weird life

 i just cant meditate. the moment i try to i find myself 1 or 2 minutes later laughing to myself for incapability to meditate :D i constantly found myself laughing. i am not good in this meditation topic i am not talented/capable of.  i dont know why but the moment i try and 1 or 2 minutes later i find myself laughing or smiling and i decided i am not talented any to meditation. i just cant.     i dont know why my mood becomes unstable(that i laugh 1 or 2 minutes later) when i try to meditate. i just cant focus and i find myself laughed and repeated and repeated tried and nope.  i am like this i laugh alot when learning topics, i laugh to myself. e.g. any thing  when i learn except its something studying on paper i dont laugh but anything else, i laugh to myself alot when learning a new topic. but it breaks meditation try this pattern of mine related to learning new topics.  everytime i try to learn a new topic, i laugh to myself alot. any topic. ...

another coiuncidence happent last night. i would try to learn to meditate to talk to being that does coincidences.  or its as well just coincidences.   but i would try  to invent my meditation method. last method i read didnt matched up with such topics like meditation i mean i ddnt quite liked the meditation techniques i read. i would try to find that  tranquility of meditation method myself without directed guided meditation.  (not that i dont have usual inner peace tranquility, i have, but i read other tranquility levels in meditation topics)     e..g. for instance, i am sorry but i am not in to chakras or such knowledge. e,g, chakra points in body, nope. i dont think so its ike that.    i am not in to world knowledge in this topics. as usual i would follow autodidactisim like in every science i try to learn, i would try to invent my methods to meditate. i dont like conforming to knowledge other people built as usual like in everytopic. i ...

Wov today coincidence hadnt happent interesting cause  had happent last 2 days. I meant coincidence in a popular scifi tv show. Really no coincidence today. It happent consecutively last two days so now lack of coincidence felt weird but really none for today.  2 days before it were theathre last day it were another topic but today totally none. Had coincidences in scifi tv show stopped?  Maybe, who knows.

 Unrelated topics: Meanwhile stalk slander incident with theatratic slandering methods from home vicinity again happent.  They do this is as; They shout "she is doing something-slander-word" trying to deceive surroundings people  in my homes vicinity to such false very untrue defamation claim. They do this theathre repeatedly many times. I dont know how the stalkers know where I live but harrassments from home vicinity happent alot in every country I were stalked slandered as doing bad things for last 5 years. It also happent alot this theatratic slandering method also happent alot everytime I went outside I dont know how but they seemed to have my location outside and persistently harrass with slandering. --- I now asked help of amnestyorg I emailed briefly detailed asked help if this is is such insttes scope maybe it's defamation lawyers scope but I wish I could find help of amnesty org.  I also would ask help of other defamation propagandas I mentioned on online I...

It's shocking😭

 Learnt newly one of workplace colleagues passed away newly 😢 😨😭 I hadnt had chance to work together cause I newly started here but very sad news even if I don't know the colleague that passed away😭 It's shocking & very sad😭😢 😭

 is this defamation attempts happens because i rejected being a spy or espionage? by some time i mean. i rejected. though even if i hadnt done espionage, i confronted severe targeting harrasment char. assntn as if i did espionage. then i confront a new wave of char. assntn attempts this time different haters. i wonder whom is whom. i mean whom is executing the original char. assntn. --- or is it because i am 50 iqques higher than in some topics(creativity in science projects) that envy based jealousy is happening? to destroy very intelligent people trying to develop critical technology projects?   i really wonder the root causes of this persistent defamation attempts that happnt last weeks.    but i really dont care.   i tried to live my life correct. when i were asked for espionage level stuff, i had not committed because i am just an engineer.   then i saw people tried to do char. assntn to me as if i had commited espionage. or its something like hatred c...