ok since its kind of  sleepless or lessr sleep having night due to health issue, i wanted to read some either sociology or anthropology article. hmm i wish i actually could had written.

i would like to analyze my psychic topics beliefs in anthropologic perspective. i want to analyze my own belief. since its a form of religious or mystical belief topic. 

i sometimes listen theological anthropology series. I want to understand what is reflexive (inner brain) what is reflective in this belief mechanism of this topic(as i listened part of such podcast i took these words froim). I mean does popular culture creates some enhancement of my belief or whether if my brain is predispositioned to believe such topics. It would be an introspection journey.

but i dont have enough knowledge to analyze do introspection to this topic i think. 

 

i need to go over conceptual framework universals from philosophy of religions topics. to get to know universals and then analyze through such lens.  just for to analyze. not to stop or start believing to or change my belief any. i just want to do introspection. 

i only observe two properties of my belief. I feel stressed when people mention psychic topics. Its just a personal type of topic to me and i dont like to talk to others of such topics except blog. I mean when i see attention related to psychic topics, it feels stressing. Maybe because i am an autist i dont know, but when people show attention regarding to psychic topics, i actually stress alot.  

its a topic that i care some degree but not uppermost degree, its a belief but not a topic i like to put to center of my life not any meaning beliefs are any bad. i just am like this, other people could be different. 

i saw in some belief systems, people put the belief at the core of their lives. I never ever been such person type :) (i am not saying being such person type is any bad either. not to be misunderstood). 

i like to stay on positivist type of relativist universe understanding and put belief systems to lesser dominating positions in my mind. Of course other people might be dissimiliar and there is none correctness in these type of topics. I mean on where to  put belief systems in our minds. its a full freedom everyone has right to put whichever place. 

its just i observe maybe due to being autist, i dont change alot in some core topics. and lived my life on positivist perspectives. I mean belief systems had not been alot dominating position in my mind. but this psychic topics beliefs is a new topic to me. but somehow when i get attention due to psychic topics, it stresses me out. Cause i am one very individualistic and maybe selfish personality. and find something stressing about it.  cause i am not uised to attention and i am autist and belief topics are very personal topics to me. i am not a community minded personality unfortunately:S i wiwsh i were. but i am autist. circuitory my circuitory is not group minded. i wish i were.  but i am not. so i think what might be stressing might be just nto being used to groups. 

what i could wihs in life would be: right now: that noone ever shows me attention in lieu of psychic topics. cause such type of attention is stressing.

 

cause psytchic topic is not a topic i am fully peaceful with. it creates some level cognitive disonance.  i mean lack of usual episteomological mechanisms in this area. i mean empirical or axiomatic claims are not easy nor needs nonselfish indivudals to check if psychic phenomena is real or not. but i dont ever want to attend psychic tests as i introspected this is what i know. i am not a group minded person. my silly circuitory is like that. i am sorry for it.

so whenever i receive attention on psychic topics, it stresses me whether if attention giving people have intentions of doing psychic tests to me which are not harmful topics and even most people would be  interested to be a psychic i guess.

but i do introspection an di really dont want to be any psychic.

i like to be coder. i like to be engineer. but psychic. nope. 

i wanted to reiterate this topic to be not misunderstood. that i have no career intentions to work as a psychic ever in my life. cause it creates cognitive disonance to my brain. 

 

i think noone shows attention due to psychic topics i guess. but i wanted to write this. 

 i love to be engineer/coder careers but psychic topic stresses me. cause i am one very individualistic personality.  i think we autists (not all autism types maybe) are less group minded. or its due to how were raised up.  i just dont have any group mindedness. but psychic topics needs person to be group minded. because you pahould have some eradicate boundaries of your body to tests. like electrodes around youor fmri, you share part of your being presence with outside.   which is very creepy to an individualistic autist person type. one thing i would never want to share would be part of my presence of my brain signals in fmri or else. i guess psyvhics in modern times would be tested through fmri. people with group minds, people with not strong individualistic mind, would have no problems in that. of sharing your brain data with outside topic. one should be very giving to outside i mean very altruist and group minded to eradicate boundary between self and group.   to me its impossible. i like my boundaries and being separate from any group.  i think i am different with respect to neurotypical people in this sense, that i am very muchn less group minded wtr to usual neurotypical people. its related to autism or my specific brain modules type i guess.

so this topic stresses me out. cause i know i would never attend ever any ;psychic test ever in my life. even for once. and i saw poeople showing attention and attention i disliked related to psychic topics cause it feels like being dishonest to them. i mean it feels like if i create wrong impression like if i would ever attend psychic tests etc. no i wont. and this wont ever change. we autists peoples such decisions wont ever change. 

and so,  i think what actually stresses me out is this above paragraph. thinking people show attention to put me under fmri or such devices to get to know abiout psychic phenomena. if ever it exists. but i know pretty well that would never happen. so it happens trhough moment of like feeling of stressed since i feel like unnecessarily taking people's time/energy. i mean i feel like as if people have such intentions but i know that wont happen then it feels me stressed since i took people's time/energy.

i wish i were more group minded but i am not. i am one very most individualistic personality type,. autism enahnces individualism topic much more. i all my life had even issues to understand social collobration or group mindedness. which are very cool topics surely. but i lack such stuff. i am not any group minded. neither my raising were any group minded type. i am severely individualistic.  i think even attending any group idea scares me. cause i like staying individualistic. i think its due to autism mostly maybe.  i like to get lost in projects/art studies. and interact with people in lightweight topics like lightweight talks but not strong collobrations nor ties to group concepts. i think i am like this due to autism.   manye other people i saw, they love to be inside groups and have ties with groups. i am not like that. i dont like setting up ties. even idea of tie makes me stress out. i just share my own personal life only with me or close family or friends etc. but dont like any ties with outer people. i think this is due to my autism type of my nonneurotypical brain type that i am not group minded.  i like to be engineer or coder to workplaces or share time with close family when i want to, or friends when if i have, and but other else, i dont have mentality of group mindedness. and when people show me attention on psychic topics, it feel as, they misunderstand and thinki me as an altruist person whom is group minded and would be happy to share brain signals to investigate psychic phenomena, i wanted to restate i really not interested to such stuff. noone even told this nor mentioned nor meant this. but i always love being proactive in possible misunderstandings. and this were such possible misunderstanding. 

oh gosh being non neurotypical is sometimes hard. e.g. being non group minded. since you feel lacking such attribute surely and be embrassed for why i am not group minded like in level of other neurotypical people. but i really am not group minded. and severely indiividualistic type of a silly personality i am. 

one topic i know autism is really weird. i love its some atrributes but other attributes makes me feel so unsimiliar to neurotypical people sometimes. like this topic. 

wanted to clarify noone shown me direct attentnion related to psychic topics either. 

but i like to think always in all possible possibilities and there i saw such possible attention (even not happent now) in future since i blogged anbout psychic topics. i wanted to blgo proactively that i am not openminded to such topics. even if any people gave me a billion money i would still not be open to. (of course noone gives billions to psychics but yet still i mean i am really not open minded to such topics). 

i saw no people approached me on this topic. but i wanted to blog proactively in case in future i get approached.  not to be misunderstood as if any people shown direct attention related to psychic topics either.  but i sensed possibility of that. sensed as if some attention might be like that. or it is not like that i dont know. but wanted to write a proactive blog to not ever be misunderstood an d not feel guilt of stealing people's time and energy for nonsense. cause in the end, i would never do any psychic stuff sorry very sorry:S i am sorry if i were  misunderstood in this. but i told this before. i wanted to retell. not to ever be misunderstood and get attention for whislt i have no intentions for a psychic career.

 

i wanted to restate noone approached with such intentionality either to me. but yet still i sensed such possibility, so i wanted to proactively blog any such approach beforehand with this blog entry. and very sorry if i were misunderstood if i were thought as i am open to psychic topics in scientific way. nope i am not. i am sorry. i hate myself if i were misunderstood in this. i hate being non group minded in severe levels and very sorry for this mentality of mine for people whom might have intentionlity of putting me to fmri or such stuff to check psychic phenomena scientificaslly if any psychic phenomena scientists got interested. i really not such an altruist type person. i am one also very very individualist person that i am kind of embarassed to tell these but its like this that i would never be wanting to attend any psychic related topics. i like blogging about it. but thats all. 

being non group minded is one point where autism makes life harder. or having severely strong boundaries in some topics. or not being open to changes either. but mostly lacking group mentality feels very weird. i am a quite emphat autist but severely out of group mindset. not to be misunderstood if i lack emphaty nor if i am anti-social when i said i am not  group minded. its just only, its just, i am really not any group minded and i know its due to autism or specific brain type of my silly brain.

i just written this if any psychic scientist (psychologs whom investigate psychic phenomena) got interested to me. i sensed as if something like that might happent or happen in future. so i written tnhis to say that i am not open to psychic topics nor tests of. 

i see psychologs investigate psychic phenomena. i see its still an investigated topic by psychologs.