ok 260 euros went away for nonsense due to missing train and having have to schedule an hotel at berlin for this night etc :D

anyway, this month would be little bit tighter then. its ok. i can handle. 

i left my lots of things in a storage space place. its like still even with that mu luggage is not any lightweight. but before it were very heavy weight (due to math books and due to everything of me inside luggages also winter clothes )

i figured out experienced a new situation in life like too heavy luggages, that one should always use storage space :D i thought i could manage it, but i lost the train in just 1 minute :D i saw when the doors closed :D

somehow i couldnt go early but went 10 minutes earlier than trains time and the moving stair case were in repair so i had to go to escalator but it were little bir far and it were really hard to move those severely heavy luggaes. then anyway somehow i managed to go to train floor but i mised the train just with 1 minute:D

 

anyway i am pretty sure i would again would had lost the other train in munich stop, it were 15 minutes in munich to change to other train and i dont think i might made up to the other train platform in that much minutes. so it were kind of lose lose situation already as i figured out my capability to move the luggages.

 

so lessons learnt. dont take too much heavy luggages. i cant carry well even if they have wheels it were very hard.

 

there were 10 or more maths books inside and some of them are very heavy. 

 

and all clothes of mine. and also i didnt want to throw my screen and there were screen. 

 

i throw my shoes all of them in morning since hadnt fit. hmm 2 normal shoes, 1 boot i newly bought etc. anyway:D

 

anyway this has been huge experience of learning how important storage spaces are:D

 

 

:D

 

i mean i thought i could carry those luggages. but turned out i dont have that power. i can carry but very slowly and with rests alot. 

 

anyway right now i am very relieved most of the luggages are in a storage space in one storage place in city. i now have 1 luggage, which is stuill kind of heavy but uncomparable wtr to its previous weight. 

 

i would go with bus since bus option were cheaper, as i already did alot lost money with missing train and actually its my lack of experience of having 2 very heavy luggages. i thought i could carry but turned out its very hard.  

anyway i arranged an awesome place to stay from less expensive prices in Berlin since my bus is on other day. hmm. would be huge bus travel time but its ok, most is night hours. 

hmm i feel so relieved since i dont have to carry those stuff. including maths books. i only took necessary math book. hmm others arent that much urgent. i wish i took more.maybe 1 more. anyway. forget about that. there are also online free books on the topics i can consult them if i need. 

 

so right now's mood is: feeling relieved in my comfy hotel room. its a very comfy hotel. its price is awesome wtr to how it is. very clean/very comfy and  low price. (its 56 euros per day and its very very very comfy/nicely decorated/very clean)  i really liked the hotel room. it made me forget about how carrying those luggages were such a bad crisis moment for  today's begining. has been a huge experience to understand one should never travel with loths luggages but should use storage spaces. 

 

i thought i could handle it but when taking 2 of those very heavy luggages both, it felt so hard:S its not just clothes, lots of books inside etc etc. 

 

 anyway crisis is resolved. i am going 1 day later but its ok. 

 

--------------------

 

 

meanwhile one nice topic:

 

i figure out: sometimes even traveling to another place is very having very good impact on psychology.

 

cause i think i got over agoraphobia some level. 

 

i beside hotel had some meal in a cafe.

 

then searched for a cafe shop to buy some bagel or cookies etc. for night. i might take some bagel for dinner today since i dont want to eat alot. then in the queue of there, some curse/slandering incident might had happent. but i couldnt fully hear but i heard one word i heard alot in stalk slandering inicdents of the character assassinaiton i confront.  and but i figured out: i am over agoraphobia. i didnt even left the queue. i just didnt cared, i figured out i am over agoraphobia and dont scare from the character assasinition any more. and at that right moment, i just found it as an non important nusiance of the stalk slandering incident and didnt any cared.

i figured out reached the mental state of not caring or stressing when slander incident happens. before it werent like this. before when stalk slander incident happens i would feel ptsd/trauma feelings. now ddnt any cared. i continued my life's instant at that time: with buying my cookie or croissant or bagel and ddnt any cared the slandering moment.   

i think i really got over agroaphobia.

i figured out: psychology is weird. it can heal in unexpectedly fast.

cause i ddnt expected to heal from agoraphobia this fast. but i figure out in such too stressed brain conditions due to trauma/ptsd, some change like traveling kind of really helps and helps healing from trauma/ptsd or agoraphobia.

i figured out as i have enemies treying to do character assasinaition to me never endlessly, but i figured out i truly today ddnt any cared.

there i figure out i really have severe enemies. i recent year, some maniac in internet read and misunderstood my blog in the most impossible way, then tried to slander in such aspect and then i foiund out in street outside twice people tried to slander me like that online slandering. so thagt online maniac whom tried to slander me's slander also impacted my daily life. the maniac took a sdentence from my blog and put to a very unnice very impossible slandering context. anyway. this were before. so i figure out online slanders are very dangerous cause when it happent, afterwards i saw at least 3 people slandering shouting such word. this online slander is very different to the other enemies topic of character assasn aition. character assasinitoin's slander is totally and very different.

 

anyway. i figure out i dont any care. nor entered ptsd due to. 

 

i figure out when trauma happens, traveling  really helps. like if you are bored in your flat, and like traveling, it really helps trauma feeling.

 

i confronted last 6 years a character assasintion whilst i am a woman engineer, i were slandered as bitch/mafia and it never endingly happent.

 

then last year some maniac took 1 line from my blog and did tried to create a very impossible slander even more impossible than the character assasinaitioon's slander. (both are impossible but this online slander were worse). then on online that slander went viral and it were very hard times due to that libel of putting mys entence to a very nontrue impossible context libel way to change the meaning of sentence to slandering me with a very impossible slander. but the maniac started this. gthen this spread to outside i saw at least 3 incidsents where the online maniac's slander were shouted. so online maniac's slandering also be continued putside. the recontextualization of my sentence and putting to a very wrong incorrect untrue meaning, such bad propaganda worked in some level and some people started to stalk with the online maniacs' slander. (this is unrelated to last 6 years character assasinaition topic, that is a different slander and this online libel is a different slander, but horrible even more horrible than the character assasination's slander. both are impossible slanders but the online libel were much horrible i think).

 

 

i figured  out, when inside agoraphobia, traveling really healed my agoraphobia.

i figured out even slightest change in life (like adding a topic we like, e.g. for me its traveling i like it alot) might work out to unexpectedy heal agoraphobia.

cause i went outside, dined in a cafe today, then took some cookies from a cafe/bagel shop for dessert (and bought some bagel also for night today). hmm so i think i got over agoraphobia and dont any stress or have ptsd like not wanting to go outside feeling due to the character assainaition topic. 

this traveling really created a huge healing in my brain to trauma of being slandered.

 

i really got over agoraphobia. and dont care when stalk slander incidents happen. yuppp.

 

i figured out brain is a very weird organ. i mean you heal when you werent expected to heal that much fast. i mean healing from agoraphobia/ptsd's some level.

 before stalk slander incidents felt very scary very ptsd/very traumatic moments. now its like a topic i really dont care :D

gosh. i really got over ptsd. 

i ddnt expected to heal now. but healed of :) 

so i figure out in trauma/ptsd situations: some thing like: adding some topic that you really like alot (for me its travceling for instance) and resting and such stuff really helps healing out of trauma/ptsd.

 

cause i went go to a cafe today. 

its so weird. i really healed :)

its so happy :)

i healed of ptsd of character assasination. now i dont care when a stalk slandering incident happens. 

 

its so happy:)

 

i really healed :)

 

of course i use still headphones for security for to make me safer incase stalk slandering incident happens to have me safer. but i dont open music today. but its for, that incase stalkers slanders, would have lack chance to make me disturb. i mean its for security. for not giving a chance of slanderer shout a slandering sentence to me and make me hear. i mean the stalker would know i dont hear. so its more secure. i mean not giving chance to the psycho character assasin to do disturb. its such type of security.  currently i cant hire detective if i had capability i would go outside with detective so that when slandering happens, detective could record so that we could go to court to sue to create protection against character assasination. but thats for later. i cant hire detective now economically. anyway. 

 

it were like, 100% avoiding going outside before. now it is like before, its like i mean its like before i had ptsd due to character assasination.

 

i think travel idea healed my agoraphobia :)  (i really loved traveling before.)

 

 

ok. 

 

i cant believe that i healed from agoraphobia. that i ddnt cared when stalk slander incident happent :)   i think in there stalk slander incident happent same word i heard in pool in istanbul i went to pool like 4 or 5 years ago in 1 hour distant to city place, then the stalkers also stalked in pool but i were unaware of slandering but i wouldnt care i would think i have a very maniac stalker those times  i remember by pool side the stalker shouted some word from other side of pool and but i ddnt cared nor looked. then in various stalk incidents same word were shouted. and later i understood the stalker is also slandering and also shouted ugly requests or sexually harrasing sentences etc etc and constant following/constant character assasintion happens in a psychopathic way last 6 years to me. being a woman engineer and being slandered with the most impossible slander.  yupp i confronted a severe harsh character assasination. a very psychopathic character assasination.

 

 but nice topic is i really got over trauma of :) i really got over agoraphobia of also :)

 

this traveling really felt very good to me. 

i mean this change awhile.  whilst been in staying in flat all days last year. except going to work. then all inside in flat. etc.

 

 hmm it feels so good to have got over ptsd of character assasination :) 

i dont stress when stgalk slandering happens now :) i litreally really dont care :)

 

 

healing from agoraphia. i think i had healed. i think now ptsd is very insignificant levels. of the psychopathic character asssasination that endlessly happent to me last 6 years.

life feels awesome as i healed of trauma of character assasination. 

and i literally truly dont any care when stalk slandering incident happens :) i got over ptsd of character assasiantion :)

wov. i ddnt expected to heal this fast from trauma of character assaisnaition.

so i call this blog page: discovering instant healing.

i figure out sometimes very fast healing to agoraphobia happens. when you add some topic you really reeally like alot to yours life.  in my case for instance its traveling. i really love it. i really like seeing new cities/traveling. and turned out this traveling period really healed my psychology from ptsd healing in severe levels. i cant believe that i really healed in huge levels. not any insignificant levels healing it is. 

so anyone with agoraphobia: i suggest adding some topic that you really like alot to your life to heal. in my case it really worked and healed me.

i am so excited for following month (i would dine in cafes alot without agoraphobia) and other month. 

it feels amazing to have healed :) 

instant healing :) 

or maybe i needed time to heal maybe. i dont know. maybe after many days of trauma feeling, it somehow resolves after some time point. i dont know. but i figured out i really dont have agorapbobia due to character assasinatioin anymore.

i literally really dont care now when slandering incidnet happens.  before it were veyr traumatic moment to me. to confront character assasintion moment. of stalk/slanderincident. now i got healed of trauma  of and dont care when happens.

gosh :D

i healed of ptsd in huge levels:D i am not any more agoraphobic :D

 

i am so happy :D

 

----------------------------------

ok traveling Rome time soon :)

 

never had this much bus travel time in mhy life. cause there one bus travel session is 20 hours. but most in night time. anyway. never had traveled with bus in Europe before, would be a new experience :)  yayyy not tomorrow but the other day i am in Rome :) 

hmm friday doctor appointment. hmm meanwhile monday tuesday friday job application processes.

 

hmm and also would continue also today topology study that got in middle due to flat cleaning task.