i wish i believed to spirits but i dont.

i think having believed would have helped grief of having lost my dad :S

that today as mentioned before, changed the wooden struct (which were temporary) on grave to some wooden craft generated by carpenter, then after, and also placed some roses (from our garden specifically mom says he liked this rose's smell (actually seems as only rose in garden since other rose (of same type ) has dried )   so we got all roses and then placed to soil of my dear dad's grave soil. then after whilst sitting there, one of the flowers moved alike. i became "what???"  in my mind,  most possibly that since we placed the wooden craft and there were opening in soil and that soil itself settling due to meddling and then flower (not the rose one but ones we delivered 4 days ago or so) somehow moved. 

I just wanted to think idea of that spirit of my dad moved the flower which would help relieving the grief of losing my dearest dad.  but unfortunately i dont believe to spirits.  but if spirits existed, i think dad might moved flower to interact i guess. but again it were nothing like that, since we placed the wooden craft there newly and there happent opening in soil there visibly it just settled later that made flower move.

I also thought could my dad be alive actually and moved the flower even if its some 1.5 meter below like for an instant. then to instantly think it must not be like that right? since i mean has had passed 10 days after funeral.   but for a second i hoped like that :) to then later instantly hope faded away thinking its not possible. 

hmm i wish i were a person whom believes to spirits then i would had thought as if my dad's spirit moved the flower to interact to show he sees how we miss him/love him. (as i cried in grave and were leaving saynig with how much we love him alot alike etc)  

since it were early morning, as mentioned, there came the idea of also carrying with thermosbottle some coffee and then sitting there drinking coffee there and talk chitchat of life to my dad  (since mom and dad and all family before liked to make coffee after breakfast and chitchat)  then also pouring some coffee to my dad's soil.  yep would definitely do so to so that wherever my dad is, he does not miss coffee. but i dont know if this is a good idea or not. what if its nonrespectful thing? i dunno. i just thought initially as if its a good idea (in case my dad missed coffee) but what if its irrespectful (i mean what if spirits dont like coffee?) ? dunno any.  i dont even believe to spirits. its just, i dont know, i just thought it might be a good idea, in case, anyhow somehow spirit concept exists, (e.g. some energy form in mind or so or multiverse entities exists which are many dimensional that binds to mind somehow some pattern of multiverse states maybe could then spirits exist continue to exist in that case? i mean the neuropathways in mind they die unfortunatley after death, but could the similar versions in other multiverses alive versions instantaneously visit change multiverse universe to instantly somehow behave like spirit concept but instantaneously?  dunno. or could the past universe versions where my dad is alive, as still exists, could such universe version consciousness somehow insantly interact with current universe version somehow? dunno. i try to figure out spirit concept in multiverse domain and couldnt have had setup any yet any sound concept now but lets see. it just thinking from many eigenstates to death(nothingness) what could happen to consciousness then during death? then imho might be able to in such condition of instant eigenstate change to nothingness, maybe consciousness can switch to a multiverse which if believes to spirit concept becomes spirit alike. so that it does not become nothingness but continues to live but as spirit in such metaphysical domain. imho the deah if sudden occures, imho possibly if mind is lucky, might switch to a multiverse version which physics of enables spirit concept imho.  i mean among all multiverses there might be a universe set which spirit concept really exists, and imho in that moiment of dramatic eigen state changes (of closing of lights in brain :S very sad death condition) maybe could it be possible that consciousness switches to a multiverse universe version where spirit concept really exists? imho now that makes sense.i mean i found a logical explanation for spirit concept finally. since it in default had not made sense. 

 maybe strong belief having minds might in that instant shedding of lights in mind condition (death condition) maybe in such dramatic eigentsate change, maybe mind could switch to multiverse version which spirit concept really exists.

maybe its why the religions condemns we atheists . since if we have suspicion that there is no life after death, in death its harder for us to switch to a spirits having multiverse version. 

dunno. 

I know it might sound funny to have atheist person talk like this -> but maybe key to eternal life is really preaching :)  (I mean not suspecting of spirits existence)  but again, since i have atheist mind, i just cant make myself believe to spirits concept in default. i mean in default state of my mind, i have disbelief to spirit concept. (base disbelief like situation exists, so nothing can alter my disbelief which is the basis situation in my mind (to spirits like religious topics) but i wished i believed to. since maybe belief to spirits is key to becoming spirit alike after post death if lucky if eigenstates enables. 

hmm thinking the ising-lenz branches in mind, of neural clusters right? (which synchronious behaviour becomes bits of consciousness right?)  then in post mortem universe in default entropical laws of universe there is nothingness right? (no neural pathways functioning left) then now every eigen state of the preivous universe clusters is also connected to this post mortem universe clusters right? thinking, its possible that the possibility of the neural net clusters to somehow continue function with jumping to other universe version since after post mortem there is significant change in eigenstate sets. 

in this final jump of consciousness, do all the possibilities of connectedness of postmortem universes where eigenstates do not exist anymore and the possibilities of either -> constantly jumping to past universe (loop of jumping to past to keep exist eigenstates) and such condition amplifying or dampening the total jumping capacity maybe to then if somekind of amplification by luck happens, (yep seems as thinkign it would happen) then jump to various alternative universes. then for we external entities -> which is sharing the shared reality along with death happens person or living people -> we most time in naturality of life, never see resurrection condition. so in shared reality domain, the quantum jumping near post-mortem person somehow do not make also the surrounding people quantum jump. possibly due to universes being in minds not possible to be same as different people there. 

so maybe really programming the brain to believe to eternal life might be key to have a chance to have eternal life until humanity invents immortality. 

since possibly in during near time of post-mortem condition, possibly many other alternative universes becomes more possible than the shared reality by many persons in surrounding near death person during death. imho even endless loop of staying in last moments might be happening. (to dying people maybe) i mean their consciousness might be jumping to past universe in case its more probable than future universess which eigenstates diminish, thereby keeping in constantly loop alike. and in that loop, if the exponentiation is in logarithmic dampening side, then the loop eventually would diminish, but if somehow has some increasing trend, then it would mean switching to even very divergent universe versions with different physical systems whihc enables consciousness to persist even post mortem. 

hmm so programming mind to believe to eternal life is something that might be beneficial to then quantum jmp in last moments to eternal life maybe.

but this is just a theory that is not also axiomatic either. not possible to prove/disprove. only a theory. imho until how multiverse works is formulated,  i wouldnt believe for a second to this theory of wishful thinking. i mean wishful thinking of eternal life formulae. which seems just a theory and very nonaxiomatic. so until proven, somethoing not to take serious. (it requires multiverse formulaes to be known to know whether if such amplification or reverse form of multiverse universe bind situation happens or not) 

it might be the case that there is none eternal life at all in any case. or might be. until multiverse formulaes are crafted and theorized and brains situation is calculated accordingly, this theory i thought is to be not taken any serious since is pseudoscientific theory currently. since there is thousand alternatives of multiverse dyanmiacs exists. so one could never know without scientific method. of that which requires invention of multiverse formulaes first to then investigate brain's condition to understand whether if brain could ever get capable of such quantum jump that enables eternal life or not. its yet unknown. only a pseudoscientific thought thought. i mean there might be alternatives of pshyical dynamics that might be happening which eternal life condition do not happen. so to get to know whats happening/what not, one should first formulate multiverse formulaes and then later comment to brain\s multiverse jumping situation at near death condition. which is yet just a field of pseudoscientific thinking as of now. (until multiverse theorems and formulaes are figured out)