i just cant meditate.
the moment i try to i find myself 1 or 2 minutes later laughing to myself for incapability to meditate :D
i constantly found myself laughing. i am not good in this meditation topic i am not talented/capable of.
i dont know why but the moment i try and 1 or 2 minutes later i find myself laughing or smiling and i decided i am not talented any to meditation. i just cant.
i dont know why my mood becomes unstable(that i laugh 1 or 2 minutes later) when i try to meditate. i just cant focus and i find myself laughed and repeated and repeated tried and nope.
i am like this i laugh alot when learning topics, i laugh to myself. e.g. any thing when i learn except its something studying on paper i dont laugh but anything else, i laugh to myself alot when learning a new topic. but it breaks meditation try this pattern of mine related to learning new topics.
everytime i try to learn a new topic, i laugh to myself alot. any topic.
but this pattern of me makes learning meditation impossible.
i understood i just cant learn meditation. its near to impossible type of topic to me causes i laugh everytime. its i think not for me or these topics are not for me like meditation like topics. i think maybe extra tranquility feeling i can feel in other topics.
but then trying to connect to realms through meditation to try to talk with possible coincidences sources seems impossible. its really not possible. there is the hard truth that you directly feel like its impossible. like such topics. its just impossible.
i once tried psychic tests and felt similarly like that. i tried to interact in psychic test psychic realms i read of, but felt it is very impossible. and same feeling i felt when i thought of such ideas. its just very impossible it feels i think. it just never exists such realms feels like when you try to do psychic tests like that that you try to connect to such realms. absolute impossibility i felt that time i tried. this time i also felt like that. i think there is no such easily connection to psychic realms i guess. cause this is the second time i tried psychic test through meditation and nope it felt completely absolutely impossible. i think this is a hard challenge to set cause its very impossible really feels like that.
i think i could try out easier psychic tests instead of trying to meditate to connect to psychic realms from meditation related religions i read there such realms exists in meditation including religions.
its impossible for me to do that. just like this monitor would never talk and i would never be able to connect to such realms if ever such psychic meditation realms existed.
its impossible.
but i could take easier psychic challenges i think. and but i see that direct connection to such topics is very challenging and not in my talent set. its the second time i tried, and saw again its just bare impossiblity feeling. its just felt like psychic realms dont exist when i tried to meditate.
it just felt like psychic realms dont exists (when i tried to meditate)
but i still believe to psychic tlopics but i think direct connection is not everyone's talent. e.g. i dont have such talent really.
so i continue to cover easier non direct psychic tests, like the practice i mentioned before. easier very much easier very nondirect psychic topics i contnue to test.
it might as well be just coincidences i dont know. the coincidences i mentioned before.
but or else it might be something like, as told other entitites from other universes maybe did some coincidences? i dont know.
it is most possibly just were coincidences. but i figure out if i were a psychic, i lack direct psychci skills like meditation to connect to psychic realms, nope i really dont have such talent. but my meditation of extra tranquility feeling setting might be another meditation methods i might devise.
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anyway, so i wanted to mention, my meditation try ended up with becomign epic failure :D
i have zero talents to accomplish meditation or reach psychic realms through meditation directly (i have no such talent absolutely)
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i might just for fun buy some bandana and buy a crystal ball just for fun :) not that i would be such psychic :) nor would try to predict future. i just to put some place at home. as really weirdo coincidences happent. but i guess even if such coincidences happent, i guess i lack talent to tackle this topic.
i might be a psychic but i think i dont have direct links to such pspychic topics. e.g. meditation to reach to psychic realms, nope i dont have such talents.
i think my psychic talent is nondirect type. happens through the mechanism i described.
maybe its wrong to call that topic psychic topics but its something like other universes creating coincidences? or else its just coincidences.
i saw really weird coincidences e.g. theathre coincidence many days ago. but it might be just coincidences. or not. i dont know. but in any case, i think i lack talent to connect to psychic realms through meditation.
not that i lack capability to acocmplish just simply even sole meditation at all.
hmm so i might keep checking pyschic topics with the usual methods that i figured out that is the only psychic method that happens to show weird coincidences in my case.
is guh a psychic or not? ---> i think i am but not usual sense of psychic talent descriptions. i dont have capability to reach connect to any psychic realm.
hmm i just have the psychic experiences i described. but thats all.
but weird topics as in everyone's life happens in also in my life.
i last night suspected whether if i should close the lights of room's some part or not then i closed. then i woke up in mid of night, i went some foots walk then opent the light switch smewhere then the moment something fall in the region of the room where sit right now. i dont know what felt to floor last night.
but psychic topics has some topic like this weirdities i think. but surely i wont close that lights of my room tonight when i rest/fall asleep. since its some levels creepy to me. i dont know what created that sound with falling. is that writing text that felt or books on arm chair i dont know but a sound came so it feels kind of not good idea to close light switch to lights to this part of room today or many days until i forget about this.
cause, that night i before falling asleep, in some place read about some sentences related to light in some tv show. and said ok i dont scared and felt asleep with closing lights of that part of the room. then in midnight this happent. might be either just coincidence. in any case, i think until i forget about this sound that happent last night, (did my books or text book fell to the floor or my cloth on arm chair? i dont know which one) i would for a lot while keep this sections' lights open.
its just newtonian physics, fallen cloth or textbook must be unbalanced etc and fell due to newtonian physics even if i hadnt contacted but it must be already in though balance and might fell just at that moment, i mean just newtonian physics. but still, i just would keep lights open int hat section of room. since this correlates to some sentence related to light/darkness i seen last night on tv show and i saw it in the tv show some sentence related to light. then i but at night i ddnt cared and closed those sections lights and have just lights in some corners of the room. but i intend to keep this section lights also open after this. until at least for a some while.
what if some other universe being were joking to me? :D thats also possible. this correlation fo things i watched in tv shows happening in home also happent 3 years ago or such time ago. once. or twice it happent. so it might be as well some topic like that? i have a satirical other universe being that moves things in my house in paranormal wise? i dont think so. but still even very least possible, it could be as well like that. since this is not the first time this happent. as told i think this being if existed must be some being satirical. since correlated to the sentence i read in tv show that i tried to not care. like if some one doing satirical joke to me in my room. but it must be just coincidence i guess. but still 3 or 2 years ago:
i wathced some movie and then i came home then things i saw in movie similar happent on same day(carpet fall adn made some glass shatter creating alot noise in all 3 stairs) and consecutive days another such coincidence. so i think other universe beings might exist doing satirical things in our homes(specifically in my home)? nope it must be just coincidence i think. but in any case, i would keep lights of this section of room open.
it must be just coincidence. not correlated to my sentence the suspicion i for a second thoughtn should i close the light switch of this section of room last day. that i closed etc. it must be just newtonian physics. noithing anormal/paranormal. that book or cloth were unbalanceed all day and moved due to inbalance the moment i opent lights. weird. but possible. it must be just newtonian physics.
maybe better keep lights always on when being a psychic? or i think i would at least keep this sections' lights open always for a lot while.
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tv show had something like paranormal being in the darkness like title or sentence in the tv show. that is the light/darkness sentence i referenced is. it mentioned a paranormal being in the dark like sentnece that tv show. so last night i suspected whether if i close this sections lights just remembering that sentnece. remembering that sentence for a second. than i didnt cared and closed. causes these is still some lights in some corners of room, then, in midnight i woke up, opent that light switch and that sound happent. i of course scared but didnt scared that much but i creeped. then tried to understand whether its textbook or clothes but couldnt understood.
all these must be just newtoninan physics. no paranormal/psychic stuff happening. but in any case, i would keep my lights open.
do i have a rat in my room? i dont think so. but could it be also like that i guess. or else newtonina physics some thing inbalanced in this region of room. or sometopic like satirical joke doing paranormal beings? i really dont know. i think most possible optuion is just usual Newtonian physics. that something there were unbalanced etc.
in any case, still i would keep my lights open for some alot while, i mean this sections of this room. or i might not. i dont think if it were a paranormal being, that its any dangerous but just satirical it is, moving things in my flat to do jokes to me. not dangerous. but it must not be like any paranormal being but just newtonian physics that something in room were unbalanced etc.
so i think its ok to close this sections lights i dont feel scared thinking. cause there are still lights open its not just all darkness.
and i think i figured out what fell. i think it happent due to vibrations of walking on ground as i walked there is some carton bag leaning to some corner maybe that moved little bit and created sound with losing balance due to my walking or alike.
or it must be rat in flat. but seems as there wouldnt be any rat in this flat any. i dont think so. its something newtonian i think that simply like that. maybe some textbook maybe some cloth or the carton bag leaning to some corner in flat. i dont know. but its surely newtonian stuff.
but 2 or 3 years ago experience were very weird. i watched a movie then came home then 2 things happenig in movie happent in mom dad's house (i were staying there temporarily for some period) .
but it must be as well just coincidence i think. cause if it were not, it would happen freequently, it doesnt so its just coincidnece. its not happening frequently. if happent frequently i might suspected of paranormal/weird phenomena i guess. but since doesnt frequently happens i think its just coincidence.
one other such coincidence were Aldi bag. it fell down the day i were testing psychic tests that such sound in midnight happent. its handle break and fell to ground and moved stuff there due to newtonian physics. that were jusrt coincidence,.
but if i were in mood of writing fictional story, i might had setup a story with again telling you readers with saying: hey i want to set up a short fictional story based on this. everytime i build a fictional short story i give such warning that i started in that blog part a fictional short story. i like to sometimes build stories based oin these weird coincidences of which some of them were weird/unusual.
paranormal being making the aldi bag fell as a joke to this guh. if i were going to write a fictional story, i would had told that there would a satirical paranormal being that moves things in my home rarely. like 2 years ago incident i reported. or the aldi bag. or last night. some nondangerous paranormal being. but i am not in mood of writing a fictional story based on just coincidences, its just coincidences nothing else.
it would have been nice to write such story. ghosts story but non dangerous paranormal beings. that are just satirical beings but not doing any dangerous things.
but its just coincidences,. nothing paranormal stuff :) but if i written a short story it would be a satirical version of a ghosts story where the paranormal beings dont do dangerous/bad things.
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its just coincidences. i am just bored and like to contextualize these weird coincidences in stories like that. its just coincidences. everytime i write a fictional story on blog (using actual happent topics of weird coincidences i mean) i warn you readers that its a fictional story. the coincidences are correct/weird. but the story i create is fictional, i mean my fictional interpretation of coincidences. e,.g. paranormal interpretation etc. & every coincidence reported is actual/happening. though how to interpret them is the fiction side. e.g its funny to interpret last midnights such coincidnee like that. i think ghosts interpretation is kind of funny interpretation .it would be satirical paranormal/ghost beings doing weird coincidences (not frequently either) (e,.g aldi bag) but that is just a fictional interpretation. just coincidences are true but that does not mean any paranormal/ghosts topic is going on. it can be just coincidence. newtonina physics i mean. nothing else. so just the interpretation of coincidences is the fiction part. but other else coincidences are not fiction and happens/happent. i guess happens in everyone else's life such coincidences. its just coincidences i guess.
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if i have a lot time, i might learn lots of books in some literature area and might written novels you know? i am inclined to write short stories as i observe. or maybe novels later. or like. i use actual happent topics but my interpretation is fictional. but every time i do this i warn you that i start a fictional story right now in blog so that i describe the beginning of fiction when i am bored and want to write fictional short stories base core ideas. like funny ghosts moving things in my home. not frequently either. just a fictional story based on just funny coincidences like last night or aldi bag.
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ok back to maths studying.
this last week i were ill alot and newly having my health back. i had headaches etc i felt like having no mood to study at all.
i been totally ill for entire last week. i didnt even had mood to get out of my flat.
last week passed with being ill. and resting in all rest times. but i feel as, very newly my health is recovering. '
i coiulkdnt study to maths on evenings timesm last week. tried but couldnt achieve alot.
ok i feel i think now rested/healed to continue to maths studying.
last week i were very sick/ill.
hmm i think its time for maths study continueation time for today after i written my silly interpretations of coincidences topics. including the recent one.
i like interpreting these type of coincidences as fictional wise, a satirical ghost. e.g. in midnight last nights coincidence like after opening that sections light switch and that sound i mentioned,
:)
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