weird life

 i  couldnt study till this hour since i washed my hair and blogged till noon.  now i would study continue chapter 5.5. i had slight headache and it healed with washing hair but still took some scarf around my head my neck to make it better for ache if happens. for not to get cold.  i feel awesome.  (as told i don't care the stalk slander incidents. i am mostly over trauma of having confronting confronted confronting organized slander or character assassination with all lies/slandering/smear campaiginig me. i figured out studying quantum mechanics making my silly brain busier helps ptsd to not care or just getting over ptsd easily much more. ) yayyy i am happy i am in lesser degrees of ptsd. ptsd remnant happens i still have constant noise music open in home flat. but that's all remaining ptsd. otherwise i feel much more secure and less ptsd. i am happy that i enter new years eve with lesser ptsd and i feel more stronger against. yayyyy quantum mechanics study c...

 yayy i dont know why i woke up at 5:48 am today. then it came 06:30 fstly. ok lets continue studying. then make some breakfast at 7:30 or alike.  it were amazing to go outside to balcony with a coffee right at 6:00am. :D  (to wake up more :D its 0 degrees) ok lets continue.   (ok reading in interested way now unlike yesterday.)  (since topics are coming beside simulator related topics more. i saw that it starts (simulator's direct use case topics starts) at chapter 5). self narratives i setup to break that frustration of yesterday night where i couldnt see any new math toolings in this area. when i read Planck, Bohr's findings i got somehow hopeful to see new types of maths  that later years other p[eople devised new types of maths for those topics:P  planck's related chapters excited me to get hopeful to see new types of maths which doesnt follow the usual xeno's paradox solution. this inst...

 Its very disturbing to me to have figure out they created digitization of planck energy levels in quantum mechanics from again analog logic without being imaginative on different measures. these people are obsessed with analog tools of mathemathics. :S this is completely frustrating. because when i saw bohr's erronous model i had hope in future years people had devised something different to solve the original problems. but it turned out they just used the eigenvalue logic of orthonormal functions. this is very frustating to me. i expected much more creative stuff to find when i studied quantum mechanics. i honestly think all these people are obsessed with math's analog toolings. its just so frustrating. a never ending obsession to analog toolings of maths. even digitization is constructed from yet still analog toolings. this is so sad and frustrating. there is nothing that creative i expected to find out in these stuff they call as quantum mechanics. it has a cool name but it...

 i woke up at 8:40 like hour today. today is learning physical chemistry day with all details.  then also revising akka study i need to accomplish. yuppp.  but i have to make a breakfast first.  today i don't feel dizzy. i don't feel sick. last day i had some dizziness/sickness feeling. both at beginning of day and end of day.  i still cant believe i have 3.5 weeks holiday, and a project to develop awhile with not that much kloc to code (that it is achievable in 3.5 weeks). its just so happy:D i think by end of 3 weeks i would surely have a working product and prototype that would be 3d printed also. ok.  i vacuumed cleaned ground after breakfast. had lots of calories in breakfast.:S anyway.  ok study starts now. goals: learn all details of phycial chemistry (to build simulator correctly for molecular engineering). by end of today i should be knowing all material need to build molecular engineering simulator stuff. maybe i might postpone gravitational ...