business instead of being any scientist) go ask more money from people whom found you and dehumanize other people also:D you bacteria-izer :D


ok thing i learnt in life, dont be sad for other people's faults. like if a psychopath guy says you bacteria (being pyshopath is his fault, not mine) its not my fault to receive such sentence and i shouldnt care.  as i didnt this time.


you know world become very weird.

ok i am mentioning this:
https://www.sciencealert.com/paris-zoo-s-new-blob-exhibit-is-no-monster-but-something-we-can-all-learn-from?utm_source=morning_brew


some people are psycho. and whom made this looks as one.

its written on the same date i said i go to zoolishcher garden. coincidence? definitely not.  i have a secret hater psycho whom made this article be written.

by the way its not any him. he some slight degree doesnt likes me but is not a person like this. he is contrarian of such people type. i wish its not misunderstood as Eurus is behind this. no he is not. he is not any psycho person.  i had a psycho hater even before talking to Eurus frrom blogs, its not Eurus. i made analogy of Eurus only resembling intellgnce/high intellgnce. not any evil trait.  i had  a secret hater long before (even before commcntng from blogs to Eurus). i mean its not any Eurus. definitely not. he is not a hater.  i wish me sharing this link hasnt been understood like that.:S cause i hate misunderstandings.



i long for a while had a hater whom does these acts. (and its not any Eurus. i wish its not udnerstood as if i said him a hater, no he is not, he is a good person, and i just resembled to Eurus only because he looks super intellgnt and i wondered he likes to talk me due to that. he is not any bad person. i only reesemblled Eurus with analogies to bell curve and wondered whether he commcnts me since he tagged me as intllgnt. so no evil analogies:S i just said that for analogies to bell curve and asking his fixation to talk me is due to since he tagged me intellgnt. so eurus were only that. ). so unrelatedly, i long time had a hater who is really a bad person. its either she or him. dont know.



even the stalk with sociopathy (really a sociopath woman stalked me for 3 years:S) mght be rooting from this psychopath hater (either a lady or a guy). since it were liked a hired people messing with me for 3 years last 3 years. i dont think it were hired byt a sociopath woman stalked me dogin sociopathy:S anyway i already got over trauma of it. i respect gay people all my heart. i wish its not seen as i dislike gay people since i had a sociopath gay woman stalker.  i wish i find many gay friends. i like gay people alot. it were the thing that i confronted were unrelated to gender. i mean sociopathy is not any related to any gender. so a topmost science institution's top most scientist hired a  woman do sociopathy acts to me? no i dont think so the gay woman were hired any. it were just life. i like gay woman alot. but a sociopath one stalked me with doing sociopathy. i wish i find many gay friends here in this city:) (as a friend though. i am not gay. but like gay people super much)

   it looks like there is a scientist guy or lady thats at top most places in science and hates me so bad.



ok what is my reply to these hater scientist:

you are like a boltzmann brain like ina seconds of universe. what does a s bacteria means in one second of universe? what does your bacteria analogy means in entire seconds of universe, means that much important to me.

ok what i think, if i work hard enough might create ai's that would automate what these type of people does so that they cant call bacteria to others. i would really do work on ai topic and super computers for these reasons? nope. but seeing stupids calling other stupids like guhu bacteria, makes me want to have really ai overlords who creates a better ethics systems to these stupids.
i really would create super computers. of course  not to crreate ai overlords but just as a reply to these stupids whom made that article be wrtten of slime.ok  kkidded on automation topic:P i dont think ai super lords is good either. ok we have to handle stupidities ourselves. all human beings have power to handle stupidities of other humans. so ai overlords were kind of making fun ofthe stupiditiy i confronted. i wish i could created a dynamic art installation of human expression  in 3d. to depict this part of humanity.

if i buy a 3d sculpturing toolkit(VR thingies), would create such project next hobby project. human's expressions. that constantly plays.. a constant 3d scultpreu that animates various form of expressions. ok next art project.  seems more fun than cartoons.


ok ok ok comeon people, ok i just initially wanted to mention, is not culture itself a Boltzmann brain but with strong coherence?


topic went off. i initially took boltzmann brain topic to talk on that. then seeing that slime thing, used boltzmann thing in my reply to scientiest who said slime to me.
but comeon, is not culture like boltzmann brains? i would try to show its illogical traits:P  (culture disliker guhu? :P nope) (but not good in to culture topics) third art project, conceptualize culture as a boltzmann brain. somehow try to depict such nature of it. maybe i barely use the boltzmann brain concept? why not? direct telling of topic.

culture is a boltzmann brain. based on virtual machinery of humans. depending on simulation constraints. culture is a boltzmann brain for sure, and mayne tje most real boltzmann brain. i think instead of asking whether we are just a dream of a boltzmann brain? i think culture itself is a boltzman brain at purest form of boltzmann brain definition.


ok  one other funnyn project were using strings to create neural network structures that really works. since we could utilize strings mathemathical properties to do a phhysical ai network. this were my first weird art idea on creating funny conceptual machineries.

now but that looks like it would take lots time to do that:D
i think the cartoon creating hobby would be nicer or, the expressions project in 3d, or culture's boltzmann brain nature and its inherent nature due to that:D
ok next art projects go etiher in sequential or in tandem. but targeted in art side these 3s.

ok even if neural networks seemed as fun to do, (yes we could really build a working neural network using strings and some controllers )  but seems as alot time taking thing to do. i mean if i hadnt had other easier proejct ideas, this might had been a funny art project. using strings to create physcial neural networks:D is a project idea from 4 years ago:D whilst learning neural network thingies.

i want to cr4eate that expressions art project that makes feels the temporary state of our entire human existence. a constant playing of expressions of a 3d sculpture. but is kind of having vvery much impact. and a music according to that. depicting how tiny we are in timeline of universe. and depicting the process side of all interactions. or creating a feeling of that. tthat person  interacting that art project would feel kind of different. since depicts a part of our nature of our showing of our emotions but with differnt expressions. and when overplayed it shows a life long done act and shows the nature of life.  i mean that we neither our cultures or our cultural evolution or our daily life or our expressions are any separate. and want to make that wholeness experience in that art sculpture of that dynamic sculpture. the wholeness of cultural evolution/human nature. expressions. over played expressions constantly running, showing a glimpse of this reality's core feeling of wholeness. cultural evolution or our simply smile expression or our human nature or anything else, all is whole. so as i received such weird thing from a scientist, its just a spark in this culture named boltzmann brain's sub groups. i mean getting such bad thing from a scientiest belongs to life, and its a whole. so when you look to the whole beauty of things, you dont get obsessed in looking to an analogy of a scientist that visibly has lower emphaty level than other beings. when you see the whole in everything, or start doing that, its fun:) but its an area that needs to create things like that neverending expressions doing sculpture. to show the nature of such things. or that dimension of.

ok that sculpture (not sculpture its dynamic) would be named mad scientist. would depict a man showing constantly various expressions in strong form. the fluidity of the feeling that its a virtual thing, it creates an analogy to the how an mad scientist's trying to hurt words mean actually:P  the fluid or diffusion doing information of expressions. and its real existence in the true existence of all. whole. of our cultural evolution or everything.
when culture tries to take weapons of fluid like expressions, against a target, it shouldnt forget its fluid or could diffuse cause nothing in cultural domain is physical like physical. i tried to stupidly in stupid words, tried to mean, hater scientist? cant make my day bad:P
ok switching between this fluid reality and real physical reality level is fun, and i think that neural networks as strings/controllers might be quite fitting to this nature.  so taking from conceptual world to physical world. and  but analyzing the realities of these things looks fun to do in art projects. like the constantly played emotions in strong form sculpture thingy. it analyses the fluidity. and then the neural network: it analyses the switch of two dimensions:P ok and the boltzmann brain scoped project, it tries to give a flavor of wholeness feeling and by the way also telling about stupidities of culture. or its boltzmann  brain type of nature.ok stupid words stupid art projects of guhuu.

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ok i cant stop also thinking of the neural network art project as i remembered it. i would really buuy controllers and create a physical neural network project that solvves some contemporary neural network task. for real. not kidding. even if takes so much time. since it looked as super fun:Dreplying to stupid people wtih art projects. a human being said a bad thing to me. create an expressions 3d animated sculpture that constantly plays emotions. and neural network project resembling what, dnt know it were just funny project and is built for being funny:D pr to make people think in other ways? and me also. since i am usually a rigid minded brain.


ok some pizza and shopping time:) yayyy might go outside to be a slime:P



ok i went to quasimodo\s upper part and read articles with a beer:)

then my head hurts now cause i washed my hair before going otuside and the allergy to cold? creates mucus or such thing? so hurts.

my dance course thing for this weekend is gone since i couldnt wake up due to hurting head and i dont have accesories. i know i would fail beforehand since i have no such talent. but want to try.


ok in quasimodo a weird thing happent. it wernt populated in last hours.
then i walkde went to toilet. someone shouted some name i dont know if to me. it were honor. he shouted some very nice looking Armenian woman name:) i said must not be said to me since i dont look btfl. then i while returning back the same person shouted x :D  ok thats the time i wondered whom is shouting these. then i tried to look to that sidee whom is sitting there. there were 2 guys. that are strangers. the other guy were smiling. to the other guy. ok have no idea whom shouted those words to me. strangers. but it were funny cause shouted once Kendal then as i passed next shouted x :D i really wanted to know so bad whom is shouting but had no chance they were strangers.

gosh being resembled to Kendal (wihle i dont any resemble) is one of the best things that ever happent in my life:P

but couldnt see whom shouted that:) i tried to but there were one guy. thats long haired. and smiling silly to the other guy. then there were another guy that were sitting and i couldnt see him. (he were backwards) then but all strangers.

ok some strangers said nice thing to me last night like that:) wov:)

sweethearts thanks:) i wish i any resembled Kendall but i am ugly :P

aw this was once nice compliment i ever heard:D (being resembled to Kendall:D) aww:D (but i dont any resemble. i am super ugly:))


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and before night's start: some other weird things happent: in bus station:


there is a cafe beside there.

some guy shouted. that i dont know. "love".  then shouted "ork fan".
then unrelated to that guy.
the woman whom stalks me shouted narratives of sociopathy: if only sedat sold. she tries to make me a bitch or something like that. creates such narratives. she shouted "run". ok so this night were weird.
i received nice compliment from a stranger guy resembling me to Kendall. then also shouted x. i couldnt see whom is this guy. stranger.

then before nights beginning, the sociopath woman shouted run to me. and laughed histerically again. she calls me bitch like things. or creates such narratives assigning such things to me. anyway. i just stayed in bus stop and dndt stressed. this sociopath woman doesnt scare me anymore.


aww so last night were in general happy. i received a nice compliment of being resembled to Kendall:) thanks to the stranger saying such compliment:) but dont know why shouted x to me.  anyway.


------------------------------


being shy sucks. if i wernt shy i would somehow learn whom shouted that "Kendall" word:D  in my shyness level i just rewalked and tried to see. but couldnt manage to learn whom said. i wish i were lesser shy person. so that i dont miss a compliment when said:) but thanks:) but couldnt see the stranger whom said that:) all were strangers:) 

--------------------------------


my life is really weird:)
i have a sociopath woman creating very unnice narratives (like me being bitch or something like that) and following me like that. and but i am over stressing to that. (stalked me like this with saying ork or such things and like such bad narratives for 3 years) (so reason i linked this woman to the dissecting article is that monster word in that article. cause this woman tried to dissect my life with shouting ork alot, then later creating very unnice unreal narratives last year and stalking me shouting things like that. but i think that monster and this sociopathy monster i confront from this woman are dffrnt. i dont know i dont think its any linked.)but this woman's sociopathy acts not any create any stress inmy life anymore for real. this woman tries to turn me to a mafia member like thing i infer with sociopathy. i dont know it looks like that from outside. for 2 years she shouted me ork. then does such act. she tries to dissect my life with creating unreal narratives to me. she shouted "run" (not in english) last night from bus station. but i dont stress to this sociopathy i confront. i dont any little bit stress really:)  so wonder what sociopaths do? they try to create narratives to you very ugly narratives (like bitch or things like that) and stalk you with that for 3 years. i been confronting this woman these acts for 3 years. but i dont scare anymore. cause i have not nothing to scare.  i am not a bitch or anything. nor never been. but this sociopath woman wants to turn me a mafia member like thing? i dont know it looks like that from outside whatever i confront from this woman looks like that. anyway i ddnt stressed any. ok an engineer being stalked by a socio woman whom tries to turn her to a mafia member. this is really weird. my life is really weird. i think my life is super weird. she said "run" to me. i waited my bus in bus stop checking messages talking with mom.  she laughed hysterically. ok i have got a sociopaath woman stalking me and wants to see my life dissected as me being turned to a mafia member:D she works so hard to turn me to a mafia member like thing:D ok :D this is super weird i know. but i dont scare from this sociopath woman anymore. nor stress any. cause i know myself. i am an engineer and have no plans nor ever had plans to be any mafia member ever. but this woman is having such plans on me. she dislikes me to reasons i dont know.  and works super hard for that for 3 years. though she couldnt any succeeded:) she shouted "run" and shouted a sociopathy sentence beside that. and laughed hysterically afterwards (shouted these not in English or Germany).  ok my life is funny :D its weird to have a funny life:D i mean you people with all normal lifes, i mean can you imagine how funny it is to confront a real life sociopath woman stalking like this. before i scared, now i find it super funny. the soicopath woman shouted "run" to me:D ok:D people do you have any idea what i should do? i ddnt run:D any suggestions to dealing with this sociopath woman? :D ok i just checked my phone's messages:D


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then instantly my night got cool with some stranger shouting Kendall to me:D it were cool moment:) but due to shyness i couldnt see the stranger:) i tried with my shyness level but i just couldnt managed to see.

ok guhu needs to fix this beign shy thing and be able to reply to compliments like smiling or else. i need to fix being shy thing:)
ok i wish werent shy and could talk:P since it would be nice to talk to someone whom sees me as Kendall:D (is not it:P )
ok need to fix this being shy thing alot:P shoould learn to smile back to compliments:) its something i dont know how to do.
i am like this in this situations:
a guy sent me before a bunny whom has a heart. then i thought it must not be sent knowingly. he must erronously sent. and i changed the subject:D (it is something before:D)


i need to fix this and be able to reply to compliments:) ok next time that guy if interested to me shouts me Kendall i would smile back:Dand be able to reply to compliment:) ok stranger guy if i am x its also ok:) but if i am not x it would be happy to have a chance to know you:) but know that i am super shy and might not reply to not anticipated compliments:P i would instead prefer some anticipated compliments in times like meeting up/ talking and then i could accept compliments in such context. if you ddnt label me as x, i would be super happy to get know you:) but please invite me to some talk/meetup or something like that so that i would be able to reply to your compliments. cause replying to compliments is not something i am super good at when in non familiar contexts:P i am not used to receive compliments:) but in a familiar context like one to one meetup in a cafe that i am invited before hand:P i would accept and smile back to all compliments:P i am not used to talking to strangers or replying to strangers' compliments:P but if you invite me to a cafe to talk, then i could reply to compliments:)  you should invite me:) i would accept:) cause noone told me Kendall before:P  (of course its ok if you told x to me either. i mean if you give up you stranger. but if you hadnt decided to label as x, just invite me someway  like from phone or mail or something like that. i would come to whichever cafe you invite:)  but of course its also ok if you arent interested and labeling me as x.  ok but if you invite, i would come super happy to cheer/talk :)  )




----------------------------------



ok today includes unfun and fun acts.
unfun acts: need to wash clothes/cleanse house but i dont think i would clean today. but have to wash clothes.

fun acts:
finding a flat to rent.

i wish i neednt had to get help of mom and daddy:S i am super sick of getting their help everytime. nyway. next time i wont get their help.. i feel so ashamed of getting their help:S anyway would pay back.



lets find a flat. its super fun:D
i think i would try to find a furnished one since i dont have time to buy furniture or setup things.

i think i would find a tiny room with a bath :D  i mean flat but tiny flat:D

yayyy wunderflats:) or spotahome:) it looks super fun. i liked wunderflats site more than spotahome since spotahome looks more expensive:D




ok by the way i think i need to cleanse the home at least vacuuming thing. yepp. lets cleanse and just vacuum. and there is the kitchen is full of dishes i need to handle them also. ok lets first do the mandatory task of home cleansing thing.



ok i cant deny instead of a home i want very tiny place since it would be very easy to clean. and but that also unmatches since in that case where mom and dad would stay when they visit. ok. i could manage place to them. even if flat is small right? so lets think of my self? i dont know. ok i would rent initially for 3 months since i might later on rent a non furnished one.

------------------------
yayyyyyyyyyyyyyy the super fun taska of finding a flat:)


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mom said my aunts said the price range i told is super high and they can find a cheaper flat (from unfurnished ones). so would wait aunts. mom said also mom & dad would come to help me in renting a flat:) ok then. then i dont search flats now. :)
ok i were trying to find someflat thats furnished in 800-1100 euros range.
aunts said i could find much cheaper than that. and me/mom/dad could buy furnitures. ok then it looks logical to do that. hmm since i saw unfurnished flats are like 650 or 600 euros. or some are 500 euros. so, better wait aunts to come and parents to come to rent my flat than:)

mom said she loves me super much:) <3
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i hadnt cleansed the home:P ok would cleanse inside week.


snce i hadnt shopped last day, i hadnt had things like bread in home:D so morning i did breakfast with cheese/ potatoes:D in noon or eveing i made spagetthi.

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ok then game coding time:)
yeppp :)


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another art project came up to my nuind now is: a construct full of doors. and lots of people constantly wandering around with some talks and this scene repeats. with some talks/some happy laugh/some words etc.  and constantly repeats:) and a constant open/close sound of doors of multiple doors.


stupid art projects of silly guhu:P

this also be a 3d project but a realistical looking one. like avatar movie kind of realism.


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i liked this repeating things construct to use in projects. like repeating expressions of a human many times in a senses tht creates kind of detachment from our reality we are subsumed in.  and depicting the wholeness of cultural evolution and all.  depicting that the whole is the arrtifact and artifact is the whole. 

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ok guhu's silly art projects:P
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and the boltzmann brain project, depicting random creation property of all cultures, like the formulas Einstein crafted about random motion, culture is built randomly based on randomness. how to depict that featuree the boltzmann brain feature of cultures. dont know.

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and the doors project/ happy laughs/talks :
the doors depict daily life and our state of being attention focus in daily life and the rhytm of it with door sounds. and human talks/sometimes happy laughs/talks. the ryhtm of daily life.

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(by the way, i saw some device designed by genetic algorithms by NASA in internet (coooooooooooooool NASA:) ) ok right now listening interstellar's soundtrack:)  since i liked a lot that film. ) (<3NASA:)) (while i said i <3NASA, i wonder who does not:) i dont think anyone who could any dislike that nice super cool institute:)) (<3 NASA) (you people know neural networks were long before discovered by NASA or such technologies or all were long before discovered by NASA:) <3NASA:)) (its like world says hello to techs now that NASA discovered 40 years ago like thing:) )


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one thing more, i saw some octopus figurine (someone wearing a large octopus suit) and dancing in Branderburg gate like i defined, when moves to some direction the things moves to the other direction:) ok is this a coincidence:) i dont know:) wov:)  there is a dancer friend who liked my idea? :) dont know? :) or might be thought by someone else also:) ? there are like 200 or balloons that moves to the other side when the octopus dances to one side:) wov:) is this a coincidence:) ?  whom did this:)  i have a hidden dancer friend? :) who worn octopus costume? :) since i called my self octopus and described dance like that, it were really weird coincidence:) this were a nice coincidence:) i had a hidden friend who made such coincidence for me i think;) since it depicts the dance i devised:) hmm i have a hidden friend:)(is hidden from  me:) )  who?:) i dont know:) hi:) cheers:)
hidden octopus friend of octopus guhu:) 

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ok guhu has an interesting life:)  i have an octopus friend who is octopus like me:P  who confirmed the fun of dance:)  this guhu octopus dont know if she could learn how to dance:) but i would try:)

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octopus thing depends on such story.
one day i tweeted i am an octopus since i found that emoji cute:D (and i never used that emoji before)

then saw later, from the time i tweeted, 2 hours ago, a colleague in twitter sent a tweet that octopus robots are built:D coincidence:)
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(if i were a  robot in long future :D(in future like 2100s?  where people build robots alot? ) i would be a non intelligent one i guess:P ) (an octopus one but lesser intellgnt than what people currently builds now :P)
wwhat life would be alike in 2100s:) one thing i wonder alot:)
that were topic of my game. but with no such cities :P  since i dont have power to buiild much cities. i mean in real 2100s i think world would be with cyberpunk cities.  but since i dont have time to build cities, i would create a raw world and one or two cities. ok lets code this game even being super slow. then work to learn thermodynamics to work on hurricane topic.  then other hobbies: learn dancing(impossible goal but i like impossible goals). aside hobby: buy a vr kit and do that sculpture of repeated expressions. that art project. i wonder the 3d sculpturing toolsets. would check. i think 3ds max could be also utilized to create such project also. aside hobby: work on creating comics. the drawing related project. learn how to draw cities good since good city background is a must of any comics. e.g. spiderman the city background is nicely drawn. i would create a comics in internet. yeppp. with black and white drawing. though might not be weekly. might be monthly:) or might be weekly i dont know:)
ok if time left, doing that other aside project of neural networks with strings:) since it would teach me controllers. since i wwould use controllers to control contraction of strings and strings natural movements would investigate the search space in a different way using string maths. but would be a neural network but with a funny way. (ok i think this hobbies thing might be like this since i might have aspergers? i dont know but i might little bit have i dont know for sure) ok learning about electronics/controllers/low layers coding looked super fun:) and using that to create an art project of funny strings based neural networks:) dont know what kind of task it should solve.  lets try to convert math of neural networks of something to earlier: strings:D actually that string maths even has place in quantum mechanics so its not something earlier but is also contemporary:) ok but the most interesting project to me is the unexisting one yet, (for idea part) depiction of culture as boltzmann brain:) this is the thought experiment for designing such project. have no idea yet:) 



-----------------------

do you people sometimes think of some 3d images in your mind of realms of like shining materials like an opengl render (of things that you never seen). i sometimes dream of such images and its fun. kind of lightening of some very interesting reflective/emmissive surfaces of color. the radiance of it, the beauty of it. kind of spotting a light to a beautiful material  that shines so beautiful. materials like ornaments in christmas trees (they look nice) but different form. a beauty that creates nice peace thought at the moment. sparkling materials rendering.  inside your brain. i sometimes ask questions of other people. this is one query i ask. do you people dream of at times such scenes. not everytime. very rarely.  its a pure peaceful moment of rendering such scene in your mind. do people do this method of thinking of rendering of a surface thats so beautiful like christmas trees ornaments and shines (kind of metallic). its like meditation.the image is so beautiful that creates a sense of different type of peace. everyone has a different form way of meditating? this way i recently figured out. happens very rarely. i do use my brain as an opengl renderer to dream of very nice looking surfaces:)  and its so peaceful. ok my subconscious is doing that. i mean i dont plan it. just i close my eyes to dream of such nice image. but subconscious gathers plans it. so this is another form of meditation?
i like to see things to draw on patterns at times. everytime a stain or something sometimes i see possible things to draw, characters to create.
but this shiny experience is different.  its like at times, my subconscious wants to give a gift to me. kind of so beautiful scene that its just super happy to look at. of course thinking of. i mean its in my brain. in void my brain renders a very nice image like a gift to me at times recent year. i had weird experiences last 3 years. seeing characters to draw happens last 4 years. and this nice gift of subconscious is very new. its like my brain gives such gift to me at times cause thinking of looking to that surface is very happy:)
today i also saw a character to draw on an unrelated pattern.

visibly i need to advance in drawing and draw these thingies. or they  might not mean anything.
but this is how it feels to have an art sided brain i think.
my brain gives me cute gifts like so beautiful surfaces at times this year actually last 3 months or 2 months. when i close my eyes. i render a very nice looking surface thats unearthly ubt so beautiful. and its like an aww moment. i mean its so peaceful of looking to a beautiful surface. its unearthly the surface my subcsoncious creates. but so beautiful.
ok guhu's silly subconscious gives christmas ornaments like renderings to guhu at times:D  but very rarely;D its unearthly. it doesnt exist in physcial world. just close my eyes to preview the rendering:D like shining a spot a light on that object my subconscious creates. its a peaceful experience:) like meditation:)




ok i like christmas alot by the way:) hmmm drinking hot wine in cold weather. and all these super nice christmas ornaments:) yayyy christmasa is coming:D


ok since i stated before i like alot Prague, might do a weekend trip tp Prague awhile these weeks. since there also were hot wine in streets which i liked alot:D (guhu the alcoholic:D not exactly but hot wine is nice in a very cold weather its super nice:) )  then i think i would also drink hot wine here in christmas festivals in cold air.
ok cold air + hot wine is an amazing combination :) and if you also take some Swedish cheese:)


i am super excited for my comics project:) since its related to drawing:) i think the drawing type that most suits me is comics since it lacks detail than other types of drawing. normally drawing act is a super detailed act. but as i said i dont like working super much so comics: can be fastly drawn/has mediocre or low level of detail. that best suits me. is to draw comics. in drawing side:)
like spider man or such things:)


(ok next time such experience happens of meditation like thing that subconsicous gives  me with a nice rendering that i spot light on as i close my eyes and is so beautiful, i would try to note it down and so carry to my game:) since opengl is also about nonphysical can devise anything nonphysical there:)  )

i wonder are there other weirdos with such experiences? like seeing things to draw in marble patterns? (like characters to create) or subconscious creating opengl rendering of non existing surfaces that are super beautiful and you spot light on it render it.
guhu wonders are there such weirdos like me?  must there exist. this brain named thing we have is quite weird thing i think.

ok next project could be carrying these unearthly objects to earth with carrying them to opengl:)
to the game thingy:)
carrying my subconscious to game? :) yeah why not:D if i could note down this weird sparkling experience:) the surface sparkles with nice colors.
---------------------------------
if i had started drawing cartoons, for instance for character i saw in some stain i would had carried to my cartoon for sure:)  the things i see in patterns is like comics characters. things to be added to cartoons like things in Marvel universe but also different than Marvel actually.  maybe things i see are  more cartoon like i dont know. not always cartoon like.
by the way i saw a very nice cartoon like drawing in a commercial and took photo of it. mine arnt radiant like that. my drawings the thigns i see in patterns are colorless. just shades of black or grey.  ) the things i see in patterns at times are (just you look to a pattern and create a picture that all people does that, but in my version i like to also create some characters to draw that i seen nowhere before. things to draw i see. i create i mean. subconscious creates i mean. its not a conscious thing. cause the image is instantly ready there, its not a progressive state. you look to a pattern and see a thing to draw instantly thats merged with the pattern fofllowing lineage of pattern but something also having its own shading abstracted away from pattern, you see a character to draw.  a colorless/shades of white/gray/black character. an animal or a face or something but that doesnt exist in phycial world. and thats more belongong to cartoons universe and something that might be utilized nicely in cartoons. sometimes something that exists in universe. like a bold expression a drawing so detailed in black/gray/white. a character to draw.  its not progressively formed from pattern. when you look to the pattern you also see the image to be drawn. or imagine i mean. it doesnt exist but you create/think of such image to be drawn. i wonder if are there other weirdos who sees things they want to draw like this? if i could get the slowness/being nonperfect barrier on drawing good, i think i would draw all i imagine like that.  ) 





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ok i want to thank people for inventing scala fromhere.  since that nonusage of paranthesis is a perfect thing for lazies:

 this nice substitution of using for instance toInt instead of having have to write toInt() is awesome! i dont know whom added that to language spec:D but the thing i like the most of scala is that:DDD that we dont have to use paranthesis and also DSL like spec is nice.
it feels like ages i hadnt coded gamey.



ok this is really weird. you know i talked about Rorscharch test like sentences for seeing things to draw from patterns. let me tell a weird thing. i while writing these sentences thought about that test also. but couldnt remember its name. then i newly checked my email and saw an article thats sent 10 hours ago and mentions that test name. i were like, what were that test's name? in writing blog 20 minutes ago. then i see its name in email and its written 10 hours ago.
ok weird coincidence. feels like a query now i asked is  answered from earlier time. when such things happens:D its like the octopus thing. that i mention of octopus along with a colleague in twitter in different time frames. really weird. cause 20 minutes ago, i asked in my brain what were that test's name? then i  checked my email to see that test's name but from an article thats posted 10 hours ago and an article i never seen.

ok life is weird:D

either this email program is fooling me about times.
but i dont think so.
so it were a weird coincidence of asking a query and confronting it from an article thats sent 10 hours ago:SSSS


it resembles the thing of:
the thing of; i talked that i dont resemble one of my plant's names.
and then 1 hour later, i listened 2 podcasts from anthropology topic then the last one included a sentence of "some people dont remember plants or households names".  i said what the heck?  since the podcast wernt personalized to me.
it were like, it were like,time ordered podcasts and it were a podcast from very earlier years. so it wernt a dynamic personalization.




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ok so i aska query in my head and an 10 hour ago posted article answers it? what kind of weird world it is. must be coincidence.

but i would definitely study time concept for sure. since maybe things like we saw in interstellar movie really happens? why not? what is time? lets learn about time from physics. ok next hobby. really learn special relativity and all that gravity related stuff. yepp the next aside hobby project.

ok these kind of things when happens feels really super weird:S
i felt kind of creeped also.  but also liked this coincidence of me asking a query in my head and seeing its answer in an article thats posted 10 hours ago.
 its just mere coincidence for sure.
but i would still study time from physics. since its something i wonder.

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i feel creeped. goose bumps. i feel creeped for sure. need to listen relaxing musics right now cause i really felt super creeped. i think i really scared this time. not in that anthropology podcast instant but in this i really scared.
not in leila incident. but in this i really scared:S i creeped:S
these are just coincidences. but asks me could really exist some tech that handles time? that changes time? i mean technology that could travel intime? and other things? or is this a simulation like queries? ok i creeped. really scared really super creeped this time.
cause this is the nth time this happent. ok this is a mere coincidence i know. ok but still i would learn about special relativity and other topics. and learn how people model time.

i once wrongly entered such phsyics course in physics department. i were taking astrophysics basic level course and wrongly entered a course that talks about time. it were amazing but i werent super curious those years. ok lets learn about it now.


i really scared this time:S really scared. want to go take a beer. but scared of going to kitchen since i mean when you scare you dont want to wander around alot. really scared this time. :S aw:S goose bumps:S i dont know how to relax now. i dont know. maybe some movie. yepp. or continueing coding game.

i wish i stayed with some home friend and hugged me now. cause i really scared this time:S i know its a coincidence but it were weird one:S i scared:S


i want hugs now:S
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and seeing article which talks of dissecting me saying me a brainless thing. ok such wanting hugs is a normal reaction right? and since i have noone. mom and dad is away. and have no friends here either.

ok i want hugs now:)  anyway .

but this 10 hours ago article really scared me:S
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but my special relativity books (there are 2 of them) are in iskenderun home:S
i would mom and dad to return those two books and quantum books while coming to here. since i want to learn about time.


-

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my feeling now:
 i want hugs:)

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ok the music i found relazing, since i resemble myself to hobbits:) since they are different:) and so the misty mountains:) it relaxes.  yepp:)

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just wondered now, is brownian motion, the brown word is given because brown is the mixture of all colors? why brownian motion is called brownian? ok it must not be related to brown right?

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brownian motion and Boltzmann brain:)  is a nice topic:)
 thanks to Einstein for brownian motion formulation. i know that correct? i think so. it were Mr. Einstein whom formulated it.
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oh Eurus replied as, i have a chance of competitor to his companies is like that. that  i am a fish:D ok i alreaddy confirmed that before since i am not interested in creating social media thingies:P i am not having ayn ceo traits. i cant be any competitor to Eurus. i am just one project persons. i cant continue a project for more than 10 years? i just have hobbies as i told so i cant  be a ceo since they require laser focus and quite hard work, i can be quite hardworking for curiosity but not for products. but none is lesser complex. i mean what a ceo does must be much more complex than mine.  but i like to follow kind of emotional things like learning topics i wonder about.  would create products, but they might not be any competitor cause i am not either Steve Jobs or Bill Gates, since Eururs looks like them. i am not his competitor. i am not a product person. I just last day asked, for his interest to my blog, i just asked, is it because you wanted to see me as a competitor? I asked that. i mean, i asked are you bored and wanted to communicate with a weirdo?  i just wanted to understand yours communication reasons. since i confused it as you like me. then i understood you dont like me. so i wondered why you communicated with me? then i asked whether is it because i am a weirdo? is it because of bell curve? and wrongly tagging me as super intellgnt and trying to commmunicate with me due to that? or is it somehow Steve Jobs/Bill Gates like thing? wanting to see me as competitor? but i cant be competitor cause beign a ceo is not my goal unfrotunatly. i have goals like creating an internet comics or creating sculptures or learning about time /physics or stopping hurricanes investigations.  i might have such hobbies since i might be an asperger. i dont know why i have weird hobbies. and my goals in life resembles hobbit people's goals so i also sometimes callmyself hobbit due to that:)
I first seeing your interaction with my blog, and after seeing that newspaper, labelled it as if you like me and try to win my heart. then i understood its not like that. but then i asked why? then i confirmed it might be an Eurus like thing? that since you are super intellgnt, you always would like to talk people who you tag as super intellgnt as friends. kind of feeling bored? since there is not much super intellgnt people. kind of things i asked.  then i stated i am not any super intellgnt:D i just still hadnt understood why you took my topics. i first labelled it as you like me.



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by the way, NASA is like an angel:) the day some person said bacteria to me, NASA said star to me:) <3 NASA:)   so i instantly liked NASA's tweet:) NASA likes curious people unlike people who calls curious bacteria to curious people:) I <3 NASA. Angel of curious people:)  unlike bad scientists who says bacteria to curious people, NASA is the good scientists:) <3 NASA


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coming to talking with you, you see i am not any competitor, i might create some good product but it would stay just 1 year. i might create a game but would sell it. i dont carry CEO traits like making a company go long for a long while. i dont have any CEO traits. i think when i create products, i would sell them at most in 1st year:) or might stay in board. i dont know. i might just have shares. but i dont hold CEO traits. so i am not a competitor. i asked 2 days ago in that, whether are you bored and want a strong competitor to yours companies? is it why you talked me with references? these i asked. then i said, i am not any competitor. i cant make a company grow or go so long for many years. since i dont like investing all my life time to a company.  maybe its because i am Asperger little bit. i mean i definitely think being CEO is super hard. i do think i would never be the CEO. since i dont have such capability to make a company go so long for 10 years or alike. but as told, doesnt mean i wont create products now in future. i would. but i would sell them. or would stay in the boards. but wouldnt spare my life time to a company fully. since i am kind of Asperger maybe and need to spare some time to hobbies and but being CEO is super hard, so hobbies + super hard task doesnt go well. so i dont plan to be any CEO anytime. since it wont suit to my life. i would instead constantly investigate topics i want to learn. i guess CEO\s also do that. but i am not multitasking as a CEO. i think CEO\s also learn lots of things maybe most possibly much more. but it requires alot multitasking to do that. i figured out i like to be not that much multitasking in hobby projects. i want to learn about time. or other things.  but not in a CEO rythm thats super multi tasked. i dont have dexterity to be any CEO i think. so if you wanted to turn me to a competitor, i really cant be any CEO:P i called you Eurus because you made fun of me as if i have man traits. then reply would be with same thing:P  since you made fun of me having man traits, i made fun of you with calling a woman character(as a funny reply) whilst awhile with also asking why do you read my blog? and why you took topics? were it because you were in need for another weirdo friend while you must have many?  i just queried these that day. with Eurus. Eurus were bell curve. i asked, do you think i am super intellgnt and talk with me due to that? i said i am not any super intellgnt.  but i would like to talk to you if you want. i dont know if you want. but these were the things i asked that day.  i wont be any competitor. cause i cant be a CEO. being a CEO needs putting your alot life time to your products which you strongly believe. i have no such trait. i am curious. thats the thing. i dont myself could fixate to perfect a product. but i can constantly learn things i wonder about. CEO tasks are more complex. but CEO tasks needs multitasking. i dont like doing that CEO like multitasking. so thats why i cant be any CEO either.  though some people tried to turn me. i figured out i cant. i cant fixate to such domains like product growth. i always have weird domains i fixate to like trying to create an itnernet comics or trying to learn special relativity. i guess CEOs also learns these maybe but the thing is they do that in multitasked way. i dont like doing multitasking CEOs much. but if you are any timem interested to talk, of course i would like to talk. but know that, i am not any superintellgnt as you think if reason you wanted to talk to me with taking topics is because you labelled me as super intellgnt.


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i <3 NASA since it supports curious people:) unlike bad scientists who tell bacteria to curious people:) NASA is the good scientists:) <3NASA the day bad scientists called me bacteria, NASA called me star:P to fight with bad scientist to support a person being targeted by bad scientists. I <3 NASA. look at the stars they all shine for you. all yellow. :) <3 you NASA:) i listened alot interstellar movie music today:) sweethearts:) <3

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and really weird things happens in my life.

like i in my brain asked, what were that test? (since i talked about patterns and there is a test about patterns. ) then 20 minutes later, i opent my mail, to see 10 hours ago,a mail came with that test in title. i mean i asked that test's name and saw the tests name hasa been written 10 hours ago. it were weird coincidence.

i have suhc weird coincidences in life.

like leia incident.  i made a sculpture and her hair unwantedly resembled Leia and next day i learned a thingabout Leia. as if i am a medium or alike.

or i blogged i forgot my plant's name. then 1 hour later, podcast i listened talked about "some people forget plants names or household names".  and that podcast were from past and it wernt something personalized, i just went to oldest page to listen to one earliest published podcast.


another weird thing. i saw a name in quora that were kind of unnice name to me. but a foreign version of it. and its first time i learnt about it. then next day, a disaster happent in a world place that i first time learnt having such name. a disaster of strom/rain.


another thing: i said i dont like dictatorships. and next day in a world place that has very right relatedness to such topic had earthquake.

so i know its just coincidences.

aha i said i would have rhinoplasty in Philliphines then next day a storm hurricane happent there again a disaster.

its just coincidences but makes me ask whether is it a simulation. i think its just coincidences.
aha one another. but this one must be just coincidence.
in another topic i said i want justice. (since i am stalked by real mafia looking like people) (i want justice and learn whom are these people and make them pay their dues for that to legal system)  then i selected a random movie. and movie ended with sentence a robot woman saying "i am justice".

and one other one:
i said i am an octopus. with findding octopus emoji super cute (in tweeter). than saw that 2 hours ago from my tweet, a colleague posted a tweet like "military is building octopus robots". i said what kind of weird coincidence:S (if i were a robot that would be built in 2100s i would be  more stupid than built ones even now by the way:))



and the latest one scared me alot:S

as i asked in my brain, what were that heck that name of that patterns test i read about long before? 20 minutes later i opent my mailbox, and saw a mail from 10 hours ago with right exact that test name. i scaree for a hour. i creeped.
then i said it must be a coincidence.


aha one another. the day i talked about trinity. the tv show talked about trinity. its not a personalized tv show. it were planned weeks ago. i mean it werent something thats changed/added since i talked like that. it were a moment i said, what the heck?


another one, i watched a movie where woman loses her ring wantedly. then i got dislikes to woman for why she does indecent act fooling like that.  then 1 hour later i opent tv, in that  a woman founnd her ring. i said what the heck? is this a simulation? ???



but in this latest one i reallly scared for a hour. i asked what were that test 's name? and i opent my mailbox to see a mail thats sent 10 hours ago with title of that test name. i scared alot. cause it felt creepy. to see what i query in my own brain that i ddnt loudly stated though blogged things about then but an email about that test name that i queried about right 20 minutes ago asked i asked what were that test name, and the maill's title included that test name. thagt were sent 10 hours ago. i never loudly stated what were that test name.

like in other incidents i never said a word.  all thoughts. except trinity thing. or philliphnes thing.  or the anthropology podcast thing.


i think these are mere coincidences. but i also got away from stigmas of thinking of such things. i mean i dont think things like things like in instellar movie cant happen. i think it cant  happen.




of course coincidences:S but really made me ask whether is it a simulation.

  
---------

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so sometimes due to that i ask whether is it a simulation?  i do think we cant answer. best is to learn physics to get to learn more of fabric of reality.

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so i would learn about special relatiivty more and gravity more. to learn about time topic more.  to try to learn fabric of reality.

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i love NASA<3 while bad scientists tries to resemble curious people to curious bacteria, NASA labels them as stars:)  i <3 you NASA:)
 i know from my astrophysics course (that i took long before and got amazed to) that we are all made of star dust:) <3 you NASA:)

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i wonder what insta say to me this time:) the day NASA and insta(Eurus) talked me:) i have really interesting life:) dont forget to add that i ams talked by a real mafia i think that tries to turn me a bitch or alike thing. i think i really have a weird life:) i never thought my life would be this interesting:)


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cant send enough <3sto NASA for supporting curious people in world. when they are said as bacteria. like Nazis. such attitude resembles Nazis. some people(the bacteria telling scientist) hold have Nazi soul. but NASA doesnt have :) and ESA also doesnt have:)    inifintet count of hearts to NASA:) not for flattering, nor for nothitng else or for any gain, the science institution that i like the most in world or niverse as i always stated is and have always been NASA:) since i liked reading science journals thats specialized for kids when i were a kid and saw them sending things to space and asking names to select. so the journal also collected names and i also sent a letter:) but my name wernt chosen of course since lots of people applied:) now they also did such campaing and i again sent a form :) this time the campaign were to Mars:)

--------------------------- 


and switching back to talk with Steve Jobs or Bill Gates (or lets call Eurus as i called satirically), whom likes to take topics from my blog  in funny ways:), yes you are right. i have no chance to be any compettitor to you like that since i am not like any CEO nor could be. i am a silly person thats curious. i dont have CEO superpowers. i am not super intellgnt. nor i could fixate ever in making a company ever grow or never fail.  i have only weird hobbies as told. i might create products but would sell in first year. but i am not any super intellgnt nor could exist in an arena where all are super intellgnt people who race for the best/in fastest way. i am not built for that. i am just curious but not built for being that fast/multitasking. so you are right i am not appropriate for CEO league:) ok i still wonder why that newspaper writtne such article?  i thought you liked me and that news paper article reinforced such belief. than i learnt you dont like me than i queried whether you did such interferences from my blog were because you are super intellgnt and wanted my friendship with tagging me as super intellgnt. or wanted to see me as competitor in CEO league? but i am not built to be a competitor.  being fast being the most intellgnt  being the best in an area  is not my priority i just learn things or have hobbies:)  i still dont know why i took your attention:) i guess you would tell me sometime what happent? why these interferences happent?  or i might never learn ever? 


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ok i dont know whats meant.  ok is it making fun of my Shakespeare drawing and telling me old? hmm:) i have none idea. ok. lets see. is it a reference of me & my things (drawing/studies) are old minded and insta is talking from future? i dont know whats meant?  ok? yepp i am old and have old interests like trying sculpturing. hmm marble reference. ok i think i dont know if weirdos like me exists who sometimes see characters to draw in marble. i know i am a weirdo in those things like patterns. ok Steve Jobs or Bill Gates?, what Steve Jobs or Bill Gates is telling to guhu, guhu tries to understand.  yes i am old if thats meant. yepp.  or is it said i am from past? ok.

hmm the days insta talk with me(ok this might be really a simulation).

silently processing inside my head whats told. i dont know whats exactly said. every possible meaning in that,  is of course ok by the way.  i mean its ok for what is meant. i dont know fully whats meant either. (but any possible meaning thats meant, is ok of course).



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hmm today in rest time, i woudl do shopping and code game little bit i think. game's code were like 1 line added per week last weeks. hmm. some lines of code were weird i worked on. ok lets sleep in subway as i usually do while returning home. i think i should buy a cushion like thign:P and sleep in subway seat like that? ok that would be weird. use my coat as for such purpose. guhu the big city life subways sleeper when returning to home:). i might do laziness to shopping so might eat a pizza slice that i bought in noon.

ok game building today:) since i got had some things to do in game thats interesting and figured out things and today i wish i iterate faster in game.  hmm now i want to build my game more. though my game wouldnt hold initially communication alot since such things needs kind of needs ml/ais that are advanced. so initial game version, dont hve any advanced ai. i think since nlp is not easy(needs advanced ai),though my initial dream holded even ai calling people from phone inviting to battles (like battle royale like matches) or people having walkie talkie apps by their phone or might create/build such devices/gadgets to use as communication devices for the game. hmm but as told advanced nlp is not any easy task, so iinitially not planning advanced nlp. or speech recognition systems. though if i had advanced ai, would have speech recognition systems and also communicating ai entities that are conversational like ai. its actually fun to self play with nlp topics i mean creating such neural networks as hobby would be fun but its alot work. so first bare game should be ready.

first it should look like a game. then walkie talkie apps. i would had wanted my phone be a walkie talkie in a game i play:)  or might be illogical. dont know. ok would revise streaming/rtp topics back again. since there would be video streaming.  twitch like things.
ok its just a silly webgame initially. not with these features. its along time to still it having any game theme or any looking like game. it is not any like game right now. but would work on. and i also decided to have goals to be a CEO or CTO but just for a year. if game succeeds.


all topics in game is kind of fun. rtp? one super fun topic. opengl? always fun:) thoygh i figure out i dont know many new parts of standard or not knowing what i known.  big data: definitely fun:P but would take a whole lot of time i think to develop. since even normal unity based simple android projects takes alot time. this is not using any framework other than non mature game engine and nothing else. so might take alot time for real. anyway. might be built fast maybe. i dont know. 
ok i dont know why but i like rtp topics. aha i know why because it also included opengl(rendererpart) at some android projects. and also because of i like cpp sometimes. and its usually cpp. thugh i figure out golang could also be used. but i figure out expect libraries to be in cpp. or c.

ok i would if were a gamer, would want calls to my walkie talkie app :) during the day:) i think this walkie talkie app is nice add on to the game:)  like a coleague calling and callibgn to battle and you people are in a meeting but your walkie talkie app creates funny noises since you forgot to close voice:D it would be fun to have a walkie talkie app for game in android/ios apps. :D
like a colleague in a war shouting for help and bagttle sound coming:D it would have been super funny:D if people do forget closing walkie talkie apps:D and enter a meeting:D
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ok i think these are latest features. first should have a game:) i have no game any yet:DDDDD

game would be limited to at least 18 age. since i do think it might be risky to add below ages for since i dont know about psychology topic. so it would be +18.  and beside i dont have advanced ml mechanisms. but maybe a kids version with no talk no interaction could exist? nope. i dont plan a kids version of game any. it would be for working people. targeting their noon times. and their meetings where they forget to close their walkie talkie apps:) and silly moments in meetings happens:)


ok maybe conversational agents of google would be super expensive for game. so most possibly wouldnt have anything like that. but would have a walkie talkie app.



i want characters like paper in my game like cartoons, a 3d world but also 2d objhects exists like a person drawn on a paper. or quite absurd concepts from some cartoons i saw. like characterized water drinking machine:)  ok they might not exist. or might exist in some parts of game. where reality fabric is modified(would study some physics to figure out to create an alternative universe gate and in that universe, paper like 2d creatures might exist? :) ) no its too much work.

ok too many thouyghts but there is not any game yet:DDDDDDDDDD

--------


ok i saw insta talked me about drawing whats inside mind :) (ok this is really a simulation i think:D  since insta really talks to me:) ok :) hi insta:) or hi Steve Jobs/Bill Gates like person :) )


----
ok i definitely think this is a simulation since insta and such Bill Gates or Steve Jobs like person talks to me.  cheers:) hello :)
hey by the way :) i would also create the game's web VR version:)  hmm and planning to buy an oculus go :) both for sculpturing trials thingies and both for utilizing webVR thingy.

snce want this webgl game be existing in webvr also and i remember its easily possibly that webvr also renders webgl but some things like controllers might be different. my game engine isnot a mature one. but this game is targeting to be populr like 1 year alike. and game engine might be later on enhanced.  but i like osg based engines in general dont know why i think its because its nice lod support.  unity is also good but dont know never been good in unity. i like lesser professional game engines more i think.







----

ok some sleep in subway time while going to home. then gamey time.

----

ok only wanting to be ceo for a year is taken as a bad thing? i think google founders did also alike? (not everyone wnts to be the ceo ? why its bad to not want to be a ceo? ) (not everyone likes the super complex business stuff? )


and finding walkie talkie open app be left open in meeting being resembled to such unnice thing? hmm. ok thats unfair.  ok thats fair only because i told Eurus to you(since you made me resemble to man, i searched a woman character to resembole to), i should had expected such bad reply.  ok sometimes in meetings some funny phone calls happens and everyone laughs, why is that found such alike? its marketing of my game, those sentences i used,  sinec my target audience is working people, i want them to get addicted to game in sense they would left their walkie talkie apps left open sometimes. i want my game to have hype. so thats why i used such sentence. so it were rude to receive such words. ok but not rude thinking i told Eurus to you (i told that only because you resembled me to man, and i wanted to reply with a woman character for since you told me man:) )



not everyone is same in this life? but everyone understands other very quite differently?
why not wanting to be a ceo is found out like that? (Google founders also didnt wanted to be the CEO?)


ok my game's marketing campaign went bad? does it looks like that to all people? so bad that its seen as something like thart? ok so i would myself never do any marketing to my game ever:D
i tried to mean i want to have an hype./ people set playing my game.  and so much that there woule lots of meetings would be interrupted? ok lessons learnt: guhu should never do the marketing. since her marketing ideas are found understood very wrongly?

my friends would never understood that like that. i had friends who find those things funny? so to you, that doesnt look funny? ok, so my friendset were different than you? in meetings when funny things happent we laughed. we had such friends that are kind of liking games and such stuff and always had a sarcastic side. and so i thought that would be universally funny? (to have work meetups sometimes get interrupted with hype of the game? ok of course after sometime everyone would learn tpo make phones silent, its just means how muych popular i want the game to be. i want alot customers. but ok its ok you resemble that since i called Eurus to you:) i only called Eurus to you because you resembled to me man and i had to find a reply that includes same thing:))



after this much satire thrown in the air:

ok this really turned to Steve Jobs./ Bill Gates type messing. i would build a game for real:) and but i know my customer count would be lesser than yours i know, but its targeted to be higher in my next startups, not in this game one. you turned me to a competitor:) with satir. lets see who would win the most customers. mine owuldnt be too much in this first project. but next would might be about super computers or else, so that might have uch more revenue. lets see whose fiscal numbers would be the winning one. with satir you turned this guhu to a competitor. hmm lets see what kind of satir i would receive as next? or i shouldnt compete with you cause i internally know competitions are sometimes meaningless? ok i think i should follow what i want to follow in life without drawning in to competitions or grudges for since someone makes fun of me.

i really had fun work friends who always played games in noons. or did found such things funny. you people dont find such things funny? different culture regarding games? i dont know why it has been perceived like that?  i see from place to place, game subcultures are different.

in every noon or everuy end of day i saw my friends playing games on android or such phones or on pc. so the marketing i did were resonating to that subculture.

ok after Eurus, i should expected such a reply.


but why are you doing this? you just talk to me then i say hi/cheers, then you try to make fun of my blog. ok Steve Jobs/Bill Gates like competitor liking competitor.  ok competitor. you turned guhu to a competitor. but quite confused on that since i dont like to compete in life in general. or computing due toa  satire. ok i thunk i should get over this satire and not be any competitor because of such satire. since i dont have a competitior soul. i should follow goals due to cause i like. not because of any personal wound of being confronted satire like that.


ok i think you dont have friends who always played games at workplace when its noon oir after work to understand that that alike. my gamer friends would had laughed to my sentence and found that marketing campaign like sentence not such any such thing like  that. but after Eurus, i should had expected such similar reply. i only said Eurus not because of any evil meaning but because of i had to find a woman character as reply and she being super intllgnt and being woman (since you called me man, i had to reply as a woman character. ) not any evil things of Eurus i any implied for real as i many times stated its related to Bell curve. and such analogy Bell curve analogy it were.

ok i confirmed by this misunderstanding thart, you dont hgave gamer friends who plays games in all noons after work hours in workplaces. i had alot such friends. and they wouldnt understand my sentence like that.




and it werent a laugh call like in joker. its walkie talkie. i mean i found walkie talkie call opening and a friend calling in a serious meeting kind of funny,. i know my gamer friends would had found it funny.  but you arent used to seeing people who plays internet games in workplace in noon times? one friend even played game till 8pm from 6pm. went to home late(getting away from the rush hour since his home were far)l. i mean i had friends who played internet games in every possible free time. so i thought they wouyld laugh to voice of a walkie talkie call during a meeting:) (e.g. some war bvoices and a friend calling to game etc). i know such things might happen if people forgot to close walkie talkie app.  i like walkie talkie concept alot. why dont you like and found it like joker:S ok i am an old person and like old concepts like walkie talkie:)
ok so i figure out my marketing ideas sucks. i mean when i say a marketing idea people resemble it to such topic? ok i stop saying any marketing idea to forever:D i should have people helping me in marketing side i infer. :D



ok your friends are busy people that dont play internet games i infer:). in here there is also noone that plays internet games(cause people liked games) but before, lots of friends i saw that liked to play internet games alot in workplaces i worked before in free time slots.  like noon or rest time or after 6pm.

ok lessons learnt: i dont create marketing sentences :D since it has been quite misunderstood by other people. i thought a walkie talkie sound in a meeting would look funny and could even be used in a commercial? but figure out my marketing ideas are silly :D

 or idea was good but i ddnt defined the entire context. that the game is for work people at workplaces. and also all +18 people. not having any +18  things in game even is +18 for sure:D
of course there would be none +18 things.
reason its limited to +18age: its just i dont want to create any kids game since i am no psychology expert and so would make it +18. if i had a psycholog team helping me, i could also create -18 games but with appropriate content for kids(pedagogical) . so since i am no psychology  expert, so my game would be +18 and kids wont be able to play. and would be filtered by firewalls specified for kids internet.  it would be +18 game but would have no +18 content also for sure.



---------------------

ok even if its super fun to talk like this, may i ask to stop talking like this:p

since i never understand whats meant:)  if you like to talk, could we talk directly?:P (like email or whatsapp?)

i stop checking yours cool programme(even its super addictive :) ). since i dont like commnctng indirectly and trying to understand whats meant :D  i saw pink panther:) saw a cool lady. i dont know what this means:D? it felt like it means,
hi guher, this is the way i draw my pink panther:) i get as if something like that said? :)
(since i told i wanted to draw a pink panther, you drawn your pinkpanther in your way? :) cool :) )   

hey i am doing  game development in most free times, and would be super happy to talk any time.  my email address are: gbdgn@yahoo.com,  guher.bozdogan.wrk@gmail.com, (my active phone number is:+491783957723 and whats app number is also like that)
i would stop blogging and enter game development thingy more. and if you ever want to talk (dont know if you do or not), honestly,  i would be super happy to talk to you any time :)
( and of course   its ok if you dont want to any talk anytime by the way.  i know i am not any cool coder:) )

so its super nice to have chance to talk like this. but i stop blogging and if you like to talk, i shared my whatsapp number:) . honestly, i would be really super happy to talk to any time. and its of course ok if you dont any like to talk any time. as told, i would be of course super happy to talk any time:) ) (i stop blogging but as told i shared my communication info. ) cheers SteveJobs/Bill Gates like person:)

 (hmm you know there is a whatsapp named program?:D(as if its possible that you dont know that program:DDD)   & i dont know if you like to talk &   if you like to talk, we could talk from there? :))  (cheers!)


( hey, i really stopped blogging :) and if you like to talk, hey i shared myinfo:)  cheers Steve Jobs/Bill Gates like person :)  ) (dont know if you ever want to talk with this silly coder? but if you like to, i shared my info:)  its overwhelming to me to talk from blogs like this:) (i might be little bit asperger :) i dont know for sure) i dont any understand what is meant in those for real:) i wld prefer to talk directly instead of references tht i ddnt understand:).   hey I stopped blogging but if you ever any time like to talk to, i shared my information fr direct cmmnctn (e.g. email/whatsapp) and honestly, would be very happy to talk any time in such more drct means (& that i understand whats said to me:)),  cheers!  (i dnt any know if you like to talk to me either. but if you like to, i shared my information on cmmcntn info:) )  all the best & cheers from Berlin :)  )

ok again took word from blog:)
hey why do you took my words its a cryptic thing to me.
hmm if you like tot alk to me, you should talk directly instead of this way. since i find it super stressing to talk with references since they could mean anything and i could misunderstand in any possible ways. if you like to talk to me, please talk me directly. i ddnt said i dislike talking to you. i just said lets please dont talk this way sicne it freaks me out since i dont understand whats any meant any time.  it feels not right to communicate like this. i didnt said i dislike talking to you. i only dislike this indirect way. ok so let me restate my words in above paragraphs as:) (since i saw its kind of misunderstood?)  its of course ok if you dnt like to talk to me so you wont talk. and if you like to talk to me, please do talk directly from email or whatsapp cause this way you talk freaks me out since i dont any understand what you actually mean anytime. i mean its overwhelming because i never understand what is actually meant. its not i dont like to talk to you. its just i dont like the way you talk to me. so i stop blogging. but its not because i dont want to talk to you. it just means,
please talk to me directly cause the way you talk me confuses my head super much.  i dont like the way you talk to me. if you like to talk to me, you would talk directly to me, like email or whatsapp.  if you like to talk to me, you wouldnt want me to decrypt whats said in those references which is very confusing to me. I dont any understood whats said anytime. but if you like me, you wouldnt want me to do a thing that i dislike like trying to decrypt what this means? references. i mean if you like me, i dont any know if you do, you would not want me to follow some communication which freaks me out since i can never understand what is actually said/meant.
i stop blogging not because i dont like to talk to you. i just dont like the way you talk to me. cause this way freaks me out super much. cause i can never any time understand what is meant/said from this way. as told, if you dont like to talk to me its of course ok. and if you like to talk to me, i would be super happy to talk you and then we could talk directly like email/whatsapp?  but this insta references way, is like a puzzle and i can never understand whether you hate me or like me from the way you talk and that is the overwhelming part, the overwhelming part is, i have no idea what you any time say to me in this way. i never understood if you hate me or like me. its all puzzle.
take pink panther for instance, what does it mean? means you like me? or just a reference?

hey i never said i dont like to talk you nor ever rejected yours talking request. its just i dont like talking indirectly. if you like me, you would talk me directly like whatsapp or email things(i would be super happy to talk to you).  & if you dont like me, its of course ok, since you dont have to.

i wouild wait some whatsapp or email message from you for a time. & if it doesnt come it means you dont any like to talk to me.

i am tired of blogging and if you like me, you wouldnt want me to do something that i feel tired of:S
i really am tired of trying to solve puzzles in life:S if you like me, you wouldnt want me to solve indirect things which are like puzzles to me.

if you like to talk to me, i would be super happy to talk to you, but directly. like email or whatsapp. (please talk me directly if you like to talk to me... e.g. whatsapp? email? e.g. invite me to a cafe to chat (via email)? i would sure like to attend invitation to say hi :) )
if you dont like to talk to me, its of course ok, you dont have to. its a free world.



honestly, please do choose whatever makes you happiest :)  cheers&love from Berlin:)

(its of course ok if you dont like to talk. its a free world and please always be happy:). and but if you like to talk to me, please from email or whatsapp, invite me to a talk and i would be  happy to drop by to say hi:)  )

(but please dont talk me from insta. its indirect and so that indirectness is overwhelming to me sicne i never could understand what you actually mean?)


(i would be super happy to drop by to an invitation (e.g. a conference or cafe) to say hi if you invite me/ send me such email/whatsapp message to get know more and have a chance to talk to you:))
(but its also ok if you dont any do such invitation. its a free world i mean you should follow whatever your heart/mind says:) take care of your happiness)



(so i wish its not misunderstood as me stopping blogging is any meaning i dont want tyo talk to you? nope. i just dont like puzzle like/references like talk.   i would love to talk directly in a conference or ina cafe if you invite me via email/whatsapp thingies.)



(so i would stop blogging but doesnt mean i dont like to talk to you. (i just dont like to talk this confusing way, cause in this way, i never any time have any idea whether you hate me or like me. and that part feels super overwhelming to me. the part of not knowing not having any idea of what you tell to me).
if you like to talk to me, i would have wanted it to be as that you invite me to a talk from email or whatsapp. e.g. to a conference or to a cafe (e.g. quasimodo? ) or to a talk from whatsapp or email. i would really love to attend such talk.  if you invite me to a conference or cafe, i would love to come to say hi:)  or if you have no time, i would very love to attend a talk in whatsapp or email.



 and if you dont any like to talk to me, its also ok. since you dont any have to talk to me nor like me yepp.

please take care of your happiness:)(this sentence means: i want you to be happy and do follow the choices that makes you happy simply :) )  and cheers!

)



thing i discovered tyou might be really liking me and i lost you? its ok if you feel like that you want to be free of?. cause you should follow whatever makes you happy:) i when i like a person, i want the happiness of remote side,  i mean if leaving is the thing that makes him happy, its ok. i mean its ok if you dont ever communicate with me. do whatever makes you happiest:) (cause i when i like a person, i always want happiness of :)  regardless of choices. )



and if you still want to talk to me, just please lets not talk indirectly cause indirect talk(insta references) (that i dont know whether you are making fun of me or hating me or liking me) is not any ok. if you like me, we could talk directly like email/whatsapp or f2f in a conference or in a cafe if you invite me beforehand:) i would love to talk to you, but directly not from indirect insta references:)

the communication i would call as non confusing and that i would favor's info is as:P
my emails: guher.bozdogan.wrk@gmail.com
gbdgn@yahoo.com
phone:+491783957723


cheers:)



(ok i would wait for some time for an email or whatsapp message  to come or flowers to my office to come or a pink panther thingy(such toy) to come :P if it doesnt any time come, means you dont like me and dont want to talk to me. i dont any know if you like me or not, nor whether you any liked me any time ever. i would wait to understand if you like me or not this way:) )



ok i would understand whats happening with whether i receive a whatsapp message or email or flower to office.

i wont check that insta program. cause as told  i dont know if he likes me or not. so dont want to see that he doesnt likes me via that if he doesnt like me.  i  mean if he doesnt likes me, i would understand that from no emails/no whatsapp messages nor no flowers to the office. and as told i would also accept invitation to a conference talk or cafe if he invites me with emeail or phone or whatsapp.  but i stopped checking insta program even if i like alot. for since for to learn whats happening, i prefer my methods like receiving an email or phone call or message or whatsapp message. i dont hangaround in insta even if i like to since due to this specific situation of communication preferences since i find it hard to commmunicate indirectly via insta with someone that i dont know if he likes me or not. i would prefer direct things, like email or whats app call or talk in a cafe (that i am invited beforehand again with whatsapp or email or phone).


i dont any know if he likes me or not. would understand that via with whether i received any messages or emails or calls or flowers to office or not. i would wait for some time as told. like 1 week? if nothing comes, means he doesnt likes me any.





ok last day, i went to python meetup and confronted some talks like satellite manuevering and in another talk, listened about UN SDG goals. i always talked about SDG goals at times, but for the frst time i had a chance to see a lady who is really creating social projects working for SDG goals.  she gave us guideline for what we should do if we want to create such projects. in satellite topic, due to my queries 2 people asked me, "have you worked in satellite sector before?" :D one person who asked this is a data scientist from Max Planck institute. had a chance to extend social cycle. had a Mongolian friend, a German lady who is expert in very interesting areas and searching data science career, a free lancer friend. .
ok i asked queries because my game included topics thats right away related to satellites presentation they gave. but it were fun to receive such comments like "had you worked in satellite sector before? " :D actually i? think satellite experts would know i am not any expert. cause i asked silly questions. just wanted to learn if they use the satellite's angle to sun/distance to sun and its prediction of next position/orientation  so that they couuld actually at 500kms calculate the radiation they receive and calculate the sun's direct impact instead of using weighted average of such data. and asked another silly questions. and in UN SDG goals presentation, i wanted to learn:whether in her projects, whom is the most active capital provider is it World Bank (it must be the uppermost fundraiser int hat i guess, but to these SDG goals entrepreneurs, is world Bank giving fundraising or is it taken from governments? (and actually indirectly again from World Bank?) or is it NGOs? since i heard NGO's are powerful as countries?  i wondered what are the main fundraisers in these SDG project's entrepreneurs, (like the lady who gave the presentation) and i learnt it changes from country to country answer.)
for satellite topic, i do understood many satellite companies never solve 2 body problem. secondly, this company i listened presentation of doesnt any model predicted radiation from sun and ground reflectance also. why? they only use 100 days average on that point. but what if its the 0th day? so theyhave batteries so 0th day is not important but again, this approach seems simpler,  yeah, i understand, cause their method also works. but what about eclipses?
yeah its quite nice optimization to use the same point's data  for to predict. but again, ground radiation might change? due to clouding, and tiny modificationts might happen/incur? so but i guess its not that easy to model clouds' all light scattering. i figured out, my scattering model if i finish completely and do it very accurately, might be used to help these satelitte projects?  dont know.  might not be any useful. but i do think, historical data wont always work, of course if you always stay in some power level in satellite,  you would handle that and but again, if an kobe like thing happens, or else, some clouds, some things like that, i guess i remember thick clouds really impact ground radiation and also raditation from upper clouds. we might see a grey cloudscape but upper part is like a shiny clouds. and they reflect alot of sun's light. so i do think, just depending on 100 day data as that company does, is not the most perfect way to do it. its perfect, its ingenius, but missing a model that is modelling whats happenign in clouds layers and else.
actually clouds are good reflectors if they are very thick. but could also absorp in non thick cases. so some topic to model. 

so i figure out, if i excel this big data based light scattering model later on, i could sell such service to satelitte companies? like this company? since they lack any model of world nor else? they just use the 100 days avg?

i never expected th topics from this meetup i attended(had not checked presentation content before). there were also free beers/free pizza:)




ok today we as a team event, we went to hurricane factory:) we flied today:) in wind tunnel :)  it were super fun. we flied:) like if we are in a hurricane:) i  think this is the coolest team event i ever seen in my life:D
felt not literally really how it feels to be inside a hurricane:) maybe hurricane is more powerful i think. definitely. but it were being in a wind tunnel and it were super fun:) its resembling what how sky diving like things work.
but i cant lie, i think the mount  mitte like thing holded more adrenalin:) this one were fun but not holded adrenalin at least for me. i figure out i can maybe sky dive? sinec hadnt scared, but werent any good either at. i mean i werent anyn good.  but felts 0 scare. but in mount mitte like thing, i scared the hell levels but it were also fun since i mean we were like acrobats in that mount mitte thing. (that i gone with friends). and this thing is expensiev. mount mitte like thing were 20 euros. this hurricane factory is 80 euros.(we didnt payed, the company paid)   were fun defintiely. and open buffet were also nice. so were a nice team event:)
.
ok so guhu's next goal is to create such light scattering module and sell to satellite companies:) i never had any idea in that python meetup that we would see satellite company presentations and UN SDG goals presentations. and life is weird cause it created two good things, i could create a product to sell to this presentation doing company, second good thing, now i know a guideline in doing SDG related projects cause presentation included such guideline. i always said i wanted to do SDG projects as side projects in future and i really want to, and that presentation showed all listeners guidelines in how to do that. it were about that, presentation were about that. i thought i would learn intricacies of python library, then learnt these information:) and had Mongolian and German lady colleagues. i guess i could create a social cycle in this city via such events since i have no friends here yet any. 


last day's one nice thing were people asking me "had you worked in satellite companies before? " :D i might be asperger maybe, i dont know, but hobbies first time worked:) i received such questions and shocked looks :D it were really kind of flattening:) a data scientist who works in Max Planck institute came near me and asked that and other people also:) (actually only 2 people asked:D)  i am exaggerating if many people asked:DDDDDDDDDD


i figure out i might create additional income from hobbies like selling such product to this satellite company if i could do it correct. i dont know. lets check. i just couldnt believe no radiation model is included for to calculate possible taken sun to the satellite's solar panels. but their method is also ok. but would try to sell my additional method to them when if it gets completed.


so i figure out my hobbies could be monetized:D if i put more effort:D i liked that:D :)  secondary income:) :D


i select my first customer as that Berlin based satellite company yepp:)
for this hobbies triggered product. life is interesting. you go to a meetup to just listen python's intricacies(its really a weird/interesting language i think.) and then you confront a satellite's topic and then a product idea gets created in silly brain of guhu:) nice:) if you open your mind and flow in life like a leaf, new product ideas happens:) but game is first. then this satellite thingy.  cause they lack radiation model, i want to sell my complementary product them that would work as their missing radiation model so that they dont only depend on last 100 days data.

(people what price i should put to such enterprise level product? ok secondary income:D 20k? 50k? 10k? 5k? i have no idea. )



i work with python mainly (i guess all companies work with python mainly nowadays, its the most popular computer language maybe) so i want to learn more about. like its all intricate behaviors.since its really a weird language. not like golang or scala.

ok my light scattering model werent any fine detailed nor good. i would make it very precise very fine detailed:) and sell to this Berlin company and other satelitte firms. nice:D it looks as for the first time, a hobby of mine would create any money value:D if i do it right. i would do it right:) since i have a bad baseline code in that. would make it better and super fine detailed with considering Mie shading in every aspect and every particle model there with high granularity. a very high detailed atmosphere model it would be.

and then as third project, the hurricane project might use this code base also. of course it would be about thermodynamics. third project is for 2020s i think. hurricane stopping project could start in mid 2020s i think.  i want to try to investigate possible interactions with a hurricane. in a non human way, in a genetic algorithms or other methods based ways and simulate it so would search any possible way to stop hurricanes on earth. i dont know if that study would succeed. but plan is like that, but that could start in mid 2020 i think.


ok i do think also climate change might make 100 days of data unusable.but local control or models might be enough.  i mean even if you have such missing component, just looking to consumption and current capacity, you just can decide in a rough way  thiking predictions of future route's added capacity.
that future prediction based on just 100 days. that part seems non correct to me. and also it doesnt consider the yearly period even for thinking clouds' impact. any seasonality trend model would need much more days. it takes every day same. is it? ok i think i really should build such hobby product and sell to this company cause i do think they really need such component. cause 100 days? monsoons? clouds? ground radiation?  reflectance from clouds? i would at least had taken average with reelated to earth's angle of rotation(wtr to sun, the rotation angle around the ellipse of roation) wthr regarding sun instead of covering just last 100 days?what the heck? the simulation models optimization all done with python are awesome. but they dont have correct radiation component and instead just history data is used but history data is not either correclty used? the history of a different rotation angle  of earth (with respect to kepler, elliptic rotation) is should be used in such model since cloud coverage would be differnt at each different season.sometimes i wonder if there is really a God, since i find myself in a product presentation that misses my component and i find myself in such presentation that exactly lacks my hobby project's search area.  i mean what kind of weird instant it were to find myself in a presentaton that i saaid what? this lacks this? and i just not planningly gp to that presentation . these moments makes me ask if there is really a God. i mean its silly level of luck to have found myself in such presentation so i could build such product.   i mean i had no idea if my hobby interest area had any practical use case like this. it were like, it were like the presenters presented a very complicated nice lego based building. then i figured out the lego part that is missed i have, they have buildings their product is very excelled, very good. just a tiny lego part is mssing and i  just by chance saw such presentation. so it were kind of lucky moment:) since i figured out a product idea based on hobby project:D i mean that part of game were unnecessary to a wgame project. and i found myself in a presentation that that part is missing(that i went by chance, had no idea that there were such topics either, i just went to learn more python).



but this dynamic estimation of radiation might be helpful i think. but i do think other satellite companies mght have such models already. but since this is a new company, it might not needed as first priority such models. so maybe i could sell this possible product to such companies that dont have such model.


 so for hobbies:
but first game. then this advance effort of having a fine very high detailed simulation/model of the scattering of light and sun's radiation and also earth's orbit since this Kepler model in my game wont be enough for that. e.g. Milankovitch cycles? and might feed the earth's position from such datas available. i mean it might be broadcasted via some services. i dont know. lets see but i would definitely tag this as second hobby project.

third is the hurricane stopping project.  trying to do things that would try to stop the hurricanes and investigate possible (e.g. via genetic algorithms) interactions with hurricanes in trying to stop them. and have a model of them. people already have a model of them, the weather forecasting people. but as again a big data  project, would investigate this since want to try. it might not be possible but want to investigate. since outcome would be very nice thing like people could be able to stop hurricanes.its most possibly not any feasible project goal and maybe my project would end with saying, oh its not possible to stop hurricanes. i would see. after mid of 2020.  i guess i would get first results in end of 2020. or most possibly in mid of 2021.  or end of 2021. dont know.


for hobby projects:
i do use scala in my hobby projects(but in nasty ways:D if i want to sell a product to satellite company, would install pclint to also hobbyb projects and make code quality well. since it were only a world's model creator for games, its code quality wernt important that much, its understandable but not good quality code. of course would make it better in satellite product. it would be also super high grained. ) . and js as frontend's language as expected:)


ok i think i wont sell this light tracing simulation and but make it free. i thought selling it. but felt as it would might be free. since i would have game as secondary income. hmm and of course hurricane project if succeeds, would be free. but not sure only  about satellite services product. i dont know if my radiation model (light model) should be free or not. anyway.


wov i read a news that uses game word and is from the institute i love the most in world and space and universe.  wov:) ok :) it must be a coincidence:) (i<3NASA :) )

 :) ok i think since i am not any super intellgnt that were a coincidence, but if its not i think i am theluckiest coder in world to confront such words:)

I wanted to try to find a very big postere holding this image to have in my room to show my awe/amazement to NASA :)  i want to find such shirt also:) with this image:) ok lets find such shirt and wear some days:) or want to create an earring like this also:) and wear:) to show my awe/amaze to this super levels of cool institution:) ok would create a designed earring with this image and wear:)



how today is:
ok today i came to home with lots of shopping bags. i came with taxi cause shopping bags were maybe 10kgs or alike:) i bought fish and thought i would make a nice meal. then i just boiled it in hot water and ate with taking a tomate:D neither prepared any salad nor anything:P

ok studying coding time:)

ok due to this coincidence, i am taking satelite project the first project to work
 on instead of game:)

if this is not a coincidence:):  people i am not any super intelligent like you people:) (I wish i were any intellgnt like yours people:) We people are all amazed by yours enrichment of science&tech& innovations )
 but even if i am not any super intelligent like NASA people, would work very hard on those products i mentioned and i <3 NASA too much:) (in levels i want to create an ear ring with above picture and wear:))

-----------------------

ok then instead of video game project, starting continueing light scattering/radiation calculation project:) since such coincidence happent:)

or might do it in tandem but 80% radiation model project and 20% video game:)


-----------------------------

so for this complementary product to satellites: things to do:
ok so need to investigate some lpack based or numerical libraries to do solve mie shading efficiently first.
secondly, need to work on realistic modeling of n body  gravitation solutions. instead of just taking Kepler's model.

and the atmosphere content, i would download much more papers on that. and would try to find observation data if ther eis  broadcasted data on that, or would first use the data from papers but also would have interfface to use that lidar based atmosphere content observation results to know the atmosphere layer.   and the clouding in real time, that also needs lidar based observation in real time right? those would have possible streeaming interfaces. to handle those data streams to the project.  so would first make it work in some predefined values then need to think on how to get the real data there.

-----------------------------------

ok since i wondered some code point alot, just 30 minutes game coding time. then i wish my parents return my numerical computations book and also other things. and also need to find a way to solve Mie shading equations in reasonable time. last time, i gave up doing that since it looked complex, now its time to handle complex thigns, since this time, simulation would be nicely coded and would be very very high detailed:)  since i want to provide as service to satellite firms. it should be very high coverage (there were a standard on such software, for its test case coverage level, should adhere to that, i think its 100% coverage like thing i dont exactly remember, but would recheck) its just i would go in spiral fashion first creating some functionalities and adding cases and then making test cases having full coverage then moving to another model and doing the same.
last time were coarse grained super coarse grained simulations time. now its time to do very high detailed/very super fine detailed:)
lets find a way to solve mie equations fastly and lets revise that contents.

and lets find a way to solve n body problem dif. equations and model gravitational force and orbit along wth that. and try to take planetory observations results to fix the align the calculations with actual positions.



ok next hobby task is revising mie shading and particle physics in general(for scattering topic )  and finding a fast way to handle the mie calculations very high precisions. it shouldnt be fast, it should scale and solve correctly in high correctness levels.

ok it seems little bit weird to me for my such interest since i am not super intellgnt and working on these topics,  but would learn all missing things on all along,  curious alot to learn about all these topics :) and curious to be expert in maths:) i guess i wont be super expert since i am not super intelligent.  but would try my best:) would work super hard:)



ok when my parents are coming here:
i would ask my cute parents to gather me my numerical computations & all maths books. and all physics ones also.

-------------------------------

ok i think i am watching interstellar today night first before any coding :) 
-----------
ok now studying time:)
aww lots of things to study in maths side:) for having higher fidelity in any simulation:) ok so lets start with easier part like game's last point, then revise light equations:)


--------------------

ok i think i gonna really create an earring somehow someway with NASA & heart:) lets check tomorrow if there are jewelry builders here for to create such design:)
 i<3 NASA:)
----------------------------


ok where were we? last time i gave up on any high fidelity due to mie equations:) now need to fix that and also need to rerevise some part of particle physics.
ok i think thats tomorrow's task.


hmm i thought it werent a coincidence and my game topic were kind of somehow related to this news article but i figured out its from 21th so not related to me:) the article were as:
https://www.space.com/space-trust-moon-international-commercial-effort-iac-2019.html

since i told yesterday of creating satellite projects, reeading this article today, i said wov is there such coincidence. but seeing its said on 21th so not a coincidence i guess and just correlation.


it somejhow this game topic feels like related:) i dont know?
anyway. whether its related or unrelated, i want to have an earring with a heart and NASA as in the above image:) cause i<3NASA :)

---------------------------------------------

ok lets finish the blog for today with saying: i <3 NASA:)   i would search a jewel creator to make myself an earring with such symbol of <3 NASA:)


and lets code things:)

ok i think i would study tomorrow.


but as told, i <3 NASA:) and would really create(from a jewel shop) a gold or alike earring with NASA symbol <3 symbols and wear it.:)
 and also a poster to my room i would buy:) and i think also tshirts:and shirts with that symbol of <3 NASA:)

cause i <3 NASA:)

----------------------------------------------------

cause NASA is the protector angel of all curious minds. NASA supports curiosity&science&exploration :) gives such precious super precious thing of instant support to all curiuos minds every where :)  (i did not forgot that galaxy image on the day i talked about opengl renderer in our heads :) )

i<3 NASA. to me i wear earrings very rarely. and i want to create such earring:) for to reply as thanks to this angel institution:) for supporting curiousity of all people :) including this silly guhu:)  so earrings topics is a personal topic.and would create an earring with i love NASA symbols:) and wear alot:) and work on satellite project also :)
i <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3 NASA:)
the angel protector of all curiosity in world even if it comes from a silly non superintelligent guhu :)
i<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3NASA

this guhu thanks as a silly curious soul to this angel institution:) for this gifts of supportive sentences:) <3 NASA thank you:) you are my dearest love NASA:)this curious soul's:) all cheers from this non super intelligent soul:) i am not super intelligent like yours engineers :) but curious but a silly version of curious not that intelligent curious ones :) and would work on those projects with much more curiosity:)
in world sometimes, even if you are strong, you seem to not be able to understand why its like that or feel as weird, then you see also angels exist:) thank you protector angel of all curious minds:)    <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

(and i newly seen the take care sentences last night:) yes astronouts are super cool :) ) yes if you work on little bit projects you are little bit like that:) and astronouts work on the coolest projects/biggest projects, so their mood must be much much more different in that sense:)  it must be a different feeling:) since its the coolest task in universe:) )


 and this guhu would work on more and more on science :) cause your institution inspire us to do so:)<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

and would try to create figure out ways to solve Mie shading dynamically fastly:) and create that complementary product and be entrepreneur in space side if hard work pays off in some time:) i guess it might:) and i might really create such product:)  I would work super hard:)

Thank you<3
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NASA is the angel of all curious minds :)  <3NASA :) sweethearts<3 i<3u NASA:)

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ok today i have cold. cause not the last night but the night before, i had fall asleep with thin things and again pains my sore.  ok dont lessons learnt dont fall asaleep wothout something thick. it hurts when i grasp again. lets take some tea:) and do establish the daily tasks:)
---------------------------------------


ok today my soundtrack is all interstellar movie:) since i like that movie alot:)


ok breakfast time. then handling daily tasks time then studying time. would first fix the place i stucked in game code that btohers my mind and then would revise mie shading equations to try to figure out some way some dynamic way to solve it. is not it recursive, nah big data can solve it then:) or mpi like thingies i dont know. lets also investigate Chapel named  software. its like spark but differnt. lets check if its opensource first:)

i cant deny i have a tendency to Christianity little bit, so i liked its name:) i mean if i were not atheist i would have been a Christian:) but i am atheist but if one day i turn to have a religion it would be Christianity:)

there is a church here:) with different style. i wonder its inside:)

(ok then also listen the Space Pope's words from that article:) hmm its AMA and about space tech as i get:) ) 

------------------------------------------------


ok breakfast time first:)than handling tasks at outside time:) than studying time:)

ok i think i should stop blogging and work hard:) as my inspiration comes from an angel institution that protects silly guhu :) Thank you:) It would be from now on, very hard work time:) All the best & thank you angel institution and excel of technology & science & exploration & innovation:)  i<3 NASA:) and this is my end of blog. cause more work more studying to science would happen afterwards:)  ok hard work time to this guhu:)
I<3NASA:)

---------------

end of this guhu's blog:) with million of thanks to this angel institution that protects world's all curious minds:) millions of thanks:)

(even if i am not like super intellgnt any like other curious minds:) thanks:) <3)


bye blog readers :) from now on its hard work more work more study time to science and that code projects that includes mie shading:) first lets establish some outside mandatory tasks than study time:)

( thing confirmed in life: angels exist:)  that protect curious people:))


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