disgusting terrsts of foreign gypsies foreign terrorst grp/cult

 i couldnt study today since afternoon guests came aloke and my mom were not by then at home and i had to sit then giving cofee alike or so.  then later evening this time i spent time to take care of my mom trying to fix my inappropriate behaviour of having shouted to her with trying to fix my inappropriate behaviour. and then she were slightly sick(possibly due to having becoming sad:S due to me inappropriately shouted to her when she criticized me which i found illogical :S i very regretted for my inappropriate behaviour of shouting to her my arguments like very unnice reaction. )  so i tried to make popcorn and tea alike etc etc. so yep i regretted my fasalik yapma instant :S

it were definitely fasalik yapmak:S even if i objected to her critique which i found very illogical,  i had no right to reply  shouting back my arguments. :S

definitely were fasalik yapma whatever traumas i might have (very unrelated to my parents) there is no reason to react like that to them any since they have no relevance.  something she said remembered me one trauma topic of even being topic unrelated, then i started reacting with shouting back my arguments.

it remembered being tried to be slandered untruely although mom were not doing anything like that.  just objecting critiqueing me but still even mom/my parents/my family has no relevance to such traumas, i gave her some trauma reaction since i momentarily relived the trauma of being falsely tried to be slandered moment of bond villain's untrue propaganda attacks. 

mom is like some person whom is like always being oppressed before by my dad's side some relatives with she working too hard to help them since to be look nice. :S

and my dad were autist and he also sometimes made life stressful to her e.g. dad disliked day(gün) concept where housewives gather and mom wouldnt do gün. alike etc one example of my autist dad's pecularities. my dad were some pecularities of both being very selfless (to us. i mean helping alot to our lives) but also slightly peculiar selfish person to mom sometimes and mom's relatives side alike. 

so mom has had alot stressful life not just my dad's autism its just me and my brother also created alot stress to them.  e.g. my brother somehow had economic condition got slightly effected due to life change and then economic help constantly has really burdened my parents life which they used their savings to help but with alot stressed to.  then me also as you know i have the reported trauma/ptsd creating being attacked by a bond movies villain topic and i also reflected that's stress to my parents. 

then we lost my dad  to cancer and so I when look to mom see a kind person whom lived a quite a stressful life. so i always try to at my best capability try to help as best as i can. but sometimes i cant. e.g. due to ptsd i favored not finding software job which mom wished to. i just instead focused on game project first.

meanwhile mom whilst she has income to have knee operation at the best doctor, since due to helping economically weak relative (which we happily do help so. sometimes unfortunate conditions happens like that, and what is family for. to always help economically when in need. ) but she then had even knee operation at a cheaper surgery place and then her knee has had issue. 

so when i look to my mom i see someone whom always lived for others. but not herself. 

and since i lost my dad with him not able to achieve his life dreams like getitng a yazlik or even traveling with mom some ege/akdeniz side (since them constantly sometimes supporting economically weaker family member at times so they couldnt spare to themselves alot)   so i just wish best for mom to go to holidays alike since she never lived life herself even. my dad were also selfless on that aspect. he would always send money to help economically poor person in family but they would themselves wouldnt be able to travel ege/akdeniz alike :S

(I think currently i am the economically poorest person in family thinking i createno income even although being engineer.  ) 

so we have the issue of my relative left academic career wrongly and moved to some uber job and then when mving to somewhere since wifey very wondered(adventurism) seeing from atilla uncle side,. but then my brother had not fixed his job there and then became poor alike and then my parents always supports them of course we support happily, with no kind of regret ever but always support very happily cause we are family. (I mean to help everytime in case of ecenomic need alike) 

but meanwhile so this is it. my mom is like everything to me. since as things she tells, before my dad's family side some of members visibly had used her good will, eg. would come live in her house in summers and she would do the mopping vacuuming then  such alike i mean helping to their tasks alike. 

,mom before were visibly some person that did not know how to say no and some people there used her this trait slightly alike that:S 

so its like everytime i look to my mom,  i just try to make life as best as possible with whatever capacity  i have to her.

so i of course couldnt study afterwards today i did such error behaviour of shouting to her.  my own psychology also hadnt fixed :S since she is like most selfless person ever you could ever seen in life. lived life for always others. then this guh shouted to her at unrelated ptsd moment alike. when she were just talking to me criticizing me on very urnelated topics i relived ptsd momentarily and shouted back to her.  

she has been through alot (e.g. lost my dad to cancer, and during that they had alot stress together either:S  by then i couldnt help them alot since i were lost in ptsd of bond movies villain's attacks. so i couldnt help my family in that time. since i were roughly managing myself to try to live life with immense ptsd with having an issue of bond movies villain aggressor aggressing situatin :S

so this is why i coudlnt focus to study in evening since my pscyhology got broken to me shouting to my mom error i did on morning  and i couldnt fix my psychology afterwards.

since she is like i mean you can never see a person as selfless as her:S

maybe she might be not like nw but she lived entire life for others:S

she is like if there were some utter good person concept she were like that:S utter good person type person.:S no wrong no unkindness to anyone always good:S with none wrong none rudeness type person she were. done no rudeness always goodness alike :S 

but then she currently lost patience sometimes. and be rude alike. but whenever i look to my mom, i see a persn of whom lived life always for others alike. (due to her exceptionally good character and kind character and not knowing also to say no before ) 

but now she lost patience sometimes and behaves rude when she is impatient. (e.g when taking care of mom's mom not altimes but during a task of helping mom's mom mom becomes very upset/impacient, whcih i think is unfair that my mom's sisters has sent grandma to my mom whilst my mom health is also newly healing from knee operation although that also is issued and needs to be renewed and so)  beside she is 70 why does she look after of her 96 mom. :S she is also old. she is tired. she lived a stressful life:S  its wrng that my mom's sister's sent my 96 mom's mom  to have my mom look after although my mom insisted that herself, they should rejected. i think they should arrange an elder care home for mom's mom (whihc is 96 alike) which e.g. they are 7 people (my mom's family that looks after mom's mom) they could manage expense of such places mnthly expense easily of elder care homes.

i think in that gonul aunt has looked after mom's mom most. but then still they could think of elders care home.  since mom's mom is like 96.