in place i live, i would attend even if i have no talent modern dance classes. since hmm i really like music and i think i wont be able to learn but would try. since its another dream of mine thati couldnt accomplished yet. i cant do complex dances but modern dance seems from outside more doable. maybe i am wrong. most possibly this would end up with me observing i cant learn. but lets try sometime :)
hmm recent hobby dreams: bouldering learning. hmm it has nice calories spending chances. hmm also modern dance since looks very interesting to dance. most posibly i wont be able to learn any. but worth trying since looks interesting.
hmm i am pretty sure i wont be able to do complex movements but just basics if i could learn (i am pretty sure i wont be able to learn basics of many dance movements) if i could learn 1 or 2 stuff it would be great :) i am interested to modern dance where people do aesthethic caroegraphies/ movements. hmm but most possibly i wont be able to learn. but would have been awesome to try.
but i thnk i would lose weight first. hmm. with bouldering since bouldering seems also very fun. hmm and spends lots of calories. if i do bouldering everyday i wqould lose 1 kg just from that in a week. so i can lose 4 kgs a month if i do constant everyday bouldering. which would be awesome. i need to lose weight for my health.
hmm for painting hobby i would also continue since in this home i saw a book of paintings and i liked the arhitecture paintings seems interesting to do naturmont/pastoral and architecture mixed paintings. i am interested to that hobby either again. hmm.
i am happy my serotonin levels get back to normal levels after drinking for days had reduced it and made me entedred constant crying mood. i observe drinking makes me entering crying mood. so i cancel drinking. before it werent like that. before i wouldnt enter to crying mood when i drink but now its like that so i stop any drinking habit.
hmm for sculpting hobby i also intend to continue that in the city i am. yupp would go to many courses in free times. might register or rent a studio for sculpting hobby also either.
hmm for the stalk slanderings i would report as i mentioned since now i have evidence of(1 week ago or some days ago recorded on internet an evidence as slandering incident happent on internet). yupp. :) yayy :)
for stomach illness as i get my health insurance i would have the necessary stuff but before that i would check for helicobacteria stuff and would get medication for if needed for it.
one urgent topic is needing to lose health.
other health stuff is i think i need to consult to a heart doctor to that symptoms. my uncle died from heart illness. but i think mine is not heart related. but due to stomach's load. but sure would also consult a heart doctor when health insurance gets renewed yupp. not only my uncle but also my cousin died from heart illness. but theirs illnesses were not same. uncle died due to not developed yet bypass tech. by the time he had bypass it wernt that much developed and life expentancy after bypass wernt that much. he had vessels narrowed situation and also diabetes etc. cousin's were heart weakness but he were also alcoholic so people usually thought his heart got weak due to alcohol. anyway. i am not alcoholic by the way. i told i drink but i drank very rarely. not much either. but i stop it due to stomach illness and also that i observed it impacts my mood with making me enter crying mood. but since i have heart problems in family and so i would attend also heart doctor after my health insurance gets renewed. i just suspected some level. since my circulation literally stops in the moment my stomach makes excess bloating load. i mean either stomach hernia has huge impact to my underlying vessels. or i also suspected whether if some problem with my vessels exists like widening or narrowing either. might not be at all. it might be just having a very huge becoming stomach during bloating and having load on vessels/nerves in degrees stopping circulation of blood. it looks exactly like that. but yet still i would also consult a heart doctor and check my vessels later also. but first is stomach. and also might in tandem attend heart doctor. after insurance gets happen renewed. my mom and my dad has no heart issue.
i once went to heart doctor in my 20ies and doctor said its very healthy. in last recent doctor check at stomach doctor visit (whom prescribed endoscopy to me) checked my heart signals and said its healthy. i dont think my heart has problem. but yet still iw ould have checked. since blood circulation stop is not any ok stuff. even if happens due to stomach. needs cautiousness/check to also check heart/vessels i think. maybe i also had narrowed down vessel who knows. it could be. i dont know. better to check/and be healthier and reduce any risks of severe type of such illnesses.
i would never drink again. i cant believe how drinkign can alter mood. it made me entered to a crying mood alot.
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i right now work on project even if i have zero chance for it. i just wna tot complete and send it. since to not leave it in middle. i decided mongodb initially but it would take some time to shard it preconfigure it. better use an hive and just store the files initially. and you can query from ui either. i decided to remove mongodb since it has lots of effort like having another container which includes db tables schema migraton handling for indexes to be created. if i use mongo db i need to create table indexes. and shards. but i think thats not suited very much for log data since would need lots of indexes. better to use some partitioned and index internally having columnar data format. cause mongodb also works fast if indexes are in memory. hmm but maybe if sharded effectively and with its router it could work same performant surely, but its lots of extra effort right now. even for its db indexes for the collection(documents db table) needs an additional container which manages the loading of db indexes. better find a hive db deployment chart for kubernetes or if i cant find lets use some docker compose stuff. anyway.
i would deinstall mongodb from kubernetes right now cause its lots of effort to use it. ok.
i really like game soundtracks and scifi movie soundtracks alot. right now listening a game soundtrack that i really liked alot. its about space. i hadnt played the game but liked soundtrack alot.
hmm for ai project, i would continue in tandem to studying to job applications needed studies (E.g. coding exams, i would study to) and i would do walks by shore since its my last datys here. today i liked alot my walk in shore :)
i wish to visit Hamburg also and also visit Montreal. in Hamburg i have lots of relatives and wondered alot about. and i wondered alot about Montreal also. would apply to visa next week try my chance oif getting VISA to. or maybe i also apply to human rights lawyer there report there. lets see. i would surely report the last 5.5 years happent stalk slandering incidents to a human rights lawyer. i might do thagt reporitng that it in Hamburg or Rome or Montreal or London or California.
i saw Hamburg and wondered alot. i also missed cousins. I have lots of cousins there. for instance i got interested to sculpting due to oine cousin there. hmm my dad and mom side's cousins there are artistic people. but i didnt took alot but i love trying to but never get any succesful either. i think i got interested to arts seeing from cousins like sculpting cousin or cousin in istanbul whom draws very good whom are actually talented unlike me. i think my art interest roots from my cousin whom draws very well. (whom lives in istanbul). but i am not talented. but i always try but with not much succeeding either. i dont have talent alot. but my dad can draw very well but never draws. mom cant any draw any good :D but my cousin whom lives in istanbul, were talented in level winning contests in drawings. anyway. my interest to art is always trying level. maybe i mighyt be talented in sculpting would see. i dont know. i think i am little bit polymath person. but not fully polymath since i am not expert in any area.
other traits, i am severely autist also. its severe autism in my case. i dont have slight version of autism i thinhk its so much in my case. some people you might not notice autism but in my case its very much happening autism. but i dont know if am asperger. i am or not. i dont know that. but i know that i am severely autist.
yayyy next week Canada VISA application time! :) yayyy :) i wondered Quebec also alot. i always wanted to learn French, maybe if i move there i would go to French course and learn. ok maybe i report stalk slandering stuff to human rights lawyer in Canada. why not. yepp lets do like that. or in Hamburg. or in California. or in London. or in Berlin.
i am so glad my serotonin got back to normal levels. never wouyld drink again. it has insurmountable amount of power of altering brain mood it altered my mood to constant crying mood. :S would never drink again.
yayyy next week Canada VISA application time:)
i wish my future life becomes happy years. since i got over agoraphobia also :)
i got over in huge levels trauma feeling.
i wonder honestly most Canada among all places :) since my close family also lives there like mom's brothers. though in Hamburg my cousins alot livesthere. i have family also in Hamburg. also have relatives in England also i also wonder England. I also wonder USA alot even if have no relatives there.
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yayyyy next week Canada VISA time. ok started to setup such dreams to myself:
living in Quebec/learning french/going to courses/studying at a software company or remote job.
living in London/working to a software company/gpoing to courses
living in Hamburg/working to a software company/gpoing to courses
living in California/working to a software company/gpoing to courses
living in Genoa/working to a software company/going to courses.
ok recent possible life dreams. yayyy & i wonder Canada alot. i think all places all countries are awesome. but somehow i have inner callibng to go to Canada e.g. to Montreal or Quebec. i mean i think all places are truly awesome. but my inner calling is to Canada i dont know why but i have such inner feeling that suggests me to go to Canada/live there.
Hamburg also seesm very interesting place honestly.
i also loved Italy alot. and my holiday time here were very amazing/i rested alot. i wish i hadnt spoiled my last days with drinking and entering crying mood with that. but other than that time were amazing. since i walked by seaside alot.
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ok so i think i also wonider Hamburg alot, looks very cool place.
hmm
but i have an inner calling to live life in Canada somehow. maybe in French speaking side? Quebec? btu maybe my immigration wont be accepted. lets tryapplyging to immigration stuff/records after i find job. lets try.
also lets apply to VISA next week. and then go there and report the stalk slandering incidents to a human rights lawyer there that happent for 5.5 years.
or that application could be also done in Rome in Hamburg or London or California . ok.
but i really want to try immigrating to Canada. with usual internet immigration flow thats only possible after i have ajob. since that immigration flow is score based system and having job is mandatory for to have score. and plus for living costs, having a job is mandatory for everything not just score.
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for job applications status:
I dont know if its appropriate to tell but i have also ongoing job processes with very very very cool companies. but i wont tell where they are:) but they are very very very cool. one is a from a passed away very cool person's company that is and is also very cool managed now. that we read stories from in books of passed away person. which their stories are very cool either that i read from book:) hmm other is also very cool company. i wont tell any of them here.
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