yayy were depressed due to illness and reading crazy scary war news topics from planet :S then asked from aliens to come to earth to lift me up to another solar system :P then i actually depressed to my illness also :) did a dramatizing my illness to myself period today with crying. of since its very unnice symptoms. then 10 minutes ago, i did thought some thoughts like: 

first my thoughts focused on asking aliens to come to lift up to another planet where there is no war :D e.g. a planet only for me and  relatives if they wished to come. with huge green fields all around and no war etc.   i asked a lift from aliens if they exist :)  to carry to another solar system definitely sick and tired of living in this solar system due to i think due to craziness i read in internet sometimes its quite depressing to read comments with all sort of craziness sometimes its very disturbing very depressing. i just tohought, it would be nice to try live in another planet where wars or hate on internet either does not any exist at all :) 

i asked aliens to come. but they never come. its not known they exist even if i saw concrete evidence of time machine applicances. 

then i thought i were really very feeling very depressed. first to my illness and then also war topic and also all hate filled internet readings or crazy topics happening in world either. its just felt severely very very very depressing totally. i cried feeling depressed. i had period of dramatization of moment of depression l,ike mood of crying and thinking also my iullness in stomach region and crying to that also. kinda depressivee mood happent today. then 15 minutes ago, i came up back to energetic mood. with improvsing ideas to feel more energetic and less depressed. of first asking aliens for a lift to another solar system :) were my first idea. of course i would ask the same for aliens to help any people on planet earth also not for me only. but initially i asked such help knowing answer might never come most possibly. then i thought improvised came back to idea that i can build my space ship. if i dont die from illness of stomach which i would try to heal. then depression passed. i take steps to heal illness of stomach like arrainging doctor. then also, as mentioned now i have some manbageable ptsd/agoraphobia. ii mean i definitely would go outside to doctor. some thing i couldnt manage to do in peak of ptsd/agoraphobia. seems as ptsd level reduced some. i cried to being ill also in stomach. but then i thought veyry energetic thought patterns of: everything gonna get resolve (if i dont die of stomach illness, and if that happens its not something that could be sad for even be sad, i mean being dpersssing about stomach illness wont make anything good. i been feeling so much ptsd of persecution of an unknown cult that i postponed going to doctor since i really had severe ptsd due to persecution incidents. anyway. now that ptsd is manageable level and i think i could go to doctor even with this manageable ptsd level (that resulted from an unknown cults persecution incidents/torture like persecution) i then thought ok i have appointment next week to doctor. ok. lets handle this illness. if i win over it its great. if i cant win and die due to whatever illness this is, then there is nothibng to do about. but its no reason to depress and cry or be sad to having a serious stomach illness or so.   i mean crying depressing does nothing good. nor dramatizing to myself the torture of persecution i lived seen does not make torture unhappen. i mean depressing to having seen torture (torture of persecution by an unknown cult) does not make it unhappen. depressing  makes it all worse/all more sad. then i inited some questions to the aliens myself of asking for a lift to another solar system where the unkjnown cult wont be able to ever do torture of persecution or so i would forget the unhappiness i lived in this planetwith being amazed by living in another planet. e.g. etc. then whilst asking such queries to aliens, it came up to me, i can build my space ship myself. i then understood,  there is a happy future with no torture (of persecution incidents of unknown cult or craziness of this planet e.g. war etc that depresses every citizen of this planet i guess,  i guess most people are depressed these times not just me anyway, comikng to my discovery of debounce to energetic mood from depressive mood is as: then i thought a nice cool future is present. and all i need to do is energetically work to ai project, to invent quantum mechanical physics based inventions to do invent tech in space ship to traveel to other solar systems yeppp. so energetic mood is back severely with severe energeic mood to build the ai project to let invent  space tech to travel to other solar systems to build my new home away from all the maniacness i obiserve in this crazy maniac planet. (there are also very much nonmaniacness in this planet surely for sure. but i am pretty sure everyone is depressed about war etc or i also have other topics to depress like stomach illness etc. but its definitely a depressing period. due to i dont know i think i also dislike the hatred level i saw in every intrenet topic in every internet place. and but of course world also holds very kind people all around also surely. its just a kind of stressful moment of planet earth very much i beleive and unrelatedly, not any in internet:  instant kindnesses i saw from a person i wish to  thank to :) or any other very kind people that also :) that i observed attention of. :) many thanks :) then anyway coming back to main topics: hey energetic guh mood is back! depressive mood is gone! guh gonna build the ai continue building the ai (After buiidng the pet wellness app also) to build a space ship asap to extend future with hope with not memoirs of torture of persecution of an unknown cult, but instead focusing to future instead of dramatizing memoeirs of torture of persecution of an unknonw cult. i mean dramatizing pain suffering i lived does no good then having me cried. of torure of persecution that happent last 6 years. but then i thought yayyyy i couold build my space ship. and travel to other solar systems yayyyy.  i could build a home in my own planet :) a flat in all green or other colored field in a distant solar system :) or travel other solar systems. it all depends on being energetic enough to develop ai project. and that depends on healing stomach illness and also attending psycholog whenever i feel depressive mood to assist maybe some with light depression medicine if necessary, but feels like i got over instantaneous depressive mood with these thoughts i thought of. that future would be awesome :) dont dramatize torture happent to me. look to future. dont look to past's bitter memoir of torture of persecution. be future oriented. so then these thoughts made me realize my inner nuclear power like power of inner strength to hold on to tackle problems i observe or solve engineering challenges instead of sitting on couch and crying or so like depressed moods.so i had a depressed episode today of crying. but then my inner nuclear reactor (i like to resemlbe my inner strength to nuclear reactors i think all people are like that i mean every human in this planet has insurmountable level inner strength not just me) to look to future awesome future! of exploration traveling new solar systems there. hmm goal to be assisted by the ai i built. pof course i would also share the tech to world. but it would be severely fun to travel to other planets solar systems build myself a flat or so. 

bring me the math commutative algebra textbooks mode ! :D i mean its time to build ai and with help of build invent new physical frameworks in quantum mechanics to travel to other solar systems mode :)

hah i feel too much energetic again unlike my some hour ago depressive mood whihc happent. 

hmm so i resumed my study period to ai project and stopped laziness period.  but i have commitment to also deliver an app that iw ould priotize in hobby projects time first.

i would also attentively priotize the doctor visit for stomach illness. 

i would buy things to study to math more effectively like a white board also i guess. to fastlyt iterate in project there. to revise the first chapters of topology book again to remember those topics. to then without intellectual laziness code the code of grammars mentioned to try to investigate new math grammars as initially intended to or optimize existing ones common solutionsto then study to quantum mechanics again with particle physics. to study to cosmology and universe. to build new solutions to already existing solutions in quantum mechanics in gravity topic to build new tech with gravity based tech using ai's help. 

so its the end of my lazy period :) back to studying extensively to maths for ai project period :)

i think i did laziness for a lot time :) 

now i have my dreams of traveling other solar systems :)  even aliens told me zefram cochrane imho. so i guess i would really build things but i wish i build asap cause i wish to travel to other solar systems asap :) e.g. finding a planet with huge green fields or other color whichever vegetation color it has and setting up a flat if finding an earth resembling planet afterwards whilst traveling. if cant find for a lot time, might also be happy with watching nebulas/comets etc in outspace. how to pass oort region? i believe i might invent then by tech with help of ai in recent years. first lets build the ai's basics asap to try to invent new math grammars for new interpretations for quantum mechanics or cosmological theories. 

hmm back to ai/physics project but with full energy :) no more laziness anymore until the product is finished.

with dreams of traveling along galaxies :) to a my own planet :) with not known yet vegetation color surrounding my flat with building corn or barley of there around my home there :) or might carry on my world's corn or barley from here to there also :) to the unknown planet to discover! :) to the sailor souls we have! to the inner strength every human has also! i would raise my cup to if i drank but not intending to with sick stomach system :Dbut i raise my cup to metaphorically i mean :) 

one day would write memoirs of planet earth as:

planet of intensively kind people and intensively maniacs beside also i guess :) i bitter memoir of a planet (due to persecution of an unknown cult)  a planet like Gene Roddenbery could not defined how it is. since its both having all maniacness and all kind goodness as a planet. a sort of all kinds type planet :) for me it were kinda bitter experience due to unknown cult's persecution. though its a place of all sorts of all existence. both all very kind souls both all very maniacness all in one planet.