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 yayy i  ate 2 thin steaks and 3 tiny fish schnitzels. i wish i dont need bypass op tomorrow:)  just for the sake of serotonin dopamin  levels:) which i found that eating too much celery reduced maybe:) surely veggie diets are much more healthier but i dont do any veggie diet :D i just ate celery i mean just think it hadnt had enough nutritients:D surely veggie diets must be more healthier than nonveggie ones by the way. but i dont have energy to cook a veggie diet these years. never been into cooking food alot:S i wish i were. then i would have a healthier life:D

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ok back to studying:) or design task. of this initial simulation challenge:

impact of gravity on a spherical coordinate of atmosphere model. and the pressure of the mass inside such structure around its walls. and a simple model of it. then would try to model rotation of earth and its impact to this volume. how it might rotate. along with the pressure from all sides of it. along with the very basic flow model there. hmm this the initial task have it be:D

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i think one topic i observed; when you make feel people stupid, people hate very much and try to slander very worst ways even. 

 

this is one screwed truth of people. 

 not i do think any my slanderers are this type of haters, but i observed this type of haters also either sometime. witht trying to attack with some socio psychopaths' slanders/ways. just only because i made feel stupid. 

 

but its an illusion to expect a person to fall with slandering him/her. a delusion. specifically this guh! wont fall with slanders. not when she is this much intellgnt and doesnt give  a damn care about the slanders (when she has enough dopamin serotonin surely :D)

this is one very screwed truth of people. they like to destroy people that makes them feel stupid or less shiny i dont know. but same motive. i never hate anyone that makes me feel stupid. but i observed severe dishonest slanders. then i observed normal nonsociopath people (completely strangers in internet) trying to slander me with that. just because i made feel stupid. or i am a different person and dont live with same mindset. 

just i observe this slandering with pitch and forks behaviorws in various situations. in my current serious slander case, its something i dont know might be even nonwestern agencies backed. but then i see nonsociopath people today for instance trying to slander, then i think people are really screwed. i mean trying to slander people this ways just because one made that blog writer feel stupid is not any ok.

its a world where people constantlly try to attack people as i observed. really weird. in slandering case, i observed i am created ugliest slandered and be attacked. then i said normal people arent like this. these people must be somekind of either ideological or such stuff doers. then but i observed today people tried to slander but just because i made felt stupid. then this is different. then i said, i dont know but i think people are quite screwed. i mean quite biased to wrong doing to other people. when they made felt stupid. when there is some kind of unhealthy envy. or i dont know what. but sometimes many times i observed this weird behavior of seeing people who would be happy to see fall of others. and happy to slander them either. and using any type of slander to do that. 

this is so violent. people are violent i think. i mean using slander to attack a person, this is violent. 

but its a delusion to think slandering a person would make him or her fall. 

one advise to anyone: never make feel stupid. they would you for that to forever. and they dont care if slandering a person is right or wrong. they just want to see the person fall. no matter what. with any possible way including slander.

i dont think motive of mhy stalkers slanderers is like this. cause they were professionals in slandering. i mean they were looked like gps support taking type people. i mean nonwestern agencies backed they looked as. 

but i also saw this in nonprofessional slanderers. that this behavior. of wanting to see fall of a person. even with slander. this is so violent. people are screwed. they are so violent. 

this behavior i observed is really traumatic i think: being allegedly slandered. with investment of 5 years to that. this already be very quite traumatic to me.

then i saw this sociopathic behavior also shows jup in a stranger in internet. trying to deform/change topics and slander. 

its like: i wont feel peace until this person falls down and i dont care if i use slander or not to see him or her fall.

this is very violent. and unnice. 

and also a delusion. cause i think i dont think anyone would fall ever due to being slandered. quite delusive minds i dont know hatred hormone filled minds tend to move to delusional status at times? the neuroscience of hatred is an interesting area i wonder about. since i saw the delusional narratives of haters when i read interent sometimes strangers blogs or else sometimes i read hatred, and i saw very ambitious hatred goals. hatred propagandas. then i say, this hatred named stuff has such ontological properties like: a hatred to work: it must have a strong exagaerated narravite/propaganfda. i mean its all same. propaganda is usually holds this intrinsic property of being strong. and being violent. deforming topics to turn it to a slander. i think that: its very risky to talk in internet and make feel people stupid i also feel stupid many times but i dont hate people whom makes me feel like that. nbut when  you are a nerd with project building capability set: i observed people just hate your being sometimes. just because you could build projects and people just hate for that even. it might be for an artist to be hated for since could build art projects. or for a sports person maybe attending a tournament or else. but the topic is, they hate so much and apply ugly propaganda in such situations sometimes. only thiing lacks is lack of piutch and forks. they wont feel satisfied until the person falls down because the person made them felt lesser shiny or felt different.s ince people like to see homogenity i mean they dont like differences. i mean its really weird the propagandas. and the hatred. just i think is all: because made felt stupid.

i hated being an intellgnt girl that everyone else hated me. and i confronted various times very passive aggresive behaviors even from my woman counterparts. and i  were like a anti-christ that needed to be cruxified to make people feel better. they dislike hate differences so much. i mean the moment you say you can learn thermodyanmics or any topic you want, tyhey extend their propaganda and even distort topics to slanders. i hated how people hate intellgnt woman. or woman whom behaves like man. and people mensplain with like for instance: 

i mean evrything i observed is when you are different. you either got slandered heavily. woith complete bullshit. and or sometimes it might be even nonwestern agencies (my slanderers were definitely taking gps location as happent today) but the same behavior happens from normal people. like i saw many times passive aggressive behavipors from people. i just wnated to say: in adults life:  being intellgnt means very risky area. i mean in high school i wernt bullied. but in adult life i saw, people dont bully but slander. just because you are different. they dont have problems in throwing an ugly slander to you. just because you made them felt stupid? the topic is: whomever intellgnt or doing projects: please hide. dont talk. and go find your tribe which wont hate you. 

i just been seeing observeing i am  attacked last 5 years. 

it happent like: iit happent exactly like:

 

i think its a nonwestern agency. since due to gps skills. of the stalkers.

 

but the thing the behavior i observed were: i am thrown untrue slanders. that are completely untrue. i hadnt undetrstood even first 1.5 years.

but this is a delusion. delusion of slanderers to think they could down fall a person with slandering him or her. 

and regarding hatred to intellgnt people, (might exist hatret to beautiful people) or (hatred to ugly people) or hatred to stupid people. various forms of hatred. 

but i saw as i tried to build projects: i dont know but timely coincidences of hatred attacks happent to my life. then i lived in trauma for 3 years first 2 years were also very hard but i at least didnt knew the slander part. first 2 years were like: what kkind of a psycho stalker this is. then 3years constant trauma.

 

but the topic is: observation is: people are very violent. and when they dislike a person just because is different looks different, talks different: they might even resort to slander to try to destroy. a dedicated destruction effort to the herd's different person whom did nothing bad. just because maybe is very ugly. or very intellgnt or very stupid. but creates anger because is differnet. 

this is why i wished people reads more to observe and fix these type of stuff. to not hate and not slander anyone with lies. this is very wrong. slandering a person behavior is very very wrong and very hurting stuff. 

i just am sick and tired of seeing how this frequently happens. in usual life. 

but its all a delusion to expect slanders to work. it might just torture the slandered target's life somelevel. but slanders never work cause truth always happens/shows itself. i mean: its just a violence show. that usage of slander to try to destroy him or her. is just pure violence. 

as i observed such stuff happent to me: i wanted to buy a big land and protect with some trenches around. since my experience of being a different and intellgnt and sometimes very stupid sometimes very intellgnt person life's last 5 years were very hard. 

i want to state slander is very wrong type of behavior. 

and i observed that being an intellgnt woman that doesnt aligned with norms: (e.g. i had one night stands in parties:D and i think everyone could live his or her life anyway, could live as a dedicated wife/husband. or could live religiously or else)  and i observed i have potential to build things. and like to talk alot about those stuff. and i observed i have many misunderstandings. that i lack some understanding level that i sometimes misunderstand in internet. but the topic is: then i saw lots of people love and support sometimes and thanks alot, but sometimes i saw lots of peopl,e hated. e.g. woman who had one night stands.or else. its just all people have a rationalization what is ideal way to live a life and they fascistly try to make it dominant way:D (i dont do one night stands in last 8 years :D) i only had 7 or 8 :D but i observed that: when you deviate: you just are very prone to attacks. and sometimes when you misunderstand a topic in internet, that even is used in trying to attakc by strangers in internet. (unrelated to slander topic this topic is new and unrelated to slander).

 

 its a whole pitch/fork situation afterwards if youa re a deviation from curve. but if i were attacked with truth i would say its ok to be attacked. in my case the slander is a bullshit lie. but they never stop attacking 5 years with slandering. i wonder why? ?? its just i observe from my own life. i oibserve a strong pitch fork situation whilst i did nothing bad. and they slandered me as bitch and but itgot worse and worse and they slander with all lies. and they never stop it. this 5 years stalk slander situation. its completely untrue. completley bullshit lies. but they never give up. the rationale of their people power (since they have GPS skills) makes me think its nonwestern agency backed. i think its like that.

but nonetheless, other than this slander topic, i saw i succeeded to build other haters in interent:D  due to my misunderstandings in my though times of life. but some blog writers attack me constantly due to that. but i saw today one even switched to slander. 

i just want to state: people are screwed. very violent. and use of slander to attack a person is quite definitely very very very very very wrong.

but i have hopes for future. since this guh has intense plasticity (but very very very low runtime memory) she can learn anything she wants and is building her this time fast to build project.

and again want to restate many times: that thinking slandering a person would make him or her fall is quite wrong delusion. its a delusion to think slandering anyone would make him or her fall. 

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5 years. seen pitch forks. :D 

and i did nothing wrong. the slander they attack me is bullshit /lie. and i think its nonwestern agency backed (not my country). cause they have GPS skills. 

 

i saw that my blog creates haters. then let it create. as told in soon my project would be ready. i would sell my design to people to build my safe life against most possibly nonwestern agency backed stalker/slanderer maniacs. its very rude you know? to get slandered with a complete bullshit lie. i mean its very traumatic. nothing can define how much traumatic it were as i observed i were tried to be destroyed my being were tried to be destroyed with throwing slanders to me.  now i kind of got over trauma of it most of the time (and i would ensure serotonin dopamin levels to be always strong against. since this is kind of traumatic so i need high serotonin dopamin levels (so therefore a protein rich diet i moved to)). 

its just people think there are rules in meritocracy. only rule is being decent. but there are no classes in meritocracy. and i think meritrocrqacy is also unfair. but the thing is: when people with class mindsets(that hadnt switched to meritocracy era mindset yet) somehow tagged you as a lower class the way you wear the way you talk, then when you talk about projects, or else, they want your destruction. 

either its a hatred to nerds in meritrocracy. since nerds have became advantaged. io am in wrong time of meritrocracy. current era of meritrocracy is where they want to cruxify nerds whom talk alot. but i also admit meritrocracy is very unfair. and many times i think in future definitely meritocraqcy wont exist since ai systems would make we nerds redundant:P  but the topic is i think i became a blogger nerd in the wrong era of meritrocracy:DDD in first era of meritrocracy, nerds became very likde people and they took their revenge from bullies in high school. but in this current era of meritroctracy i saw topics got reversed. now nerds again became the target to attacks. but this time i think meritrocracy has a fascist side inherently. and i am happy ai systems would make we nerds redundant in future. but i am unhappy to see how much attacked i were just i dont know people hated me sometimes i felt when i blog a project and i got attacked and passive aggressive comments afterwards alot. i just want to say, i see two eras. before it were aristocracy. now it has been meritrocracy. but meritrocracy also had two eras. first part where nerds took revenge from bullies. second part nerds became the new aristocrats. and people had an equalizer attitude like "nerds should be cruxified" attitude to nerds in second part of the era. :D i  never harnessed the gains of benefits of being a nerd. because i wernt a nerd in first era of meritrocracy :D then i wanted to be a nerd in second part, and i observed i were really cruxified:DDDDDDD all before i had a blog, as told i got slandered with the ugliest form of lies. i mean its unrelated to new haters i see for instance on today. all before that: i saw as i were building a startup try, i saw a cruxification startted against me. with even being resorting to slander. which is quite rude. the cruxifiers tried to show me as a bitch. and constantly attacked then they couldnt won the attacks and they attacked with slanders and rthey never gave up. due to people power and GPS skills i tend to think they are backed by a nonwestern agency. but the thing is, unreklated to that: i see people hated me when i bloggfed some projects somewhere. and ridiculing me etc. or unrelatedly today i saw i am attacked with slander. i mean people hated me doing projects as i observed. its like: i felt as: i dont know. i dont know. i just live  alife whilst i were tried to be attacked with slanders for 5 years. (i think its nonwestern agencies backed since they hgave gps skills. i think i were thought as a spy who works for west side. causde they hhad immerse power that they neverendinlgy done this stalk slander acts with gps skills. and it still happens. even if stasi didnt, it is exact were copy of stasi. ) i then see i managed to build lots of haters in internet. sometimes due to my dummy miisunderstandings. but i just want to state: there is a lot violence. but violence with slander is the hardest type of violence i think.  

but one thing sure, being this much plasticity holding brain i wont fall with being slandered. i would never make that happen. cause its unfair. its unfair to have a person fall with slander. i wont ever make that happen. cause totally unfair. 

its very ugly you know? when people create labels to you and pass by slandering alike that. this happens to me routinely for 5 years. they constantly attakced with slander/with lies. its very rude. 

i just want to state class systems still work alot in societies and its atopic i dont get used to. in my view there are no classes in world.but i saw whilst i were building a startup i were cruxified with slandering me. it were like you could do become only a bitch exactly like that. i mean this were very rude and traumatic. to be attacked like this. and people whom did this did this for 5 years and without reaching goals. but they neverendingly attacked slandered. i saw that: class system plays an important part in people's lvies. maybe i didnt take care of my clothes. maybe i gone to parties. did that made me look like i look like a person who could be wanting to be a bitch? people have quite prejudiced brains. i would never do become a bitch ever. or do such stuff. but they saw me as a low level human. whom looks poor (since doesnt care her clothes) whom looks kind of different looks very differnet maybe. and whom is loud. and they decided to see me as a abitch. they ridiculed me. they stalked me. slandered me. then i shouted back i am an engineer. stop stalking me. but the stalk slander never ended. with ugliest slanders it happens for 5 years. 

i mean world is quite a violent place i think. people have strong prejudices against pothers only because due to their look/their behaviors. and they try to slander them the worst. with worst lies. 

i saw many people this class behaviors also. like friend shouting behaving bad to the taxi driver. or people behaving bad to people in lower salary sections. 

people have a class system and take it as the granted rule.

i am not a populist. i dont want to gain sympathy of people against class systems either. 

but i observe the violence. that class system is a utinsil to reflect violence. not the burgoise but sometimes middle class does it worse. i mean some people have potential for constant hatred i dont know how. and severe prejudices.  i think the hardness of life sometimes results in hatred in people and also severe prejudices.

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for instance i were chosen to be a bitch by the stalkers view set. to them i looked like a bitch. (whilst i am not). they have strong prejudices to people who behave whom look different. i am not a bitch never been. nor did nothing like that. but they attacked me. they constantly attacked me. for 5 years. and since they couldnt win anything with that (other than making me enter to trauma) they worsened the attacks. and i saw a gps holding stalk. where they attack me. with the worst slanders. with worst lies. constantly for 5 years. since to them i dont deserve a good life, because i behave different than other people. like i might be loud. likei might go to parties. or maybe before i might had one night stands. to them i can only be a bitch. it were like this stalk startted like this. actually slander also existed in firt years but i handt understood even. any level. i hadnt expected world to bethis much bad place where people slander others. so i were unaware of the slander firs 1.5 years.  they attacked me with stalk slander constantly for 5 years. never could win up the attack either. (other than traumakitizing me) i mean i dont think destorying a person with slanders could ever happen. cause truth is always truth. and slander is always slander. i mean noone can make a person fall with slandering. in the end,  i think this world is actually like a what wer ethat game: some game where people constantly do war/attack each other.  due to myconfrontation of this side of people. the slander type attacks. i dont know. i dont ever reply surely. my way to attacks is just doing nothing and always would be like that. (i mean i dont go outside unless i have to. secondly i would build a safe home that is protected by trenches and protected by uppermost security mechanisms, i mean i would protect myself from the psycho type of stlker with physical security like home's being protecting by upper most security mechanisms).

but as told: this new project is easy to build. i wish to fastly build. then would buidl a safe home. (Since i think i might be really be confronting stalk slander of noonwestern side since they have persistent gps skills). 

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i saw that when you make people feel stupid or alike people hate to hell and want to cruxify. i saw this in my 5 years stalk slander incidents. or its nonwestern agencies backed i dont know. i just observe a very professional stalk/slandering pattern. like they do slander with saying things like: "she works for me" like stuff. and such kind of ugly words. (which are completely bullshit lies). and constant slander. constant bitch narrative. and constant attack with ugly lies. which are all of them are ugly bullshit lies. its not related to blog readers. it started 5 years ago. i confronted constant attack ridiculing of my being and i didnt even understood i were slandered aside that. then as i understood i entered to trauma. a dedicated destruction effort for 5 years with stalk and slander. i dont know if i could reflect how traumatic it is. it were. and it is still traumatic. 

but no what? noone could make anyone fall with slander. truth is always truth and slander is always slander. noone could bend truth with slandering anyone. so i mean no matter what; future is happy. i would build my safe home. (since i think its really done by nonwestern agencies as looking to the advanced people set i mean they look like agents whom does the stalk slander acts i mean because they lie relentlessly. i mean only agents could do lie to do some tasks right?  and also they have gps skills. i mean everytime i got outside i get stalked slandered. i mean there is some professional stuff of stalk slander i observe happens to me. i mean not a simple psychopath stalker situation it any looks like. there is professionalism in this one i observe happens to me. i thikn definitely think its nonwestern agencies backed.) but know what? i would build my safe home. and be safe against any type of craze of people. i observed people even resort to slander to try to destroy people. and thats very traumatgic observation. very rude. very traumatic. anyway.

 

i also wanted to state this topic has none relatedness to instagram where i misunderstood some perosnal interaction as if carried some meaning whihc were wrong. the slander topic is irrelevnt to that. or stalk is also irrelvnt to that. i always constantly scare if people would misunderstand it any like that since such weird misunderstanding happent. i just wanted to state this 5 years stalk slander is irrelevnt to any topic and it might be backed by a nonwestern agency and it started in times i had no blog either. its completely irrelvnt. and i constantly stated and also now say, i am very sorry for that misunderstanding of mine. and i wish the best to those people. truly honestly.  i wish the best.  none of these words is any relatred. since stalker topics have been told in posts with lots of misunderstandings i wanted to restate my stalker/slander topic has none related any to fb nor insta people or anyone else. nor any blog reader. it started in tiems i had no blog either. its completely irrelvnt. insta people did nothing wrong to me. they did satire and satire is ok. i just wanted to state this again. and wanted to state the all cried about stalk slander has none relatedness to any such topic. nor any blog readers. its completely irrelvnt. they never stalked me. nor they didnt slandered me but did satire. and satire is ok as i always said. i have no issues and i wish all the best. this stalk slander topic is irrelcnt to those people. not any slightlest level relevant. (everyone could sqay any satire to anyone else.) it wer eok since i did a severe misunderstanding and satire is always ok/welcome. i have no issues with satire. tnhought at sometime i reacrted but its always ok. since satire is always ok. and nobody have to like me. its ok i were disliked by people. its a 7.4 billion world. surely i might be disliked by other people:) its ok:) and satire is always welcome & ok :)  (honestly)

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i wish i fastly build the project and also create some friendset so i stop blogging since i disliked blogging. since i constantly have to do tons of explanations to not be misunderstood since blogging has inherently such risks.  i wish to attend driving classes language classes so i find friends and also i would attend threapist so that the stalk slander topic is solved. i think via therapists we might find NGOs helps to get some help to this severe topic of torture of stalk slander which impacts my life. i cant go outside scaring of the stalk/slander. cause they have GPS skills. everytime i go outside i go stalked/slandered.

just you know i read some things like: if people do work as a spy the other peoplke would torture them for that. i think since this dummy guh told she got security job offer to people, maybe this info goit spread and nonwestern side tagged me as a spy. i dont know. but i think the pattern of the stalk slander quite resembles the psychic demolition type of acts set. it never ends. and people doing that looks quite professional. i just dont understand how this happens like that. so i would tell all incidents to the therapist. so that therapist also would have an idea. and maybe we together go to NGO to ask help. 

yayy so to improve life quality goals: 

i would get a driving license so that time i am outside is reduced. that i always go to work by car etc. and also maybe i find friends from classes. i would also attend german class. to be able to talk/understand. i slightly understand sometimes. easy thype of sentences (since i got some years German language education but not very much our teacher said we dont have enough time and he instead taught some basics but we would write philosophy with German. i mean not advanced philosophy. maybe 101 to. or even pre-101. i mean since we werent knowing language alot, it were impossible to write advanced sentences. but would ask queries to think. the teacher. said there is not enough class time to taught the grammer well, sio instead had made talk ideas with german whilst we silently learn german also but not in any advanced level since i think class were 2 hours per week.

 it were like some philosophical queries answers in German. exams were like queries and answers in german and some grammer questions.  surely i forgot what i know (it were mid school) but i sometimes understand sentences. also because i have tons of relatives in Germany. when they came to Turkey we would also hear German words from them. ) 

ok to improve life:

things to do is: getting help of therapist to stop the stalk/slander issue. 

going to driving classes and getting a driver license (would create chance to travel yayyy :) and i would everyday go with car to work. if i had any driving licese liable to use, i would even not for one day use bicycle  :P (since i am agoraphobic little bit due to stalk slander situation) ) and i like driving also. so i plan to find a driver license course and attend exam. recent one happy goals is this. altough exam idea seems exciting:D what if i fail:D 

then i would buy a car. i should collect money for it i guess. ok next month i am not buying a laptop and starting to collect money to buy a car. 

and also this month i might start driving course. 

my last word to todays blog:

no one should think they could make a plasticity wise maybe  160 iq person fall with slandering her. if she were 90 either again slander wont work. since slanders dont work. (except traumaitizing) cause truth cant be bend to create slander. i mean nomatter how much hellbent the sociopath doing the slander is, the truth cant be overwritten with slanders. 

 

my word to slanderer stalkers:

welcome to trying to destroy my being with slanders slanderers :)  that i doint know if there is need to say that your dumb slanders wont ever work :) good luck in that:D you need too much luck for that :D actually i think luck wont help either. cause slanders never work. whicever situation. but its funny you spent 5 years slandering me you slanderers :D

 i wish you had more rational goals set in life other than slandering an engineer woman like that. but i wonder when would you people get to understand to see that slanders dont ever work. that trying to destroy a person with slandering never ever works. i wish 5 years of failure should had made you understood that. it must be painful to setup a goal for 5 years of trying to destroy a person with slandering but constant failure(i cant imagine what kind of a mind would set such goals either). good luck in that:D you need much of luck for to bend truths or overwrite truths with slander:D i wish 5 years of failure in that might gave you a lesson that slanders never work. 

 

 

this is as sure as first or second law of thermodynamics. slanders wont or dont work. its how life is. 

 

 

you thought you could slander this woman but you saw you cant. but you dont stop since you invested alot of effort to that? is this whats happening? or are you backed by a nonwestern agency? no matter what, i wish this 5 years of failure in slandering me gives you a life lesson that slanders never work. 

 

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