i  couldnt study till this hour since i washed my hair and blogged till noon. 

now i would study continue chapter 5.5.

i had slight headache and it healed with washing hair but still took some scarf around my head my neck to make it better for ache if happens. for not to get cold. 

i feel awesome. 

(as told i don't care the stalk slander incidents. i am mostly over trauma of having confronting confronted confronting organized slander or character assassination with all lies/slandering/smear campaiginig me. i figured out studying quantum mechanics making my silly brain busier helps ptsd to not care or just getting over ptsd easily much more. )

yayyy i am happy i am in lesser degrees of ptsd. ptsd remnant happens i still have constant noise music open in home flat. but that's all remaining ptsd. otherwise i feel much more secure and less ptsd.

i am happy that i enter new years eve with lesser ptsd and i feel more stronger against.

yayyyy quantum mechanics study continuation time. i might not be able to finish this study also today. i know it. then simulator would might need to be postponed 1 day which means it would be ready by end of Thursday. (other week's Thursday)

i ordered fast food since its the food type i like most beside salads. i ordered pizza and potato chips and sauces. and would make yoghurt+carrots like some side dish. i feel full cause i already ate from potato chips.  they are unhealthy but taste awesome as usual alike any unhealthy fastfood type. 

i feel awesome. and lets continue learning about quantum mechanics fun. soon i would have enough knowledge to build up my project. i wish i had lesser to study but i have to check those chapters all of them. and understand all of them. 

deleted too much details from life type of blog paragraphs in below.

continuing studying now. 

yayyy my bike and my 3d printer are coming next week yayyyy:D new years gifts to myself:P (since i do study with bypassing ad/hd to studying, i gift myself for that) (and also 3d printer is necessary to print the prototype of the wind turbine not just for gifting myself since i work hard to bypass my usual ad/hd to studying)

study work time. lets get over adhd and study to molec. dynamics. yupp.

 

i truly got amazed by quantum tunnelling concept. and its tied probability levels that it doesnt happen routinely. otherelse it would have been a quite funny universe where my arm dissappears appears. ok. i read about it in chapter 5.7  chapter 5.8 also said some awesome nonclassical physics stuff about rotation about rigd rotator. ok these  are very awesome. probability functions makes our arm stay in place there that it could appeared somewhere else. or completely dffernt places each partcle.  reason we dont observe alot fluctuations like that visibly is that nature of those wave functions in harmonic oscillator problem. but visibly our partcles might go to somewhere else randomly. =ok i truly liked these topics. similarly the spoofy rigid rotator that invalidates rotation topic. 

topics in quantum mecanics started to become fun funny awesome, specifically quantum tunnelling i read aparagraph of. and also the rigid rotator's nonclassical rotation. which are all awesome constructs/fndings and kind of feel the way universe behaves is kind of funny. 

other funny topic were people not including vibration in rotational schrodnger equation. i mean it must be ultra complex i guess(just only version including rotation is also very complex). but findings and those wavefunctions are amazing to read about. about spherical harmonics that i right now read in its quantm physics wave model for schrodinger equaton. 

i am so excited because if some topic happens i might be working somehow to spport developing medicines for a medical firm that i wont give details of this topic alot but its very exciting. current workplace is also very exciting but i think medical sector is also and moving to another city thats smaller i also liked i would move to some southern region if happens. this is very exciting. its an this time a USA medical company yupp. current company is also great but i am definitely very exicited for the prospective job application process t that medical company, this is totally very exciting to me. i am very excited to move to that city if this job chance happens. and never had a work in medical sector before and its very exciting:)  Berlin is also very lovely city but i like moving also. and this time the city is less populated and i guess rents would be lesser also.i would miss my lovely home here which is a guest house but looks very beatful homes. 

ok if this job application chance happens i would work in some USA medical technologies company and its very exciting. (i would work in software related topics like big data like topics) 

current company i work for is also amazing workplace. i suggest to everyone of colleagues to apply for as mentioned before. and  Berlin is an awesome city to live also but i have unrelated issues unrelated to Berlin,  living in a smaller city might be better for me since i have stalker/slander issue.  and rents would be lesser and its also very excited to find job chance at that medical company from USA actually. this is sometopic thats very exciting/happy. but i might as well fail in job application process since i am silly and sometimes i get rejected in application process but if job happens, is very exciting topic:) new city, new sector:)

ok this is one very very very happy topic in life thats in progress and first interview on monday or i think it were monday i would double check the day. its very very very very very very very very very very happy:)

continueing study yupp. if job happens i might need to post my 3d printer to hme i wold rent. i thin i wold do similarly for the bike. or might leave bike as a gift to the guest house i stay.  but 3d printer i am surely taking it with me. since its both 480 Euros and also an amazing printer.  ok :) i dont know if i would win the job or not but i already started dreaming on possible topics like how i carry my belongings to that city. 

ok back to quantum mechanics study topics in 10 minutes since i would prepare coffees/teas to drink. 

i wished i seen earlier. i thought i might receive reply on monday i never expected today this is why i saw late. i were not beside my phone today alot times during mornign and afternoon. i wish i saw earlier. 

ok this is very exciting very happy news.

ok this topic is all very very very very exciting :)  i wuold study AWS topics on sunday  (i worked on aws on prevous workplace but here working on different tech set ) so would go revise the system architecture compontns on AWS. i in previous workplce worked alot with AWS cloud techs.   ok sunday i would prepare to interview. 

ok back to studying quantum mechanics molecular dynamics yupp. rigid rotator is similar to vibrational harmonics actually. but its spectrometry results are in microwave region. ok.

ok i hadnt drank alot wine yesterday just tiny portion. whisky didnt even pour.  i felt sleepy on 11pm and rested then wokeup with sond of new year celebrations on 24.

i were readign chapter 6.2 when i became sleepy.  i think other chapters would be accomplished faster. itwere needing lots focus to understand qm domain and but now seeing same solution methods same methodologies being applied that chapters go faster if i dont do adhd. ok checking projects schedule: going 3 days later than i planned but its ok. i think its better to not stress self when coding also since i think i have enough time. ok this week's accomplishment wold be then: fixing Verlet's issues. then secondly learning details of molecular engineering.  as it is friday now. i guess it would take entire day to study the remaining chapters. wishfully i could start on saturday the coding part. 

yayyy my 3d printer is coming this week. maybe my turbine design might be ready.

for stalk slander incidents, as told i dont enter to ptsd like i used to from that organized slanderng activity/process. i think they must be imbeciles (100 iq less people than me) to do such things in life like slandering people with most impossible most irrational lies. or lets not mention about this topic in blog since i dont want to cause i am not like ptsd like i used to be due to this. it were organzed orchestrated stalk slandering though. not any simple slandering situation. i were forcefully tried to be assigned non true slanders with slandering me everytime i went outside. or also sometimes from home's vicinity.  people whom did this had visibly gps data like stuff. i think due to stalk slander incidents major contents my theory is that this were orchestrated by an unknown nonwestern country(due to some topics of stalk slander incidents). anyway i am not like ptsd like i used to be. much more stronger against.  this process happent for 5 years to me. started long before. those times i ddnt had any blog either. anyway i dont want to write alot about since i am less ptsd now. feel much stronger against.

in meanwhile,  i am very happy for the job interview on monday. i wold revise aws components to get ready to interview. its a big medical pharma company from USA. its very exciting/very happy news. new year started with some very happy news. 

(current company i work for is also  very awesome company. but medical sector seems severely intersting. )

 new year started witht his very happy news of such interview with that pharma company from USA:) yayyy :) this is very exciting and very happy news:) 

aha i newly visited webpages of the company   turns out there are2 companies with different brands. ok.  one is USA/Canada centered and job chance is from the other subsidiary. or the USA subsidiary. i hadnt understood the company structure surely. ok. there has been splits/mergers but i as read hadnt understood concretly about it:) :P  ok it might be the other division not USA Canada division or other division or the main company. but surely its very interesting since looks very` innovative medical sector company:)

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ok i really liked this Mc. Quarrie and Simon text book. it were last week felt awesome i mean its both holiday but reading about is also very interesting. it felt like both also holiday but not hard work. even if i reflected some times hard work it felt as very interesting to learn read about. i think stressful part of last week were task to fix Verlet method. i am happy it were fixed in not long period but i were quite stressful for if i could really fix it or not. it feels as i am lucky to have fixed it but not because i am keen on such stuff. but in anyway i am happy it were fixed because i ddint wanted to use that integrator since it lacks error control in its design. so i think last week's most stressful part (which i could call as hard work, i like to call stressful wrk as hardwork sometimes) were that task. but reading this chapters is nto stressful and even made my holiday more itneresting more fun. so i dont like to call that Mc Quarrie and Simon chapters reading as hardwork (since i had no tasks to solve otherthan learnign nor it wernt stressful but actually interesting) (made my holiday more interesting and more fun) (so it wold be wrong to call it hardwork. though if i had tasks to solve some topic i think might called it hardwork. my recent task is just learning)  (i just try to mean it didnt felt like work but felt like holiday snce i just read and learn) (so holidays first week ddnt felt like hardwork yet. but i think other week would be hardwork since i would code some klocs for simulator stdy)actually it feels like reading a very interesting text. so it feels yet still like holiday even if i work for to build a project this holiday.  but i think other week wouldnt feel like holiday:) 

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ok were at chapter 6.2 the chapter of hydrogen's orbitals.  then comes chapter 7 to 30 which i should accomplish today if i do less adhd:P

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i initially thought it as if i read some word and thought it as from security nstitutons like places. and thought yayyy i might found out soem secure home from stalk slander incidents. but then i reread i figured out its just a normal job offer. i thought it since i saw some word there i thought its like also hacker side connecton like security jobs chances. but now i understood as its just a normal job offer and not holds chances to find secure homes like stuff. 

i should stop this mood of constantly searching for secure home providing jobs mood since i see everything as linked to such concept afterwards:D

its i see everything with eyes of secure home search. since i belive i were targeted messed by an unknown nonwest country and i said i would search jobs for secuiryt institutions like places. then i see everything i receive in that aspect. i got very happy thinking job is somehow related to some secure home concept. then i understood its just a usual job application. not any has any links to security institutions. ok :) my this mood in stalk slander incidents is quite funny. i look constantly in mood of asking help or seeing if help would come or not from some place somewhere anywhere mood:P i should get out this ptsd mood. this is linked to ptsd mood. i am already little bit out of ptsd. and much more stronger against trauma of stalk slander inccidents. 

i strongly believe my stalk slander were orchestrated by a nonwestern unknown country because they had gps skills. so due to this reason, i constantly asked help from blog for chances of security institutions jobs. so everytime i receive a job offer i have a tendency to confuse it as if it came from a security institution linked status. i now as i reread reread the emailings i see its just usual normal job offer and not linked to secure home providing secrity institutions related links. 

ok then i think my current job i like more.  i only were interested because i thought it is linked to security institutions. i also got interested because its medical sector. but seeing its just a normal job offer, it feels as; my current job is quite comfortable also and have nice work life. but medical sector surely is very also interesting. but i think i also like my current job. 

i wish people dont see this funny but when you are in ptsd you see everything every text as possible help. ok i thought its a job chance where i could be a hacker or some such job role in security insttutions like places. but now i see its usual software engineering job offer and not like that. ok :P

i honestly got severely interested since thought its kind of a place which is linked to security job places so that i could find security jobs like software security stuff etc. but now i see its not any like that:D its just usual job offer:P from a cool USA&Europe company.ok :)

ok i now understood its not like i dreamt. i dreamt the job as linked to software security institutions and that i could find job later in such places. now i see its just usual job and not related to software security like jobs.

 (i as saw webpage of company got disinterested today. even if innovative but got disinterested.) (i newly saw webpage of today. ) (initially last days i confused it as some dfferent job etc like being hacker etc)  (i didnt any liked the webpage of even if a very huge and very innovative company. i newly 1 hour ago saw the webpage of. ) (as i saw webpage of newly i understood its nto any job related to any being hacker or security related jobs. ok:))

 

ok then :)

 

ok since it turned out not a job that provides secure homes (places like software security institutions of countries) it lost its that severe shiny dreamy job status from my view since its normal job. i need only thing i need in life is securing my life from stalkers slanderers*which i believe orchestrated by an unknown nonwestern country). but via a normal job i cant succeed to do that.  but it turns out usual normal jobs. changing city then would not fix my stalk slander situation. i would change citites only if the new city has a job thats linked to a country's security institutions. other else changing city wont help my life.  

ok then i think i would attend interview. but i dont think this job would help my own life troubles of stalk/slander topic. only a job with secure home chances might had i think. anyway.

 

ok i see that i see every job chance there as if linked to security institutions like soft. security insttns whilst they are not. this ptsd status is funny since makes me see every job chance i see as if linked to sec. instutuions places like jobs. :P

 

ok then saving my life from stalk and organized slander topic,  i continue on plan of building a winter home yupp :)  

as told if i cant find job in software security institutions like places, then i would solve my life troubles (of stalk/organized slander) via creating capital option via projects. ok :)

 

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ok blog readers i know you liek this blog since its like novel is not it:P

i dont monetize my blog but i think its like a novel with nto that much enough vocabulary like a writer. but its like novels i read i think my life is. troubles of my life is. 

 the troubles in life i became much more stronger. i am not in ptsd like i used to be before. and much more stronger against. feeling much more secure. and much less ptsd.

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the first day of new year, i feel awesome, amazing. as told 2 days ago i started to feel much less ptsd and feel much more stronger aganst stalk/organized slander topic.  which started very long before. noone in internet knw my existenxce by then, i ddnt had any blog by then either. 

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ok i feel amazing today! as told i feel less ptsd and much more stronger agaisnt the trauma of stalk/slander topic. ok. 

and its very exciting since i now could would be able to process textbook's chapters faster cause the understanding qm part passed. that were the most challenging part i think regarding this sub task of simulator project development. 

i think last weeks i mean this weeks biggest accomplishment were solvgin Verlet task which i am quite proud to have accomplished with my yet weak maths. it were unsure if i could accomplsh that since i am not yet good in maths. i need to study much mroe to be good in. so that were due to my lack of good knowledge in maths were very challenging task to me. and it were unsure if any better than Verlet integrator type solutions existed. so happy to find out such solution.  cause its not consize.

so this weeks biggest accomplishment were like that. and also learning qm also i think. but it felt fun to learn qm either cause its very very very very interesting topics to read learn about and it helps me understand the kinematics model or thermodynamics stuff i read up to chapter 4 more. like 3 modes of energy or more due to different rotations. ok i think i would learn all necessarily enough knowledge for wind turbine simulator today. yuppp very exciting project. in n days knocking wind turbine's industry i think i would see my idea works (or works not) in i think by start of 3rd week of holiday. which is 10th of jan

 

 

5 minutes left to start studying. i ate my left over pizza and potato fries. i liked not making food last 2 days cooking is a tiresome act to me.  i wished i liked cooking like other people. 

i bought some card decks that are decorative that i play solitaire with when i rest. some solitaire with decorative looking card deck. before this guh starts studying. 

but maybe  i also apply to the job since the company seemed very innovative and also that city looked interesting and also being senior role there seems also interesting. and i also work on molecular engineering on my hobby project even if its not any medical sector my project is. ok i would apply to. but i really didnt liked one webpage part. thats why i dnt want to apply to. otherwise it looks as a very innovative company to create medicine very innovatively. they do 3d print lots of stuff so seems very very very very very very very very interesting. took much more interest from me as i saw they do very interesting stuff like 3d printing some materieals. i would surely apply to:) 

 

 

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hobby project designs.

 with my wind turbine design:P i dnot know. lets see. i think my second project is fun creating molecules combinations with generative design to do create bonds to create a lemon tomate green leaves or cow meat. so that food becomes commonly available and no famines happen. in periods world enter to global warming i guess it would inequally impact world also. but also economically making food cheaper is also harmful since i guess because its one main economic mechanism. but yet still other forms of activities might be replacing farming or it could have still position if synthethic food existed. ok. this is second project goal. to create tomato lemon green leaves all such stuff and cow meat synthethically via generative and reinforcement learning based also mechanisms on molecular level simulators. but reinforcement might not be necessary i think just generative design and such algos is enough. reinforcement wold have been overengineering for this task since the molecules arent expected to do anything differnet than their usual form like being molecules. some nano level design tools would be crafted via moleculer level forces. moleculer force systems would be the tools to create other molecules designs. to build a synthehtic tomato/green leaves/cow meat. this project also seems ery interesting. (and fun also:D)some moleculer level design constructs would be generatively generated to build other molecules. will hack how nature works so that food becoems synthethic. and very cheap. i think farming would still happen to create the original versions which might have even higher prices than current farming products ranges. or this synthethic foods taxes should support farming systems on world with basic income if replaces farming that farmers dont get impacted by tht. also i think even with synthethic foods farming would stll exist and might transform in later.  ok i wanted to relisten an anthropology podcast about villages. for how it changed. and how it mgiht change.   but surely this would make famines a history and would reduce inequality factor for global warming impacts. ok. 

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ok some solitare with very very decorative cards. then would continue chapter 6 yupp. 

ok  wish i dont do laziness alot awhile afterwards and start studying. 

ok i dream that this moleculer engineernig stuff would even make life eternal when moleculer editing and visualizing devices gets better but i think some spectometry devices with lower wavelengths would be harmless and would might be used to visualize some molecules to edit. ok goal is to make human life eternal. third project. it would be possible with devices created tech created in second project. since in there molecule setting up devices would be crafted. ok.  i think i might be able to have figured out devices to make human life eternal by my 50s :) or 60s. i wish my mom and dad are still alive by then or anyone's any relative either not only mine.  i had stopped dreaming about this project for a while. but reinited since i i think its really possible. as i study learn about moleculer dynamics stuff.everyone out there, please live a long life cause i think i might devise eternality in 20 years or 15 years i dont know how long it would take.  as i study moleculer dynamics i see that this project idea is really feasible. but would take alot time. first second project would happen where devices to edit create modify molecules or vsualize would be innovated. then i would switch to medicine part to edit our molecules for to create medicines. and for to fix recreate endlessly those broken stuff as we age. so that we people never die ever (unless something very bad happens like some catastrophe like meteors or such stuff) 

ok my this making life eternal dream is also back. i were starting to think its impossible but studying molecular dynamics makes me to think it might be really possible. to create such iinnovations in visualizations of molecules atoms and how to create/recreate/edit so that we endlessly fix our own molecules with such devices that we dont ever die. it would be awesome :) ok lets currently think its impossible still. but maybe in 2035s it might be not impossible. yupp. i think this is still in impossible dreams category of my dreams. but maybe in 2035s  i would say yuppp its possible.  cause its not known what could be innovated in 15 years. i believe eternality would be possible in those years. i think if i could build second project to expertise in moleculer engineering, i think i might have idea on possibility. but roughly i thnk its possible. 

i think quantum mechanics also works in macro world but still in quantum levels that we see the total behavior but universe moves iterates in eigenstates but the total macroscopic world looks to work smooth continous whilst in nano levels it iterates in eigenstates while we move to macroscopic world side, the eigen states becomes invisible. we just think its continous but i think its just we measure with again macroscopic tools to think its continous.  for gravitation potential, i think its waveform we hadnt exactly deciphered maybe and i think our measurements are all in macro level that we miss the eigenstates based iteration.  i think for also gravity we could try testing creating wavelenght based eigenstates. or i might be wrong. i dont exactly understood what people mean quantum does not work in nonquantum levels. i think it might be working but we might not be measuring. anyway. maybe i remember that statement wrong and noone said quantum and classical physics are not compatible. do we measure classical physics with measurement range we apply for quantum level i wodner.

i have lots of adhd today. but chapter 7 has funny topics. i am reading chapter 7.

ok everything starts wsith wind turbine project.  

but first some solitaire randomness fun with my decorative cards.

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