i just cant define the fun level when the stalker psychos whom shout mne to "sleep!" "sell!" like sentences for 4 years and they hadnt reached their neferious goal and in 4th year it still continues. it feels kind of funny and fun. to show to these psychopaths that they cant make an engineer sell herself o (i think this people are an organized bad people type? since they shout such things? ) there is satisfaction of nihiliation so much. that because, before i always entered trauma for 2 years i lived in trauma as i observed i had such people stalking me. i think either these people are a psycho cult. for doing such things like stalking people like this. or its a pyscho from them fell in love and constantly never endlessly tries to destroy with psychopathy sociopathy? i dont know what the heck nor why i confront such sociopathy in life. but before whilst it were trauma, now its satisfaction. guhu the engineer versus mafia trying to turn her to a bitch. i say...
Kayıtlar
mom saw a dream that i were kidnapped:S she woke up at very scary instant of dream. my dream also were weird. a creature tried to enter from my ear i shouted/screamed and woke up at that instant. ok i understand that if i drink liqor everyday i see such weird dreams? maybe shouldnt had drank 2 of them last day. my silly brain shown dislike of alcohol with creating such bad dream to me? i dont know. ok lessening liqor thing.
i lost my faith in humanity because: i have got a psycho stalker lady whom told such sentences like: for 4 years stalks me with giving me man names and characters she wants to create. one of her stalk sentence is: "m.t(a man name) dont fight! serdar (another man name), my love, get over running away" this psytcho tries to turn me to a bitch. i am stalked by a peoplke set whom try to turn me a bitch for 4 years with even giving me man names and insisting i am gay while i am 100% hetero. i lost my faith to humanity since i observed, when such thing happens, stalk persists endlessly and noone helps or they even block investigation request with unbelieving such stalker might exist. i just lost my faith ibn hunmanity. for since they do underestimate what kind of bizarre acts a dumb person could do. for when we confront it, its super suffering. 4 years ago i were trying tocreate a startup. 4 years later stalk still persists. i have got a psycho sociopath stalker who...
i have two tasks for tonight. one is game engine coding other is one paper summary/presentation notes preparation. (is about CTR prediction methods, about factorization machines for them, for a club that discusses paper:) (we learn different papers presentations each week, this week my turn. ) yuppp starting with game engine side:) i did again sports today. not much, i think only 3kms. but when i would buy my bicycle i would i think travel 10kms or 20kms everyday wishfully:) (or at least 1 hour of sports) i selected my bike to be foldable one since i would carry to home everyday i think. or to work place in future when we start working in the office. (due to epidemic we work remote now) checked the bicycling helmets and checked which one has blue tooth. would be nice to listen or maybe i need to buy blue tooth headphones. yayyy game engine coding time:) <3 i like this game engine topic so much:)its i think my passion. game engine has always been a passion side like th...
some local things :) i were in team meeptings yayy but someone shouted things in english so we and mom wondered. i could checked after meeting ended but couldnt see whom said those to whom which we got curious to alot. someone shouted to someone to get out thats a word i catched:) for sure it must not be to me snice i know noone here. but got super eager to as expected:) but couldnt see since i were in a meeting,but got super and super eager to see from windows, though couldnt as were insaide a meeting :) such exciting things happent at home place apartment :) (the guy also shouted i love you to the person he shouted :) )
i went to walk :) (its so peaceful to watch the lake:) ) but it were late so hadnt walked till lake. Game engine coding time yuppp whilst going downstairs, i couldnt see the people since were walking the stairs down since were focused on stairs and some people said hi, some person said some sentence in english i couldnt understand exactly. i couldnt also see them since they were very fastly going. they used a very different sentence for which partly i heard so i wondered to look. but couldnt see since they were fastly walking upstairs. i couldnt understood what the neighbour said but some words were really curiosity creating of whats the said sentence is but i couldnt understand what were said in beginning part of sentence. made me wondered whom said me hello that i also lacked chance to see whom is. since were walking in stairs i. i the ugly guhu did some sports of walking but would buy a bicycle sometime i think also since i figured out there is alot...
i liked going to lake and walking by canal things so much. eager to finish work to do walk to feel healthier after eating that much junk food. and sitting by lake is peaceful:) i had no idea there is a lake beside my home until my mom showed me:P some jogging time to have no heart attack in future for this much calories intake during the day:) by the way, in this district the parks are full of people and only small shops are closed. i liked this park alot. its very peaceful.
we could think of the dot product as rectangles of height norm of vectors like a histogram be convolved with another histogram right? so for sure if we did fourier like magic to this, to change its lod, it would give similar result. so i think changing lod of along with SH or fourier is something to be investigated for its compression with lod capability considering its convolution stuff. for to do SVD similar acts. i think it feels legit to try. though the problem is we need to multiply at least similar count of times or more to get simplifications. so rather it would be nice to
ok very interesting coincidence of words:) hi:) i still hadnt any educated myself enough to write essays to reply with essays to secret friend whom visibly seems to be quite much educated than me :) for just directly looking to her or his relatin with words, i guess this secret friend is 1000x more educated than me:) (either by auto didactic means or not, very visibly seems as 1000x more educated than me, guhu the coder) (guhu has a goal of being educated enough one day so that would write very intricate essays with various topics to talk with secret friends:) ) (i would i work day by day on my goals as told:) ) (i want to construct a secret society that talks with intricate ways:) ) ( but i need to educate myself for such goals for sure:)) secret friend is already that much educated inherently visibly:) (i still dont for sure know if i have a secret friend. its all coincidences happening:) ) hey saw funny reference of my words be taken by someone there in a new...
hmm :) yuppp do i need to get in to harmonics functions calculation right now, maybe tomorrow but not today:) just using its fourier like ortonormal basis situation to do convolution fastly is enough now:) so this is all we have in maths i wonder. about orthonormality. for to use in faster convolution or as a model tool that models a function very nicely with intended level of detail and also enables very fast convolution on it. what i would say is: remembering number theory knowledge, i think that side might create a new form of fourier way. should reread number theory to remember that but what firstly came up to my mind is those type of things. anyway lets continue maths study tomorrow night. but lets code the seed of my game engine today:) what also queries my mind: if we think a matrice's rows from 0 to nth row for a m columns holding matrice, if we store as if its a time series from 0th to nth row for m column vectors as SH (in m dimensional space) ...
yet another amazing day started :) (this how it feels when ptsd is cured:) ) i dont any scare from corona as i lived a very scary life last 4 years (and 2 years with ptsd) due to havinf a psycho sociopath stalker that tries to depict me as a bitch with street stalk incidents constantly. as its ptsd is cured. anyway. so nothing can scare me in life except cancer illness :) i dont scare any from corona:) an amazing life front of me now that my brain is not less working due to holding ptsd. now that i get back my curioisity and there is no pauses in time with alot suffering/scare due to ptsd/trauma of stalk of sociopath lady (pain of dishonestly being tried to be depicted as a bitch with street shoutings/street stalk constantly). now that its trauma/ptsd is cured, now that i dont any care the stalk of the socio lady, now feels as i am like 4 years ago:) 4 years ago i would even sleep everyday at3am to learn things to study things:) now that my life is clean from fe...
so i am still congrulating myself for getting over ptsd. if anyone out there confronting a sociopath psycchopath's stalk, let me give my advises on how i get out of trauma of it when i have a psycho sociopath stalker lady whom gets pleasure of being me depicted as bitch in with street stalk, with mostly street stalk incidents: unless your sociopath stalker is also intending to harm: but again, people might be super maniac as i observed in time. i mean dont underestimate the maniacness level of the stalker. maybe stalker mgiht harm. but i write those following steps for not to enter ptsd. but still every instant every moment be careful and scare your self from stalker. but the following suggestions are given just for to protect yours psychology from ptsd/trauma if you have got a sociopath psychopath stalker: 1. dont ever get demoralized by the internet writings about that having a sociopath stalker is something very hard. nope. its signifcance level is actually defined by ho...
yuppp i cant believe weekend came:) first ever remote working experience. i really were super bad in being able to remote work in first days of week:SSSS. than got used to it/managed to get used to it:) i finally got used to being able to work at home. i usually am used to do hobby projects at home but wernt used to work work at home:) yuppp but for sure got used to/learnt to :)
as soon as i got out of ptsd, life feels awesome:) (ptsd? personally definitely were something much worse than corona. maybe 100000x worse. (think that you constantly fear of getting attacked with street stalk / curse/ with psychopathy/sociopathy of a sociopath psychopath stalker for 2 years everyhour of 2 years. that were my state last 2 or 2.5 years. but then i understood that i wrongly categorized this as important life threat. i understood that its not. its just a psycho socio maniac stalking me and not to be cared nor to be scared from. its no more fearful. there is no fear finally :) life returned back to fun state:) as it were before :)) but as told, if someone in street shouts curses to you, then there is a chance the curse shouting is a psycho stalker thats intending to make you turn you a bitch with street stalk(since afterwards such stalk incidents with such agenda of sleep! shoutings to me happent) . but as long as i understood this is nothing to scar...
how projects feel to me: sometimes projects feels uninteresting. sometimes interesting. right now my most interesting project is learning algebras and creating something that is contrastive to our understanding of things. something that is not limited by intuition. something for which fundementals are built in such rule be boldly applied, though not with holding a stigma against intuitionist ways for furtherly, but initially starting with such manifesto for rejecting intuition or our biases rooting from our self perceptional capabilities. for our sense of 4d (4th dimension being time) and for how calculus's basic tools were constructed in time. they had been constructed with intuition being beside always. in this new fundemantals it would start with completely rejecting intuition and exploring different fundemantals for to create different forms of calculus. i wonder whether how calculus capabilities had developed in neural circuitory parts. as it is defined and limited by our ...
how to cure ptsd in self notes: its as i understood all about compartmentalization. That whatever compartment we put the traumatic event, defines the significance of traumatic event. i think theraphy plays an important part in curing ptsd. if we put the traumatic incident in a compartment of life threatening things, then it would continue to create ptsd to us. but if someone does theraphy and makes it feels that there is no threat but wrong classifications of compartments and the feeling of "everything is ok. there is nothing to scare". in my case, i thought the stalk incidents is a very severe life threatening thing for since confronted psychopathy & sociopathy full stalk from stalker lady. then i understood that from theraphy of mom that being stalked by psychos is not rare and i put the event in my brain's wrong compartment. so i lived in constant fear mode or the fight/run/freeze mode triple's fear mode constantly due to ptsd for scaring when the followi...